Vaein

Everyone should have at least one friend like the one in this #microfiction…

She was one of those friends that you always remembered being taller than she was (and she was not short to begin with).

She was one of those friends that you imagined, if could not see them at any given moment, that they must be off having adventures or doing something impossibly cool and possibly heroic.

She was one of those friends that you wish you saw more of, but were worried that

Now and again, when they exchanged messages, Jacob would daydream about what they were up to. Such daydreams would usually begin with something hipsterish and exclusive, but devolve rapidly into full-on works of genre fiction, with ray guns zapping in all directions and simply a flash of rainbow hair and a sparkling laugh to let you know that she was in the centre of it.

If there were any of his friends that he thought might secretly have superpowers, Jacob suspected it would be her. He imagined her shooting rainbows from her eyes, doing a foxtrot through the air atop a gust of wind, or delivering super strong punches fuelled by the power of friendship.

He was meeting her for tea. Waiting in the cafe, he imagined she was probably off saving an orphanage from a fire or somesuch.

“Sorry I’m late!” She said, slipping into the seat opposite him and plonking a muffin down in front of each of them.

“No worries.” Jacob poured out a second cup of tea. It smelled of sweet jasmine. “Were all the orphans rescued from the fire?”

“Huh?”

“Oh, sorry, just a silly little-”

“You’re not supposed to know about that.” And she winked at him. “So, what’s going on with you?”

“Work stuff. You know. Same old story … I’m sorry,” Jacob said, eyes cast downwards to track the patterns of steam rising from his teacup, “you must have far better things to do than listen to me whine.”

“Hey,” she said, tilting his chin up to look her in the eyes, “you’re the most important thing happening to me today, okay?”

And he knew it was true.

That was probably one of her superpowers too.

…

Later, she said goodbye to Jacob and he left with a smile on his face that would last for at least 10% longer than most smiles lasted on his face.

Then, she popped into an alley and with a quick two-step she took a leap up into the air and danced off into the sky.

She laughed, delightedly, for it had been a while since she’d had the chance to fly.

Internet, I am a queer researcher of queer health and I have something to say.

A few weeks back, a study went viral about the relationship between marriage equality policy and queer teen suicide rates, and a lot of people reacted thusly: “queer mental health is better when we’re not discriminated against! BREAKING: SKY IS BLUE, WATER IS WET”

This happens a lot. People see research about a thing ~Everyone Already Knows~ and they mock it. Now I want to make two things really clear:

1. Everyone does not already know.

2. This shit can lose these projects their funding.

Did you know that media coverage is a crucial factor in funding allocation? When we submit our application for grant renewal, we have to provide a list of news articles about our research so they can decide whether the public cares enough about us to let us keep doing our work. And most research doesn’t get all that much coverage, so individual reactions can really matter. If the primary reaction to our publications is eyerolling, we legitimately might not be able to continue.

I’ve seen some frustration from people who believe this research funding would be better put to use “actually helping” the affected populations instead of–I don’t know, pinning them under microscopes or whatever it is they think we do. But funding for policy initiatives is driven by research. I know you wish politicians would listen to individual voices telling them where the problems are, but that’s honestly not a smart way to direct limited resources. We need solid evidence. And a lot of the areas that need the most attention aren’t obvious–who knew bisexual people are at a much higher risk for physical and mental health disparities than gay and lesbian people? Who would have guessed that transgender folks are more likely than any other group (including straight people) to be military veterans, but overwhelmingly don’t claim their benefits? I’m sure some people noticed these patterns, but they definitely weren’t common knowledge within the queer communities I’ve grown up around, and those findings are leading to direct action as we speak.

There are a lot of people out there who genuinely believe that being any flavour of queer is intrinsically harmful to you. That unhappiness is a natural result of being gay, that to be trans is to be mentally ill, that bisexuals are confused and troubled. There are people who believe that you cannot be happy or well if you’re queer, and not all of those people are bad people. Some of them have what they perceive to be your best interests at heart, and they want you to be happy, to be well, to be physically, emotionally and mentally safe. And they still act in a way that causes harm, that damages lives, isolates kids and tells them that pain is what they should expect for being who they are.

Whoever wrote the thing you’re reading might have misinterpreted some part of the study, might be focusing on some minor claim the author made buried deep in the discussion section about how the research might be useful, might be way overgeneralizing in ways that the author never intended, etc etc etc.

