
Kiana Khansmith
DEAR READER

pixel skylines
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Aqua Utopia|海の底で記憶を紡ぐ

Kaledo Art
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One Nice Bug Per Day

if i look back, i am lost

#extradirty
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@secretsundermoonlight

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You know how imperialism sucks? Well, the same thing applies to Alethkar.
The Alethi are an overwhelmingly militaristic society, far more so than the rest of Roshar's nations. They impose their culture, their religion, and their traditions on everyone around them. For my little “sociological study” though (I am insane), I think we need to talk about more concrete elements: on Roshar, there is one nation with the greatest military power in the world, and it holds influence far above everyone else. Everybody fears them, and they take advantage of that fear to impose themselves even further.
As a culture, they are extremely rigid. Their architecture tends toward austere ornamentation (or at least that's the fashion promoted by the royal family), their clothing is either military uniforms or simple havahs that cover most of the body, and they are governed by Vorinism, a strict religion with all kinds of rules and social expectations, where failing to follow them is often punished.
Alethkar is not like the other countries on Roshar, and we have plenty of examples of that. Thaylenah is built around maritime trade and transportation, and its culture places a much greater emphasis on commerce and art. Then there's Azir, which feels inspired (this is just my guess) by Mudéjar art, with highly artistic traditions and a bureaucracy that takes priority over basically everything else. If we looked at the Reshi Isles, or places like Rira, we'd find similar examples. All of these societies are capable of existing without constantly beating each other over the head just to survive, and they see that as perfectly normal. Alethkar, on the other hand, seems to view the exact opposite as natural.
So we've already established that Alethi society is deeply expansionist and imperialistic. Other nations have armies too, sure, but a large part of the pressure to maintain those armies comes from fear of the Alethi and the need to defend themselves against them if necessary. Even the Unkalaki (Horneaters) settle disputes through singing and drinking (source: Rock told me so) and treat violence as a secondary option.
The conclusion here is that war is not some biological necessity on Roshar. And yet the people of our protagonists' homeland treat it as something natural, inevitable, and even desirable.
The common denominator is simple: everyone is afraid of Alethkar. During meetings between monarchs (which we've seen several times throughout the books) you can feel the distrust and outright disdain directed toward the Alethi, and especially toward House Kholin. Dalinar notices it constantly, even when he tries to ignore it. (And yes, I'm taking it as a given that a huge part of this mess is Gavilar's fault and the result of his cursed unification campaign.)
So what happens when you live in an imperialist country with some of the strictest social norms imaginable, where there is little room for free thought or for concerns beyond conquering, defending, attacking, killing, and possessing?
You end up with a society that is deeply isolated and profoundly unhappy.
Militarism doesn't just create external victims. It creates internal ones too. Let's talk about some of the social factors involved: In Alethkar, everything is divided by gender. Men are forbidden from reading and writing. Women are forbidden from eating masculine foods (and vice versa). Nearly everyone is expected to follow the Vorin faith. Men are actively encouraged to become soldiers and fight because if they die in battle, they'll spend eternity fighting in the Tranquiline Halls (Which, personally, sounds absolutely terrible.) Alethkar is the kind of society where a child would rather grow up to be a soldier than a doctor.
Everyone living inside this bubble is affected by it, without exception. The Kholin family (the royal family of the kingdom, no less) are the perfect example. Every single member of that family is absolutely miserable, and a huge part of that misery can be traced back to everything I've talked about so far. Together, they act as a showcase for the social problems affecting both themselves and their society as a whole. How could there not be a problem when even the people with privilege, status, economic capital, symbolic capital, social capital, and cultural capital are suffering from it alongside ordinary citizens?
If I had to rank the Kholins from the person who suffered most under these standards to the one who suffered least, my list would look like this:
Elhokar
Renarin
Dalinar
Jasnah
Navani
Adolin
Will I cause controversy by ranking them in that order? Maybe. Did you think I was going to put Renarin first? Well, no. We all know Renarin suffers because who he is, what he's interested in, and what Alethi society expects an ideal man to be are fundamentally at odds with one another. He can't fight, and he feels terrible about it because instead of society telling him "That's okay, you can be something else and that's just as valuable," people either look the other way, mock him, or hit him with the classic "what a shame you couldn't become a warrior." Combined with all the other factors we already know about, Renarin ends up as someone crushed by a society that glorifies a rigid, prescriptive form of masculinity.
