this is the second part of a blog post I made some time ago with the same title. If you haven't read that one please go read that here. The first post was both a satirical and basic set of rules that you can apply to help separate good men or potential partners from the rest. I fully intend to make this second one a more in-depth version of the first. Adding on to make a more complete and secure set of rules to follow.

Disclaimer: As stated in the first post, you don't have to follow these rules if you don't want to, these are what I believe helped/helps me. Thank you. <3

I hope that you're doing and feeling well and that all of your desires come to you effortlessly. 🤍

Rule #1: Please be aware that men will choose for their ideal life/ or dream.

As a woman, at least once in our lives, we may discover a man who cares for us or maybe even loves us but will choose someone over us who is completely different, looks different, behaves different, thinks different, or simply does not even fit into the same category we separate ourselves into. And this is okay, this is okay because we have to understand that men will always choose someone who fits better into the lifestyle they desire to live or the lifestyle they feel they want to live.

for example, a man who is wealthy and is looking for someone high maintenance or interested in the life that he is living is going to seek out someone who fits the criteria for what he feels is ideal. A man who is religious or has a pretty saturated cultural background and fully intends to remain that way may seek out someone of that same religious or cultural background.

Now, remember, stray away from subjecting yourself to a critical and harmful mindset that pushes you to believe that you are below someone or the issue. You are not. People will simply chase after what they think is ideal. But also, if you are a high-value woman yourself and believe that you are a prize, have a lot to offer, and anyone would be lucky to be with you in the first place, do not dwell on a man choosing someone who you may perceive to be not as well sorted out then you are or someone who lives a completely different lifestyle than you do. We often find that men will go to who they feel understands and reflects them. Whether he's a drug addict or a model for Ambicrombi and Fitch.

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Rule #2: Beware of men who do not truly respect you.

If a man can cuss you out, belittle you, refuse to validate your emotions, ignore your boundaries, apologize without change occurring afterward, lie to you, make fun of your appearance (physically or even your fashion), not prioritize your time together or communicating with you by choosing to put things above that, etc. He does not respect you. It is your responsibility as your own woman and your own person to immediately remove him from your space as soon as you notice that he doesn't respect you. Not only as a woman but as a person.

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Rule #3: If he can disappear or leave he doesn't deserve to be there.

A man who loves, respects, and honors his woman would never willingly disappear or leave his woman to be alone and all by herself or face the world alone. This could be as simple as him leaving you alone at a function or a party or in life by ghosting or disappearing.

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Rule #4: It's your responsibility to identify your triggers and your trauma.

The art of seeking out, attracting, and choosing a good and worthy partner if that's what you're looking for needs to start with healing and identifying patterns in your own life. You undermine the work of your spirit guides and ignore your own self-value by continuing to choose men or participate in bad habits because of your trauma. You have an unhealthy attachment style? Work on yourself and do what's necessary to change that so that you can securely be in a relationship. Have you forgotten to realize that your past relationships and partners may be a reflection of your parental relationship and parents? It's time to heal that trauma so that you can be attracted to better and choose better rather than being attracted to and loving a narcissist or someone who exudes narcissist behavior just like your mother or your father.

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Rule #5: See men for their actions and not for their words or their beauty.

Sometimes, and more often than not, we miss out on the crucial step of seeing people for who they truly are, the types of things that they do in comparison to what they say, and their behaviors. You have to do a better job at identifying red flags. Sometimes when we love people or are infatuated with people we become blind to the truth. Repeat after me, "It is my responsibility to identify red flags of people who come into my space." Remember this for later. We get caught up, confused, played, and mistreated when we don't do a good job at holding people to their actions and behavior and we just listen to the dream they're selling us instead. We must hold people accountable even if we love them or want to be with them. Because nobody else will do this for you.

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Rule #6: Remind yourself of the truth when recovering from breakups.

When you get out of a relationship with a narcissistic partner or someone who hurt you and didn't care, someone who didn't turn out to be the person you thought they were. Remember that it was your love that made them so special, so kind, so gentle. That they were none of those things at least not to you. Remember, "It was my love that made this person so special, not them." and "It is my responsibility to hold them accountable for them not being very kind or good to me." If that person loved you or cared for you the way you thought they had, they would not have done what they did to you.

