Chocolates, Red Wine and Pillow Talk

2021 - The Year of Great Expectations

I remember when the first lockdown happened. It was 2020. We were living in Puchong with our 40 dogs. David had just returned from Singapore after shooting Cesar’s Recruit: Asia Season 3. He was getting lots of calls to train people and their dogs. It was good money and we started to relax knowing we would be able to take care of ourselves and the pooches.

But the sense of relief ended just as quickly as it began when Covid-19 took over our lives. All his classes had to be cancelled. There was zero income. We were royally screwed.

After weeks of struggling with whatever little our families and some friends could send, we had little to no choice to ask for help with a wider net.

It was going to require some major humbling and I was not looking forward to it.

Two years on, we are in a way better place than we were then. We have steady donors and contributors and we live on a farm big enough for over 60 dogs to roam free and enough food (most of the time) to keep them full.

Yet, deep inside, sadness pervades my spirit. And hurt, anger and disappointment. People have crushed my spirit.

I was having a conversation with a friend one night. I told him, “Do you know how many people who I thought were my ‘friends’ turned away from me when I needed them? And the funny thing is, the ones who didn’t let me down were people I hardly knew or had just met. Do you know how sad and happy that makes me?”

He then said something that flipped my whole head over. He said, “Seema, that’s because you had great expectations.”

If I was Gary Coleman my reaction would have been, “Whatchu talkin’ about, Willis?”

But I wasn’t Gary Coleman. I was me. So I responded, “What do you mean?” instead. I was taken aback. Whatever was he talking about?

He began to patiently explain.

“See, you do what you do because you love it. It is something you are passionate about. It’s something you’ve always been passionate about. And you hope and expect that those who know you well know this about you. And so you think that whenever you need help they should be the first ones to respond because, after all, they know you right?”

“That’s right,” I replied. “Friends and family should be the first line of defence when it comes to support. Like pawns on a chess board.”

“Yes, you would like it to be so. But unfortunately that’s not the case. You will find out in life that most ‘friends’ are there for that time in your life. They won’t necessarily think or care about you once you stop hanging out. People easily forget bonds when it stops being beneficial to them in some way. Not everyone, but most. And so when these ‘friends’ don’t come through, you get disappointed. It’s natural.

And then when someone you may not have been close to or someone you just met comes through in your hour of need, you immediately think that this person possesses better values than your ‘friends’. But really, you think that of them because you never had expectations from them. Why would you?

So to summarise, having expectations will always bring you disappointment no matter who you have them of, and not having expectations of anyone will always bring you joy and gratitude.”

He looks at me just before he drops the bomb. “In the end, what am I trying to say?”

I understood. “Don’t have expectations of anyone. Not because you may or may not be disappointed but because we can’t judge anyone by the way they choose to treat us.”

“Correct. You may have been a good friend to them but it doesn’t mean they were good friends to you. And don’t worry so much. There will be those who genuinely care about what you do and will support you where they can. You just keep doing what you’re doing. Trust that you will be taken care of. Just keep loving and taking care of those fur kids and the Big Guy upstairs will make sure you’re alright.

Don’t expect anyone to understand your struggles or your worries, your happiness or your success. Just do what you do from the right place and it will all fall into place.”

This is the advice I so desperately needed to hear. To know that I wasn’t alone and that there were people around me who cared enough to make sure I was ok. That there were people out there who answered my distress calls not because they felt bad or sad or worried, but because they cared enough about my dogs and that doing what they could to help someone when someone asked for it was in their intuitive nature.

I have been having more days of wondering how much longer I can go on and hearing such heartfelt advice from someone I only recently in the last year formed a friendship with was like chicken soup for my soul.

Yes, the struggle is real. I often ask myself if I should have chosen a different path. Would I have preferred a life of comfort and luxury and social activities with pretentious company instead of this life consumed by caring for these four-legged rowdy canines?

I imagined a socialite stepping out of her BMW as the paparazzi snapped away at her. Yes, she has the life of glamour and glitz but her life doesn’t belong to herself. She is loved until she isn’t no matter what she does. That kind of adoration can be so fleeting and fake.

Does she know what it feels like to wake up everyday to 65 hearts that beat for her? That smother her in love for just being her? I get that. Everyday.

Who’s to say which life is better? Neither. They are just different and unique in their own special ways. And just like the socialite would never trade her designer lifestyle for one of being a caretaker, I wouldn’t trade my life for all the designer bags in the world.

Unless, of course, if each bag came with a dog and it’s unconditional love.

We were all once puppies too.

We were all once puppies too.

Think about it.

All we did was drink milk, poop and sleep.

Our parents had to feed us, clean up after us, vaccinate us and keep our living area clean and hygienic.

They had to bath us when we got dirty and keep us warm when we were cold.

They had to teach us how to walk, how to run, how to play. They had to teach us to socialise, behave in public and they had to correct us when we misbehaved.