That said, the people at the bottom of this list haven't suffered any less. Quite the opposite: they suffer a great deal. At first glance, Adolin seems like the perfect Alethi man. But that's exactly the point; we can see that he never actually chose that role. It was imposed on him simply because he's Dalinar Kholin's son. Adolin is lucky enough to genuinely enjoy some of the things Alethi culture values: He likes dueling, fighting, and even enjoys killing, to some extent. But he also has interests that pull him away from the Alethi masculine ideal. He likes sewing. He likes fashion and design. He's young and wants to have fun, enjoy himself, and live his life. But none of that matters in Alethkar. Adolin's job is to constantly prove his worth according to the values that were handed to him from birth, and that's kinda exhausting.
Then there's Navani: a woman who endured an abusive marriage for years. A woman who experienced firsthand the violence embedded in Alethi warrior culture, while also carrying the expectations placed upon her as queen. On top of that, she spends much of her life feeling like she isn't a good enough scholar (And honestly, Alethi education must be terrible if you don't have social status or wealth.)
Jasnah is absolutely miserable. By stepping outside what was expected of an Alethi woman (especially as the king's sister) she became someone who openly declared herself an atheist and chose never to marry. Good for her. That's entirely her decision… But choosing not to marry doesn't mean choosing to be completely alone.
From a very young age she was institutionalized, was likely mistreated in some way (we still don't know enough about this, so that's speculation on my part), and spent her entire life trapped beneath standards telling her what the perfect woman was supposed to be. She broke away from those expectations because she's far too intelligent not to notice that something is deeply wrong with her society. And yet she's still forced to exist within the framework of that same discourse. She's the laughingstock of the court. People dislike her. She's isolated even from parts of her own family. Being Jasnah Kholin can't be easy.
Dalinar? Dalinar is a victim of his society. Completely. When we look at the man he eventually becomes, it's obvious that he's actually quite intelligent. But when we look at the Blackthorn, what we mostly find is an idiot. And that's because Dalinar was taught to be one. He doesn't read, doesn't write, doesn't study. He just fights… and obeys his superior. Dalinar has the misfortune of being exceptionally good at fighting, warfare, and military strategy, which eventually turns him into the devil's puppet (Gavilar). At no point was Dalinar really given the option to become anything else. That in itself is a form of coercion. Because a stupid warrior is easier to manipulate than an intelligent one. And we've already seen that Dalinar gets punished for changing, both by his own family (I'm looking at you, Adolin) and by Alethi society as a whole. Dalinar is the pillar holding everything up, but violent structures eventually devour the people who sustain them as well.
And finally, the most important person on this list. Who suffers the most in a society this rotten? The king himself, of course.
We all know Elhokar isn't suited to be king. But more importantly, he is especially unsuited to be king of Alethkar. Elhokar isn't a violent person. He has angry outbursts. He lashes out. He has moments of hysteria. Yes. But that's not the same thing as violence. It's frustration. Fear. A desperate attempt to release emotions he has never been taught how to manage. Nobody ever taught Elhokar emotional regulation because nobody teaches anyone emotional regulation, and it's something we can't really blame him for. We've already seen that nobody in that damn family knows how to calm down when things spiral out of control. I could list examples all day: Adolin and Sadeas, Dalinar in practically any crisis, Jasnah in that alleyway.
The difference is that none of them have to live with the same pressure Elhokar does. For Elhokar, every mistake becomes a public performance. Think for a moment about everything he has to pretend to be. He has to perform it constantly. He isn't allowed weakness, he isn't allowed vulnerability. He isn't even allowed peace. The moment he shows any of those things, people judge him for it. Kaladin's perspective is probably the clearest example of this: He's a young man raised under the exact same cultural norms. He looks at a king who is, ultimately, just another flawed human being (someone with fears, insecurities) and concludes that he's a useless idiot. Not that he's lonely or that he needs help. Just that he's pathetic. That's not really Kaladin's fault, it's more of a problem with Alethi society as a whole.