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Rule #7: Activate your "dark-feminine" energy and preserve your "light-feminine" energy.

Your dark feminine energy is the part of you that protects you against anyone who tries to come in and do wrong to you, especially men. strengthen your intuition, be able to identify when someone has good intentions and when they don't, and do what's necessary to step into your dark feminine energy so that she can build boundaries that bad men and bad people cannot cross. Save your light feminine energy for those who truly deserve it, your compassion, your nurturing, and your soft interior for those who earn your love, and deserve your love. Repeat after me, "It is my responsibility to harness my power and look out for my heart and my peace."

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Rule #8: No more wasting your energy or your time on men who can't give you what you want, don't give you want, and don't offer anything for what you offer.

this one is quite self explanitory. Again, cannot. do not. and don't offer anything that you want. is a no go. Those types of people are a waste of time and space in your life. If you are manifesting marriage, a divine connection, true love, or a long-term partnership why are we sitting around wasting our time, energy, and love on someone non-committal and unhealed? Ladies, why? Do better.

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Rule #9: No more "but.. he changed." excuses or sympathizing.

I've just told you that it is your responsibility to identify red flags and bad behavior. Hold yourself to that, and hold the women in your life to that standard as well. "bUt He WaS dIfFereNt aNd hAd EveRyThINg BefORE I sAcRifICEd EvEryThInG aND nOW hES cRAzy, MeAN, aNd iNcApAbLE oF beHavInG LIkE aN adUlT!" Listen to how that sounds. We know that it is very difficult to unlearn bad and old behaviors so how do we come to the conclusion that after someone was "perfect" they suddenly began to behave differently or display outrageous expressions of behavior. It just doesn't make any sense.

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Rule #10: Be careful what you wish for.

This one can be kept short and sweet, don't manifest a partner, don't tell the universe you would like love...without being specific about what you're asking for. Set your intentions and desires straight.

"I'd like a partner." ✗ WRONG!

"I'd like a healed partner." "A balanced partner." "I'd like the right partner." ✓ WELL DONE.

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These are my ten rules, I hope these inspired you, or you found something useful here. Remember, what you put out into the world is what you get back, look out for yourself, and uphold accountability above all. I love you. <3!

-Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

// for more, click here

There’s a quiet turning point in life that most people miss. It’s the moment you stop choosing what’s comfortable and start choosing what’s correct. The moment you stop doing what’s barely acceptable and start doing what’s truly best. Not because someone is forcing you… not because you owe it to anyone… but because you finally realize that your decisions are shaping your identity in real time.

This shift doesn’t happen during the big events in life. It happens in the subtle moments: whether you finish something properly, whether you choose quality over convenience, whether you follow through even when no one is watching. These are the moments where your past identity tries to keep you small, while your future identity invites you to rise.

Most people stay stuck because they keep choosing what’s “good enough.” But “good enough” is the ceiling for a version of you you’re trying to outgrow. Every time you choose the easiest thing, you reinforce the identity you’re trying to break away from. Every time you choose the best thing, you build the identity you’re trying to become.

This week’s Sunday Coffee Talk explores that transformation. I share a simple moment from daily life that reminded me how powerful these decisions are. It wasn’t about money or time. It was about the energy behind the choice: am I choosing from scarcity or abundance? Am I reinforcing my old self or strengthening my future self?

You weren’t born to beg. Not for love. Not for time. Not for effort. Not for energy.

But somewhere along the way… you got used to leftovers. Delayed replies. Bare minimum gestures. People who give just enough to stay, but never enough to build.

And you called it patience. You called it loyalty. You even called it love.

Let’s call it what it is: Settling. For crumbs. From people who eat full plates and still look at you like you're lucky to get a taste.

Nah.

You’re not a charity case. You’re the whole damn feast. You bring peace, power, and presence — and you’ve been treating it like a discount.

Raise the price. Raise the standard. Raise the table.

If they can’t eat with you — let them starve where they stand.

⚡ If you’re done settling, read this: The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck breaks the cycle of approval and scraps. 👉 https://amzn.to/46Wye0s