They had to discipline us when we were naughty, reward us when we were good and teach us to follow instructions based on key words.

They had to work hard every single day to make sure they could provide all our needs and, where humans are concerned, wants.

However, the huge difference between a human child and a puppy is what each one becomes as they grow older.

So…how come humans continue to have children while puppies continue to get dumped on the streets?

What if it were babies who were getting dumped everywhere instead of puppies? What if independent rescuers spent their days rescuing abandoned babies and appealing for funds to feed them everyday and to get them vaccinated? What if babies needed to be rehomed but no one wanted to adopt them?

Can you imagine what that would be like? A shelter with 100 babies. Baby food. Diapers. Babies become toddlers. Solid foods. Potty-training. Bigger clothes. Bigger beds. Walking. Talking.

Toddlers become kids. Running. Screaming. More food. Bigger clothes. Bigger beds. Books. Education. Toys. Toiletries.

Kids become teenagers. Education. Clothes. Shoes. Food. Teenagers become adults. Jobs. Crime. Living off tax payers. More babies.

The cycle is insane.

Puppies. Puppy food. Toys. Vaccinations. Warm cosy bed. Puppy becomes dog. Food. Toys. Treats. Vaccinations. Spay. Neuter.

It is human nature to be disloyal, to abandon, to neglect, to unlove, to neglect, to forget, to ignore, to disrespect, to hate.

It is a dog’s nature to only love, to only protect.

Just like a puppy, every single one of us were once puppies too. We are alive and well and happy and well-fed and successful and educated and dressed because someone chose to love us rather than dump us somewhere despite knowing the financial and emotional toll it would cost them. Dogs on the other hand don’t take a toll on your finances and emotions, rather, they profoundly make you richer in both areas.

It seems somewhat cruel that the world we live in chooses to reward and celebrate people and their accomplishments, along with our negative human traits rather than protect and preserve those we share this planet with who’s traits, if we allow, could teach us how to be better humans.

So the next time you see a puppy, remember that you too were once young and innocent and cuddly and pure and perfect. And that you’re alive today because someone loved you.

Maybe that puppy could use someone to love it too.

And the next time you see a stray dog, remember that they were once these innocent and pure puppies who found ways to survive on their own. They are tougher and smarter than anyone gives them credit for. Having the smarts to survive on their own doesn’t make them a nuisance. It makes them survivors.

Adopt. If you can’t adopt, sponsor. If you can’t sponsor, donate. Make it a part of who you are. Just like you, shelter animals need to eat everyday. Take ownership of that knowledge and make protecting and preserving life a daily mission. Respect their existence on this earth. Be grateful everyday for the Life you live and pay it forward.

Trigger and Zorro.

60 days.

That’s how long I hold my breathe every single time I meet a newborn puppy for the first time. Whether it’s been abandoned or if it’s one of our own, T-60 is the preliminary goal.

Everything could be fine for the first 45 days, then on day 46, everything changes. You recognise the symptoms. You smell it on them. You see it in their eyes. And you pray to God there’s still time left.

“Canine parvovirus is a highly contagious virus that can affect all dogs, but unvaccinated dogs and puppies younger than four months old are the most at risk.

Dogs that are ill from canine parvovirus infection are often said to have "parvo." The virus affects dogs' gastrointestinal tracts and is spread by direct dog-to-dog contact and contact with contaminated feces (stool), environments, or people. It is resistant to heat, cold, humidity, and drying, and can survive in the environment for long periods of time.

Some of the signs of parvovirus include lethargy; loss of appetite; abdominal pain and bloating; fever or low body temperature (hypothermia); vomiting; and severe, often bloody, diarrhea. Persistent vomiting and diarrhea can cause rapid dehydration, and damage to the intestines and immune system can cause septic shock.

Most deaths from parvovirus occur within 48 to 72 hours following the onset of clinical signs.

No specific drug is available that will kill the virus in infected dogs, and treatment is intended to support the dog's body systems until the dog's immune system can fight off the viral infection. Treatment should be started immediately and consists primarily of intensive care efforts to combat dehydration by replacing electrolyte, protein and fluid losses, controlling vomiting and diarrhea, and preventing secondary infections.

When a dog develops parvo, treatment can be very expensive, and the dog may die despite aggressive treatment. Early recognition and aggressive treatment are very important in successful outcomes. With proper treatment, survival rates can approach 90%.” - American Veterinarian Medical Association

Trigger and Zorro were born to one of our own. It was, as usual, LOVE at first sight. I loved my two boys. I did everything I could to make sure they were kept safe, clean and healthy. I was counting down to the day they would turn 60 days and get their first vaccination. I would be able to breathe a little easier then.

But one morning just short of that, I woke up to see Trigger and Zorro looking pale and disoriented. The smell of blood hit my nostrils almost immediately. “No, no, no this can’t be happening…no, no, no!!!”