That study that you think is soooo obvious why are we doing this might not actually be about the thing you think is obvious at all. There’s a good chance that its actual claim is much more nuanced and specific, and might be about some piece of the problem you wouldn’t have even thought to look at. But in the news article it got reduced to “better mental health” or something.

You have a Nazi problem.

It’s been going on for a while now. Like a long while. White supremacists and neo-Nazis use this site in large numbers to recruit, to disseminate their murderous ideology, and to harass other users. These behaviors are explicitly against your community guidelines. These ideologies get people killed.

Yet when we attempt to report Nazi users for violating the community guidelines, we generally get a form response that just tells us to block the offending users and that “we really appreciate your efforts to make> Tumblr a safer place for everyone.”

Here’s the thing, though. No space can be safe for everyone.

If Tumblr is safe for Nazis, it’s not safe for Jews. If Tumblr is safe for Nazis, it’s not safe for people of color. If Tumblr is safe for Nazis, it’s not safe for disabled people. If Tumblr is safe for Nazis, it’s not safe for queer people. If Tumblr is safe for Nazis, it’s not safe for Roma people.

Beta males don’t exist. I’ve spoken to enough men who feel like beta males and find that usually they aren’t getting women, or have low confidence because 

they’re stagnate. They’re boring. They’re gross. And their standards are too high. 

In terms of stagnation a lot of the men I talk too who feel like their betas, do NOTHING to improve themselves. They play the same video games, they talk about the same shit they did in highschool, they quote decade old jokes from tv and consider that “telling a joke” when they’re just mindlessly repeating something, and they sit around a bitch about women, and will continue to do that till their death bed, because they’re stagnate. They try nothing new, there is no attempt at self improvement because in order to improve ones self you have to admit you’re lacking and do a lot of self reflection and I’ve noticed beta males, once they get into the idea of  “Maybe I should improve this-” it becomes, “I’m not enough,” to “I’m worthless” they kind of just, stay there, get sad, but never do anything about it except blame everyone else. 

And because of this, they’re fucking BORING. They stay in their safe reddit subgroups, and favorite porn site. They say they have a a lot of female friends, but none of these women actually talk to them, the women just said “friends” because this dude is gross and creepy and they don’t want him to murder them, so they say “friends” in hopes he’ll back off and they have time to run away. I’ve heard hundreds of these dudes ramble on and it’s the same thing over and over again.

Bitching about women. 

Which, women bitch about men, but men do it in this entitled, threatening kind of way, “A big breasted super model hasn’t crawled out from under my bed and sucked my dick! What the fuck is the bullshit! I deserve dick sucks from super models! All women are whores and should die choking on my cock!” and they’re sitting there in their filth and grime, t-shirts with holes in it, and slightly, always, constantly drunk or high. And thats usually all they talk about, and it’s fucking BORING, and no woman wants to sit there and bit threatened. Most people, not just women, want someone kind, generous, empathetic, and sweet. A lot of the men I’ve spoken too who feel like “betas” lack all of these things. 

Hygiene is another thing. I dunno you, I don’t know if you shower. But take care of yourself! Wash and bathe yourself! Get a fucking hair cut by a professional! Throw out clothes with holes in them! Or at least learn to sew to repair it! Wash your face! Change your bed sheets! Clean your house!  Wash your clothes! Look in the mirror before you leave and think what role in a tv show would you play? The stereotypical creepy dude outside of a girls window breathing heavily? Then go change and try again! 

And last bit, your standards may be too high. If you want a big breasted super model, ask, if you were a big muscular male super model, would you date the female equivalent of you? Would you even date the female equivalent of you now? Probably not. You may be wanting women way of your league simply because they’re beautiful and not really caring about the kind of person they are because all you may care about is looks, and if that’s the case, then don’t be surprised when people look at you and think “no” because they’re doing the same thing. Personality and interests matter more than looks, but if you’re stuck on a womans value being her appearance, unless you get really rich, you’re probably going to die alone. 

A #microfiction for all fans of happily ever afters…

When she first tried to explain it, she told me that ‘Happy Ever After’ was a lot like Ikea furniture.

(We had, recently, been availed of the opportunity to get more intimately acquainted with this experience then either of us were truly happy with)

That despite true love’s kiss (read: the successful application for a credit card) meaning that you could now *own furniture* - despite the world of opportunity that that opened up - no-one was going to build it for you.

