scottie

warnings: old creepy men (pls lmk if i ever miss any)

a/n: good songs to listen to r “waltz katzen blut” and “merry-go-round of life”. this one is kinda long, around 5.5k words

Without warning the wind was knocked out from the princess’s lungs and she let out a startled cough. The young royal girl narrowed her eyes pointedly at the maid in the mirror for tightening the boned cloth. The small woman’s eyes widened and she quickly looked down, regretting her action. She continued to tighten the cream colored corset, although much gentler than before.

“Just please be more delicate going forward" she told her with a soft smile, hoping to show she meant no ill intent.

The maid was new, and much different when compared to others the princess had been around for the past thirteen years. She was strikingly beautiful, it was impossible to look away from the way her snow-colored hair blended almost perfectly with her pale skin. This helper was yet another strange extravagant birthday gift from her father. All a part of the king’s lustrous plan for her entrance into adolescence.

The maid heard the softness behind her remark and offered a shy smile as she continued to look down. She then resumed the difficult task of fitting the girl into a dress three times her size. The large gown was truly everything that a newly teenaged girl could dream for: pink, fluffy, and covered in glittering bows. The princess bit her lip and resisted the urge to squeal at the admittedly obnoxious dress that she had picked out months prior.

This one was no ordinary birthday for her. Once a young member in the royal family turned thirteen, they began having annual extravagant celebrations in their honor. The young girl had carefully selected the theme for her first birthday ball to be 'masquerade', and as the night approached she became slowly more ecstatic. In the back of her mind her duties for the night lingered.

As an member of the royal family, at their birthday celebrations royal children are required to dance with and attempt to charm possible suitors in attendance. The king only hoped that by her eighteenth birthday, many of the attendees would be begging for her hand in marriage. That all felt so far away though, as she gently consoled her bouncing nerves.

"Engagement will not come for another five years" she repeated in her mind to calm herself.

However her efforts were proved to be in vain, as she shivered at the thought of dancing with men of various ages and their wandering eyes.

But that was all before the ball- after that night, the very definition of what her birthday meant to her would changed drastically. That was the night when she met... him.

With the cake resembling dress nearly swallowing her tiny frame, the princess confidently strutted into the white and gold marble hall with her nose pointed high. Hundreds of hand painted oil portraits of her and the royal lineage adorned the shimmering walls of the ballroom. The delicate noises of piano and violin intertwined echoed throughout the great hall. She took a small moment to revel in the sweet sounds and then to the smells that wafted over from the countless tables filled with hors d'oeuvres and beverages. The princess unconsciously began pouting to herself after remembering that she was not allowed to partake. However, her pout quickly evaporated when she caught her fathers eye and he gestured for her to join him.

“Happy birthday my sweet princess!” He greeted her warmly, and accompanied it with a hug.

“Thank you daddy, this is beautiful!” She replied sweetly and returned his hug followed with a small kiss on the cheek.

“I knew you would love it!” He exclaimed with a soft chuckle.

The princess could tell that someone had certainly put a lot of effort into the organization of this celebration, although she highly doubted the king was the one to do so. It was much more likely that he had hired someone to do the task, which was her fathers own way of showing love she supposed to herself. After all, he was a busy man.

He motioned for her to open her hands, and he placed a dainty rose and gold colored paper-mache mask in her palms. She smiled softly down at the beaded accessory before tying the satin ribbon behind her head, making sure to not disturb her delicately styled hair.

She began to tell him just how appreciative she was but was quickly dismissed by her father. He calmly reminded her that he was only following their country’s traditions, and then of what her duties for the night were. He then carefully guided her to a fair sized group of men. Most of the men then turned to greet her father, with some of their gazes lingering far too long on her thirteen year old frame. She awkwardly clasped her hands in front of herself, hoping to deter their stares. However, when she haphazardly glanced back up to her surprise, she made eye contact with a boy that appeared to be her age. She inwardly smiled at the fact that she might be able to enjoy some actual company, and not simply spend the night entertaining grown men as they ogled.

She politely made her way through each dance, trying not to upset the possible suitors. Trying her best to avoid making it obvious that she would rather not be near them, much less touching them or dancing with them. But the conversations were all politics and flattery and she internally yawned at each attempt to court her.

After painstakingly making it through a majority of the prominent men, she finally made it to him, the blonde boy who held a mysterious glint in the green eyes barely visible behind his mask. He lifted his face to meet hers as she approached, and she took note of the way his smile looked more like a deep smirk than a friendly invitation. He quickly bowed and offered a tanned hand to the young princess before him, and she was grateful for the mask that covered her flushed cheeks as she placed a hand in his. He placed his other hand on her waist and she reciprocated by placing another on his shoulder. They then naturally fell into step with each other, slowly swaying across the sparkling floors.

