What if i said rose is subconsciously choosing gay boyfriends because then when she doesn’t like the sex she can just blame it on them, and doesn’t have to think about another more lesbian reason she doesn’t like having sex with men.
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YOU ARE THE REASON

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What if i said rose is subconsciously choosing gay boyfriends because then when she doesn’t like the sex she can just blame it on them, and doesn’t have to think about another more lesbian reason she doesn’t like having sex with men.

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The MHL decides to partner with Heartthrobs Against Heart Disease for their 2018 fundraising calendar. It's a Canadian non-profit that features various Heartthrobs in various states of undress at their various jobs. They had firefighter editions, teacher editions, and even farmer editions. The MHL sent out an email to a few dozen of Canadian players, asking if anyone had a free day over the summer.
Yuna Hollander does not hesitate to scoop that charitable opportunity up.
They get their 12 players, one for each month. Shane gets his birth month, May. The tagline on top of his photo is: "I may be a two-time Stanley Cup winner, but I still get checked regularly for early onset heart disease."
During the following preseason, Ilya walks in on the Bears howling with laughter about something. Never one to be left out, Ilya demands to know what's so funny. He's passed a Heartthrob Against Heart Disease 2018-2019 calendar and joins in on the laughter as he flips through these idiots. That is, until he gets to May.
Shane is on the ice, a hockey stick slotted across his broad shoulders, arms draped over it. He's shirtless, only wearing gloves and his baggy hockey pants, ridden down on one side to show off the top of his underwear and the deep V just above his hips. They must have had him do pushups because his abs are more defined than usual, deep cuts across his stomach shimmering with a thin layer of sweat. His hair was messed up, like someone had run their hands through it. He was looking directly at the camera, a little smirk on his face like he knew exactly what he was doing. His biceps...
The calendar was snatched from him, which was probably a good thing, if the saliva pooling in his mouth and the tightness of his pants were anything to go by.
That night, away from any prying eyes and on a private browser, Ilya navigates to the Heartthrobs Against Heart Disease website. He about blacks out when he sees the Special Edition: Oops, All Hollander!
shane listening to white noise while working out yes yes yada yada but also consider that shane's mind is constantly running ilya porn in the background. like one of the 24 tabs in his brain is always ilyahub and shane is very good at doing whatever he's doing while his brain is replaying what he and ilya did two weeks ago in extremely graphic detail. SO. anyway. let's all consider post-marriage shane that's now playing for the centaurs with his husband and said husband has maybe sent him an audio file the last time they had to be apart (the reason why is irrelevant here, let's just pretend ilya was visiting sveta in boston). and let's consider shane at the gym with his expensive, full noise-canceling headphones on, surrounded by his teammates as he's doing his bicep curls or RDLs or whatever, and listening to ilya fully moaning and whispering dirty talk in his ear with a completely straight face. let's just all consider that for a second
Bit spooky honestly.

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happy fourth of july to the philippines ONLY
link to article
so in my personal hc baby hollander-rozanov is genetically rose & shane’s with rose as gestational surrogate (trust me on this one) and it makes me giggle to think of svetlana taking rose to a routine third trimester appointment and the obgyn being like hey girl so idk how to tell u this but baby is Huge. like Large. expect a ten pounder. if you wanna deliver vaginally i will support that choice however. medically i advise using the sunroof exit. up to u tho.
and rose is so chill abt it like yeah!!! totally cool let’s do it get me on that OR schedule. but sveta is CACKLING and immediately calls ilya and tells him everything because of course rose and sveta know about Fat Baby Shane. shane feels so bad he’s setting up the guest house for rose and svetlana six weeks before the due date and insist they come in early so rose can be on bedrest the last two weeks and he’s filled an entire linen closet with recovery supplies. ilya cannot stop laughing every time he thinks about it and gives shane shit for it at every opportunity. hollander you could not make her cum but you make her carry your gigantic baby that is so huge she will not fit the designated exit. how rude and disrespectful of you.
I think hollanov get piercings after retirement because they’re finally in a place where they aren’t being slammed into by 200lb grown men weekly and also Mr. Advertisements isn’t using his perfect face as a walking ad for brands and surprising everyone but Ilya
- shane gets multiple done on his ears ( one ear but all piercings at a time he needs to sleep), his eye brow has a cuff, a small nose hoop and I think he gets a lip ring or a tongue piercing bc they’re both fun to play with if you have an oral fixation
- Ilya gets max three on his ears but he def has an industrial, he has a small nose stud ( I know the septum stereotype missed him by a hair I’m sorry), at least one nipple has a bar, he either has his belly button pierced or a Prince Albert but NAWT both guys and I think he’d do a Monroe over his lip ngl
see unfortunately I have this condition where if I am not explicitly told that I am a part of the ingroup then I will assume I must be part of the outgroup
Do it scared but please don't do it hungry. Please don't do it dehydrated. It's gonna make it so much scarier. Please.

