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So basically Jo trying to figure out if her crush Y/N is queer.

Fem!Jo x Fem!Reader

"Elizabeth reminds me of you." You dropped your book on the desk.

Jo crinkled her nose before grabbing your waist. She pulled you onto the bed with her, and you were practically lying on top of her. "Is that enough of a reminder that I'm gay?" Jo remarked with a smile. "Or would you prefer me to show you in other ways?"

"That's not what I meant. She's smart and witty. Elizabeth would never change for anyone. Don't even get me started on her dialogue."

"Who's my Darcy then?" A part of Jo hoped you'd make a romantic gesture, say that you're the one who's madly in love with her. That was what she wanted to tell you, but she didn't have the nerve. If she knew that you at least liked girls, the crush would be less weird. She could flirt openly, because at worst you could reject her.

You shrugged vaguely. Jo realized that her arms were still wrapped around your waist. She was still spooning you, and she didn't want to let go any time soon.

Right now, she was sure you were gay. You were leaning into her comfortably, not even squirming slightly. But other times, you would pretend not to get her very obvious flirtations. So not gay? Or gay and not interested? Which would be worse?

"You deserve better than Darcy."

"If I read the book, maybe I'd know what that means."

A shiver ran down Jo's spine, as you shifted suddenly. At first, she thought you were uncomfortable, but you just turned to face her. "It means you deserve someone who's madly in love with you."

Jo instinctively squeezed your waist a little tighter. "Right, because it's not like I haven't dated the only other queer girl in town."

You closed your eyes, like the right response would appear to you in the abyss. You knew what Jo was trying to do. She felt a little bad about it. You should be able to come out whenever you want, but Jo wanted to - no, she needed to - know and she needed to know now.

"There may be another queer person in town," you whispered.

Jo's grip on your waist loosened. It was an answer. One of the boxes was checked. At least, it was almost checked. Even if you hadn't said it directly, Jo knew she was right. Her gaydar was still on point.

"Do I know them?" Jo asked innocently.

You scooted closer to her, burying your face in Jo's neck. She loved feeling your warmth near her. "I think I might be gay."

Finally.

"I kinda got that vibe," Jo admitted. "I can always spot a fellow queer."

"I'm still figuring it out," you whispered into her neck. "I mean, I know I like this one girl, but maybe she's just special and..."

"You're not confused, Y/N," Jo stated strongly. "Trust me."

Obvious TW for mentions of self harm

Synopsis: Jo calls Y/N for help to stop self-harmkng

"I need you to come over." Jo's voice was shaking.

"What's wrong?"

Jo shook their head. "Just come."

There was a pile of homework sitting on your desk. An essay and math problems called you. "I have to finish..."

"Y/N, come now."

You didn't need to be told again. Jo never asked you for anything. They were always okay, always cracking jokes, always pushing their problems aside.

Jo's mother was downstairs. They didn't like you, so you didn't bother to say hello as you rushed upstairs. Jo was laying on their bed, staring at the ceiling fan. They were wearing a dress, black and not too frilly, but you knew they would never have worn it willingly.

"Church?" You asked sitting beside them.

Jo jumped slightly like they hadn't noticed you walk in. "I need help."

They took a long pause, looking pained before they sat up and awkwardly lifted the dress. Small cuts - none fresh but none fully healed - traced their ribs.

They stared at you painfully, waiting for you to get angry but you were frozen. Jo never gave a hint that they were dealing with this. You had known things were bad, but never did they say that they were affected by their family's crap.

"On my desk," Jo mumbled unable to look at you. "I can't get rid of them."

You gently stroked their cheek before going to their desk. A plastic bag of razor blades was in plain sight.

Jo was staring at the bag as you picked it up. You looked at them for confirmation before disappearing with the blades. Jo felt a wave of heat. They regretted calling you. It would have been easier to keep going. Then, they could keep dealing with their problem their way and you could have kept believing that Jo was perfect.

You came back as quickly as you left. Jo was still flung across the bed. "So," you said as you sat down. "We're going to sit down and talk about this, but first let's get you out of this."

Jo let you pull them up. "If this is your version of foreplay, maybe we should break up." They gave you a half-smile, as you pulled the dress over their head. You glanced at the cuts before kissing a clean spot.

