"You must complete the HR mandatory safety training"
Me:
almost home
tumblr dot com
$LAYYYTER
hello vonnie
Xuebing Du
trying on a metaphor
I'd rather be in outer space 🛸

❣ Chile in a Photography ❣
YOU ARE THE REASON

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Today's Document

shark vs the universe

Origami Around
will byers stan first human second
Misplaced Lens Cap
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"

Andulka
Noah Kahan
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@seraix
"You must complete the HR mandatory safety training"
Me:

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OP: When I put on Hanfu, I suddenly realized that I'm a modern person.
(A growing trend among Hanfu enthusiasts is skipping elaborate traditional updos and pairing Hanfu with everyday modern hairstyles for daily wear. Many still opt for classic Hanfu hairstyles on special occasions such as visiting museums.)
He shredded for our sins
#please imagine this from the skunk's perspective #like you fall into an inescapable pit #and one of the fae creatures appears above you #at first it descends into the pit going super fast without moving its legs #horrifying #and then when you threaten it with your only real means of defense #(ass juice) #it tries to extend a part of itself to you #its strange feet that don't move #obviously you want no part of that #then it creates a spring out of nothing and allows you to drink #then it grabs a strange branch made of thin smooth rock #and a substance that feels slightly hollow #and it makes noises at you and keeps sticking the branch in your face until you bite #and then it tries to withdraw the branch dragging you with it #so you let go #but it just keeps doing this #until you suddenly realize it is trying to drag you out of the pit #so you hold on until you're at the lip #you probably expect it wants something when you reach the top #but you let go almost too soon #and you book it out of there #and somehow are expected to go back to living life like that never happened
@kedreeva your tags are a lovecraftian skunk tale
Bro same thing with working as a caseworker.
You'll have a single mother of three who's fleeing a DV relationship. She has no recent work history because her ex kept her barefoot and pregnant. She's struggling with depression+PTSD while trying to find work in a horrific job market.
Now I have to be the one to tell her "Dept of Social Services insists every child over the age of 5 have their own bedroom, so you'll have to get a 4 bedroom, which will likely cost $5000/mo. You will get a housing voucher that covers 50% of the cost, so $2500/mo. You will need to make $90k/yr to comfortably afford this"
You and her both know a full-time minimum wage job comes out to $32k/yr in your area and most of that is going to go towards child care so she can work a job that will never pay enough to cover her living expenses. Even if she worked two full-time jobs, she'd still be ~$30k/yr short of the required income.
She can do everything right, she can work her ass off, she can get benefits, and it still won't make a difference. Her abusive ex is going to get the kids in the divorce simply because he has a steady income and home.
You see, in that moment, the woman start to consider going back to a guy who'll probably kill her and/or the kids someday and there's really fuck all you can do. Like " uhh I can help you apply for SNAP, you'll probably get $200/mo. Sorry for all the systemic issues"
i have a suggestion

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I am so tired of short-attention-span, trim-the-fat culture. All writing advice these days is for how to write like Chuck Palahniuk. "Cut 'think', cut 'feel', cut 'wonder' - only action, only pushing forward, show and move and move and move." What if I could emulate this style, and still don't want to? What if I want to write like Henry James, with three paragraphs of introspective musings between each dialogue line? The music advice is, "make it shortform, make it Tik-Tok compatible, make it punchy, hit the refrain as soon as possible." What if I want that 10-minute prog rock piece? What if I want that symphony? What if I want it slow and luxurious and lazy? Movies. Series. Poetry. Bodies. Everything is "trimmed trimmed trimmed trimmed, stripped bare, you have three seconds to win me over, make it airport chic." I don't want to win you over, then, I guess. I want the fat left it. I want the pleasure and the indolence and the indulgence. Fuck this art-advice that's always "your art needs Ozempic."
The most terrifying part of having memory issues is when you can feel something from 5 seconds ago be thrown out the window and there's an empty hole where it once was. You remember that you forgot something.
I love helping everyone rediscover the fact that the opening passage of My Immortal is a parody of the opening passage of The Vampire Lestat and not just a generic exaggeration of the typical fanfic Mary Sue introduction. One of the many delightful goth kid Easter eggs the author planted for the audience.
let the audience decide…
it was a deliberate nod to the opening passage of The Vampire Lestat (1985)
it was accidental
Anne Rice COULD write and she made excellent use of narrative voice. Lestat is egotistical, less intelligent than he believes himself to be and above all, deeply unhinged. This is absolutely what his internal monologue would sound like and you have to read her other works to contextualize that. I think it is the same for the author of My Immortal and the fact that they’ve never (actually) come forward to claim ownership makes me think they enjoy the ambiguity.
That tag is actual proof reading literacy is at an all-time low.
little alec
your car: *bounces back and forth, defeated, its hood swinging by a mere thread*
my car: *triumphantly leaps six feet in the air, spraying hubcaps in victorious fervor*
What?

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"going out to get milk" is a common turn of phrase used to describe a man abandoning his family.
the "milkman" is a common figure in stories depicting a woman's infidelity and adulterous affair.
this implies that the ability to provide milk would both decrease the likelihood of a man abandoning his wife and children, as it would eliminate the need for leaving to get milk AND would secure that man's marriage, as his wife would have no need to seek milk from an extraneous source.
therefore, all men should produce milk, through various means such as:
- being a cow
- being an almond
- being a woman
- being a coconut
- being in the omegaverse
- being an oat
(list is exemplary and not finite)
in this essay, i will redefine the nuclear family and explain the seductive and inflammatory nature of the 1993 "Got Milk?" commercials.
you shut your mouth.
Text of tweet under the cut because it is loooong.
But... Stochastic Parrots.
Aw he’s just looking for love
are you his beautiful wife? you are not his beatiful wife? sad snooting
you: suck my dick me, an intellectual: inhale my richard
here it is! the post that started a “me, an intellectual” hell frenzy, and is officially ⭐ the worst post of 2016 ⭐
Rare Achievement Unlocked:
Irrevocable Linguistic Harm
Create a memetic phrase that still sees use for almost a decade afterward

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same moment different angle
The bullet bandolier over the skirts is a look. 😌
these pictures of a platoon of og antifa drag queens manning a gun bigger than my car better not awaken anything in me.
I wonder why this was flagged? Have something to say Tumblr? Hmmmm?