We drove like demons to what was considered the best animal hospital in KL. The pups had parvo. A regular neighbourhood clinic wasn’t going to do. Only the best could save them.

Or so I thought. But that’s a story for another day.

A CPV test kit confirmed that Trigger and Zorro had parvo. I cried and hugged them both. I was devastated. Why would God to such a thing? I remember holding them and contemplating if I should I ever let them go. But then I remembered Flipside, who also at 2 months old tested positive for CPV but an early admission saved her life.

I thought, “I’m in the best hospital in the country. If anyone can save my pups it’s them.”

Or so I thought. Again, a story for another day.

3 days later, I received a call that Zorro had just passed on and Trigger the night before.

Even as I write this, I can feel my heart break again as the tears roll down my cheeks.

I remember every single puppy I’ve lost to that horrible virus. Sometimes, the pup would show the first signs of infection late into the night, and with no vet to rush them to, all I could do was hold them in my arms and tell them how much I love them. That I’m sorry God created such a painful way for a sweet, innocent puppy to die. Often, a sick puppy would be too weak to bark or whine, except during the final few minutes of its life when it feels its body breaking down inside and the pain becomes unbearable.

Parvo virus is so dangerous that sometimes the period of time from first symptom to death can be less than six hours.

Those few minutes my whole world falls apart. I start sobbing and saying how sorry I am that I couldn’t fix this. That I’m so sorry that I couldn’t find a way to make this pain go away. I tell my pup how much I love him, that I’m here, that he’s not alone.

“I’m so sorry my baby…”

I hold him and rock back and forth until I hear the final whine, before he exhales his last and his body goes limp in my arms. Then I find myself wailing. I find myself broken inside. And I find myself angry with God.

I’ve lost too many puppies to this virus to ever take their safety and health for granted. How many times can someone experience losing puppies this way before she loses her mind?

It is the most painful way for a puppy to die. How many times can I forgive myself for not doing what needed to be done because I didn’t want to embarrass myself or inconvenience anyone?

Seeing so much death has thickened my skin, which in a way is perhaps good, seeing that nowadays I do whatever I have to do to make sure the days of losing parvo puppies are behind me.

I cannot begin to stress how very important it is to keep puppies safe and ensure they get their vaccinations on time. A clean environment and lots of food is key to building a strong immune system.

I try my best not to share sad stories of the work we do, for these are the painful and heartbreaking parts no one sees or knows about, but when I do, I can only hope it educates and creates some sort of awareness about our puppies.

Trigger and Zorro are probably with Outkast, Sunny and the rest of the parvo puppies we’ve lost over the years. My one consolation is knowing that one day I’ll cuddle my two boys again.

I love and miss you my babies, Trigger and Zorro.

In Loving Memory.

Though my feet may make me roam, my heart will always bring me home.

Most of you don’t know this but I’ve been away in the States since Jan 23 of this year. Losing Chelsea sent me over the edge and short of literally losing my mind, something had to give. I needed to be rescued.

And rescued I was, by one of the best people I have ever been blessed to have in my life. She put me on a flight and whisked me away to Philadelphia. Vishal, knowing that being on the farm alone with our almost 100 rescues was going to be a struggle, encouraged me to go and sent me off with love and hope that I would find my fire and return rested and resolute in my commitment to accomplish the goals I had set for myself years ago.

I spent the first week in Philly sleeping and eating. I was drained in every way imaginable. Then I started to miss home and most of all Chelsea. I would cry myself to sleep almost every night. Ironically, it got worse as I began to rest up. I would talk to Vishal every day and while part of me was in desperate need of a time-out the other part of me felt like I should have just stayed behind so he wouldn’t have to go through so much struggle and difficulty alone.

But deep down both of us knew that this was happening for a reason and even if we didn’t know why at the time, we had faith that God knew what He was doing.

After a month I decided to visit an old friend in Rhode Island, Dan Kesler. Dan and my ex-husband had worked together almost 20 years ago and we met on one of Dan’s trips to KL. We stayed in touch over the years through Facebook and a glance through Amtrak’s website found me on a 6-hour train ride to Rhode Island. When I got there, I met Diane, Dan’s better half. Little did we know then that both of us needed a change and a friend in our lives.

I went back and forth for the first two months between Philly and RI but found that my heart was very much at home with Diane and her family. But I started to get restless. I found myself asking God every day, ‘Why am I here? What should I do? Where am I going? Am I wasting time here when I should be home with Vishal?

Then I realized, ‘I need to make some money while I’m here so I can go back and exchange it for more money!’ And that’s what I did.

