when i die they'll remember me fondly because i never bothered anyone with anything. not even once 😁 #myisolation

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@satsujins
when i die they'll remember me fondly because i never bothered anyone with anything. not even once 😁 #myisolation

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when you think about it it's just kind of crazy how you can be neglected and abused your whole childhood instead of experiencing a brief moment of being taken care of while learning how to be a person, and then once you're an adult it's like ok now i'm still essentially raising myself in a shitty situation but this time my adult peers are like mad at me because i'm not as emotionally healthy as them, and on top of that i still have to save my own life
and it's not that i expect to be rescued it's that i'm tired of having to save myself
also sick of being condescendingly told "nobody's coming to save you, you have to save yourself" as if i'm not painfully aware of that as i have been doing this shit my whole life but i just want somewhere safe to rest momentarily without my life falling apart
There's pretty much nothing I can do about this shitty reality other than consuming and daydreaming. It fills me with some sort of dread to know that I wasn't meant for this world, it would be better if i I could exist only online
Please stop talking about them when you're with me, I don't CARE about them. I don't CARE you hung out or talk to them. What makes them so special?? Do you prefer them over me? I hate that I'm just someone among your priority list when you are my entire world
I had more energy today so i did jirai inspired bingo. If someone wants to play…
Sorry for eventual grammar mistakes
And also mine:
uh oh

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yeah, sorry i exhibited symptoms of the disorder i told you i have. it will happen again because i have that disorder and will continue having it. hope this helps!! 🫶🫶🫶
All of my personality and sense of self is based on the presence of other people. I feel like I genuinely cannot function as an autonomous person anymore if nobody is looking out for me and I hate this. No thoughts, no feelings, no interests or motivation. It’s just nothing
and when all the distractions dont work anymore and its the end of the day, i’m left with just myself and the want for it all to please just fucking stop.
I tried my hardest, sacrificed so much time and effort not only for absolutely nothing, but to be booted out and replaced... honestly why do I even bother
i hate everyone and i wish i never made any connections to anyone

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I wish you could know the grip you have on me, the way you influence my moods and thoughts, the way you hurt me everytime you have plans that don't involve me, that you could be having all this fun without me and the different ways you could replace me, the way my whole world revolves around you while I'm only a mere fraction in yours, and I hate you for all of these.
I wish I could just cut you off but I know I would probably end up regretting it because I’m still attached to you, you are the only thing I have and I hate you for it
I don't care if you have other friends, I don't care if you do stuff without me, I don't care. I just want to make sure I'm your favourite. I just want to make sure you don't even think about abandoning me. If letting you do whatever will keep you here, I'll oblige.
“absence makes the heart grow fonder”
absence makes me want to kms
I am not special, in any way. And that's all I want, to be special, to the people in my life, to the world, to be finally seen not just looked over, but I'm not, not especially good or bad, just another person. I will always feel this heartache and will never achieve my desires of being special in anyway, because deep down I know I will never be happy or satisfied with what I have in life
i will not die of natural causes, i will end it myself

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i hope you feel better one day, i hope we both feel better.. maybe one day itll be easier
ty so much anon, hope it goes well for you as well someday <3 💕
bpd culture is “none of these people actually care about me fuck everyone, fuck all of you, fuck this”
”…nvm i was having an episode”
- 🌉
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