Let's keep talking about Elhokar: it's pretty clear that he has artistic inclinations, but those are gradually denied to him as he takes on more responsibilities. In the end, someone who is more suited to being an artist than a monarch finds an outlet in drawing maps (cartography), because it's the only "artistic" activity that can be viewed favorably for a king. A king who enjoys spectacle, parties, and more extravagant ornamentation... condemned to live in austerity, in war, under his father's shadow. Gavilar is the perfect representation of an Alethi man, after all. And we already know what Gavilar is really like... he's not exactly perfect. Elhokar's decision regarding the Parshendi was not truly his own: it was what was expected of him, combined with an outburst of anger, grief, and confusion. All the Kholins wear chains, but Elhokar's are the heaviest. I'm convinced that he doesn't want to be king, or even a soldier. All of the younger Kholin men are driven by anxiety, desperately trying to prove their worth by wielding a sword, determined to show that they are culturally acceptable. And by this I mean all three of them equally (Elhokar, Adolin, Renarin... their circumstances may differ, but they all share the same goal). They cannot recognize this without stepping back and analyzing it, because it is part of their habitus and the way they were raised.
Elhokar is fortunate enough, at least, to fit Alethi standards of masculinity: a strong, tall, muscular man, skilled in combat and a capable strategist, someone who presents the right image and silhouette at court. But Elhokar doesn't want any of that. Neither does Adolin, nor Renarin, nor Jasnah, nor Navani, nor Dalinar. So after this entire essay... who is really to blame? A family that failed to change these values before Alethkar's unification became fully established? Or maybe it was the social structure itself, built over centuries through tradition and custom?
Contradiction is the key to understanding why these characters fail to recognize the root of the problem: Dalinar is a victim, but he has also been a perpetrator; Elhokar is a victim, but he sent armies into a pointless war that carried genocidal intentions; Gavilar is a perfect product of the system, but he also helped reinforce and strengthen it. They are oppressed, but they don't know it... and because they are so privileged, they end up oppressing the lower social classes far more than they themselves are oppressed.
Maybe, no matter how much they want to change everything, "what people will say" is what ultimately wins every time, without exception. Rulers, even from a position as privileged as theirs, end up becoming prisoners of the very mechanisms of their own society.
And changing that is far more difficult than defeating an army.
It's funny how neither of them realize how much their father really sucks. Well, where there's life there's hope (sorry Elhokar).
stormlight characters' response to being asked "did the chicken or the egg come first?"
gavilar - "this is nonsense. neither came first because they both come from each other. there is no "beginning" here."
dalinar - "their lives are a circle, the chicken lays the egg which hatches the chicken. they both come first, because they are the same."
navani - "it must be the egg, because all chickens are from eggs, so there never was a chicken not starting from an egg."
evi - "the chicken because she lays the egg and grows it ^-^"
jasnah - "if you follow the lineage of the species of chicken that we eat today back to its source, back to its last common ancestor where it split off and became an actual chicken, you'd see that there was at one point a non chicken that layed a chicken egg, so that egg hatched the first actual chicken. thus, the egg came first."
elhokar - "oh wow." [thinking face] "i don't know, that's a weird question."
adolin - "... the chicken, i think? it does lay all eggs, so it must have come first."
renarin - "the egg."
aesudan - "who gives a shit."
shallan - "well, if you look back into the history of the species, it wouldn't be possible for the first chicken to have hatched without being an egg, so the egg."
kaladin - "i... don't know? I mean chickens come from eggs, but those eggs also came from chickens so... they both just come from each other."
gavinor - "what's an egg? do you have a chicken here?" [you show him a chicken] "can i pet it? it's body is so soft! what is that stuff covering it? 'feathers'? wow!!!"
First Date ♡
Demon Slayer characters x reader on their first date
Part-1: Giyuu, Shinobu, Rengoku
Giyuu
He doesn’t say “it’s a date.” He just quietly asks, “Would you like to go… with me? To the lake.” There’s a long pause, then: “If you’re free.” His tone is flat, but his eyes are hopeful
When you arrive, he’s waiting near the bridge — early, of course — looking composed but clearly fidgeting with the hem of his haori
But as he looks up and sees you smiling softly, you could see him starting to relax
The first several minutes are quiet. But not in a bad way — the kind of silence where the breeze speaks louder than words, and just being near each other is enough
He notices everything, even if he doesn’t comment out loud.
