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Day 1040 without Lexa
Too thirsty to function.
Same, Lexa. Same.
It’s possible I may have reblogged this once already, but….it’s still true.
So I just went with my buddy while he got a rib tattoo, and they hurt like a lot, so he’s over there grimacing and being a huge manbaby so I just reach over and grab his hand so he can squeeze it because I’m a good person who helps others
And he’s clinging to my hand like it’s a life preserver and I’m being me and talking about nonsense like Grimace from the McDonalds commercials and how R2D2 is always ready to throw hands, and whatever, and the artist keeps glancing over at me and I’m like do your tattoo bro I’ve got my buddy handled
But then I realize he’s like, looking over because he can’t tell if he’s seeing something or not, and I glance down and I see my rainbow scalemail bracelet, and how I’m talking to my buddy all fondly and I’m like stroking his arm like he’s a wounded animal, and right as it clicks in my head the tattoo artist asks in his most nonchalant voice possible, like intentionally bland, I’m just talking about the weather haha what do you mean voice:
“So, are you guys close?”
And my gay ass is over to the side internally screaming because yeah, I am gay, but like this is just me being a good bro and my buddy is COMPLETELY OBLVIOUS TO WHAT IS HAPPENING BECAUSE HE’S A GARBAGE STRAIGHT PERSON AND HE SAYS
“Yeah of course, that’s why I asked him to come”
SO NOW THE TATTOO ARTIST THINKS HE’S RIGHT AND HE HAS A GAY COUPLE GETTING A TATTOO AND MY BUDDY HAS NO IDEA AND I’M AWKWARDLY SITTING HERE LIKE SHOULD I STOP HOLDING HIS HAND??? SHOULD I CORRECT THIS TATTOO ARTIST??? SHOULD I LET MY BUDDY KNOW??? MY GAY ASS DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO HANDLE BEING INCORRECTLY ACCUSED OF BEING GAY, WHAT DO YOU DO
So that tattoo artist is like “Cool man, that’s great. Good for you.”
So then my buddy is like can I get some water, and the guy comes back with one bottle of water and my buddy takes a drink and then hands it to me, and I’m like obviously he has to lay down and needs me to hold his water so I just hold it in my hand, but turns out he was offering me water, so he turns to me and is like Colton, drink some water, and I take a drink and my garbage lizard brain is like “You’re drink sharing in front of the tattoo artist, now he KNOWS he’s right”
So we’re talking about tattoos with the artist and I mention that I’m getting a tattoo in September and my buddy is like “Yeah I’m gonna go and hold HIS hand for that one haha” and the tattoo artist FUCKING SAYS “I mean, I should hope so”
I MEAN, I SHOULD HOPE SO
I MEAN, I SHOULD HOPE SO
AND NO ONE ACTUALLY BROUGHT IT UP. I KNEW WHAT THE TATTOO ARTIST WAS THINKING BUT DIDN’T SAY ANYTHING TO CORRECT HIM. NOW WHEN MY BUDDY GOES BACK AND GETS HIS NEXT TATTOO IN THE FUTURE AND I’M NOT THERE HE’S GOING TO GO “OH WHERE’S YOUR BOYFRIEND”
The Star Wars Wiki says, “While C-3PO underwent a memory wipe, R2-D2 was allowed to preserve his memories.” And I am delighted, because 1) I was pretty sure this was the case, but couldn’t remember exactly (R2 is a conniving sneak and I was pretty sure it wouldn’t have worked even if anyone had been foolish enough to try), and 2) this means one of my favorite Star Wars headcanons is actually canon.
It means that during that one scene in Empire Strikes Back, these two assholes know EXACTLY who the other one is.
You are decorated war veterans, you absolute trolls.
Yoda had 20 plus years to prep for this moment and this is probably what he picked on like the second day
Yoda had 20 plus years to prep for this moment and this is probably what he picked on like the second day <- Holy shit, this is the truest thing I’ve ever read. That is absolutely what he did.
Also, I have a couple of things I want to clarify on this post.
Because of the Luke and R2 exchange right before they land on Dagobah, when Luke is explaining that they’re going to find Yoda, an old Jedi Master, and R2 appears to be like, “whomst??” I now hold the headcanon that while R2 knew who Yoda was, he didn’t actually know Yoda’s name. So when they got down to Dagobah, R2 was absolutely like, “OH SHIT, IT’S YOU. HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU STILL ALIVE, GIVE ME BACK THE FLASHLIGHT, WHY DOES NO LISTEN TO ME, BACK OFF YOU GREEN SOCK, I’LL FINISH THE JOB MYSELF, I HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING AROUND HERE.”
And since droid rights are absolute shit, for R2, when I say “decorated war veteran”, I’m not referring to medals. (Although Anakin absolutely made medals for his droid too, because R2 was there and did, like, ALL the work.) I’m referring to arrest warrants.
Most of R2’s memory is called The Shit List (With Receipts), with file folders on some of the galaxy’s most notorious and significant figures. Yoda has three folders. Anakin/Vader has five. So does Obi-Wan. The person with the most folders is Threepio (Designation: Useless Husband), bc R2 has never really let an argument go in his life. The only person who doesn’t have a shit list is BB-8, who has Never Done A Blessed Thing Wrong In Her Life. (R2 can and will fight you.)
this gets funnier with each passing year

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The transfer is complete
Star Wars - Favorite Character Arcs | The Rise and Fall of Darth Vader
a look™️ the jack o’neill edition ↳dress blues

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i lose it every time i see ppl say “i know this doesn’t fit my blog but-” lmao imagine only having a small set of interests and running a consistent blog
fuckin nerds: hello, welcome to my blog!! i just post about sailor moon and cute aesthetic things :)
me, an intellectual: this is the Tomfuckery Corner™️, i either go here to scream about my ultimate hyperfixation of the day, rant about the american government, or casually have a breakdown. which one will it be this time? who knows???? regardless, it’ll be at the expense of my followers’ enjoyment