“Happy birthday princess” He greeted her. Sarcasm was blatant in the way he used princess as a teasing nickname, instead of the esteemed title it was intended to be.

To say that her interest was piqued by this boy was an understatement at the very least. At her elder sister’s birthdays she had watched her only ever danced with older men, she had never noticed her dancing with anyone close to her age at all. She had known the majority of these suitors from a young age, their families meeting for special occasions or treaty signings. Not only that, but she did not recognize his accent nor him, which implied to her that he was not from a kingdom that held close ties with hers.

Finally, her festering curiosity took ahold of her and she could not hold herself back from politely asking: “So, what may I address you as?”

“You can call me me whatever you’d like, your highness” He replied, a smirk still plastered onto his lips.

“Well what if I wanted to call you... the weird boy?” She questioned, irritated with his lack of compliance.

“I like to think I am beyond such material things as names” the young boy explained, his tone and puffed chest indicating he was obviously very proud of himself.

“How very very mysterious” She replied mockingly.

Uncomfortable with the lull in the conversation, she decided to further inspect the boy in the meantime. He wasn’t much taller than her, but his squeaky voice gave away that he was nowhere near finished growing yet. Despite his devilish mannerisms and facial expressions, the rest of him looked neatly composed and beyond extravagant. An emerald satin robe adorned his shoulders and his fingers were engulfed by an abundance of gold rings encrusted with gems that gleamed with a hundred different shades of green. His neck was similarly overpowered by precious metal and stones, and the young girl wondered if the boy had attempted to wear every piece of jewelry he owned.

Without thinking she reached out and grabbed a particularly captivating emerald necklace ornament. The princess smiled gently at the massive precious stone in her fingers when she noticed how the large gem complimented his colorful eyes. She glanced up to inform him of her new discovery, but stopped herself when she was met with a face that was both visibly flustered and awkward, even through his mask.

“I’m grateful that I get to dance with you, you know?” She excitedly informed him.

“No, I don’t know. I’m probably gonna get some strange incurable disease from dancing with you” He muttered back and looked everywhere but her face, although his obvious blush made his message unconvincing. She laughed lightly at his discomfort but was interrupted by the boy suddenly spinning her around. The piano and violin began to softly fade out, signaling that her time with him had come to a close.

“So, do I get the honor of dancing with you again next year?” She teasingly asked and tilted her head to the side in question.

“Tell you what princess... if it is a masquerade, I’ll come again just for you” He replied with the smirk resting on his face again.

“Then I’ll hold you to that...” She replied and curtsied at him, again asking for his name.

“Sterling” He finished for her.

She smiled sweetly and nodded a final goodbye before walking back to her father.

That was the day of her thirteenth birthday, a day which became very close to her heart. For no probable reason, she couldn’t get the boy out of her head. The questions in her mind were endless, and she found herself dreaming of him at night. In her sleeping mind he would come and sneak her away from the castle and the two of them would explore the wilderness, playing games and picking fruit.

She began to spend all day looking forward to the night, hoping for another dream of freedom. Her life at the castle was monotonous, every day bleeding together full of royal duties and listening to her father's politics. She wished the boy would appear before her and devastate her dull unchanging world as he did in her sleep.

As promised, she informed her father that her fourteenth birthday would again be a masquerade and Sterling fulfilled his end of the vow. The day arrived, and she smiled down at him as he bow and offered his hand to her once more, leading her through the ballroom with ease.

“You’re a much better dancer now” She observed out loud, hoping he would understand that it was meant as a compliment.

“I did have a whole year to prepare for you, Princess” He responded smoothly.

Their heads were held close together as they conversed lowly, the loud music and crowd making it difficult to hear one another. He gracefully swayed her through the crowd, lightly pulling on her to lead her through intricate patterns and steps. Once again, she thoughtlessly grabbed the oversized emerald and held it in her palm, admiring the rich color and sparkles hidden within. After watching her observe it for a few moments he moved a hand to the chain that it hung around and carefully relocated it to her nape.

“Oh! You’re so generous to practically a stranger, really, I don’t need this!” She insisted, flustered and fingers fumbling with the metal that adorned her nape.

“It’s only a birthday present” He said with a grin and shook his head at her attempt to return it.

She lovingly stared down at the large emerald and turned it in her fingers, obviously pondering something.

“Would you want to come visit me sometime?” She finally asked and glanced up at the boy.

“You mean sneak into the castle to see you?” Sterling questioned. She nodded at him excitedly, a large smile on her face. She had assumed he would say no but to her surprise his usual smirk decorated his masked face.

“Sounds like fun”

After that dance, he began to visit her every few moons. He would come after dusk and leave when the sun began to rise above the garden treetops. Together they spent the nights exploring secret passages throughout the castle. The pair would run through the dark and abandoned hallways of the stone fortress, using the moonlight spilt through the windows and a single candle to guide them. The old walls echoed with their whispers and the soft padding from their gentle tip-toeing.

