Hell

press the teleport button to come over to my house and eat a bagel on the porch with me rightnow and you will earn 5 gems

I should have a tail. For pervert reasons

has anyone else noticed that its awesome to have an anthropomorphic animal representation of yourself that you can draw in situations

every $30 purchase is like a razor sharp arrow stuck firmly in my muscular wearwolf back

the grocery store should be open 24/7 but they should let the employees go home and just trust us

all loads refused nonedump

fool me once shame on you fool me twice you have been locked into my bad ending

I just felt someone Z-target me

[clearly circle-strafing you] don't be ridiculous

mutuals if you were a video game character I would do every step of your questline and get your good ending

What would you do with non mutuals? Cause speedrunners are always killing me for my crystal scythe before doing my quest

Well now that I know you have a crystal scythe I'm definitely killing you for your crystal scythe

They say ooooh be a good boy for daddy and you'll get a reward. But then the reward is just gay sex. This is bullshit. I wanted a skateboard

Then they say if you're a bad boy daddy will punish you. But what's the punishment? More gay sex! You can't escape it. This whole damn place is in the pocket of Big Sex

wait i just found out you can be nice to people and be their friend i thought we had to kill them all cause i was raised in a lab to be a living weapon

basketball dracula isn't real dude he can't-- *sudden squeaking noises from the shadows*

*two pool toys having sex tumble by in the wind* oh thank god

*thunderous slam dunk noise*

the nsfw ban on Tumblr is temporarily lifted every time you scroll your for you tab at work

Everything I read about recovering from burnout is like “it takes months or even years to fully recover” and it’s like okay…. I have a weekend before I gotta clock in on Monday