For external use only

kinda fucked up that i happened to be born in the one fucking era of history since the dawn of mankind that i cant just swing a sword around in the mud for a few years and then die

this post was very controversial within the heterosexual community

Today my girlfriend said to me “I can’t wait to watch you succeed” with the biggest grin on her face and man if that isn’t just like the most loving, supportive thing anyone could ever say idk what is

The Red Carpet ignites around the edges. The flames advance slowly but surely and meet at the very center. A portal opens. The souls of the tortured shriek a deafening sound. E! entertainment rates it third most memorable moment of the night. I ascend from the deepest regions of the Underworld in Alexander McQueen’s A/W RTW 1998 red gown, complete with a ring of fire and hoe thigh high red vinyl boots. One my tits is out. I am the picture of Opulence and Sacrilege, Shameless Decadence, Euphoric Catholic Rapture. Halfway through the ceremony I open my gem encrusted ring and drop poison in the champagne flutes of six of Hollywood’s most powerful white male producers. I think I will get away with my crime, but as I move towards my next victim I meet Zendaya’s eyes across the room. Immediately, she knows what I have done. I know that she knows. She knows that I know that she knows. I can see that she is conflicted. She understands my motives but her pure and fiery lionheart cannot condone my actions. She never fears for her life. One by one the producers drop like flies. I take her hand and together we fly into the Museum’s European Sculpture hall and fall into the outstretched arms of a marble twink, ruining the statue for future generations to come. Zendaya questions my eurocentrist choice. I say, shut up. We make love all night. In the morning I am gone, leaving behind only the scent of ash and cyanide. She makes it her life mission to bring me to justice. She never takes another lover.

Black Panther 3: T’Challa realizes he’s more of a dog person

Guardians of the Galaxy 3: Star-Lord moves on from music to slam poetry

i wish more conspiracy theorists would really swing for the fences. ‘we never went to the moon’ = boring, pedestrian. ‘we are actually living on the moon right now, but have been programmed to think we’re on earth’ = endlessly fascinating, shimmering with possibilities

😂😁😆

Watching Star Trek as an adult shines new light on why my dad used to look really uncomfortable sometimes during our late-night marathons.

After having 70’s hits in Guardians of the Galaxy then 80’s bops in the sequel I honestly can’t wait for the 3rd movie to be announced, because we’ll probably have a 90’s OST with, very probably, the very first shot of the movie being Chris Pratt kicking open a door with ‘someBODY ONCE-’ blasting in the background

He got the tape from Shuri.

Today I learned German Shepherds are a lie made up by lazy people who own filthy dogs

Who knew the Duluth Trading Post was Victoria’s Secret for lesbians? Not me. THANKS, DARLIN