Scrubs

Dr Cox: You’re black? ‘Cause last I checked you had a nerdy white best friend, you enjoy Neil Diamond, and you damn sure act like a black guy… and these, my friend, are all characteristics of white guys. Please understand, I’m a huge supporter of the NAACP. If you don’t know what that stands for, it’s the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People. And quite frankly, I always thought they should change the 'colored people’ to 'African Americans’ but then of course it wouldn’t be the NAACP, it’d be the N quad A or NAAAA. And I know this probably sounds like a digression but actually brings me back to my original point… Do I think you’re black? Naaaaaaaaa!

Dr. Cox: He seems strangely impervious to my threats. That annoys me.

Janitor: Knock knock. Who’s there? Nurse Mophead. Nurse Mophead who? You have a mophead.

Dr. Cox: Barbie why did you order this test? For the love of God, are you a real doctor or a doctor like Dr. Pepper is a doctor? Hmmm?

Janitor: Okay, two coins add up to 30 cents, no nickels. I could swear we’ve done this before. C'mon man, you went toHarvard for god’s sake. Troy: Relax! I figured it out. Janitor: A penny, and… a button, that you wrote ‘29 cents’ on. Think I don’t recognize your handwriting? Troy: Can’t we just kill him? Janitor: No. No, Troy, that’s what he wants us to do.

Kim: Hey, dudes. J.D.: Don’t “hey, dudes” us! You know what really bothers me? Kim: Non-threatening colloquial greetings?

J.D.: You probably wondered why I didn’t show up before, huh? I know you wanted me to, even though you’d never admit it. Normally I would kill to get into this apartment, and you’d try and keep me out… I say “try”, because at your Super-Bowl party, which I was not invited to, I was lucky enough to be able to watch the second half from right over there. I was the bearded Dominoe’s employee you invited in because I said I was a fan of Jerome Bettis, whoever the hell that is. Anyway, I tried to convince myself the reason I didn’t come earlier was because of you coming into work drunk; but that’s not it. I was scared. I guess after all this time I still think of you as like this superhero that’ll help me out of any situation I’m in. I needed that. But that’s my problem, you know, and I’ll deal with that. I guess I came over here to tell you how proud of you I am. Not because you did the best you could for those patients; but because after twenty years of being a doctor, when things go badly you still take it this hard. And I gotta tell you man, I mean… that’s the kind of doctor I want to be. [pours himself a drink] J.D.: [narration] Maybe he just needed time to heal, or maybe he just needed to see how much everybody cared, but I’d like to believe it was because of me that he was finally able to say this: Dr. Cox: [sees J.D. taking a sip] You don’t drink scotch. J.D.: [spits it back into the glass] That’s awful.

Carla: I’m having a weird pregnancy craving. Hey, J.D., if you go out, would you get me a hot Italian sausage? The Todd: I’ve got a hot Italian sausage for you, right here! [blank stares, head shakes] The Todd: People think I just walk into these situations, but it’s really a lot of hard work. You know what else is hard? …I should go. J.D.: I think I may vomit.

Jill Tracy: I know he wasn’t here yesterday. But I thought maybe he got the day wrong and he’d be here today with roses. Is that sad? J.D.: It’s not not sad.

Dan Dorian: Life’s actually pretty good: Mom lets me live in the attic, I’m driving Dad’s old Plymouth Horizon and as I’m Chief Bartender, they let me take home half the extra chicken wings, thank you very much. Dr. Cox: Say, Dan. Do you ever have to pinch yourself to make sure it’s not all some crazy dream?

Jordan: Don’t tell anyone I’m nice.

J.D.: [voiceover] Suddenly, all of our memories of the last six years came flooding back, like a clip show in some sitcom too lazy to come up with a fresh story.

Carla: Remember when I first started dating Turk and I wanted to bail on him because he cried at the end of sex? Turk: [alarmed] Baby! J.D.: [to Turk] Relax, Brown Bear, there’s no shame in cry-maxing.

Carla: Elliot, you can’t test love. When I met Turk, it seemed he was more in love with his best friend than with me. Turk: Honey, they’ve got that almond biscotti J.D. loves, so I was wondering if I can borrow some money so I can get him some. Carla: No, you got him a present yesterday.

Dr. Cox: I mean, what the hell? If I wanted my patients to be more depressed I’d just have them read Newbie’s latest blog entry. J.D.: “Why being really lonely is sometimes super awesome.”