He was the first person in her life to take her out of the castle. Her father had been away for the week on a diplomatic mission to another country, leaving her with much more freedom than normal. Sterling elected to take full advantage of her father's absence, showing up at her window and lightly rapping his knuckles against the stained glass. She roughly forced the rusted stained glass window open and watched the seventeen year old boy land less than gracefully on the cold floor. After promising her sweet maid a basket of fresh fruit upon her return if she would cover for the princess's absence, she wrapped herself in a forest green cloak identical to Sterling’s. She smiled as she lightly brushed her fingers across the soft fabric, remembering how Sterling had gifted it to the girl during her seventeenth birthday’s masquerade ball. The boy in question caught her attention with an annoyed wave and ushered her out the door, towards one of the many secret passages that they were exceptionally familiar with.

Despite it being her home, Sterling led the way gently pulling the princess by her hand which was engulfed by his much larger one. Her gaze traveled from his jewel covered fingers up to his freckle covered shoulders and then the nape of his blonde hair. The formerly short and awkward young boy with a voice that cracked every few seconds was no longer. He towered above her, his voice now consistently deep, and the excessive jewelry that used to swallow the young boy up now fit perfectly around him.

She giggled when she thought about how ridiculous he used to look. A little boy dressed so peculiarly, pretending to fit in with a crowd of kings and queens. He turned around to look at her and silently questioned the origin of the laughter.

“It’s nothing” She dismissed with the wave of a hand, yet bit her lip harshly to keep from laughing more.

“Okay?” He said with a snort and turned back around.

“So where are you taking me?” She asked impatiently.

“Nowhere you would know, princess. It’s not like your spoiled butt has ever left this castle” He accused with a wheeze. “But don’t worry, you’ll like it, your majesty”.

She couldn’t help but laugh along with his wheeze despite his obvious mocking of her royal title. Nobody else in her life had ever dared to use her title in a manner similar to the way he did, always being polite and prompt. And yet Sterling never feared her title. If anything he resented it.

Yet that was part of why she was so drawn to him. He grew annoyed at all the formality around her and yet he always returned to her. He was the only person who had never treated her delicately, he treated the princess as an equal. And yet, despite him being her best and only friend, she had never seen his face or learned his name.

“It better be good because if we get caught then you’re done for Sterling” She informed him.

“What y/n, like you won’t get in any trouble too?” He quipped back.

“No… I’m the princess, remember?” She asked sarcastically and attempted to trip up the tall blonde with her foot, but only made him stumble.

“Oh that is it!” He mumbled darkly as he glared at the foot that had just accosted him. In one swift movement he picked her up and threw her over his shoulder, shifting under her weight and adjusting his hold on the lantern before resuming the journey. She squealed and began to wiggle lightly, wanting out of his grasp but not to harm him. He simply chuckled at her efforts and whines, and tightened his grip on the girl.

They traveled for quite a while like this, occasionally interrupted by her kicking legs or loud laughter when he would tickle her to coerce her surrender. He finally placed her down onto the ground delicately, and she softly punched the masked boy on his clothed bicep and he scoffed at the feeble attempt.

“Come on, haven’t I taught you better than that?” He said with a mocking tone.

She raised an eyebrow at the obvious challenge and pulled her elbow back to deliver a blow. He had falsely assumed that she would go for his bicep again, and he grunted in pain when she instead hit his stomach. She giggled as he over-dramatically doubled over and grasped his stomach, yelling about dying. Using the opportunity to run away and down the underground passage before he could exact revenge, she dashed away quickly.

Their loud laughs echoed on the stone walls, and she could hear Sterling’s laugh as he got closer and closer. His long legs easily helped him catch up, with her corset and lengthy blush colored dress weighing her down significantly. Even in her most casual clothing, the role of princess seemed to be literally constraining the girl, holding her back from where she wished she could be. And at that moment, she wanted to be anywhere except being attacked by the tall boy’s tickles once again. Between the mixture of laughter and heavy breathing, she managed to apologize and beg the boy to cease his assault. The boy retracted his hands from her with a smirk gracing his lips when he heard her small hiccups.

After lifting herself up with some aid from Sterling, they chattered quietly until they reached the end of the path. He pushed a curtain of ivy aside, and she gasped in amazement at her first look into the outside world. The wildlife looked similar to what she had known at the castle’s garden, but the air felt so much lighter without the giant castle suffocating her.

She cherished the few days of freedom Sterling was able to provide, and she attempted to capture every detail into her memory. The days were full of hysterical laughter, exploration, and new cuisine. At night, the princess and Sterling lay on the lush grass, and the sounds of the dying fire crackling lulled the boy to sleep. However, it wasn’t until his breath shallowed that she was able to feel calm, carefully inspecting the edges of his face that escaped his mask’s cover.

