pixel skylines
dirt enthusiast
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
★
Stranger Things
Kaledo Art
Mike Driver
trying on a metaphor
tumblr dot com
Today's Document
oozey mess
we're not kids anymore.
#extradirty
Love Begins
Cosimo Galluzzi
JVL
if i look back, i am lost
h
seen from Malaysia
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seen from T1
seen from Liechtenstein
seen from United Kingdom
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@sarafollo
trinity
An Actual Real Person my Dad knew. Pretty sure he worked as a bush guide. When someone asked the time he’d pull off his hat - some kind of broad brim - and use to take a few measurements of the sun’s position relative to the horizon. Then he’d declare the time.
He was accurate to the minute.
Fvvdvddsfdssdhnvfh you get back here and say this to the rest of the crew
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If the US military wants so bad to liberate a desert region from a repressive religious organization, Utah is right there.
That’s the drone operator’s job.
This is the funniest thing i’ve heard my entire life 😭
Truth xD
This is literally me as a kid. Dad used to have the responsibility of giving out the well reports that came in on the friday night to anyone who phoned for the rest of the weekend. The problem was, on saturday mornings, he was doing the food shopping, so I was given a list of approved callers and he’d leave the well report figures by the phone.
Theoretically I was just supposed to list off the numbers. Except. Very early I started parsing the figures and give my own analysis. Apparently engineers and geophysicists got a bit freaked out by a ten year old going ‘It’s not that good, the flow’s really slow compared to last week, and there’s gas pockets really screwing up the flow in the east pipe judging by the pressure report.’
Dad still got that yelled at him at conferences: ‘This is the fucker who used child labour to do well analysis!’
‘Was it wrong?’
‘That’s the not the point!’
A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?”
The bartender considers it, then agrees.
The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat.
He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano.
The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues.
After the man finished his drink, he asked the bartender, “If I show you an even better trick, will you give me free drinks for the rest of the night, the bartender thinks that nothing could possibly top the first trick so he agrees.
The man reaches into another pocket and pulls out a small bullfrog, who begins to sing along with the rat’s music.
While the man is enjoying his beverages, a stranger confronts him and offers him $100,000.00 for the bullfrog.
"Sorry,” the man replies, “he’s not for sale.”
The stranger increases the offer to $250,000.00 cash up front.
“No,” he insists, “he’s not for sale.”
The stranger again increases the offer, this time to $500,000.00 cash.
The man finally agrees, and turns the frog over to the stranger in exchange for the money.
“Are you insane?” the bartender demanded.
“That frog could have been worth millions to you, and you let him go for a mere $500,000!”
“Don’t worry about it.” the man answered.
“The frog was really nothing special.
You see, the rat’s a ventriloquist.”
I was carrying a pack of paper towels back to my apartment. I set them down to reorganize the things in my arms and when I turned around there was a beast on my towels. I do not own or recognize the beast.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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“kink belongs at pride” - tired, desiccated, queerphobic discourse
“make the golf course a public sex forest” - thriving, vibrant, moves the conversation forward
The maid asked her boss, the wife for a raise, and the wife was upset.
The wife asked “Why do you think you deserve a pay increase?”
Maid: “There are three reasons. The first is that I iron better than you.”
Wife: “Who said that?”
Maid: “Your husband.”
Wife: “Oh.”
Maid: “The second reason is that I am a better cook than you.”
Wife: “Who said that?”
Maid: “Your husband.”
Wife: “Oh.”
Maid: “The third reason is that I am better at sex than you.”
Wife: “Did my husband say that as well?”
Maid: “No, the gardener did.”
Wife: “So how much do you want?”
Tweet 1 source | Tweet 2 source
I am genuinely unclear on why a school shooting victim would relevant to the business of the Centers for Disease Control
@tanoraqui There is a law that prevents the CDC from studying gun violence. It’s the NRA’s fault, like so many things, they keep blocking attempts to get the law repealed.
Oh! Thank you.
America is a place
What the hell actual?
I got hit with this charge and called the billing department. They explained that it was due to calling in a counselor (which didn’t happen), providing emotional support (I was given a stack of tissues and left tf alone), and extra labor from the present nurse (by extra labor do you mean handing me a box of tissues and shutting the door when she left?). After a firm chat, they removed the absurd charge.
Call and have a firm chat. No cursing or yelling, just explain the absurdity of this.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Translation request by @unbridled. English added by me :)
:3
this is the funniest fucking billboard possible. who the fuck paid for this
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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So uuuuhhhh…got my daughter a yogurt this morning and learned something new.
Guys I just realized they meant there’s a city in Texas called Ding Dong. I thought the people at GoGurt were really like, “DING DONG! WAKE UP SHEEPLE. BIG GOVERNMENT DOESN’T WANT YOU TO KNOW. TEXAS IS REAL. LOOK IT UP. GET THIS TO THE PEOPLE.” Like some big exec at Yoplait is ready to lose his life over exposing a national secret through the medium of childrens’ yogurt snack tubes.
the bravest writers are the ones who make granny characters in scifi and fantasy solely for the sake of having grannies i think there needs to be more old ladies who Fight and Kill
not only because i like the concept of badass oldladies and the destruction of the concept that all girl characters have to be sexually appealing to the audience bc thats fucking annoying as shit, there is literally Nothing funnier than the concept of a granny with a massive sword or death laser. she pinches ur cheek lovingly and then saws someone in half. amazing
mad max fury road granny biker gang my beloved
