... scorchcake

Cannon emphasise enough that Zeno has an impeccable gaydar and pinned Leon as bi before they even met. It's a Wesker trait or something. He just read this man's recon files that the Connections handed him, squinted, looked at that haircut again, and scribbled out STRAIGHT in red so he could pen a note underneath:

close relationships with both sexes.

He still doesn't know there's a word for it btw. so leon's kinda right. zeno's got him read for filth tho.

So the day of the event comes and Leon holds a disastrous attempt at a PowerPoint presentation about Gay is Okay. Zeno criticises his font choices. After that's out of the way he does listen and learn. But he's still judging the font choices.

(after the presentation)

Leon: Alright, any questions?

Zeno: So, you are a bisexual.

Leon: (not ready for this, panicking) What? I mean, who— who said— uh— I mean—

Zeno: Interesting.

Leon: You got that out of my PowerPoint presentation?

Zeno: (teasing) It would explain the font choices.

Leon's search history in the future is going to contain phases like: "are bisexual fonts real?" and "is it gay to use Helvetica?" (no just don't use it for body text, Leon) and "what does my favourite font say about me, sexually?"

Imagine these two in their little security uniforms being such good volunteers at the pride festival. They're keeping an eye out for trouble, giving directions, and handing out water bottles. Leon has a bisexual flag-coloured pin on his vest, because he DOES contain joy and whimsy. He loses track of Zeno for one loop around the venue and when he meets up with him again, his pet clone has proudly amassed All the Pins on his coat like it was a hidden achievement for collectables. He is colourful and excited about it.

Leon smiling and telling him it looks nice, oh such contrast to his last handler. Zeno beaming and following, yapping about all the people he's met because this sweet boy cannot go five minutes without charming his way into a social group.

Zeno dragging Leon off as soon as shift changes so they can visit the marketplace specifically to look for stickers. Leon being grumpy about being forced off-duty but secretly pleased that Zeno is so enthusiastic. He's starry-eyed and dragging his handler around various stalls like a puppy on a leash. Leon contemplates buying an actual leash for the lolz but decides hey, this day is going swell, he ain't gonna risk unearthing some more fucked up little lore with a gag gift.

He does buy some nice coffee and pastries from a queer-owned popup café and gives his knees a break while Zeno is fluttering through the artsy side of the market. He comes back with a dozen small shopping bags and sparkly dangly rainbow earrings. And just the biggest fuckin' smile. Beaming. Radiant. He's having the time ever. Kid loose in a candy store except it's the local social butterfly with an appreciation for craftsmanship allowed to network in Passionate Artists ball pit. Leon's sipping his coffee and smiling and nodding like he has any clue what he's talking about.

He also bought Zeno a cookie, because of course he did. Zeno later shyly gives him a present of his own: a handmade pride-themed coffee mug with an appropriately groan-worthy pun about bisexuality on it. Leon would be fucking thrilled. It becomes his go-to mug at home for the next several months.

I'd like to imagine when they're getting into the Porsche to go home, a comical amount of holographic stickers start falling out of Zeno's jacket pockets and he goes diving down for them like they're blackmail pictures. His handler kneels down and he can't help but flinch as Leon picks one up and examines it.

Leon: Oh, you found those stickers you wanted?

Zeno: (nods tersely, avoiding eye contact)

Leon: Nice.

And then he helps pick up the rest of the fallen stickers and packs them away safely in the car so they won't fall out again and doesn't understand why Zeno stares at him with the biggest wettest eyes for most of the ride home. Probably still doesn't get it when his pet B.O.W leaps out and hugs him instead of taking off with his new shinies.

Just for the fun of it, I want the first person who clocks Zeno as asexual to be Chris Redfield.

When he still had a positive relationship with Wesker, Chris was always aware his captain had very little patience for romance. The pleasure Wesker took in crushing the hearts of anyone who tried to pursue him was only mostly out of sadism; he genuinely was not interested. He wasn't above using his attractive looks for undercover or to coax a suspect to talk when honey worked better than stings, but his favourite way to decompress was to complain at Chris about it afterwards, once it was established that Chris was an available option to complain at.

So once they've established that Zeno is not using Leon, Chris pays better attention. And once he's along on his therapy journey, he's even able to draw some correct conclusions. Sure, Zeno flirts to fluster or charm, and he's very good at both, but he loses interest quickly once the amusement runs its course or he's gotten what he came for. He looks at everyone in a way that's more analytical of their dress sense than imagining what's underneath it. It's so familiar it hurts.

I think it would be really funny if Leon is casually meeting up with Chris for drinks and catch-ups, and the subject of the recent pride festival comes up.

Leon: They're everywhere, Redfield.

Leon: I don't know how many stickers he bought and at this point, I'm too afraid to ask.

Chris: Kinda your fault for letting him run around without a spend limit, Leon.

Leon: It's his own money. I'm not gonna tell him what to do with his own money.

Chris: And now you know no good deed goes unpunished.

Leon: More like no good deeds goes without a glittery bisexual flag sticker getting slapped on top.

Chris: You know how to make it stop.

Leon: No, that's what he wants.

Leon: Acknowledging it means I'm letting him win.

Chris: Well, maybe you can pay him back in kind, then.

Leon: How so?

Chris: I dunno, get a bunch of asexual stickers and start papering his stuff with them. Y'know. Escalate.

Leon: Okay, I like the way you think, but why asexual?

Chris: Well, he's trolling you with bisexual stickers because you're bi, right?

Leon: Yeeees...?

Chris: So. Flip it on him.

Leon: But what's asexuality got to do with it?

Chris: (pointed eyebrow raise)

Leon:

Leon: oh

Leon: oh shit

Leon: I need to make another PowerPoint presentation for Zeno.

Chris: What do you mean another—

Leon: Chris, I need you to be my eyes and tell me if the fonts start getting distractingly bisexual.

Chris:

Chris: (knocks back the rest of his his beer little a shot)