modern art ;-)

I love saying “of course” instead of “you’re welcome,” like of course I’m helping you that’s what I do, you were foolish to even consider an alternate dimension in which I’m not helping you. you idiot. you absolute buffoon.

they just don't put gargoyles on roofs like they used to. buildings are so swagless these days

This poll is to test my theory that Tumblr is the 5'4" website

going to get your tubes tied and when ur done ur doctor shows you an ultrasouns and he’s tied them into a perfect baloon dog :)

never not thinking about Poison Jr

a woman will be 28 or whatever and all the 24 year olds are in shock like “no fucking way I seriously couldn’t tell. you don’t look near death at all”

There's something quite charming about relatively small objects that are way heavier than they look. ooohh you're one dense little freak aren't you

milf (myself i’d like to forgive) and dilf (despair i’d like to forget)