Sam

radfems arent your aly if you're questioning your gender. they dont have your best interest at heart. they dont care about helping you explore who you are, theyre only interested in sucking you in to be another transmisogynistic pawn for their violent ideology.

if you're trans/nonbinary now, but are wondering if it isnt right for you, know that you have options. you can talk to me. there are people who have not done a 180 into bigotry who are here to support you.

please reblog, do not just like, this post.

i dont have a large platform. i want this to get spread. i want to remove terfs from the forefront of detrans/reidentification awareness & support. they cannot continue to be the first contact for questioning people.

“Mom has been texting me for the last twenty minutes. She wants me to come home. It’s a four hour drive, when the roads are clear, and from what I hear everybody is trying to get somewhere right now. There’s no telling if I’d even-”

“Everybody else has left. All the other kids were picked up, the other staff left. They gave me all the keys. I promised to stay and wait for as long as- well. Even if some of the parents show up, I guess some of them won’t, so I’m just waiting. Until.”

[Clears throat.]

“A couple of people came after everybody left. Peter, one of Aidan’s fathers, gave me three hundred dollars for staying. What am I going to do with money? It’s- anyway. I kind of get it. He wanted to give me something.”

[Audio ends]

[Audio starts]

“They’re all between 2 and 4.” Sniff. “They’re so little. Too little to really- maybe if they were older, I’d have to tell them something. But um. I’m just- trying to stay calm and keep them happy and occupied. I think that’s the best thing, right now.”

[Heaving breaths.]

“I normally use this recorder to help me remember stuff. It’s just, uh, habit to talk to it. I don’t know. They’re napping, right now. I’ve got the baby monitor, they know that if they talk into it, I’ll come, so-”

[Sobbing.]

[Audio ends]

[Audio starts]

“Mom keeps texting, so I blocked her. I sent her a text telling her goodbye, first, but. I do. But these kids need me.”

[Sniff.]

“I tried calling their parents again, but I can’t get anybody. It’s just busy signals. I called the firefighter station, 911. I can’t get through to anybody.”

[Shaky breath.]

“I went out into the yard. Um, I think they can play. It’s nice out, and you can’t really see it yet. Little bit of a glimmer, if they ask I’ll just tell them it’s a plane, but it’s nice out and we’ve got hours before-”

[Murmuring child’s voice, indistinguishable.]

[Audio ends]

This refreshing Thai lemongrass soup is made with a light gingery broth, pan-fried tofu, cherry tomatoes and fresh cilantro.

Follow for recipes

The other day I saw a story where a woman was asking why her dogs had suddenly started growling at her boyfriend whenever he was in the same room as her son.

And my immediate thought was ‘that boyfriend has hurt the kid somehow.’

Spoilers: that was exactly the case.

Fast forward about six months when I went north to visit my family. My sister walked into my parents’ house and pupper ran to greet my sister. Stopped dead in her tracks and started growling and barking. Hackles raised, full protection mode. My sisters husband had just walked in behind her.

My precious puppy wanted NOTHING to do with him. She barked, growled, ran away, and sat between him and my sister. Y'all my dog had spent maybe a weekend a half around my sister but protected her like this was her flesh and blood.

Eventually, my sister filed for divorce on grounds of “Extreme and repeated mental, emotional, and sexual abuse.” Divorce was final in less than a month because her claims were substantiated.

There was this one horse I worked with named Tonto. He was a doll. He followed me like a puppy, snuck treats out of my pocket, he was the sweetest thing. We were practically inseparable.

A guy I was considering dating came to visit me one day, and Tonto wanted NOTHING to do with him. Normally well behaved, he shoved himself between us and would NOT let this guy near me. He was stomping, acting really aggressive, and tried to bite the guy. This horse was practically dragging me back toward the barn. At that moment, despite being like, 17, I knew something was up, and ultimately things didn’t pan out for guy and me.

A year later I found out he had lied about his age (he said he was 18 but he was actually 27) he was arrested for sexually assaulting an 11 year old girl.