On her last night in the outside world her body refused sleep and she lay awake on the ground, with her precious emerald-colored cape wrapped around her frame. She shivered and crawled over to the boy, laying down in front of him so she could better observe him. She extended a hand to his face and fixed his crooked mask’s placement, and he began to slowly shift his shoulders.

“Sorry, did I wake you?” She whispered.

“Yes, but it’s fine princess” He grumbled, his voice deep and scratchy from sleep.

She blushed at his rough voice and tucked her hands into her warm cape again, taking notice of the way he slightly frowned at the withdrawal.

“Why won’t you let me see your face?” She asked softly.

“Nobody can know my identity” He said sleepily and monotonously, repeating the identical answer he always supplied when she asked. She looked up at him with resolve in her eyes, determined to press further this time.

“You trust me, correct?

“Of course I do, y/n, more than anyone else”

“So then there must be another reason” She quipped back.

“Can’t we just enjoy this last night of freedom?” He said with a groan of frustration.

She pouted and shivered again, this time catching Sterling’s attention. He shifted closer to her and delicately wrapped an arm around her shoulders, hoping to provide her more warmth. His face rested inches away from hers and she was acutely aware of the blush that radiated across her skin.

He bit his lip in thought then opened and closed his mouth, obviously unsure of his words.

“I'm… afraid you won’t... like me when you see what I look like”.

“Well then nothing will change, because I already hate you” She told him with a small giggle, hoping to relax the distressed boy. When he didn’t respond she frowned slightly at herself for ruining the sentimental moment.

“Sterling?” She whispered to him.

“Yes?” He whispered back, barely awake.

“I’m sure you’re more handsome than you think” She said and gently kissed the palm of his hand, before returning it to her shoulder.

“Thank you my princess” He replied in a low voice as they drifted to sleep together.

The next morning when the princess awoke, Sterling was sitting on a nearby log observing the forest. No words were spoken between the pair as they slowly trekked back to her castle, her kingdom. Together they silently mourned the loss of her freedom, knowing it would be quite some time before they would see each other again. To lessen the depressive ambiance surrounding them, the princess slipped her hand into his as they walked through the abandoned tunnels home. As the two neared their destination, she noticed the boy’s normally quick pace start to slow.

“I guess I won’t be seeing you until…” She trailed off, not wanting to ponder it.

“Until your birthday” He nodded sadly.

She could not bring herself to look at him, waves of sadness at the loneliness his absence would bring hit her stomach. He glanced at the tears threatening to spill out of her eyes and pulled her into a strong hug, placing his chin atop her head. His tall body enveloped hers and she silently wished he couldn’t feel her knees shaking.

“It’s going to be okay princess” He ducked his head down to whisper in her ear and gently patted her head. She crumbled under his touch and began bawling loudly, not worrying about who could hear.

Soon after, her father arrived back home with news from the other kingdoms. Over dinner, the king explained how overjoyed he was by the offers he had received in exchange for the princess’s hand. That night she had felt so uneasy with the thought of marriage on her mind that she left the feast before her practically untouched.

It had been a month since the princess had last seen Sterling. Although she wished to see him soon, she dreaded the day she would. Her eighteenth birthday approached without remorse for what it would bring. The year she would enter adulthood had been the bane of her existence since she could walk, the cruel fate of being married and sent off to live with a stranger. Only the king controlled her future, the princess held no say in the manner of it. This birthday ball would be her last opportunity to see the boy she loved, likely for the rest of her unfortunate life.

She awoke the morning of her birthday from the maid’s gentle shaking, the same one with the pretty face and gentle voice. She quietly coaxed the young girl out of bed and helped the young woman into her gown, sending her occasional glances of sympathy. After carefully stepping into the copious amounts of fabric, the royal girl sighed and gazed into the colossal golden-framed mirror that adorned her bedroom wall.

The dress was a deep jade green, the dark lacey fabric dipped down her nape, and the sleeves fell onto her shoulders. It left her collar bones exposed, which she covered with the emerald necklace that had been gifted to her so many years ago. She held the large green gem up to her gaze and admired the way it produced spots of colorful light that danced around the white marble flooring. A loud voice scared her from the momentary calm and caused her to drop the jewel so it rested back on her chest, ruining her final moments of peace.

“Happy Birthday my sweet princess! All grown up and so beautiful” The head of the kingdom chuckled loudly and opened his arms for a hug.

She stepped forward into her father’s embrace, but any sentiments were ruined when his mood quickly shifted. “It is important to our kingdom’s well-being that you fulfill your duties” He whispered lowly to her with a stern expression adorning his wrinkled face, intimidation purposefully visible in his eyes. It was obvious that the king could feel doubt seeping from the woman, so she fixed her posture and composed a bright smile accordingly.

