stop making sense

these parents really looked at their vagina fresh child and killed him on sight huh

When I first read this I was like hah cool he used the name from the random guy on twitt-oh fuck oh no

honestly unfollow me if you ate a cheese

wait a fucking minute

That cat is going to murder the man in the dark of night.

alas, he will be unable to murder the man because the accordion noises that now accompany his every move make stealth impossible

“2019 twitter is just 2014 tumblr” now you see a lot of elements of this ARE true, but what youre missing is that 2014 tumblr, however disastrous it was, was contained. 2019 twitter is all of that unmitigated horror spilling over into a far more quote unquote normal site

every time i jump my dick hits me in the face & i die

I love that on mobile, instead of getting bigger, it just looks like the picture is getting progressively less blurry, as if youre experiencing this from the perspective of someone coming out of a coma

please stop reblogging this post

gno

cunningly avoiding tooth decay by going to bed with a single square of chocolate on my tongue for the bacteria to snack on instead of my teeth

Fun fact! The bacteria in your mouth dont eat your enamel! They only eat sugars and such. The stuff that eats your enamel is the byproduct produced by the digestive process of the bacteria. In other words, the thing that causes tooth decay is the bacteria’s equivalent of shit, not the bacteria themselves!

cunningly avoiding tooth decay by going to bed with a single piece of toilet paper on my tongue for the bacteria to wipe their ass on instead of my teeth