Alex (1976 – September 6, 2007) had a vocabulary of over 100 words, but was exceptional in that he appeared to have understanding of what he said. For example, when Alex was shown an object and was asked about its shape, color, or material, he could label it correctly. He could understand that a key was a key no matter what its size or color, and could figure out how the key was different from others. One day, he asked what color he was, and learned “grey” after being told the answer six times. This made him the first non-human animal to have ever asked an existential question. [x]

Alex’s last words were also “You be good, see you tomorrow. I love you.” [x] 

These were the same words that Alex would say every day when his owner left the lab.

a parrot actually said these words, and meant it, before he died.

This bird also invented his own words for things. He did not know what an apple was, but he was familiar with cherries and bananas. So what did he decide an apple was? A banerry. Because it was red like a cherry but light on the inside like a banana or something. And he was so set in his ways that he was correct in saying it was a banerry and not an apple, that he would try to teach his human companions how to say it. In the same slow pronunciation that they would do at him when teaching him new words.

It also helps if you kind of narrate your own emotions when you’re upset even just over little things, like ‘oh! I just can’t get this to lay flat, but I really want to! I got mad because I couldn’t get it to work, and that’s frustrating!’

You can also easily simplify the language, to something like “Hey what’s going on?” or “let’s get some space”/”I’m going to give you space” or “let’s take a break and take some deep breaths”

I also do this with my own children and it ‘s incredibly helpful. Small children are able to tell you what’s wrong and tell you how they feel if they’re given the tools to do so.

Common mistakes parents make:

-Assuming this will work right away. It won’t. It takes time for kids to get used to this. Parents/families need to use this frequently, consistently, and using language children can understand.

-By not staying calm themselves. This will not work if you let your own emotions/frustrations get in the way. When this happens frustrated parents want the kids to ‘hurry up and tell them what’s wrong’. Kids can tell you’re upset/frustrated/impatient. This can make things worse. You as a parent/caregiver need to remain calm as well.

-Use language that the child doesn’t understand (as Enog mentioned above).  Use language that your child CAN understand. A big thing you need to do even when your child isn’t upset is to identify feelings. Do this all the time. When a child can’t identify emotions, they have a hard time dealing with them. Use accessible language and model identifying as well as healthy ways to deal with various emotions.

-Failing to remove the child from a stressful situation. This is a VERY COMMON mistake parents and caregivers make. Young children in particular have a hard time focusing/calming down when overwhelmed. Some parents/caregivers expect the child to calm down while overwhelmed get frustrated with the child when this method doesn’t work.  Be sure to remove your child from the stressful situation or stimulus before asking them to tell you what is wrong.

It’s also just a way to give them some words they can use if they can’t really piece out what they’re feeling. Just by being around somebody in an elevated state, you’re going to end up feeling some of what they’re feeling, so reflecting that back gives them an in for figuring out what to say or how to calm themselves. Like, “I can see from your face that you’re very mad. That makes me anxious, because I want to fix it for you, but I don’t know how. It can be really sad and scary to be hurting and not know how to make it better. Since I don’t know what to do and you don’t want to talk about it right now, I’m going to put on my favorite radio station, because sometimes music can help calm me down.”

Often as a kid when I was really upset or overwhelmed, I couldn’t find a way to say that to my mother.  So she would ask me very clearly things like: 

“Are you scared about something?”

“Is something hurting right now?”

“Are you feeling sick?”

“Are you very tired?”

“Are you hungry or thirsty?” 

It’s a good way to introduce talking about emotions without making it too personal. (It also can be a way to introduce a kid to critical thinking about media–or basically, fandom–but don’t get too ahead of yourself.  Remember to keep pace with them.)

It’s also good to keep track of how they refer to communicate. You may have more success having them write a letter to you about emotions (once they’re old enough to do such), or draw a picture, or build something out of blocks. Remember that not everyone is good at verbal communication.

ALSO

On the note of little kids understanding: Children may not speak or speak “properly” for years, but they understand words extremely quickly. What holds back a lot of their speech is the ability to articulate words. There is often a period of development where the child becomes very frustrated because they WANT to speak but their body can’t caught up to their mental state.