“Of course, father” This seemed to satiate him, as his normal wide smile and low chuckle returned.

Despite her promise to the king, once she stepped foot into the ballroom she couldn’t help herself from searching for Sterling’s forest green cloak amongst the opulently dressed crowd.

A small pout appeared on her lips when she noticed the man in question across the great hall speaking to a girl in a breathtaking fuchsia gown. The pout only deepened into a frown when she remembered that she had duties to complete first before the princess could draw him away. His masked face turned towards her place at the grand entrance, somehow finding her immediately in the crowded celebration. With a small indignant huff she turned her nose up and began to strut down the large marble steps to the dance floor.

She made her way through each suitor, sharing dances and polite conversation before moving to the next. Sterling watched her from afar, much to her satisfaction. However, much to her chagrin, he remained in conversation with the fuchsia girl until the princess finally approached them. The royal girl's appearance behind him scared the timid girl away, causing her to quickly end their conversation and duck into the crowd. The masked boy turned around to meet her fiery gaze, a smirk fighting to stay off his face as he looked down at her.

“Ah, I was wondering why that poor girl left looking like she saw a ghost” He crossed his arms and chuckled at her expression.

“Hello Sterling,” She greeted monotonously.

“Why hello, princess” He greeted and bowed swiftly before offering her a hand.

She pouted but took it, feet moving automatically but her mind still stuck on his interaction with the girl.

“I’m sorry, did I interrupt something earlier?” She urged him to explain.

“Is someone jealous?” He answered with another question.

“Absolutely not” She scoffed and rolled her eyes.

It was obvious he didn’t believe her dismissal, his emerald eyes filled with amusement and a cheeky grin adorning his freckled face. He clearly did not want to drop the subject and pressed further.

“You dance with other men every ball, and I never complain” He argued.

“I have to!” She said exasperatedly and scoffed, thinking back to the old men she had just been with moments prior.

“Well it seems to me like you enjoy it” He laughed.

Her gaze traveled to the ground as she intently focused on their feet and the way that she followed Dream’s lead with ease. The playful aura around them dropped as she began to think about the men in question. Her betrothal was closer than ever and it scared her how powerless she was to resist it’s fate.

“If I could choose, I would never dance with anyone else” She whispered loud enough for only him to hear and then leaned back to look up at his eyes properly.

“Oh” He gulped as heat flooded his cheeks at her sudden change in attitude.

Sterling watched her with wide green eyes as she thought deeply, noting his blush and knitting her brows in frustration. He thoughtlessly rubbed her knuckles with his thumb to comfort her. He looked uncomfortable, awkwardly glancing around the crowd, unsure of his actions and words.

“Sterling… please… beg me to stay” She whispered to him as tears began to flood her eyes.

The expression of pure shock was forced onto his face and he drew his face back from the girl as his blush deepened. His steps faltered and the two paused on the dance floor.

“You know I can’t princess”

His voice was barely a whisper, his expression fallen but eyes clearly conflicted. She gazed up at him with teary eyes, face distraught from the rejection. Dropping his hand, she took a few small steps away from him.

“Well, then, I must be off to find a husband” She stated quietly, clutching her hands to her chest with her gaze fixated on her necklace.

“Thank you for the dance… ” She let out a forced and uneasy laugh before quickly curtsying then submerging herself into the crowd.

He stood still, mouth gaping and staring at the spot she had just been moments prior. Shock soon flowed into anger and Sterling left the ball swiftly before he lost control of the urge to punch the next person he happened to make eye contact with.

Positioned on her windowsill, Princess y/n solemnly gazed out at the castle grounds, focusing on the area where the castle meets the dense forest. A loud sigh filled the silence as she longed to be in the woods again, free from the confines of being a female with royal blood. She had run out of tears hours ago and was now simply trying to coerce herself into accepting the future. The marriage had proved to be as inevitable as she had feared, with Sterling failing to come to her rescue as she had always dreamed.

“There is no way in hell that’s how you were planning to say goodbye” She heard from behind and quickly placed a hand over her own mouth to stop herself from shrieking in surprise.

Instead all she did was turn around and watch the boy intently from her perch, urging him to fill the silence. Her face was scrunched up from focusing on trying not to cry again and she refused to make eye contact with him. He approached her windowsill, gently placing his fingers underneath her chin, careful to not frighten her again. He softly lifted her face up to finally meet his.

“Earlier at the ball, you told me to ask you to stay,” He began as his voice cracked nervously, clearing his throat then beginning again with a smoother tone, “We both know you can’t stay... But, what if you came with me princess?” Her eyes widened and he could feel her face start to burn against his finger tips. She looked at him with her mouth open, unsure of what to say.