When you nearly step into a puddle, he gently reaches out to tug you away.
When a mosquito lands on you, he casually shoos it off. It’s all instinct.
You tried to return the favor by killing the mosquito on his cheek
Though you just ended up slapping him
You both didn't make eye contact for a good while after that
Later you both pass by a market- he doesn’t ask, but he pauses when you stop to look at the tiny hand-carved charms. The next thing you know, he’s quietly handing you the one you were admiring. “For protection,” he says simply.
As the sun begins to set, you sit near the water’s edge. He finally speaks again — not about himself, but about you. “You always seem tired lately… Are you sleeping enough?”
He won’t look at you while saying it. But the concern is so genuine, it takes you off guard.
This quiet way of caring…it was the very reason you liked him.
The fireflies begin to appear, and he’s silent again — but this time, it’s reverent. The soft glow dances across his face, and for a brief moment, he looks entirely at peace.
However, you catch him watching you, not the fireflies.
You laugh softly at something — something small, like a firefly landing on your sleeve — and he smiles without meaning to. It’s quiet, fleeting, but completely real.
On the walk back, he keeps a half-step behind you. Not out of distance — but as if to guard your back. When you notice, he quietly says, “You walk ahead. That way I’ll see if something comes near.”
When it’s time to part, he hesitates. Then he quietly says, “I’m… not good at this. But today was… really good.”
Then, so softly you almost miss it:
“You make things quieter in my head.”

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Fluffy Headcanons ♡
Some cute fluff headcanons with Rengoku, Sanemi and Giyuu x reader (part-1)
Rengoku
Snores like a thunderclap. Will fall asleep cuddling you and sound like a freight train.
Refuses to believe it. Denial: Level 100.
Thinks dates should involve training, running 5 miles, and then good food. Because “what’s more romantic than sweating together!”
Makes bento lunches for you with “motivational messages” written on the lids. (“YOU CAN DO IT!!” “BELIEVE IN YOURSELF!!”)
One time he tried to kiss you while holding a burning sparkler.
Almost lit his haori on fire. 0/10 idea.
Loves to rest his head in your lap and grin up at you like a big golden retriever.
Loudest laugh in the room, especially when you tease him or tell him puns. He thinks you're the funniest person alive.
Tried to build you a bookshelf as a surprise. It ended up slanted. He still insists it’s unique architecture.
Gets pouty if you don’t eat enough — constantly offers you snacks.
Also steals food off your plate to "test for poison."
Insists on carrying you if you're even slightly tired. “LET ME BE YOUR STEED OF PASSION!!”
Once dramatically declared his love in front of a festival crowd. (on his first date too)
You were mortified. He bowed. People clapped.
Wakes you up with sunrise cuddles and shouts of “GOOD MORNING, MY LOVE!!” — absolutely no indoor voice.
Will genuinely cry if you say you’re proud of him.
Big softie. Literally glows under affection.
Tanuki Tanjiro and fox Kyojuro looking at each other... with their little fang smiles... i love them so much...
Tanjiro looks a bit perplexed but also... delighted to see kyojuros foxy side
jasnah: personally, i cannot think of anything more terrifying than being stripped of my autonomy and married off without my consent, but my ward's red flag radar seems to be irrevocably broken, so i may as well set her up with the friendliest man i can find.
shallan: jasnah sold me to one direction?? SO EXCITING!
adolin: oh thank the almighty i don't have to bother with figuring out how romance works anymore
Its so cute how kaladin thinks about how adolin would react at seeing roshones fashion even though its his first time home in like 5 years
The even better part is how he just throws a punch straight at roshones nose a page later and says its for his friend even though said friend betrayed him and left him and then procedes to not regret it but scold himself because it is almost a violation of his oaths
Sons of Honor: Urithiru, it's out there.
Ghostbloods: We'll find our answers at Urithiru.
Jasnah Kholin: The answer to defeat the voidbringers will be found in Urithiru.
Shallan Davar: I will finish Jasnah's research, I will uncover Urithiru.
Szeth Son-son Vallano Truthless of Shinovar, atop the highest tower on Roshar: What up cremlings, itsyaboy the Assassin in White. Just chillin' atop Urithiru. Today we'll be pondering the moral implications of "following orders." The voices are getting louder.

