honestly if tobias was the one who died and then five years later tris would get together with christina i wouldn’t be as mad
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@secretrn
honestly if tobias was the one who died and then five years later tris would get together with christina i wouldn’t be as mad

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What people lost after “we can be mended” was published
Christina: protection from ghost bestie
Tobias: my respect
Veronica: the fandom
What people EARNED
the fandom: a new canon ship TRAUMA from canon
dear me, i'll make you proud one day.
The hardest part about grief is pulling yourself out of it. It’s not easier to stay in a place of grief, actually, which seems counterintuitive. As people, we want to be happy. We don’t want to be sad. But if it’s easier to be happy, then why is it so hard to get there?
It’s because after a loss, grief feels right. When we grieve, it feels like we remember. If the loss is still fresh, then that person, that thing is not in our past. They are still in our present. We have not yet forgotten them. We haven’t forgotten how their hair smelled. What the warmth of their skin felt like. How it felt to hold them close.
And it feels cruel to move forward when they are forever stuck in the past. They have no memories beyond their last moments. So how can you leave them there, make new memories on your own, and move on from someone that was your whole life?
But now, I’m at a point where I have to. I have to try to be happy. Because the grief, the grief is too much. But being happy feels unnatural. It feels like pulling off every inch of my skin, cell by cell, and leaving it behind on the ground. It feels like walking forward with the wind stinging against all of your fresh wounds.
I don’t want to be happy. But I have to. And that decision is the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make. And the hardest thing I’ve ever had to force myself to do.
Generalized Anxiety Disorder
What was I doing
When my mind decided to betray me
Where was I
When my brain re-wired its hard drive
What blindfold was paced over my eyes
What chloroform rag was used
When my peace and serenity were abducted
And why
Why
Is the off switch not as easy as the on?

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The worst part about grief is the waiting.
You have a tragedy one day, and then you have a time later where life gets back to normal. But what’s the in-between?
This void in time is undefined. What are you supposed to do between point A and B. Do you just sit there, everyday, and wish your grief away? That seems exhausting, does it not? Everyday, wishing for the day when point B arrives. Or conversely, being so shocked that you want to stay at point A forever, because getting back to normal life feels like an injustice to whatever you are grieving. Is there a purpose to this time, or are we all just waiting?
The in-between time is a crappy place to be.
There’s a grief in life that you don’t know until you know.
I used to think I had grieved, been through loss, and come out of the other side. I would read about others who had lost, and think “this is so sad,” before having a brief twinge of empathy and moving on in my day.
Well, for those of you who don’t know, there will be a time in your life when you experience grief that changes everything. It reaches deep in to your core and squeezes. It takes you from an innocent child to a warrior.
An unrealistic hope would be that you never have to experience that grief. A more realistic hope is that when you get there, you’ll be able to have enough support and internal strength to pull yourself thought it, and to be a better person on the other side.
No matter what, though, you can’t go back.
Sending all those who are there empathy, solidarity, and light.
Inevitably, you will get to the point in your life where you’ve lost everything comfortable.
You’ll move away from your childhood; the home that makes you think of eating warm cinnamon buns on a sunny morning.
You’ll lose touch with your high school friends, who made many years of your early life unforgettable.
You’ll lose someone important - a father, a dog, a friend, maybe.
And you realize - the life you previously built is forever gone.
So, where do we go from here? What do we do when the future seems so cold and unknown, and the past creates a longing in your beating heart that feels like a constant ache?
Maybe we don’t go anywhere. Maybe we spend the rest of our lives longing for what used to be. A constant tribute to the life that was once built, and has since crumbled at our feet.
But maybe, only if we’re lucky, we’ll get to start again.
Here’s to hoping the joy of the future saturates us like the warmth of the past we once knew.
So recently my dad committed suicide. It was unexpected. We found out he had a different life and had been cheating on my mom for a long time. It was a lot to take in.
I thought I had experienced loss and pain before, but you don’t really know until something catastrophic happens to you. You don’t know the hollowness in thinking how every moment of your life - your wedding, the birth of your children - will be ruined now because he won’t be there to see it. It will all be bittersweet.
As Christina Yang said on Greys, there’s a dead dads club, and once you’re in it, you’re in it. And man, it sucks to be in it.
Your grief is not lost, we’re taking it on as well / No one is dying alone
One of the hardest realities of the coronavirus pandemic has been that families are being separated from loved ones in the hospital. From minor instances such as not being there for a friend who has broken their arm, to serious illnesses where a husband has had to say goodbye to a wife over the phone, healthcare has changed.
In the news, we hear so many heart breaking stories about family not being there for their loved ones when they die. About people everyday, dying alone. And it horrifies us. Something that would have been deemed inhumane in pre-pandemic times is now common practice. No one ever thought we could end up here, like this.
However, when I read these stories, there is always a glimpse of something else. It’s never the main plot, and has maybe one or two sentences of mention. It talks about how a nurse, doctor, social worker was there, trying their best to connect families in anyway they could, and trying to be there for their patients desperately.
As an emergency room nurse, I am no stranger to grief and pain. I see people suffer every shift - not only physically, but emotionally as well. And one of the ways that healthcare providers have learned to handle this is by developing coping strategies. You distance yourself, and try not to let it affect you. Sure, sometimes you hug or share a moment with a family member or patient, but you learn quickly that the more of other people’s pain that you let in, the more the job becomes intolerable. If I felt every emotion that my patients and their families felt everyday, I would never be able to get out of bed.
But now, here we are. And those coping mechanisms? They have been forced aside. When people are dying, when they are suffering or gasping for air, now we have to be there. We have to be the ones at the bedside, telling them that it’s okay. Telling them that they are so loved. That there families have been calling constantly, pleading to see them. Looking into their eyes and seeing panic and fear and trying anything, everything to soothe them. Because we can’t watch people die alone. That thought - that haunting thought - is far too much for anyone to bear. So instead, we stand there, beside them, and we hold their hand. And in a moment when they have nothing that they need, we try to somehow be everything for them.
I bring this up not to make the public take pity on us. I bring this up instead for the families. We could never replace you being at the bedside. But before, where we used to let grief be your own, we are now taking it on as ours. My job is astronomically harder than it has ever been. But we will continue to do it.
I also bring this up for the healthcare providers. What you are going through - seeing, experiencing - we aren’t going to be able to normalize it and compartmentalize it like we normally do. And those feelings that you are feeling - of despair, of ache - we are all feeling them. It’s okay. Because if we can stand beside all of our patients when they need us, we can stand beside each other as well.
In the end, I just really want people to know - this pandemic is horrible, but no one is dying alone. Healthcare providers are there. We are suffering, but we are there.

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why would a candle thats already lit want to be with a match
also her being lit is going to eventually melt her and reduce her to nothing match guy is an abusive sadboy who thinks he’s the victim when candlegirl just wants someone who will keep her alive
im here for this analysis
You know what? It’s really like that sometimes.
This is automatic stress relief
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my toxic trait is carelessly getting dressed in front of open windows because if someone wants to look in, that’s their problem

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“When I was a student at Cambridge I remember an anthropology professor holding up a picture of a bone with 28 incisions carved in it. ‘This is often considered to be man’s first attempt at a calendar’ she explained. She paused as we dutifully wrote this down. ‘My question to you is this – what man needs to mark 28 days? I would suggest to you that this is woman’s first attempt at a calendar.’ It was a moment that changed my life. In that second I stopped to question almost everything I had been taught about the past. How often had I overlooked women’s contributions?” ― Sandi Toksvig