The last few months I did pet-sitting jobs, gardening jobs, yard cleaning jobs, any job that I could find. I cleaned houses, took care of people and their homes and their kids and their dogs. I saved every dollar I could find, and when I was in RI with Diane, she made sure I didn’t spend any money, offering to take care of my needs so I could save instead. I put all my earnings in my Bible and stayed focused on keeping in touch with our donors so Vishal would have enough funds to take care of himself and the dogs on the farm while still rescuing wounded and hurt strays when he was called on.

I worked so hard and saved enough to pay off our car. After seven years of not having our own wheels, we are finally proud owners of our Myvi, Zippy.

While I was busy earning, Vishal kept himself busy by taking care of business back home. He began to clear his personal backlog of things-to-do one by one. We would talk almost everyday about how we were not going to throw the last seven years of struggle away but that we weren’t going to reunite either under the same circumstances we parted from. That kept us both focused and committed to our own individual goals.

Over these past few months, we have both grown and accomplished so much, albeit separately. We did our best to support and encourage each other and to keep our promise to create the future we wanted.

Despite the new and busy life I was having in RI, my heart still yearned for my pack back home. I would ask Vishal everyday to put my call on video so I could see them. They were growing so fast, puppies into dogs, anti-social personalities into pack members, sick dogs to healthy dogs. Being around dogs in RI and observing the way they are taken care of by their humans was bittersweet, in while it was extremely heartwarming it also made me realise that back home we still have such a long way to go when it comes to the treatment of our canine companions.

Having witnessed such an appreciation for their pets made me realise that back home we are still a long way from giving dogs the respect they deserve. Despite the possibility of starting fresh somewhere new, deep down inside I knew I had to come home. I had unfinished business.

After flying for two days I landed back in KLIA where Vishal picked me up. We drove right back to Ipoh. I couldn’t wait to see the pack! I wondered…how were they going to react to not seeing me for six months???

Words cannot possibly describe coming home. The dogs ran to me and jumped all over me like I had never left. Their energy was definitely higher and some of the closer ones to me gave out high-pitched whining as if to express that they couldn’t believe I was there. It was so amazing the energy that enveloped me.

Dogs. Whether it’s 6 minutes or six months, they remember you like they just saw you yesterday.

What I came home to was nothing short of amazing. The dogs were fat and healthy. A bunch of them who had awful skin rashes when I left now had rich and thick coats. The farm was clean and there was a new pool. All the dogs looked happy. I felt so much love. It blew me away.

I don’t know how Vishal did it all by himself for 6 months. If it were me I would have gone mad! But he soldiered on one day at a time. Not once in the time I was away did he say anything like, “You need to come home”, or “Why are you still there?”

All he said was, “Do what you need to do and come home when you’re ready.”

I am blessed in ways I will never be able to measure.

Truth time - coming home was hard! I forgot the amount of time and energy it took to care for these rascals. We aren’t spring-chickens anymore and we’re starting to feel it! But this is a journey we can’t jump ship, and so we keep on moving, one foot infront of the other, one day at a time, together.

We have had to make a decision we aren’t too happy about, and that is to halt taking in any more dogs, unless it’s a dire situation. We are always hoping for more donors and sponsors to come onboard, and in the next few months I’m going to focus on trying to get every one of our pack sponsored. We hope you will consider sponsoring one of our kids so we can continue rescuing animals in need.

For now, I’m going to enjoy the company of my pack with Vishal on our farm away from the world. The universe has given us everything we need and more and continues to inspire us to live our lives with passion and love.

We Are Richer Than We Ever Thought We Could Be.

“The work we do with animals should never be one that becomes a burden or a struggle. Well, maybe a struggle, in a sense. Most animal rescuers aren’t rich people who choose to spend their time and money caring for our furry domestic companions. Ironically, most of them are average joe’s like you and me who find our income remains but our expenses increase with each animal we welcome into our care.

Most of us opt to seek the support of our communities and there is this misunderstood notion that we are all struggling with money, which again, in a sense is true. And our communities often do rally together to offer assistance in whatever way they can, of which we are grateful beyond words.

And there are those who just don’t understand why we do what we do if we don’t have the money for it. Valid and understood.

But it’s so much more than just that. Working with animals isn’t about single individuals who have too much empathy and compassion to ignore an animal in need. It IS about communities coming together. It IS about the support system. It IS about everyone doing their part to form a perfect cycle of protecting and preserving life.

I didn’t set out to move into a farm to take care of dogs. I moved into a farm to take care of MY dogs. But along the way, those who seek us find us.

Yes it is a struggle. There are days we don’t know if we are going to make it or if we are doing the right thing, or if we should have even gotten into it. And even though it’s a temporary situation, we still wonder if it’s all going to be ok in the end.

But what I have learned is this: working with animals can never be a burden or a struggle if you can step outside of yourself and see you from the eyes of every animal who walks into your life. They know. They know that you’re the reason they eat well and sleep well and the world is a perfect place because you made it so. They always know.