Ignoring her silence, he energetically restated, “Princess... Please run away with me”

The anxious but equally excited emotion on his face reminded her of the little boy she used to know, and she could hear his heart beating fast from where he stood. Her face fell, harshly contrasting his aura.

“But Sterling… How could I leave with you? I don’t know anything about you, I don’t even know what you look like!” She choked out between sobs and hugged herself, “You were right before, I need to just give into my fate”

“Come on, can’t you just chose to trust me y/n?”

“How can I trust you enough to go with you, if you won’t even trust me with knowing who you are?!” She slapped her gloved hands on top of her mouth, regretting raising her voice.

He stared wide-eyed at her, obviously off put by her outburst. After a few moments, his expression softened and he slowly reached one large hand towards his mask, and reached his other behind his blonde hair and grasped the dark green silk ribbon in between his fingers. He pulled, and slowly lifted the delicate paper-mache away from his face. He avoided her eyes and opted to look anywhere except for her direction, his freckles invisible under his burning cheeks.

She gasped and drew her hands away from her face and he instinctively moved to cover his face with his hands, but was stopped by her grasping his fingers with her own. He finally glanced down to meet her eyes, and was met with the largest smile he had ever seen on the princess’s face.

“Do I get to know your name, handsome stranger?” She spoke softly.

“I’m.. uh.. Ivan” He said with an embarrassed chuckle.

“Nice to meet you Ivan, I am y/n” She responded, awestruck by the beautiful boy.

“Yeah princess, I know your name”

It was a summer night but thankfully the moon was full, so she didn’t have to use her phone’s flashlight to help illuminate the path. y/n was staying at her parent’s place for winter break, and had been using the cover of nighttime for her smoke sessions when she couldn’t sleep. She looked down at the electronic box in question and noticed the small red battery icon had the numbers 20% next to it. The air was warm but the slight breeze caused her to snuggle into her hoodie each time it flowed past. She walked slowly and bopped her head lightly to the beat of “4am” sounding from her earbuds, her feet practically moving themselves along her usual path. She let out a small gasp when she finally looked up from her phone and saw that her favorite spot had been taken. 

It was bound to happen at least one night.

The purpose behind her late night expedition was to reach her neighborhood’s playground which was always calm and beautiful at night. It was the same park she had played at as a child, and the lack of trees around the swing set made them the perfect spot for stargazing after dark. It made for an especially good smoking spot, and in all honesty the young woman fondly thought of it as HER smoking spot. 

However, when she finally looked up from her feet and at HER swings, there was someone perched in one of them with their face hidden from her gaze. At first, she was startled, but her fear quickly subsided with the realization that it was only a boy who appeared to be close to her age watching his bright phone screen. She studied his face in the piercing blue light disturbing the darkness of the night before realizing she recognized him from around their small neighborhood, with his blue beanie giving his identity away.

I’m pretty sure his name begins with an A? I never really met any of his family when they moved in a few streets down from my house, but my mom says his mother is nice enough. 

She awkwardly shifted her backpack from shoulder to shoulder and weighed her options. 

I could either give up my absolutely perfect smoking spot and find somewhere else… or I could risk him telling on me and offer to smoke him out…

She landed on her final decision, hoping it wouldn’t backfire and that maybe she could even make a smoking buddy out of it. She loudly cleared her throat to get his attention. His head quickly whipped around to meet the girls face with his own wide eyes, and a small yelp left his lips as he fell backwards out of the swing. She grimaced and chuckled as she watched him land in the gravel head first and then groaned dramatically as he grabbed his back. She walked over to where he lay and stood over him, looking down with an apologetic smile. He looked up with his face bright red from embarrassment at his little tumble.

She took the opportunity to inspect his face, which was covered by his askew short black hair that was mostly contained beneath a beanie with the letters “LAFD” on it. His dark eyes seemed to invite her to talk to him more, encouraging her heartbeat to quicken.

Oh wow he’s cute… I was not expecting that.

She silently congratulated herself for deciding to not leave her spot unbothered. Soon her face became almost as red as his, but she hoped he wouldn’t be able to see due to the darkness.

“Hello, I’m y/n” she introduced as she extended a hand and offered to help him out of the gravel.

“Hi, I’m Alex” he said, but got up without taking her hand.

She shot him a weird look for disregarding her friendly gesture but moved along and sat down in another swing.

“May I join you?” She asked even though she had already sat down. He nodded at her anyways and seated himself in the swing seat next to hers.

“Sorry about scaring you, nobody is usually here” She explained to break the awkward silence.

She began the pattern of kicking her legs and leaning back and the swing started to sway. 

“Are you usually here?” He asked and turned his head to inspect her, letting his eyes linger as she pretended not to notice. 

After a few seconds he copied the girl’s actions and a silent competition began between the two to see whose swing could go higher.

“Yeah I come here most nights, but I didn’t realize the spot was a hot commodity” She shouted over the sound of the wind rushing by.

