i'm going on an adventure

1. supervisors at work love to ask me to do something and then give 0 direction on what exactly that entails. and when I ask for more information they're just like "just try it and you'll figure it out". first of all, buddy, you don't know that. do NOT underestimate my ability to fuck things up. because i am a human. “It’s easier to just dive in” FOR YOU, MAYBE. for me it's easier to know what the fuck i'm being asked to do!

2. second of all, why DON'T we have directions? i barely even knew this task existed before today, because other people were doing it and therefore it wasn't my problem. but hey, if you want me to take it over, that's fine, just tell me what exactly it is! let a bitch know what's up! don't just send things over to me like "hey could you take this over now that so-and-so retired" and then when i'm like "yeah sure, but could you give me some direction?" DON'T say "you'll pick it up quick." okay i probably will! BUT ONLY once you tell me how to start in the first place!!!!!

3. disappointed about numerous social interactions that i'm not going to detail here.

4. okay one i will. got a message on okcupid from someone in GERMANY????? i get that some people are cool with a long-distance relationship but that's not what i'm looking for right now! i don't even know how to date IN PERSON. person on the other side of the world, you might be decent, but oh my god why.

5. starting to dread the stupid community faire thing my choir does every year, and my stupid agreement to man (gender neutral) the booth all fucking day, which i agree to to do every year for some fucking reason. yes, i live across the street from the park where it's held and yes people appreciate me stepping up but it's always a miserable experience. i don't want to be outside in the summer all day, talking to people who don't care about the choir, asking why i'm not singing at This Very Moment, or (as what happened last year) being asked a bunch of questions and when I answer them they said "well that's more than I wanted to know." THEN WHY DID YOU ASK MY DUDE. YOU COULD HAVE JUST WALKED AWAY.

6. also it looks like I will have to man this booth with one of my fellow choir members who i don't like. like we don't really talk much, it's not like we haven't been civil to each other, but something bugs me about him. okay, multiple things, like how the director kind of rolled out the red carpet for him when he joined the choir. which i get, okay, he's basically the strongest male voice we have and we want to keep him. but i find him annoying.

7. (something weird and uncomfortable went down last year at this event, and i guess i'm having a 'oh god what if it happens again' emotion. ugh. and i guess i'm also feeling guilty about finding it weird and uncomfortable in the first place. but we're definitely not getting into this subject on the internet.)

8. i have decided to go to the state fair next month to see VH + My Husband Matt Scannell perform. waffling over whether or not to get VIP. it's the money thing, but it's also that you never get VIP details until the day of. and since i'm driving like three hours down there, making a day trip out of it, it's kind of hard to coordinate shit when i don't know what the plans are! i want the special VIP shit, and would love to meet Matt again, but i think it's just not going to happen this time around. alas.

9. Michelle Branch has been teasing this spirit room anniversary tour and/or new music and/or whatever she's doing for weeks now. girl just drop the details so i can see if i have to shell out money for ANOTHER bucket list concert happening this year.

10. anyway, back to complaining about work. one of my supervisors describes herself on linked in as "creating clear information in chaos" and like YOU???? i have to get extra clarification half the time i talk to you because you never give any context!

11. also recently had a moment where "why are you being so defensive" was said by the world's most defensive man. (not said to me, but it was still ridiculous.)

12. i overheard some really big news that i don't think i'm supposed to know, because no one in this office realizes that sound travels. so i've been operating like i haven't overheard this news while wondering when the fuck someone's going to let me in on what the fuck's going to happen going forward.

13. someone will tell you something, and then they'll tell a third person the exact opposite thing while you're sitting there, and you're not supposed to ask "okay then which one is the truth then"

14. it just really sucks being told "this thing is going to happen" and then it doesn't

Very terrifying moment just now where there was screaming happening upstairs. and i was like, holy shit, what the fuck is happening and what if someone needs help. so i gathered up all the courage i had and rang the doorbell, fully expecting to be walking into someone being axe-murdered, or more realistically some domestic violence event. and a group of people answer the door and say sorry, we're watching the world cup.

and like. Good! It's very good that no one is getting attacked! i was relieved that they were just emotional over sports. i said oh good, just so long as everyone's okay! and they said thanks, sorry, have a good night. the world continues on.

but. we went to the cubs came last night, which was An Ordeal for multiple reasons. but the people sitting next to us. like, my mom went to the bathroom/concessions. and this one guy who had had at LEAST six beers starts fucking punching/slamming his fist into the seat where my mom was sitting. and i eventually told him to knock it off, please calm down before my mom gets back. and he didn't respond verbally but he stopped being violent toward the seat so that was good.

and i get it, it was a fucking BRUTAL game last night and not fun as a cubs fan getting shut out by the cardinals like that. and god knows I was being emotional: groaning, saying "oh my gooooood", commenting that this is physically painful. i've been emotional over sports! me saying "oh come on!" when the cubs fail to score, or gasping when a gymnast falls off beam. the loudest I got over sports was probably at the world series win, when I did a victory yell. and I have been known to made noises when like, playing video games. so it's not like i don't get it.

but in regards to sports and games and shit.... I've never made my neighbors worry I was getting axe-murdered. i've never felt the desire to punch a seat. or punch/kick a hallway door like dad has. it's sports. who cares.

and my neighbors upstairs are the least guilty here, they were just being emotional in a private place and got carried away and made me worry. the world continues on. but...okay, I didn't exactly talk to the group a lot, but it looked like a mixed gender audience. they were just screaming. they weren't being physical toward inanimate objects (as far as I know).

i just.