We never post sad or unhappy pictures or videos because there are none. And what we need will come to us when we need it. Until then, everyday is a holiday on The Farm.

Money. It is coloured paper that will come and go. But the love that surrounds us every day is priceless.

We are richer than we thought we could ever be.”

It's called 'reading between the lines' ✌️❤️

I consider myself one of the luckiest people in the world because I got to grow up with a family of amazing women.

My Mummy, Mallika who is the glue that kept my family together during trying times in the past and taught me the meaning of love and loyalty in marriage.

My sister Sonia who is a wife and mother AND a successful entrepreneur who when I was going through a phase a long time ago and I was a lost sheep never EVER gave up on me.

Sweetha, who is a loving wife and mother and a sister who is the most disciplined person in the world. I think of her when I feel like I can't accomplish something.

Sheena, the youngest sister and the one who makes me laugh the most hence reminding me to take life less seriously.

Pia, my niece who possesses a spirit of freedom and love, bursting with so much of it she will radiate every life her smile touches.

Ari, with her delicate poise and gentle nature will grow up to inspire girls everywhere that they are beautiful just as they are.

Thank you for always being there for me and for loving me even when I was unlovable and for being great role models to other women.

Last but not least, to the men in our lives who continue to love and accept us as we are, who inspire us every day to be better women for our future generations and to never be afraid to be fierce.

Three generations of Love.

LOVE LOVE LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH!!!

Even at four months of age, anyone could see that she was no ordinary dog, IF they looked beyond everything that WAS ordinary about her and just looked into her eyes...

...she had already seen too much for a puppy that young. It was like her heart was already broken, but until her body broke too she would still need to feed it. But her eyes were there for everyone to look into - a peculiar mix of sadness tinged with a tiny sliver of the gigantic love she was so capable of giving and yearning to receive. 

 She just didn’t understand why it had to be this way. 

This is the rags to riches story of Duchess, the dumped dog from Kapar, Klang.

Rescuers (who are also sometimes active feeders) first spotted her in March 2018. She was estimated at around four months old and had been seen wandering around alone and frightened. Most street puppies that age still have that puppy innocence in their eyes. Most. But not Duchess. She was an old soul. 

Rescuers continued feeding her every day in an effort to not only keep her alive but to eventually gain her trust so that their eventual ‘catching’ would be a smooth process for both the catcher and the dog. And because street pups tend to come and go on their own schedule, assigning the right time for the catcher to be present is a constant work in progress. 

Nevertheless, getting her off the streets was not just an exercise in animal rescue, it was also a case of life and death. Despite being recognised yet undisturbed by daily passers-by at her usual Shell petrol station in Kapar, Klang, it was only a matter of time before her time and freedom ran out. If Duchess was caught by the town-council assigned third-party street dog catchers, she would become just another statistic on a report card of death row dogs.

One  day in June the rescuers noticed that she was no longer alone at her spot. Keeping close to her while she sniffed and smelled around for food scraps were two sister puppies. Estimated to be around two to three months of age, these puppies, according to the ‘village idiots’ were Husky-mixed sisters dumped by what can only be assumed as an irresponsible owner / breeder who either didn’t realise the stork had landed on his head or established that they weren’t ‘Husky’ enough to land him a handsome payout. For whatever reason we will never know, these puppies were now the newbies in Klang’s notorious dog-dumping society. 

Remember those eyes I was telling you about earlier? The ones that hadn’t completely turned to the Dark Side? That is the beauty of Duchess, this dumped Kapar puppy. Being the resident street dog Duchess immediately took the siblings under her paws, keeping them close to her as she guided them through the unpredictabilities of street life. They ate together, slept together, wandered the town together, played together and hunted together. They also went hungry together, cold together, scared together, sad together and unloved together. 

But they had each other. She needed to feed her purpose to love and care and they needed protection and guidance. The world out there was crazy. No one could be trusted. No one was their ‘friend’. But they had to stay together. No matter what.

But what these ‘street dogs’ don’t  know about is the unkindness of humanity that comes in the form of town council dog catchers - third-party ‘mercenaries’ who put a price on the heads of every stray dog they catch, courtesy of an ignorant society and uncaring council members. Complaints, they say. A nuisance, they insist. Catch and kill, they conclude.

Everyone forgets that Duchess along with every other stray didn’t choose to be born or dumped where they were. They, like every single species on Earth, do what they need to survive. The streets are home to them not by their choice, but by ours.

II just want to eat and rest, she thinks. Why is someone always trying to catch us?

Because, Duchess my love, there is also someone who wants to save you from death row. But you can’t tell the difference between them and that’s not your fault. It’s ours. While some may try to end your life, others will try to save it.

And that’s what happened when a young woman named Lee Huay spent weeks feeding the three Kapar strays daily to gain their trust in the hope of eventually rescuing them and finding them homes. But they were not to be won over so easily. Humans, they think, all look alike. They must be alike. Thank you human for this food, but we will not be tricked again into trusting submission.

