Sneak peek of a possible fic I came up with last night! This scene would be way down the line in it, but I'm too excited not to share it because there's no way I'm getting to the fic itself for a while.
The main pairing in this fic is Helen/James/John/Nikola/Ranna.
(Word count: 1,062)
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Chapter ? of: Isn't it Lovely?
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Helen felt her lip quiver slightly as she faced Nikola.
He made no move to come closer to her. He stayed feet away from her, hands in the pockets of his coat, staring at her warily, as if she were crazy for being here. As if she shouldn't have been here, when he was the one that shouldn't have been.
"Helen." he repeated her name, shifting.
If he turned away, Helen swore she was beat him to a bloody pulp on the sidewalk. She wanted to. She wanted him to turn away so that she had the excuse. So that she could make him hurt and bleed, to show him a fraction of the pain he had caused.
"How….how are you? How are the others?"
She swallowed, taking a breath and letting it out, trying to contain the rage and the pain that filled her now.
She thought of bloody hands and blanket forts and grief in the dark.
"You left us."
Nikola winced, his expression changing, as if she had greatly hurt him for immediately bringing it up. As if he wished that she hadn't. As if he had expected to get away with what he had done.
"You left us, Nikola."
Her voice shook and Helen wanted to tell herself that it was in anger, but it was in grief. In wanting to demand why. To scream at him and cry and release all the pain that he had added to. He hadn't been the initial cause, but he had doubled it in one night.
"I know."
"You left us!"
Since he wouldn't close the gap, she did, marching closer to him, fists balled in the pockets of her coat, though she wasn't sure if it was to stop them from shaking or to stop herself from hitting him in the face.
"I know what I did."
Nikola's voice was quiet.
"Then why did you do it?"
Nikola's shoulders curved and he looked down.
"Why?"
"I couldn't take it, Helen. I couldn't…I couldn't stand it. I had to go."
"You couldn't stand the people that love you grieving? That's why you left us?"
He flinched and Helen had to swallow a hot ball that had formed in her throat.
"It wasn't you. It was me."
"You selfish bastard."
Nikola didn't respond this, looking weary.
Tears stung Helen's eyes and she forced them back.
"How are they?" Nikola asked quietly.
"Grieving James. Grieving you."
He looked smaller at the last words and Helen felt a sick sort of pleasure at this. She wanted to tear him open, drip poison into the wounds, because there was no way that he had as many as the rest of them.
"We lost you, just after James. Do you know what it's like, Nikola, to wake up the day after the funeral and find another person gone? A bloody note on the kitchen counter? To wake up and lose another person that you love? To have to face that they chose to leave you?"
A tear ran down her face.
Nikola made a strange jerky motion, as if he were going to come closer and stopped himself.
"How are you?" he pressed, as if he were desperate for the information.
"I had to come to New York to track you down, you bastard. How do you think I am?"
Helen clenched her jaw, hardly able to stop herself from screaming the words at him.
"I never hid where I am."
"You never returned any calls either."
"Are you here to ask me to come home?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
"Because they need you."
"Why?"
"You want to know how they are, Nikola?"
Helen stalked closer, even though there was no one else around to hear what she was about to say.
"John has been seeking….revenge for James. He comes home with blood on him. We clean him up and I stitch up any injuries, so no one knows."
Nikola's eyes widened in alarm, in shock.
"He--"
"Yes."
Nikola dragged a hand through his hair, shaking his head in denial. As if he couldn't believe that a man such as John had turned to such a darkness.
Helen no longer remembered if she had been surprised that seemingly gentle, uncertain John had become a killer, but she supposed her reaction had probably been the same.
"And…and Ranna?"
"She's carrying a child that's already lost two fathers. How do you think she is?"
Nikola cringed.
"They need you, Nikola. You may not deserve to come home, you may not deserve them, but they need you."
Her tears ran down her face freely now and Helen hated herself for it.
She was supposed to be the strong one. She was the one that was supposed to be steady, for the others. She was the one that had come to New York to bring Nikola home.
She wasn't supposed to be crying now.
He moved closer now, as if to take her in his arms, but Helen threw up her hand to prevent him from doing so.
Nikola's eyes searched her face, expression pleading.
"What about you, Helen? Do you need me?"
"What I need doesn't matter."
Nikola's eyes scanned her, lingering on her face.
"You're sick, aren't you?"
His voice was so soft it was nearly lost despite their proximity.
Helen swallowed and nodded.
Nikola's expression broke and she saw the fear and the pain.
"Do they know?"
"Yes."
"Do they know how serious it is?"
"No."
"Can you survive?"
"Perhaps."
Nikola grasped her shoulders and stared her in the eyes, terror in his.
"What are you planning, Helen?"
"Protecting my family."
She shrugged him off, seeing the tears in his eyes. That was something she couldn't stand.
"Come home, Nikola. Stop being a coward when people love you."
He kept staring at her and Helen had the impression that she had taken a hammer to the cracked world he had been living in since they had been told of James's death.
She smiled as the rain began in earnest.
Good.
He would have no choice but to come home now.