That last one reminds me - my mother says that, from about 13 months old, I started knocking my head on walls whenever I got really frustrated trying to speak. It was clear that I was “try to speak” because I’d move my lips and make noises and facial expressions, but words she could understand wouldn’t come out, and I’d look really frustrated from not being understood.

srsly tho this is absolutely a thing that dudes do all the f***ing time

like where if he knows a girl doesn’t necessarily want to give him a hug, he will trap her in this position in front of witnesses where she has 2 options- both of which are undesirable for her, while simultaneously desirable for him

if she doesn’t want to hug him, whatever she does, it will suck for her.

she can 1. say nah and be the fucking asshole in front of other ppl or 2. forsake her corporeal boundaries and allow unwanted intimate contact

So I was on the transit bus alone one time. This was my first time riding, and so already I was PETRIFIED. I sit down, pull out my ipod, and begin to play some games. This guy sits down next to me, and begins trying to have a conversation. I don’t really respond, I don’t even look at him, just give half-hearted “mhm”s and “oh”s, as I don’t want to be rude if he was just striking up a friendly conversation. He then asks me on a date.

Now, as I stated before, I already was absolutely petrified. My heart stopped and I didn’t know how to answer. So I just didn’t. He didn’t let up and I could feel his eyes on me. I quietly stammer out a “no thanks” and my stop HAPPENS to be coming up, so I pull the string thing to let the driver know I want to stop there, and once we stop and the doors open I get up and he asks me, “Well, can I at least have a hug before you go if you won’t go on a date with me?” 

This makes me break. There are now people staring, as we are the only people standing up and not getting off… So I just start crying. Hell, I am bawling almost instantly. He looks so fucking freaked out and people are now getting up to come over and comfort me/question him. I don’t stop crying, and he keeps trying to comfort me by touching me, and people are yelling at him for that. 

AND THEN. AND. FUCKING. THEN. THE GOD DAMN BUS DRIVER. A VERY EASILY 6 FOOT BURLY MAN. COMES OVER TO US. PULLS THE GUY AWAY. AND KNEELS DOWN. HE THEN ASKS, IN THE MOST CALM VOICE, “Did you request the stop?” I very slowly and shakily nod, as I am still crying my eyes out. He then asks, “Do you want to get off?” I give a quiet “mhm” and nod once again, and he offers me his hand. I take it, he stands up, and he escorts me off the bus. He asks me questions such as where I was going next, if I was going to meet someone shortly, if I was going to transfer buses from there. He was very polite and waited for me to answer the entire time, and my friend (who I was going to be meeting there) showed up. He asked me if this was someone I knew, I said yes, and he said alright, have a good day. He then told me- and this is something stuck in my mind forever, so it is word for word-

“If some guy EVER starts harassing you like that again, do exactly what you did there. Cry. Cry and scream and have a temper tantrum. Not only will it throw him off, but it will get others to notice. They might not interfere, they might, but you will have gotten their attention and if you happen to go missing the next day the search for you will be a hell of a lot easier because everyone in that location will have seen you screaming and crying with a guy now very awkward with his actions. They will know. That is what my daughter did, and three days after she went missing she was back in my arms. I pray for you and every other person like you who has this done. You stay safe now, okay?” And after I began blubbering again, I nodded and he left.

It: 1. Gives them a sense of urgency in the situation, as the eye contact is a way to make them feel as though you are personally asking for their help and it is now their obligation to help. 2. Contains words so that if you’re in a public place but people aren’t necessarily watching, then they (as natural evesdroppers) can overhear the attention-grabbing words and then notice the situation. Note, this does NOT mean that they will come for help, but you might be able to look someone in the eye (as previously mentioned) or just get some people’s attention. 3. It shows that you have fight in you. As with rapists, those who are physically aggressive (ie. these huggers) choose women they see as an easy target. The moment you show them you are going/willing to fight them, they are less likely to continue. Sadly, this is not always the case, but every little bit helps.

Hi Everyone,

I’m Dominik, I’m a psychology student (and a pre-everything trans person myself) and I’m writing my final thesis about the ‘post-transition’ experiences of transsexual people. I find it extremely important to pay attention to this subject because my experiences show that academic studies and academic life in general tend to look at transition (especially medical transition) as the ‘ending point’ of transsexual people’s journey and so very few explore the experiences following the actual transition (however it might be defined - medical, social, etc.). In my thesis I’m trying to shed some light on this field.

I live in Hungary and I’m interviewing people here in person but I can’t seem to find enough volunteers. That’s why I created the online version of my interview. It might take some time to fill it out (an hour maybe) because I’m gonna ask you to write as detailed and exhaustive answers as possible but if you find the time and energy to share your experiences with me, please do so! You would help me out in a major way and I’ll be immensely grateful!