They didn’t have a choice, again. Catchers were making their rounds, this time more frequently. Lee Huay was running out of time. She had to rescue them, but she could not do it alone. So with the help of an experienced ‘independent dog catcher’, the three Kapar strays were ‘caught’ and promptly transported to the vet for a check-up.

When it comes to humans, dogs need two vital connections - other than love it’s trust. A dog that experiences the lack of both connections with humans can take a long time to develop them again. Dog-catching is one activity that if done without these connections, will leave long-lasting negative effects. All it takes is one bad experience. 

These three dogs experienced several consecutive traumatic human connections - life as a street dog, their misunderstood-catching, emotionally detached vet attendants - and these are only the ones we know of. 

This is where The ‘ALIVE’ Project came in.

Her rescuers had asked us to foster the Kapar dogs under our sponsorship programme. We headed down to KL to pick them up from the vet. As David followed the vet attendant into the boarding area, his heart broke a little when he saw them - individually placed in cages, one above the other, the bottom one getting drenched in drops of piss by the frightened one above her, all three cowering in their tiny space as dogs around them barked in this unfamiliar territory. If only the humans attending to them weren’t cold and flippant as they opened their cages one by one and just left David to his own devices. She didn’t even pat or stroke their head and say goodbye, he thought, as he watched them fuss over a customers poodle. It’s ok, you’re coming home with us, he said to them one by one as he carried them to our car and felt each one piss all over him in fear. Including Duchess.

What could have these three possibly endured to be filled with such fear so young? The entire time we drove from the vet to our KL base to spend some time getting to know them before heading back to the farm, the Husky-mixed Sisters looked to Duchess for protection and safety, and she kept her eyes focused on them. They followed her lead, from disembarking from the car to walking into the house to taking a nap, and she never left their side.

That evening we also named them. She was graceful, soft and fluid in her movements, a street dog that seemed like she belonged in a castle, like a Duchess. The other two you may recognise as LeLo & Stitch, the SWAT Sisters who ‘rescued’ The YinYang Twins.

The Kapar dogs were not what they seemed, ordinary everyday stray dogs. These dogs, like all dogs, had their own magic, as we would eventually discover.

While LeLo & Stitch were under our sponsorship program, Duchess was supposed to be delivered to another home, but watching the threesome together made us realise they should not be separated, not so soon, or bonding with them would become an even harder challenge, not just for us but potential future adopters. And there was something about Duchess, something very special. We just knew she belonged with us.

But the damage was already done. LeLo, Stitch and Duchess would refuse to come too close to us, never allowing us to touch them. They seemed eager and curious, but their eyes displayed deep-rooted mistrust. So we gave them their space and watched as they were welcomed warmly by the pack at home, who provided them that added assurance that they were in a safe place.

Then something wonderful happened for Duchess. As the three Kapar dogs assimilated themselves into our pack, Duchess discovered what if felt like to be the one protected and watched over, the one who didn’t have to be ‘big sister’ because Christmas, one of our rescues who is also our self-appointed farm perimeter ‘watchdog’ took Duchess under her paw and Duchess became her ‘little sister’. While LeLo & Stitch made friends with our pups closer to their age and played all day, Duchess was with Christmas, taking long walks around the outskirts of our acre, looking out for and chasing unwelcomed visitors and most annoying of all to Christmas, the herds of cow and buffalo who like to graze around our farm. Duchess started to slowly settle in, her eyes getting softer by the day, her body language going from jumpy and startled to alert and observant. I’ll get to know these humans soon enough, she’d say. Christmas says they just want to love us. I’d like that.

Duchess and I, however, had something going on. She and I knew, we were going to connect with each other. Every time I gazed into her eyes and whispered her name, they sparkled. Every time I gazed into her eyes and whispered her name, she took one step closer. Only one. Trust me, Duchess. I got you.

Until one day, finally, we were nose to nose, and she licked my nose for the first time. And as I carried her slowly and walked with her to have our first bath together, I whispered her name again, in the way that she loves that makes her run to me and kiss me and beg to be cuddled, and she looked at me with those deep dark eyes as if to say, “please love me like I will love you.” But she already knew, she was indeed finally home.

She doesn’t respond to just saying her name. You need to say it in a forced whisper that sounds like Macy Gray and lengthen the ‘hessssss’ so it goes like this: “Duchessssssssssssssss” 

 She doesn’t need to hear me twice. 

She was a rescued Schnauzer who permanently lost her sight when she was found abandoned by a roadside in a heart-wrenching condition. Her eyeballs were hanging out their sockets and by the time rescuers got her to the vet it was too late to save her eyesight. 

