AND HIS TEETH,

premarital divorce

this is whatever those freaks from house md had going on

you arrive at work (hungry, as usual) excited for more under-tarp sex with your work husband only to find that he's not there. when you ask your boss about it he berates you. you talk to your only remaining work friend about it, but he blames you for not being able to be with his not-work wife and then kills himself. you decide to seek out the treasure map hidden by your other dead work friend. the treasure is your work husband's not-work wife, who is currently trapped in work hell. you're trying to memorize the directions in your darkened office (no work is being done). and then elon musk walks in

she’s unhinged she’s religiously traumatized she’s a child soldier she’s a genius she’s 5’1 and commands every room she walks into she’s middle-aged she’s good with babies she’s bad at baking she’s a horrifying driver and she has never done anything wrong in her life

I swear to god I am going to (remembers nothing) (stares directly at the fucking