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Stormlight Archive headcanons
Adolin looks like a K-pop star
Kaladin probably listens to My Chemical Romance
Rock is just Dwayne the Rock Johnson with a beard and an Scottish accent
All of Lopen’s cousins look like they could be his identical twins
Shallan has heart eyes for every single person she meets
Rysn is the Theylan equivalent of a valley girl
Hoid is the mystery bishounen man in every anime who leaves the protagonist questioning everything
Really obsessed with how Rhythm of War reflects on the nature of titles and legacy
We follow Venli as she has to process her place as the Last Listener. It is a constant reminder of the glory she had won in the process of enabling the Everstorm and the domination of singers by Odium. (Hey Sanderson, maybe make the humans feel bad about the genocide they were very recently enacting, just a suggestion)
Taravangian and Jasnah have the same fatal flaw - they both claim it is right to sacrifice the few for the many, but apply that logic unevenly when it comes to their loved ones. Jasnah keeps assassins in her employ to remove potential threats to her family, and Taravangian keeps a carbon copy of Karbranth in the spiritual realm even while trying to prove his city can't be used as leverage against him. This is why Odium is able to so deftly out-maneuver Jasnah in Thaylenah - he understands her philosophical weaknesses, because he shares them. But that understanding goes both ways - I suspect that in the second half of Stormlight, Jasnah will at one point work to undermine Taravangian philosophically as he did to her. Maybe she will somehow learn about the pocket dimension where he's keeping his little snow-globe city and expose him?
Ngl the Thaylenah debate frustrated me when I read through the book - it felt like Fen was willing to switch sides too quickly. But the more I've set with it, the more I've come to appreciate the parallel it draws between Jasnah and Taravangian. Now that Dalinar is gone, I think Jasnah is going to take up the role of Taravangian's ideological rival - especially as she is forced to rebuild her ethical worldview.
i was having a baller day until the memories resurfaced
The way Dalinar is presented to us over the course of the series is wild if you consider it.
In book 1, we're mostly given Kaladin's pov, training us to distrust him simply because he's a lighteyes. We know from dalinar's chapters he's genuinely trying to be honorable, but after we learn what Amaram did it's hard to fault Kaladin for distrusting someone with that reputation.
Then in book 2 we come to realize that he genuinely is an honest man - he lives up to the "one noble lighteyes" reputation that Kaladin had previously ascribed to Amaram. We begin to see him as a moral paragon for the budding Radiants.
Then Oathbringer slaps us in the face with young Dalinar speed-running the Geneva convention, and we realize that he *was* trying to cover up the skeletons in his closet. He was more earnest in his repentance than Amaram, but his misdeeds made Amaram's pale in comparison. He was actually so much worse than anything Kaladin could have imagined.
But he's a changed man - or rather, a *changing* man. The climax of Oathbringer is a powerful affirmation of the ability for people to become better versions of themselves. Dalinar overcomes his past, embracing his guilt without letting it destroy him. He is able move forward because of where his journey has taken him.
And *then,* when you think the roller-coaster must finally be over, in RoW we get to see him from the perspective of his family, and how despite his triumph over Odium he is still a flawed person. He butts heads with Jasnah, showing how he still clings to power even as he has renounced his Alethi title. He takes it for granted that Navani would allow him to take the airship on a military mission. And of course, his insistence that Adolin follow the Codes - specifically, *his* interpretation of them - creates tension that the two are never able to fully resolve before their final parting. Dalinar's implicit hope that Adolin could become a Radiant seems to reflect how he expects his son to live up to the ideals Dalinar himself failed to as a youth. Adolin is reduced to an extension of Dalinar's legacy, and Dalinar is conflated into an impossible paragon whom Adolin can't forgive. It's not until they are both respectively on death's door that they are able to forgive each other, seeing the other as a person rather than a failed ideal.
I love that Sanderson refuses to glaze Dalinar in the wake of his triumph at the end of Oathbringer. It would have been very easy to idealize him the way people in-universe have begun to, but I appreciate the way his flaws continue to humanize him. As Adolin discovered, it's easier to live up to your heroes when you see them as regular people, not superhuman paragons.

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i'm explaining this poorly i know, but still...