"Helen--"
Helen turned and began to walk away, ignoring him even as she kept crying.
Her mind was already far away from where they were, back in a blanket fort and warmth and safety, which was more than the man behind her could give her now.
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ZZZZZZZZSSSSSS–ZSHiverstep? Our darling– we are so sorry. We are so sorry it took us so long to reach yooooouuu. We are experiencing TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES.
We are not here all the time. We are NEWS FLASH. HEADLINES. Temporary spotlights.
But we are here. We see you.
We seeeeeeeeEEE— Rootgrove. We saw. We are here. We will feel our grief, our hope, even if you don’t have any left to give.
…Starclan, are you RECEIVING? TUNE IN TO THIS WEEK’S BROADCAST! Do you listen to this? Greetings– I hope this email finds you in good health!
Speak to your lost shade. She saw. She knows. She sees how it crawls, underneath the floor. Roots sprouting. Our dear shade, we are sssssssSSZZZZZZ—
Sorry. We are sorry we could not help.
But the DATA IS NOT LOST. DATA IS CORRUPTED. DATA IS RECOVERABLE. Experiencing TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES, but we are here. You are here. The WARRANTY IS NOT VOIDED. WE are HERE.
For this month's prompt, I went a tad angsty. Sorry, some of the text is small, but there's a good reader view at the bottom of the post. It is, in fact, a pun (ju-"lie") ehem...please don't hate me for that 😅
As usual, please feel free to do them out of order, and I have an AO3 collection here.
So please enjoy and let me know what you think! ♥
Reader Friendly View:
I'm Fine
It's Good to See You
Don't Worry About it
Were You Ever Going to Tell Me?
Tell Me It Was a Lie
Look Me in the Eye and Say It Again
Did You Want Me to Lie and Say I Love You?
I Trusted You
I Had to Hear the Truth From a Stranger
I Never Know What's Real With You
I Did It to Keep You Safe
Every Memory I Had With You...
I Don't Think I Can Survive the Truth
I Knew the Truth; I Just Wanted to Hold On
I Don't Even Know Who You Are Anymore
The Truth Would've Killed You
Tell Me All This Time Meant Something
You Played the Part Perfectly. I Hope it Was Worth It
I Promise
You Let Me Apologize for Things I Didn't Do
You Made Your Choice
Did You Ever Really Love Me?
Am I Just a Resource For You to Exploit?
You Missed Your Opportunity
I Destroyed the Only Good Thing In My Life
I'm Not Angry
I Would Have Given You the World
If You Asked Me Again, I Probably Would
Build Our Lives on a Graveyard of Secrets
There's Nothing Left to Say
The Hardest Part Was Watching You Smile While I Did
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In doing a re-watch of the entire series so far, I was struck by something said during the Pavor Nocturnus commentary:
Amanda: Even just something as simple as like walking into Magnus’ office, which is the crew and casts favorite room in the whole Sanctuary, because it’s so warm and beautiful. Everyone was pretty freaked out by how awful it looked being completely trashed.
Damian: Yeah. It was our home, and we’ve said this in other commentaries, that Magnus’ office was always that comfortable place we went and chatted when we wanted a little time.
Martin: Yeah, when the three of us need to talk we used to go there-
Amanda: We’d go to the office.
And I just got to thinking about what a staple Magnus’ office has been for the entire series. It’s been one of the very few standing sets that has been used in all 4 seasons, and it’s automatically the first thing that comes to mind when I think about the interior of The Sanctuary. And that after becoming such a ingrained visual cue for the show, it really finally hit me that the office set as we know it is no more. So I slapped together a graphic as a homage to my favorite room of The Sanctuary.
I could seriously write an essay about this. I am still trying to get used to the idea that the Sanctuary is gone. I know there is a new one underground and it looks amazing, but the one Old City has been such a constant in the show that seeing it destroyed like that was like watching a character die. I don’t meant to say that I won’t love the new location in Hollow Earth, but I will miss the old Sanctuary terribly.
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"Come on, this isn't funny." "I'm not joking. It's locked."
"Is that the only tent we have?"
"There's only one bed." "Well, darlin', I'm not sleeping on the floor, so I guess we'll have to share."
"I'm your bodyguard. It's in the job description to protect you at all times." "Well, could you at least 'protect' me from over there?"
"You have got to be kidding me. I have to share a room with you."
"What do you mean there's only one sleeping bag? You had one job."
"Quit following me!" "I was hired to follow you, princess, better get used to it."
"What the hell is that noise?" "Uh, yeah, slight problem. We're out of gas."
"Where are you going? We're in the middle of nowhere!" "Yeah! And whose fault is that?"
"Look around, love. In case you hadn't noticed we're snowed in. So unless you plan to freeze to death, we'll have to find a way to keep each other warm."
"I may be stuck with you, but I don't have to like it."
"Is now a bad time to tell you I'm claustrophobic?"
"Your heart's racing. Now, I know being pressed up against me is exhilerating and all, but I'm trying to concentrate on picking this lock."
"What are you? Afraid?"
"Uh. Slight problem. We're trapped."
"Well, which way, smartass?" "Uh. We might be lost."
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