To put it simply: all Happily Ever After’s arrived flat-packed. Without the self assembly, you had neither ‘happy’ nor ‘ever’. But you would always be stuck with the ‘after’.

I must admit, I had trouble with this concept. I could not always conceptualise the way our moments of hurt and sadness could be a part of a greater, ongoing happiness. I could not imagine how our tears could be bricks. I could not see the mortar for the castle.

To help with this, we made a game of it. A game that was a bit like poker and a bit like whist and a bit like The Game of Life.

“I bet you two Ikea Flatpacks.”

“I raise you three crying Princesses.”

“I call. What’ve you got?”

“I’ve got a Happily Ever After.”

“Well, I’ve got a Painful Conversation on a Rainy Afternoon. I win.”

Eventually, we would end up with something finished. A table. A bed. One of those strange wardrobes with the canvas doors. But what’s the point of a Happily Ever After once it’s finished?

Instead, I’ll take the rainy afternoon where you realise you have none of the right screws, so you throw away the instructions and eat pizza on the sad wreck of furniture. And you call *that* a table. And it is. You both agree that it is.

Your mental illness does not change your privilege as a white person

Your sexual orientation does not change your privilege as a white person

Your gender does not change your privilege as a white person

Your income does not change your privilege as a white person

Your disability does not change your privilege as a white person

Your age does not change your privilege as a white person.

Your political affiliation does not change your privilege as a white person

Your religion does not change your privilege as a white person

sex workers’ rights are human rights and if you find yourself following someone who doesn’t think so, know that what they post publicly is a tiny fraction of what they do and say anonymously to us, including threatening to out us to clients or cops in the hopes we get murdered.

white supremacy, imperialism, and misogyny don’t always look like richard spencer.

the policies swerfs promote actively result in the assault and murder of brown women in southeast asia as well as the houselessness, loss of day jobs, and murder of woc and white women in the western world. they force us into sweatshops, to stay in violent relationships, out into the streets as a part of their imperialist vision of proper womanhood.

i’m not going to say that issues like racism, internalized sexism, classism, etc don’t color a lot of our discussions within feminist circles, or that there are NO bigoted feminists/internet trolls/cruel people who might use your status as a sex worker against you in arguments (which could easily arise between someone pro-prostitution and someone against it) or even out you if they feel you’ve wronged them which is a really!!! messed up!!! thing to do!!! but really? i don’t even know where to begin.

“swerf” is a term which plays off of the acronym “terf” but most people don’t seem to know what it means? it stands for sex worker exclusionary radical feminist. it is basically used against anyone who believes prostitution is inherently exploitative. the people it’s hurled at usually support a nordic model of outlawed prostitution and rehabilitation for ex prostitutes, as well as programs to help women who want to leave prostitution (saying that the VAST majority of prostitutes are there against their will is an UNDERSTATEMENT). they don’t support rape OR murder, and whoever called sex workers “fuckmeat” is most definitely not a feminist (unless perhaps they said that men view sex workers as such…? i don’t know).

no feminist (yea, including so-called swerfs) sincerely advocates the murder of sex workers JUST FOR BEING SEX WORKERS. and they certainly don’t hate you more than men do. some people say twisted things when an argument gets them heated, so i won’t say swerfs haven’t said horrible things to you, because people on both sides can get hateful. but “they hate us even more than men do”? please, dude. caring about the 99% of women who are in prostitution against their will DOES NOT MEAN YOU HATE SEX WORKERS.

the second to last paragraph severely underestimates the power of a militant minority of feminists. if liberal, moderate feminists sometimes can’t even pass basic women’s rights laws in southeast asia, why…would they be able to pass anti prostitution laws in countries that have long thrived on IMPERIALIST (yes, imperialist) white men raping prostituted asian women ???

some anti-prostitution laws ARE misguided, and harm prostitutes more than johns, it’s true. but the people who are raping sex workers, killing them, passing incriminating laws, forcing them into poverty, etc. ARE MEN!!!! they are men! i know it’s easier to blame women you don’t like, but the greatest threat to sex workers are johns themselves (not to mention pimps and the dealers who exploit the trauma of sex work to get women hooked)

first and most important:

as feminists, one of our values is to believe women and other marginalised people when they express their their lived experiences, correct?