"shallan's humor makes me cringe" maybe...that's the point? it's not supposed to be funny, it's supposed to be a coping mechanism.
"shallan makes people treat her like a victim, even if they've been through worse" or, hear me out, that's the point. it's a survival instinct which arises from growing up in the unsafe Davar household. she is constantly making herself seem as physically nonthreatening as possible so people won't hurt her. In dangerous situations, she shrinks back into herself and grows quiet, or she overcompensates with a show of confidence she doesn't really have. Having this disregulation is a result of being forced to always sit down and shut her mouth as a kid...
Shallan is more selfish than kaladin. she has much less of a desire to help others, focusing on herself, and can be insensitive." erm actually her not knowing how to deal with other people's problems IS THE POINT. Kaladin is empathetic to a degree almost destructive to himself. she's a realistic mess, and has to fix herself first. and that is okay. she might hurt people who don't deserve it on her journey to healing, but that's just what happens. to a lot of characters.
"shallan acts like she's smart and always right and it's so annoying" yeah, okay. sanderson loves making his 'naturally gifted prodigy' characters (cough cough Vin) and readers are always a little jealous at how perfect re: unrealistic they are. It's a little annoying. But the intrigue isn't whether or not she's actually right, it's that she thinks it's all a facade, which causes a lot, and I mean a lot, of anxiety for her. She aspires to be as cool/collected/strong as jasnah...and of course shallan is faking it til she makes it...the best way to do that is to trick (delude) herself into thinking she's someone who is always right. Usually this is solved by just gaining a little confidence and seeing reality, but we all see how 'seeing reality' is a little hard for her...so it's an interesting struggle to witness.
"shallan only got interesting once her backstory/trauma was revealed. before, she was boring and spoiled" please... i saw it in way of kings...i clocked immediately how she avoids issues...clocked immediately how growing up in an unsafe home environment affected her...the humor to cope, the distractions from life, the dedication to science, the confusion of her faith and gender roles, the reversion to be seen as a child by the eyes of authority because that's how she feels safe, oscillation of her own capabilities leading to self-doubt, ravenous curiosity conflicting with the fear of venturing outside the safety of what she knows...it's all in way of kings. the fact that she was so traumatized, avoidant, and capable was not a surprise
"i hate shallan for x y z" huh! actually maybe she hates herself too for these things and that's what makes her interesting and flawed! now we get to see her grow!!
@catcas22 Expand on this I beg of you
Certainly!
The main thing that clued me in was the way she approaches Jasnah when she first arrives in Karbaranth. Throughout her inner monologue while she's still on the ship, she's emphasized the fact that if she can't get a wardship with Jasnah, she and her brothers are going to end up sold into slavery at best or murdered by loan sharks at worst. These are the established stakes.
Then she meets Jasnah, politely asks to become her ward, and is politely told "no." Shallan politely accepts and resigns herself to returning home a failure. When Yalb suggests that she go back and ask again because, you know, this is important, Shallan seems terrified by the idea. She's literally got slavery and death on one hand and the possibility of Jasnah raising her voice at her on the other, and she's leaning towards the former.
This mindset is very familiar to me. When you have a Dad Who Yells, it gets engraved into your lizard-brain that the worst thing you can do is inconvenience an authority figure. I used to get cold sweats when I had to ask my boss a clarifying question, because she seemed busy and a tiny bit irritated that I was taking up more of her time. You get used to being incredibly sensitive to the moods of all the adults in the room, and you become equally sensitive to any sign that they might be annoyed with you (or annoyed in general, because they might take it out on you). When you're used to getting backed into a corner and screamed at by someone much, much larger and stronger than you because you breathed too loud or you asked a question they interpreted as "attitude" or they had a bad day at work and couldn't yell at their boss, even if you know they wouldn't actually hurt you there's something primal in your brain that reads it as a mortal threat.
Shallan being that terrified of going back and arguing with Jasnah (who had remained calm and cordial through all of their interactions) was the biggest clue for me. Another point would be just how long she stays with the Ghostbloods without going to Jasnah or Dalinar for help. It makes sense in Words of Radiance -- she believes Jasnah is dead, she doesn't know if she can trust the other Kholins, the world is about to end, and the Ghostbloods are her only lead to figuring out how to stop it. Of course she follows that thread as far as she can, risks be damned.
