There's Madness Inside

I know I’m not pretty like the other girls. I don’t know how to wear make up, I don’t have straight and silky hair. My skin isn’t perfect and my body is far from what’s considered attractive. I don’t know how to click photos, I don’t click photos. I can’t pose the right way to save my life. I don’t know how to be sexy, I get nervous and very self conscious when I’m around people . I’m not that mysterious girl that leaves you wanting for more, I talk. A lot. Mostly because I’m nervous and I tend to overcompensate by talking too much. And even though I knew this all my life, even though it bothered me all my life, I had accepted it in a sense, made my peace with it. But then you came along and I couldn’t believe someone like you wanted me. Despite of all that I wasn’t. I should have known it was too good to be true because you left me for a girl that was exactly what I wasn’t. I hated myself long before I met you but you picked her and yes it was inevitable and all of my fears were proved to be true. Now I don’t know how to breathe without feeling that I’ll never be enough. I can’t breathe without hating every inch of myself.

All this time I was overwhelmed with how I felt when I was around you. And how when I wasn’t around you, that’s all I wanted to do. Kissing you felt like fireworks, looking into your eyes felt more intimate than touching you. All the songs were about you, I finally understood what all the love songs meant. I wanted to know all about your day, even the routine stuff. Somehow it never seemed mundane. I wanted to know everything about you, I wanted to be a part of your life. I didn’t realize I was falling in love and I guess it would have been okay if you were too. Unfortunately, I didnt realize until it was too late and there was no going back, you already had my heart.

Everyone talks about how heartbreak turns them cold. They hurt and hurt till they turn into this person who has walls up so high that no one can get through. Why won’t that happen to me. I’m just hurting. I see no end to this pain.

I have tried my best to find faults in her so as to justify my irrational dislike for her and I have failed. I have failed big time. Because the truth is that she is everything I’m not. Prettier, smarter and happier. I can’t compete with her.

Please stop crying sweetheart

ive watched them all come and go.

Who the fuck would choose me