so why don’t you believe me when I say that there are feminists blowing up the my inbox and the inboxes of my fellow whores with death threats, “fuck meat”, &c? do you want screen shots? because we have them. surely you don’t think we’re sending these to ourselves?

why don’t you ask me what I mean when I say feminists support laws that hurt us?

if you did, I could tell you about the statistics of the nordic model; about the way it turns out mothers and children and roommates into our traffickers just because we may financially support them; the way it makes our safety calls too afraid to call the police when they don’t hear from us, so that they aren’t surprised later to get a call about our dead bodies in the hotel stairs; i could tell you about official police policies supported by local feminists here, policies that are deliberately designed to pick up as many people as possible and so focus on racial profiling, targeting poor women of colour for maximum arrests rather than focusing on the men who rape and murder us.

I could tell you (and give you proof) of feminists lobbying for an end to the funding of condoms, safer sex materials, and other reproductive health tools to sex worker unions in india because, white feminists say, these aren’t unions, they’re the pimp lobby, and giving poor women condoms will feed the pimp lobby.

Not: giving poor women money for rent and healthcare and child care and education will give them options outside the sex industry!

but: giving women women already in the sex industry CONDOMS and reproductive health info will give more power to the pimp lobby.

I don’t know why you can’t be bothered to google these things. I mean, I do actually know why, because you don’t want to be confronted with information that runs counter to your beliefs.

but the info is out there.

poor women in southeast asia DO have internet access.

there are sex worker unions composed entirely of hundreds of thousands of brown women who know that no white woman is going to offer them a financial alternative to the sex industry, so they’re working together to better their lives so they can someday leave it.

there are women (including myself) who have searing critiques of the sex industry and the sexual, physical, and financial abuses it allows, and who are still in it because there’s no other way to afford to live where we live and we can’t afford to move (that takes money too believe it or not).

hmu if you would like studies and statistics about the higher prevalence of rape, sexual exploitation, sexual abuse, &c by police and within foster care than outside it; about the way that the govt won’t allocate funding to fighting this but will allocate funding for arresting poor brown women, and hmu if you’re ever interested in an honest conversation about how to truly fight misogyny.

hint: it starts with fighting poverty, income disparities, barriers to affordable housing and childcare.

it doesn’t start with getting defensive over the fact that you know some truly shitty people who send strangers hate mail calling them fuckmeat.

http://news.trust.org/item/20170811102840-4kewt/

https://www.google.com/amp/reason.com/blog/2015/10/17/sex-traffickers-in-blue/amp

and currently in the news is the strenuous resistance of police departments up and down the west coast, to policies that would make it illegal to rape sex workers before arresting them, despite the involvement of most of the Oakland PD in the sexual exploitation of a minor.

the thing is, @lesbiansugar, you think that you and your friends are being righteous by calling for an end to prostitution for people who don’t want to be in it, and you’re picturing sex slaves chained to beds, but absolutely no peer reviewed, reputable research (melissa farley has been censured for her manipulation and fabrication of data) supports the idea that this is reality on any scale. it just isn’t.

the people who are being sexually abused and exploited on a massive scale aren’t in the sex industry. they’re vulnerable children in foster care or in their birth homes; they’re developmentally disabled adults in foster care; they’re kids whose parents are making homemade porn of them who have no one to tell.

there’s also a massive issue of women migrating to continue working in aspects of the sex industry and being lied to about what conditions they will be working under;

and there’s an even more massive issue of the sexual assault and abuse of migrant women who find work as domestic labour (something feminists are oddly silent about);

and the problem of garment companies using arrested sex workers to work in their garment factories, paying them less than they made as sex workers, the women running away so now factories lock them in, there being fires in the factories, people dying, &c.

having listed some of the major current trends in sexual assault and labour exploitation, I hope it’s a little clearer why feminist insistence on ending prostitution as a uniquely exploitative practise rings a little false to those of us who wish we had better options than the sex industry, try to protect ourselves, and are continually bearing the brunt of laws and policies you promote

(the nordic model, the denial of sexual and reproductive health tools, not supporting laws that would make it illegal for cops to rape us, supporting laws that are excuses for racial profiling, not vocally supporting the funding of youth shelters or better oversight into care homes, a higher minimum wage, &c)