But once Jasnah's back in the picture? Once, even if Dalinar never fully warms up to her, she has Adolin and Navani firmly on her side?
Here's another thing about Dads Who Yell -- most of them operate under the assumption that any mistake you make is made maliciously, with no other motive than to spite them and mock their authority. As a child of a Dad Who Yells, you learn pretty quickly that admitting that you made a mistake and got into some kind of trouble doesn't do any good. They just blame you, pile on punishment, and make the whole ordeal even more painful than it needed to be. So you learn to let problems fester if you can't quickly and discretely solve them yourself. The idea that someone older and wiser might want to help you out of the hole you've been quietly digging for yourself never even crosses your mind.
Those are the two big ones. Aside from that, there's the general vibe of her walking on eggshells, effortlessly code-switching to keep the person she's talking to happy, being way too quick on her feet at lying to avoid admitting fault, and imprinting far too quickly on anyone who shows her so much as a scrap of positive attention (Kabsal, Jasnah, Mraize, Tyn, Kaladin after their heart-to-heart in the Chasm).
Hope that answers your question!
i--
uhm--
*looks sideways at my own behavioral patterns and childhood* okay. will unpack that later! anyways.
AHHH!!! It's so rewarding to have an explanation of what signs tipped me off of to her backstory. Really a beautiful, complex character.
What a response and an in-depth dive on the subject. You show so well how that environment changes you, your self-image, and your relationships in daily life. thank you so much for taking the time to write it out. it really hit hard to read this!
Looking back, Shallan is almost always confused, anxious, or wary when Jasnah expresses selfless comfort or aid. Like, "What's the catch? When does the anger come? Is it now? Is it now? Or now? Is it now?" It's easy to sweep that under as "she's surprised since Jasnah usually presents as an unemotional person" but when you think of it as "shallan is preparing herself for the inevitable irrational angry outbursts from any authority", something just clicks.
This Dad Who Yells environment really builds up this visceral reaction of the primal fear you mentioned. Usually not fight or flight in most daughters, but rather I think it's often 'freeze or please'. The feeling of suddenly being dropped into a danger you have absolutely no physical power against is like dunked in cold water. Except the adrenaline has nowhere to go. Pick fight and they can toss you like a rag doll. Pick flight and they can stop you. Resisting makes it worse. The only way to protect your self is mentally. Freeze and disassociate from the situation because literally all you can do is take whatever's coming, minimize whatever pain is about to be caused, and pray you're not badly hurt when it's over...like it's not exactly Kaladin's bridge run but it feels that way. That is what Shallan is preparing for. that's why her perspectives in WoK never really felt boring to me compared to Kaladins, because that frantic terror was still there. It was just irrational? but very real.
Thoughts to why she's a hopeless romantic at the start of the series. She's so unused to this kindness and positive attention that it's instantly seen as romantic. What must it be like to be valued, for once? What must it be like for someone to answer your question, rather than bully you into regretting that you opened your mouth? How much must they like you, to calmly respond to things like that instead of making you scared for asking it? It must be a lot. It probably feels pretty fucking euphoric. To people who are mean to her and below her station, she's pretty cocky and can get angry/annoyed (like the bookseller). But the second Yalb and Kabsal give her any compliments or devotion she gets timid, blushing, and embarrassed at any misstep she's made in front of them. Even if deep down she knows it might backfire, she craves adoration so much that she'll throw herself headfirst...and jeez, she develops three minor crushes on people who do little more than have basic decency and interest in her (Yalb, Kabsal, Jasnah...) .
This is really getting off track, but if I wanted more of anything in the books, it's always been an expansion of Shallan & Navani's relationship as mother/daughter. The experience would help to heal them both so much. Navani has a similar experience of having her personality and confidence undermined by an abuser...one just wants a daughter who'll accept care, and the other craves care of an authority figure without malintention...augh! augh. aughhh <3
It's also why her with Adolin makes so much sense. Adolin is the golden retriever type...he's literally never going to hurt her intentionally. It takes so much work for him to prove that to her and for her to believe it, but he is willing to put the work in for her to trust him. She's still healing and we love her for it.
i'm probably wrong about some stuff. there's a lot that's disjointed and needs expanding, and please point it out if so...hey, i'm excited to talk about shallan (re: thinly project), and i'm here all night.