They winced slightly, and you quickly turned to grab something in their closet. You pulled out a hoodie that they wore constantly. "Here." You handed it to them.

Jo pulled it over their head. Then, Jo fell back onto the bed. They finally broke into tears. You sat on the bed, cradling their head in your hands.

"It's okay, my love," you cooed. You gently massaged Jo's scalp. "It's going to be okay."

Jo sobbed, periodically murmuring teary apologies. They cried until they couldn't anymore. Then they sat up, breathing heavily. "You don't have to stay. I know you were busy."

You shook your head, pulling Jo into a hug. "I'm staying with you. Always."

Jo nodded, mouthing a thank you.

"Tell me what's going on."

Jo sighed. They spilled out a half-coherent waterfall of words. Living in an environmental of hate took its toll. They didn't believe that they were going to hell, but their entire family did. And that hurt.

"I wish you told me before you hurt yourself."

Jo closed their eyes, leaning on you. "I didn't want you to see me like this. You think I'm brave and...I didn't want you to see me fall to shit."

You kissed Jo's forehead. "Pretending to be okay isn't brave. Telling me you're hurting is brave."

Jo stayed quiet for a few minutes. They had almost forgotten what had made them fall for you. You were so gentle. You made them feel better - at least for a little bit.

They fell asleep in your arms that night and woke up to your heartbeat. Even as you slept, you were stroking their hair.

If today no one says that you are valid and super cool I saying it right now

Today I discovered your blog and it's fantastic <3

Warning: smut (light), masturbation

Will be a part 2

Jo knew it was wrong. They felt weird enough scrolling through your Instagram, but calling you. It was too risky, too dirty.

But Jo couldn't get themself over the edge today, so they dialed your number.

"Hey," your voice rang through the phone.

They teased the vibratir against their clit.

"Hi," Jo said.

"Is everything alright?"

"Yeah, yeah." Fuck. Why were they calling? They needed a better reason than I just wanted to hear your voice. "I just...I missed you."

This was wrong. They felt dirty and perverted. But it was also hot. Their legs were shaking, and they had barely started.

"Are you sick?" you asked innocently.

"No." Jo finally stopped teasing themself, plunging the vibrator into them. It was on a low setting, but they were still overwhelmed with the sensation.

You sounded unconvinced. "You sound out of breath."

Fuck.

Fucking shit.

Jo tried to think. They needed an excuse, but their mind was flustered. Half-heartedly, they pulled out the vibrator, allowing their breath to even. Once they felt stable, they continued to toy with themselves.

"Working out," Jo lied. They knew you wouldn't believe it. In the years you knew Jo, they had never been one to work out willingly.

A moan escaped their lips, as they worked the vibrator in and out.

"Are you getting off right now?" you asked in a small voice.

Jo stammered through a denial. They were overwhelmed with the sensations - your voice, the vibrations inside of them, their finger swirling around their clit - imagining it was you. It took everything they had not to cum as you spoke.

"Yeah, jogging is so sexy. I think I just came a little in my-" Jo paused, as a wave of heat overcame them. "Oh god."

You were quiet for a second. Jo put a hand over their mouth, trying to quiet their moans.

"Are we really supposed to pretend that you're jogging?"

Jo didn't reply. They were too busy with their eyes rolling to the back of their head.

"I get it. You want to hear me talk so..." Jo listened as you cleared your throat.

"Are you picturing me with you right now? I could be in your bed, kissing my way down your stomach until I'm right where you want me and then...well, I'll do exactly what you're doing right now."

Jo moaned into the phone. "Fuck, Y/N."

"I bet you taste so good," you purred.

Jo screamed your name, as they came. They could picture your pink cheeks and embarrassed smile. You knowing and calling them out made this so much hotter.

You listened to their breathing, as they cooled off.

"Did you have a nice run?" you asked. You sounded professional and innocent. If Jo hadn't just heard you saying that you wanted to eat them out, they would have thought this was any other conversation.

Jo didn't tell you that it was the best 'run' that they had ever had. "Not bad."

"I think it was a little more than 'not bad' from how loudly you were screaming."

Jo smirked. You didn't think they were a freak for calling you. They finally felt strong enough to take control of the conversation. "Are you putting on your running shoes?"

A shy laugh escaped your lips. "I would, but I prefer running with a partner. Too bad that you already finished your mile."