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i don’t care if it’s not canon i’m a hollanov digital camera truther they have photos together since their first time as a couple in the cottage. they just have to take pictures with something that don’t have access to the internet and never get to worry about being leaked and i will die on that even if it’s not true. i can’t believe they had to delete everything
this heatwave fucking sucks how am I going to serve my liege like this
im never leaving this hellsite
girl who sat next to me at the coffee shop had that Tortured By Computer Work look in her eye so i turned to her and was like Are u doing research? and it turns out she (white) just started working as an indigenous liaison for an ecological wellness surveying company (hired bc she worked with the local nation for a year) so i was like OMG can i share resources with you. and whipped out my 1 million notes and academic papers on ethical Indigenous-settler relations/research and Indigenous perspectives on ecological restoration. she was like omg are u sure this is basically a whole course for free and i wanted to tear my shirt off liek YES!!!! I WANT TO PROMOTE LOW BARRIER EDUCATION TO ADVANCE DECOLONIZATION AND RECONCILIATION!!!!!!!!!!! STEP IN2 MY GOOGLE DOC !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
here's a googoodrive folder containing learnings on Experiential Learning in Ecological Restoration annnddd Research Practice in Indigenous Contexts. each course folder contains a "![Course number] Notes" document as well as PDFs of all the text-based readings that the notes draw from :-)
i plan 2 make accessible the learnings from my other classes too but i think ill only have time to do all that anonymizing & reformatting once i graduate in a few months lol
You actually cannot skip to being good at a creative endeavour that you haven't put much practice into. You cannot trick your way out of the 'knows that your work is not what you want it to be but don't know how to improve it' stage by planning or reading or talking about it really really hard. At some point you just have to craft through it until your brain finds it's own unique way back to the 'everything I make slaps' stage and be prepared to start the cycle all over again. You just have to make that project you're excited about slightly less good than you want it to be. (Says this standing in a pool of blood and covered in blood and also coughing up a little blood)
everyone stop reblogging this I hate to be reminded of my own good advice
Putting on lingerie for his man

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I do not agree with veganism as a moral standard. If it is your personal moral stance, that is fine. If you think humans eating meat is inherently immoral, I don’t want to deal with you, you’re hopeless. Vegan ideology behaves more like a sect of evangelical Christianity than a dietary choice.
Veganism is better for the environment, but claiming that it's a morally superior choice ignores cultural and economic factors that make people eat animal products.
It is not inherently better for the environment. That is the thing. When you begin trying to explain that local, sustainably sourced animal protein is better for the environment than imported plant proteins that are farmed 3,500 miles away using slave labor, they start tuning you out. Down is better for the environment than polyester stuffing, leather is better for the environment than pleather. We should work on making animal agricultural practices more sustainable instead of trying to shame everyone into eating plant products that are also farmed unethically and unsustainably.
one day shane comes across the “nooo you’re so sexy don’t kill yourself” meme and spends 3-5 business days debating if he should send it to ilya