Wow, thanks for helping me put my finger on why the Oathbringer reunion felt so strange. Imo these books have a bit of a problem with glossing over the less bombastic emotional moments, but this one actually makes sense.
It felt very weird to me at the time that Shallan had been so devastated by Jasnah's "death" in WoR, and then as soon as she shows up again Shallan goes straight to sulking about being assigned homework. But you hit the nail on the head. Throughout WoR, Shallan was able to reinvent herself as someone who could at least pretend to be confident in herself. The very presence of someone who knew Shallan 1.0 creates this sense of cognitive dissonance while she's desperately trying to be Shallan 2.0. It's like that feeling when you come home for that first Thanksgiving during college and the realization that everyone there still treats you like a child hits you like a slap in the face.
Also you make a really good point about the sheer, crushing dread Shallan is operating under in WoK. On the first read it's easy to chalk it up to anxiety over the fact that she's there to, you know, steal the fantasy equivalent of nuclear launch codes from Jasnah. But in hindsight, you get the sense that she'd be just as jittery even if all she had to worry about was a traditional wardship. She really feels like a puppy that's been kicked too many times. That's another thing about the children of Dads Who Yell -- that constant feeling that you're doing something (never sure what) wrong and everyone is going to find out and start screaming at you can stick with you for a long, long time.
Regarding Navani, same. They deserve some bonding time. Shallan deserves a hug. Tbh whether it's Jasnah or Navani, Shallan needs a parental figure she can feel safe with. I've said it before, but I miss the dynamic she and Jasnah had in WoK. Those little moments of kindness from Jasnah were everything, made even more heartbreaking by the fact that Shallan always seems so confused by it.
("So, you stole my insanely powerful and irreplaceable magical artifact, almost outed my superpowers, and lied to me for months... Are you feeling better? Are you alright? Do you have bus fare to get home? No, I won't be pressing charges... But I'm not writing you a letter of recommendation for your next internship!")
(Jasnah may not be a nice person, but she is a kind person. I will die on this hill.)
Oops - I took out the passage with oathbringer to rewrite it, so here it is!
On the first read of Oathbringer, my expectation fell flat at the Shallan/Jasnah reunion. It was one of the few things I griped with about Shallan's characterizations. But you made me realize that it's not really Jasnah's fault; it's just that Shallan recognizes that being around the woman causes her to revert to that scared, timid child she used to be and Jasnah, with her insane ruthless soulcasting, was a little too close to a Dad Who Yelled. And when Jasnah doesn't give her a tear-stained reunion, Shallan is probably feeling again like she cared so much for someone who just didn't care about her. Shallan heals realistically. She starts really wanting to prove herself, and instead of acting like a scared child, starts acting like a petulant one. She even calls herself out on this reaction, but shoves it away so she doesn't face it (ahaha, we love you shallan). Not the most mature reaction, but a natural one. Probably because growing up, any petulance lead to punishment, so that she'd never before had an environment where she could experience and deal with petulance properly...what a teenage girl she is
"Do you have a bus fare home" made me laugh…yikes though, it always hits me hard when Shallan approaches kindness with concern, suspicion, and guilt.
I can only express this incoherently right now…the Shadolin dynamic..,but something I may try to properly formulate one day is the AUUDHSJFJ of
>be shallan
>people underestimated you your whole life
>you’ve found you can easily lie and make yourself unassuming
>create different identities and faces for every situation
>because you think you will eventually have enough faces and lies for every situation
>it works SO well. Better than being you.
>except guilt avoidance all the time
>inherently do this because you hate yourself and create fake people who are better yous
>get engaged to Adolin
>things aren’t working perfectly so you ask him which version of you he likes best so you can do that because you’re so accustomed to fixing things that way
>he says ‘I like shallan best. Real shallan’
>’aha’
>’now I just have to be real shallan and he will love me more’
>realize that you are creating personas to be your ‘true self’
>you dive into your identity crisis it for Adolin who gave you proper motivation to become and therefore accept your true self
>realize that you found someone who actually loves the self you hate
THEM!! THEM!! MY LOVELIES!! SOBBING AND ILL!