Hi!

Jo tossed you a beer from the kitchen. She was already a couple of drinks ahead of you. Not quite wasted, but she would admit to being a bit tipsy. She made her way to the couch and collapsed beside you. "Drink faster," Jo whined. "Being drunk alone is no fun."

"Then why did you start drinking without me?" Even so, you chugged on the drink. "So, unless this is what you usually do on a Friday night, something's bothering you."

"You need another drink." Jo moved to get up, but you grabbed her arm. She let out a long sigh. "Frankie is dating Phoenix."

"You liked Frankie?" You asked.

"We were fucking and I thought-" she started. "Whatever. I'll just go to Spencer's tomorrow and...get another drink."

You followed Jo into the kitchen. "You deserve better."

There were only three beers left. "Take two," Jo mumbled. "You need to catch up."

You took the beers from her hand and set them on the counter. Your arms wrapped around her neck. For a split second, Jo felt better. Something fell into place. Maybe it was the alcohol, but Jo felt safe.

You let go to sip on the beer, but Jo felt unprepared. She wanted to keep you in her arms for a lifetime.

"Do you usually get drunk to deal with your emotions?" You said with a cough.

Jo laughed. "No, I just like to make cute girls feel sorry for me." Cute? Jo looked away from you uncomfortably.

"I don't feel sorry for you." You tossed the two empty beer cans in the garbage. "You're amazing even if you're wasted."

"I've only had four. You had three." Jo grabbed your hand. "Whatever. Dance with me."

Jo put her arms around your waist, while you giggled slightly. Jo pulled you closer to her, and your hands wrapped around your neck. She liked the way your fingers tugged at the tips of her hair.

"We could play music." You murmured.

Jo hummed, but didn't let go of you. She glanced down at you. The room shifted beneath her feet, and Jo stumbled. She was beginning to feel the effects of the alcohol.

She closed her eyes. This was a perfect night. Then Jo lost her balance, falling on top of you. Well, almost perfect. Her face flushed. "You okay?"

You nodded.

"Did I...did I sweep you off your feet?" Jo smirked.

Jo propped herself up. She was still hovering over you feeling frozen.

"Jo," you slurred.

"Oh fuck," Jo whispered. "I didn't..."

"Shut up and kiss me."

Jo obliged. Her lips collided into yours in a messy, desperate expression of emotion.

~~~

Jo woke up with a figure pressed against her. She wanted to pinch herself but was afraid to wake the sleeping girl that she was spooning. If it weren't for her pounding headache, she would have thought this - you - were a dream.

She heard a groan and her heart pounded. "Morning, princess," Jo whispered.

"Don't talk so loud," you mumbled.

Jo could feel you shifting under the sheets and released you from her arms. Suddenly, she felt an uncertainty. What if you regretted last night? What if you thought she was a creep who got you drunk on purpose?

You turned towards Jo. "Did you just call me princess?"

Jo's face turned to red as she searched for an excuse. Maybe she was still a little drunk or...

"I like it. It's cute," you said.

Jo was never flustered. She was always the one guiding the conversation. Right now her wit was failing her. "Um so about last night..."

You nodded. "Yeah?"

Jo froze feeling stupid.

You laughed and kissed her on the cheek. "Don't worry, Jo. I know it didn't mean anything."

"You do?" The high that Jo woke up with sunk. Suddenly, she could feel the full effect of her hangover.

"We were drunk and horny." You sounded so sure. Jo couldn't catch a hint of doubt in your voice. "Besides, you just ended it with Frankie."

"I'm glad we're on the same page." She couldn't correct you. Jo got out of bed a little unsteadily. "I should go buy that vibrator."

You followed her out of bed. "Wait, Jo," you grabbed the bra from her hand.

Jo nodded. "Give me my bra."

You tossed it to her. "I think I'm better than a toy."

"What?"

"Are you excited?" Jo asked over the phone.

You didn't want to tell them how nervous you were. It was your eighteenth birthday tomorrow. You had heard the legends. On your eighteenth birthday, you would wake up in the body of your soulmate. It was a fun detective game. You only had thirty minutes from when you woke up to figure out who they were.

You shrugged. "My soulmate might be younger than me."

It wouldn't happen for everyone on their birthday. Actually, only 49.99% of people would to be exact. It hadn't happened to Jo, for instance, in the twenty-two months since their birthday.

"You will." Jo said. "Go to sleep now."

"Or I might not have one."

"Go to sleep. Y/N."

