Meow Mrow

i’m a clove of garlic and God is crushing me under a knife so i add flavour to the soup

was watching the bachelorette and one of the dudes was mauled by an invisible force. he was bleeding out the floor and no one noticed? no one called an ambulance. does this happen normally?

yeah that was the bachelorette, it’s how she

chooses

my guardian angel just fingers herself all day 😑 girl help me

ibuprofen is the only real feminist ally

i cant drive because i believe in the inherent romance of the passenger seat 

find myself listening to music i loved years ago and i realize i still am her

The number of messages I’ve failed to answer across all my devices and media platforms will be weighed against my soul on judgment day, and I will be cast into hell

Why must my feelings be "rational"? Is it not enough to sit quietly in my hawaiian shirt, deranged?

due to personal reasons I have decided to sacrifice myself to a sentient forest

the massive power of trains yet confinement to a single path makes them comparable to angels

we’re all FOOLS just waiting to come across a fucking cat on the street. God Bless

Got into a knife fight with a physical manifestation of my hubris at Claire’s