“Well I’ll have you know this is MY spot” He shouted back.

“I’ll have my lawyer contact yours, because this it’s MINE” she replied.

Alex was the clear winner of the race and she watched as he almost fell out of his swing seat again due to the height of his swinging. She slowed her movements in defeat so that she could just gently sway at the bottom as the boy continued on. After he finally slowed down from his victory lap he looked at her as if he had forgotten something important.

“So… Why are you here?” He questioned.

“That depends, are you gonna tattle on me?” She responded with a comically mysterious voice and raised eyebrows.

He paused to look at her again with wide eyes and she had to keep herself from laughing at the terrified look on his face. She could almost hear his brain wondering if he should book it while he had the chance.

“I’m just here to smoke” She explained to him with a small snort, interrupting his thoughts.

“Good to know you aren’t here to like, bury body parts” He replied with a sigh and relaxed into his swing seat.

“Why is that the first place your mind went?” She exclaimed with a laugh.

“I don’t know, maybe you come here to find your victims!” He explained and his loud laughter interrupted the crickets around the pair.

She just rolled her eyes at him and grabbed her favorite lighter out of her pockets, a pink and glitter encrusted one with the words “bad bitch” printed on it. She began to giggle and menacingly clicked the lighter at him while holding it slowly closer and closer to him.

“So… You want in?” She asked watched as he pursed his lips in consideration the offer.

.......

“BUT IT’S LITERALLY SUMMER” She yelled at him as she clutched her stomach that was now upset from laughter.

“Shut up y/n I’m not showing you my fucking hair!” He yelled back and entered a defensive stance, covering his head (and his precious hat) with his hands.

Like hell you’re not showing me.

His weird stance just spurred her laughter on further, and tears threatened to start pouring from her eyes. Alex was returning her laughter, but instead he was laughing at the way she lay on the ground on the verge of tears, attempting to fight off her laughing fit. 

Alex’s laughing stopped suddenly and his eyes widened in fear when she suddenly stood up and began to grab for his beanie. He shrieked and ran towards the playground, almost tripping many times and leaving a trail of maniacal laughter behind him.

“You can run but you can’t hide!” She yelled after him, tripping and giggling as she ran.

She looked around the playscape for him, thankful for the help that the full moon’s light supplied. However, the task still proved very difficult given her state of mind. She could just barely see a little movement at the top of the neon pink ladder that connected to a yellow platform about twenty feet up. She could tell he was trying to stifle his own laughter, but he wasn’t doing a great job as she could still faintly hear him.

Finally found you, you little shit.

“Come out come out Alex! Or imma get ya!”

She walked over to the tall ladder and was finally able to pull herself up it, then plopped down next to him out of breath. He allowed her to sit but kept his hands on his head just in case.

She reclined back and lay down next to him, and he looked down at her in curiosity. She opened her eyes and looked up into his, winking at him with a giggle, which resulted in him averting his eyes quickly with a small blush on his cheeks.

He shifted his position to lay down next to her and quickly realized why she had decided to lie down. He looked up at the clear sky and saw the large blue and purple constellations stretched out above him. His stargazing was interrupted by the sounds of her gentle humming to a soft tune and his mind was pulled to reality again.

He glanced over at her quickly, wondering what was going through her head. Wondering if it was the same thing as him. His slightly impaired decision making skills encouraged him to be closer to her, to tell her that he wanted to see her again.

She stopped her humming suddenly and opened her eyes, a little shocked when she saw that Alex’s face was hovering a foot above hers.

A small smile danced across her lips and her blush flourished, “Yes Alex?” she asked him softly.

“Can I kiss you?” he whispered, as if the question would get him in trouble. She answered by placing a hand on his cheek and closing her eyes.

He softly placed his hands on her cheek and jaw, tilting her face up to his as his warm breath fanned across her face. He leaned down slowly to delicately place his lips on hers. Her intoxicated brain hyper-focused on how soft his lips felt as they gently brushed against hers. It was a delicate kiss, sweet and short, which was fitting seeing as the two had just met. He pulled away from her and she felt her chest begin to ache at the loss of contact with him.

“Would you maybe want to do that again sometime? Maybe when we’re sober?” She asked him nervously.

“I would love to” He responded with a shit eating grin.

When I was afraid, he would rescue me. After I insisted that I wouldn’t be scared if we watched a horror movie, he would sigh knowingly and comfort me when I jumped and shook in fear. When the dark would envelope my world late at night, he would remain my light. 

He himself was not completely fearless, but he would always face his fears so he could be my hero. Taehyung was everything I could ever need, and in return I gave him all I ever could. He cured my greatest fear by simply existing, the fear of being alone.

We met at a haunted house, where I was working as an actor. Despite me being easily frightened, I thoroughly enjoyed the job. It’s only downs were when I would occasionally make a little kid cry after jumping out at them.