She came our way when one of her rescuers, Sathia Chandran from Lucky Paws contacted me to ask if I knew of anyone who could foster her until Sathia could find her a home. I had never really taken to fostering purely due to knowing that parting ways with a dog I’m caring for can be difficult, so I surprised myself when I agreed to foster this doggie. I mean, a blind dog? How hard could it be? 

Ceasar (as Sathia had named her thinking she was a male) arrived at my home that afternoon. She was a tiny, frail thing, quiet and unassuming, perhaps still recovering from her traumatic experience. But right on her face where her eyelids should have been fluttering over beautiful Schnauzer eyes were sew threads that would now forever keep two gaping cavities on her sweet face covered from the rest of the world. 

Watching her adjust to life without sight was heartbreaking at first. Imagine what it must feel like to be able to see then not see. On her first day out of her pen she walked into walls and tripped over drains. I had no idea that watching this was going to break my heart so much. She seemed so frustrated and confused. I wanted to help her but I didn’t know how. But with plenty of love and patience and research, she and I created an illusionary world just for us, a world where she runs and cuddles and knows that as long as she can hear my voice she is safe. 

She became my magic Maia. 

Despite her sweet demeanour this tragic incident has left her wary, anxious and sometimes unfriendly and will leave a permanent scar on her psyche, something I hope love and time will slowly erase from her memory. 

Unlike Maia, Echo (as we came to name him) was born with his disability. Despite being deaf in both ears from birth, he is the calmest and happiest puppy I have ever met. He doesn't know any different, and perhaps thinks that silence is just life. He will never know or hear his name being called, or hear other dogs bark at him or be afraid of the sound of thunder. 

The one thing that both Maia and Echo have in common is that they are dogs who cannot be trained like normal dogs, therefore making their assimilation into a family or pack challenging. I discovered this the hard way when on Maia's second day with the pack, she got into an altercation with DeNiro, my older boy.  

Wildly snapping in mid-air in all directions to protect herself, she was unaware that I was reaching out to carry her. Not knowing that she could not see me left me with a bite in my left index finger down to the bone that required five stitches and is now permanently damaged. 

But it wasn't her fault, or mine for that matter. What I didn't know then that I know now is that a special needs dog requires just that, special needs. I had assumed that being blind would mean she would be a docile dog. I was wrong. And that's when I realized that as much as I thought I knew about dogs, I still had so much more to learn. 

Echo is a Dalmatian-mix pup who was found tied to a pole in Kajang by a young girl who could not bear to leave him there. Apparently his owner (who contacted her a few days later after seeing her post on Facebook asking for him back, of which she refused, good girl) informed her that Echo was tied up because he wouldn’t stop barking. And no matter what his owner did he wouldn’t stop. 

When Echo was rescued, he was immediately put up for adoption. At four months old, he is probably one of the cutest puppies you've ever seen, playful and hyper-active. There is no way anyone would have guessed that he was deaf, until a visit to the vet confirmed it.

Did you know that 80 percent of Dalmatians are born either deaf on one side or both? I didn’t. By that time he had already been through two families and returned. Having spent time researching life with Maia, I knew that I was more than equipped to adopt him, but only if he could not find a permanent home, which was the case. He was adopted because of his cuteness, then returned because he exhibited behavior that wasn't typical of puppies, like cry when left alone in a room or come across as disobedient when corrected (which as it turns out is the Dalmatian-stubbornness in him). 

Coming across his plight on Facebook after being returned by another adoptee family unable to accommodate his needs, it became very clear to me that Echo was not the problem. The problem, not just with his rescuers and fosterers but all animal warriors in general was a compete and total lack of understanding the importance of 'ComPETability’. 

‘ComPETability’ is exactly what it sounds like - identifying the right match between a canine's personality and a human / families dynamics. 

We all know that every dog comes with its own unique personality traits. Just like human compatibility is about finding two individuals that match so closely that the chances for a failed union are next to impossible, comPETability is about doing the same for the pairing of a domestic animal and its human. Imagine having to 'return' a potential partner because you both discovered that you just don't 'vibe' together. 

We have forgotten that it works the same way with dogs and people. 

Echo went through four hands before he came to us. In between those hands I received a call from a rescuer asking me if I would like to adopt him as she had heard that we had adopted Maia and were prepared to accommodate special needs dogs. It was just our luck that my partner David was in KL that same evening and was about to head out to pick Echo up when his rescuer / fosterer informed me at the last minute that she was going to let a housewife from Cheras adopt him instead. According to her, said housewife wanted to 'try him out for a few days' before deciding.

Now I'm no expert in the animal community but what I am is greatly troubled by the lack of knowledge and education possessed by our rescuers. Rescuing is not just about getting an animal off the streets and putting it up for adoption for any Tom, Dick & Harry to adopt. It is not an overnight process that should leave you feeling pride at 'saving an animal's life'. It is not about increasing the adoption turnover only to have the return rate increase. And it certainly is not about making sure your rescues find a home as soon as possible so that the rescuers financial burdens and obligations are alleviated. 