~~~~~

Your eyes peeled open. For a moment, you forgot what day it was. Then you jumped up.

Shit.

How much time did you waste?

You looked around the room. The light blue walls, the dozens of band posters, and the messy desk were as familiar as your own room. You'd been here so many times before.

You raced into the bathroom down the hall, already knowing what you would see in the mirror.

Jo.

How didn't you realize sooner? You had known Jo since you were kids and didn't even consider it.

Did Jo wake up already? Yes. You were sure that they had. After all, they had waited for this day for so long.

Maybe you should call them. Or, well, call you. No, you should wait. Yeah, the thirty minutes would surely expire soon enough.

~~~~~~

You felt a little dizzy. You were home again, phone in your hand. Jo must have been just about to call you. Maybe you should ca- Your screen lit up. Jo moved fast.

You answered the phone. "Hi."

"Did you find out who your soulmate is?" You could hear the smile in Jo's voice.

"Yes, actually. I am very lucky."

"I bet they're super hot."

You giggled. "Very." You paused. "Any updates on your quest to love?"

"She is perfect." Jo sounded elated. "I was thinking I should go see her."

"I bet she is dying to see you. Especially, if you're taking her to celebrate her birthday."

First time posting fanfic for jagged little pill.

Note: I'm using she/her pronouns for Jo.

~~~~

Jo didn't usually go to parties. She didn't like the noise or crowds of drunken teens. For some reason though, she found herself at this party, sipping on cheap beer.

Jo hadn't seen you since you started dating Andrew. Maybe that was why she came: to watch you, to make sure that you were safe.

You didn't look okay. Your boyfriend was kissing you. No, slobbering on you was the better word. Maybe Jo was a little biased against him. You were drinking water, so you should have had your faculties. Jo tried to shrug it off; maybe you tried a beer before she got here.

Another boy came up to you and whispered something in your boyfriend's ear. He grabbed your arm and started dragging you upstairs. You were stumbling up the stairs.

One drink shouldn't do this. Jo froze for a moment. Then she sprang back to life. You were in danger.

Jo journeyed through the maze of people. Finally, she reached you. Andrew was on top of you, pinning you to a bed. You were shaking feverishly, mumbling incoherently as his lips assaulted yours.

Jo cleared her throat. "I think you should let go of her."

Andrew looked at her annoyed but undaunted. "The party is down stairs."

Jo pulled out her phone. "I'm going to start recording you in five...four...."

He muttered, "fuck you," as he stormed out of the room.

Jo hurried towards you as soon as he left. You were shaking feverishly. Your body was half exposed - jeans unzipped and shirt and bra thrown somewhere across the room. She tried not to look at you to carefully. "Do you know where your clothes are?"

You shook your head.

Jo glanced over the room for a half second before forfeiting. It was more important that she got you out. Good thing Jo was wearing a jacket.

"I'm going to help put your clothes on so we can get out of here." You didn't respond. Jo wasn't really sure you heard her, but she zipped your jeans. Her eyes were trained on your face, not allowing her to see even an inch of skin that you did not allow.

Jo unzipped her jacket, feeling self conscious with her arms bared. She pushed you into an upright position before pulling the jacket over your shoulders.

"Can you stand?" Jo asked. The answer was no. After all, you struggled to sit on your own. Jo lifted you into her arms.

~~~~

Jo woke up on the couch. The TV had been on all night and your head rested on her lap. You were still in her jacket. The domesticity of the scene made Jo's heart leap until she remembered why you were there.

"It's so bright in here," you groaned.

Jo chuckled and ran a hand through your hair. "You're hung over."

"I didn't drink."

"Your boyfriend obviously slipped you something, princess." Jo said softly. "Do you remember where I found you?"

You were silent.

"Your boyfriend tried to-"

"Don't say it." You slowly sat up. "And ex-boyfriend now."

Jo smiled slightly. "What a shame," she said sarcastically.

Jo realized that this was exactly where she wanted to be every day. Well, preferably different circumstances. She wanted to wake up with you in her arms and take care of you when you were sick. She wanted her clothes to smell like you.

- ☕