In full clown makeup and costume, on Halloween night, I popped out at a young blonde man. He proceeded to sock me in the eye out of shock. He felt so bad about it afterwards that he bought me a beer from the bar that neighbored the haunted house, and offered me money because he felt guilty.While I obviously didn’t take his guilt money, I did end up getting along with him and exchanging phone numbers with him. 

“I really do feel so bad about hitting you, but if you think about it, my punch was a bit of a blessing. I mean, we wouldn’t be sitting a bar together tonight if I hadn’t. Maybe you should be thanking me instead?” he speculated to me after he had downed four beers. 

I fell for his odd behaviors and awkwardly charming form of flirting hook, line and sinker. That’s how I met the bleach blonde boy who entered my life like a whirl wind and never stopped turning things around. But in commemoration of our first meeting, every Halloween we would both dress up as clowns.

I wish I could understand why he chose a boring person with tons of college debt, trying to work it off by dressing up like a dead clown nightly. Why he chose me over the plenty of gorgeous and rich bachelorettes that he could surely have instantaneously. After all, with looks like Tae’s, he could have easily been a model.

I made sure he understood just how beautiful he was to me constantly, because he seemed to forget how amazing he was too often. I hoped he would never ever leave my life, and he never did.

Even as we both went downhill, even as we both cried and suffered, he stuck with me. And for that I am eternally grateful.

But in times that deserve the greatest appreciation, all I can do is fear when the peace and happiness will end. I should have been able to guess that nothing as good as I had would have lasted. For every good gift such as my Tae or my dream job, life takes these blessings back in ten fold.

It was the night before Halloween, and I was sat in the upstairs of me and Taehyung’s condo. He was out somewhere for the night, a random bar where he had met up with his best friend Jungkook. He had invited me to go out with him that Friday, but I had opted to stay home instead. Little did I know that not going with Taehyung that night would be the worst decision I ever made.

I had been putting the final touches onto our clown costumes for the following night, but I kept getting distracted from my working by a small silver band. The way it graced my finger in an almost perfect way still shocked me even though I’d had the ring for a week now. Taehyung had proposed to me the week prior, and I was beyond excited to be able to spend the rest of my life with him. To be able to call him my husband someday.

As I was in the middle of sewing the last bead onto my costume, I heard Taehyung come in through the front door. He got home much earlier than I had anticipated, so I walked out to make sure that everything was alright. I paused at the top of the stairwell in slight shock as I noticed some things that didn’t add up.

The door was left ajar, with muddy footsteps leading through the foyer. I could hear heavy grunts, clanging pans, and things shattering on the ground. All I could do in that moment was stand, frozen in place, trying to assess what I should do.

Time moved painstakingly slow and I couldn’t move at all. I wish I had been braver then, but without Taehyung I felt helpless. I could only watch as the intruder noticed me at the top of the stairs, as he stumbled and glared up at me, obviously intoxicated. I watched as he decided for me that my story would end.

I’m sure the noise was loud and intrusive, all of my neighbors could probably hear it. Maybe that’s what made him run away without any of the items he had originally come for, or maybe he already felt guilt for the sin he had only just committed. Dumbly enough, as it came towards me, I could only think of just how much it sounded like the fireworks that me and Tae would set off on new year’s. And then I fell.

I laid on the ground, absorbed in thinking about small trivial things that I would never get the privilege of experiencing again. 

Nothing in life can ever prepare you for just how much death hurts. It’s the combination of both the most excruciating emotional and physical pain. I could hear the blood seeping out of new hole in my chest, dripping down the stairs. I could feel the warmth leaving my usually flushed cheeks through my draining blood.

I heard Tae pull up in his truck, and the pitter-patter of his feet as he ran up the wet stairs. His shaky hands held onto my shoulders like it might bring me back if he held tight enough, and I felt the sweat rub off of his palms onto my forehead as he brushed the hair out of my face. He got out his phone and dialed for an EMS, constantly whispering to me about how he was sorry, about how I would be fine and not to worry.

What was he sorry for? How would I be fine? How could I not worry? I wished he would stop looking at me with such a heartbroken face, it only added to my suffering. But even with a face wrecked by sobs and covered by tears and snot, he still looked beautiful.

I wanted to tell him all of this, let him now how much I loved him, but my body couldn’t move. I felt the air emptying out of my lungs in a shaky breath that was surely my last. With that last breath, I hoped to anyone who would listen that I could stay with Taehyung forever. I could tell it was futile, but people in love wish crazy things.

My vision faded, a telltale sign that I was leaving. But after a flash of white across my vision, I could see Tae again. My vision was back to normal again, and furthermore, I didn’t feel intense pain anymore. I watched Taehyung sobbing into the chest of a dead woman.