So I called the fosterer and decided to have a chat with her. I inquired about Echo's history, from his rescue to his re-home to his return to his medical diagnosis, all the while taking note of how Echo behaved in each environment he was placed in. They ranged from insecurity to wild barking to frenzied whining to aloofness to just plain deafness and non-responsiveness. 

Then it was my turn to speak. 

Have you ever dealt with a deaf puppy before? 

Have you educated yourself on what a deaf puppy like Echo needs?

Have you interviewed his potential adopters and asked them if they have educated themselves on his needs? 

Are they aware of the time and patience required to train him and are they prepared to commit to it? 

And the final one: What happens to Echo if this adopter returns him, which I guarantee you she will? How long do you think it will take to find him a good home and what if we are unable to take him then?

No. No. No. No. I don't know but I don't think she will. 

Not good enough, I told her. But there was nothing I could do but wish her luck and hope that Echo would reach his final handover.

Three days later when my phone rang and my screen displayed the rescuers name, I knew Echo was coming home. True enough, he was being returned. "Can you please take him?" was a question I had answered "Yes" to three days earlier but today, that didn't seem possible. "I told you this would happen", I said to her, and with a heavy heart she sighed in defeat and admitted that she should have allowed us to take him when we were ready to. "Please, I don't know what to do with him now or who will adopt him. I am so sorry." (I am HAPPY to share that this wonderful woman Lai Mei Kueen is now a better rescuer and animal lover from this experience and now shares this nugget of wisdom as much as she can and we LOVE her for that!) 

We thought about the dog. It's always been about the dog.

We met with his rescuers / fosterers back in KL four days later and brought ChelseaBoo along for the first meet. And as his rescuer opened her car door and carried him toward us, we fell in love with Echo. He was a docile and timid puppy, curious and unperturbed by everything around him. He and Chels said hello and in that instant he had a new friend. We were warned that he was uncomfortable in cars and sure enough he was a handful as we ran a few errands before heading back to Ipoh that evening. 

By the time we reached the farm he had become visibly attached to David, never taking his eyes off him and sleeping right next to him wherever he was. At first he barked when David left the house but eventually didn't even care as he had 12 other dogs to keep him company. (The number has since grown to 30 canines). 

He is this amazing ball of love and affection and as all puppies are is a bundle of high energy. But what amazes me the most is how he never ever flinches in his sleep no matter what is happening around him. In his head, there is nothing but silence and peace. He could possibly be the calmest dog I have ever met in my life. And on his first week at the farm as we watched him play in water puddles formed in the garden by last nights heavy rain, we were reminded of why we do what we do - there is nothing in this world quite like the joy and love of a happy puppy. 

I remember when Echo first came to us; we received all the usual tips like how he can’t be left alone or he starts to cry, he’s antisocial, that he’s clingy, all typical deaf puppy behaviours. But with lots of love and understanding, what we have seen is a puppy who has blossomed with us. He is playful, brave, independent, patient and most of all loving beyond belief. He is simply amazing and we are so blessed. 

As an animal wellbeing advocate and animal lover I am constantly reminding myself that it isn't just the public that need to be educated but us advocates too. Rescuing and rehoming, while satisfying does not serve a beneficial purpose to anyone if the match isn't perfect in the first place. Rescuers need to start elevating the standards of how they carry out their passion for animal rescue and rehoming. Sorry to burst your bubbles but rescuing an animal, putting its picture up on social media and handing it over to the first person who says yes DOES NOT make you an animal rescuer. It DOES NOT make you an animal lover. It DOES NOT mean you changed an animals life for the better.

It's time we stopped fanning our own egos and started doing real work - the kind that reaps real permanent lasting results. Every animal that comes into our lives is worth our complete attention and devotion. Rescuers need to start treating each and every one as priorities. 

Get to know the animal and its personality. When the time comes to put it up for adoption, give it an identity. Describe a trait that's endearing, like how it howls when it's happy to see you. Create a file and an interview questionnaire. Talk to the potential adopters. Ask them questions like whether they have pets or if this is their first time adopting. Ask them what they plan to feed them and where it will sleep. Study if their lifestyles will benefit or be detrimental to the animals wellbeing. And most importantly, pay your best attention to special needs adoptions, especially when they are puppies. At a young age, puppies are prone to remembering everything that happens to them and that moulds their adult behavior. Don't let your laziness change a happy puppy into an anxious dog.

As a country we have for years lobbied for the government to make animal wellbeing a priority. But it isn't just the government that is responsible in educating and creating awareness for animals. All of us who are in one way or another part of this sometimes-euphoric sometimes-vicious cycle must take our roles seriously and do our part to ensure that these voiceless creatures are protected and their rights and wellbeing preserved. It is our duty to do so.