There are two more things: First: I’m trying to cover a lot of aspects with my questions but of course you don’t have to answer anything you find too personal or triggering in any way, etc. Second: the whole questionnaire is totally anonymous. I won’t ask about your name, your country, your blog or anything similarly personal.

You can find the interview here: https://goo.gl/forms/y61N9DWo6xSVB6412

Please help me out if you can! I’ll be eternally grateful!!

I haven’t posted much about this because I didn’t know if Alison wanted people to know her exact plans, but Alison @sinesalvatorem arrived in England this morning and after some other plans fell through she made last minute plans to stay with me

RIGHT NOW ALISON IS BEING DETAINED BY IMMIGRATION OFFICIALS. I NEED TO KNOW HER BIRTH NAME. THEY DON’T BELIEVE SHE IS JUST COMING FOR A FEW MONTHS THEY THINK SHE IS TRYING TO PERMANENTLY LIVE HERE ILLEGALLY. THEY CALLED ME THEY ARE ASKING SCARY QUESTIONS. AND I TOLD THEM TO CALL ME BACK BECAUSE I AM AT WORK BECAUSE IT IS TRUE, BUT I DON’T KNOW HER BIRTH NAME AND I NEED TO AND ALSO NEED A WAY TO CONTACT HER PARENTS

[English version below the cut]

samael-spikey, nivaraven und ich haben beschlossen, ein Blogprojekt anzufangen, in dem wir alle ein paar Fragen beantworten. Wir wissen noch nicht wirklich wieviele Fragen wir insgesamt beantworten werden und wir haben nicht gerade Deadlines für die jeweiligen Antworten, also weiß der Kuckuck, was aus diesem Projekt werden wird. Ich bin mir auch noch nicht sicher, ob ich alle meine Posts übersetzen werde oder nicht (ich weiß, dass die anderen das nicht tun werden, und ich weiß, dass meine Übersetzungen wahrscheinlich nicht perfekt werden, sorry dafür). Egal, jedenfalls seid ihr gewarnt! Wenn ihr euch nicht für meine Antworten interessiert, blockiert #Fragenbloggen.

Bis jetzt sind das unsere Fragen: 1. Schreib etwas über “unsere” Hunde. (Beschreibe ihren Charakter; wie stehst du zu ihnen, was magst du an ihnen und was nicht, was hoffst du in Bezug auf Helios?) 2. Was verbindest du mit… - Purpur - Kühen - Rosenduft - Nektarinen - Ahornblättern 3. Beschreib deine Eindrücke von einem Land, in dem du mal warst. 4. Schreib einen Brief an dein Ich in fünf Jahren. 5. Was ist dein Lieblingsdinosaurier oder anderes Urzeittier? Warum? 6. Wenn du wüsstest, dass alle, die du kennst, morgen sterben - wen würdest du heute besuchen? 7. Mit welchem Tier fühlst du dich besonders verbunden und warum? 8. Was hast du zuletzt geträumt? Warum, was interpretierst du da hinein? 9. Was sind deine schlechtesten Angewohnheiten?

Mehr Fragen!

10. Was sind deine Träume/Ziele? Stimmen sie noch mit dem überein, was du als Kind wolltest? 11. Was sind deiner Meinung nach drei Dinge, die jeder Mensch erlebt/gemacht haben soll bevor er/sie stirbt? 12. Was war der beste Ratschlag, den du jemals bekommen hast? 13. Wenn du drei Wünsche frei hättest, was würdest du dir wünschen? 14. Wenn du eine Mikronation hättest, wie würde diese aussehen? Was würdest du machen, wenn du eine solche Insel bekommen würdest? Wie würde sich diese entwickeln? Wie würde/n deine Nation, dein Land und deine Staatsbürger heißen? Was wären die fünf wichtigsten Regeln? Was für Einwanderungsbestimmungen gäbe es? 15. Hast du ein Tattoo/willst du eins? Wenn ja, was und warum? 16. Zähle fünf deiner Lieblingslieder auf und sage warum sie das sind. 17. Glaubst du an Gott oder etwas Ähnliches? (Welche Konfession hast du, wie stehst du dazu, wie hat sich dein Glaube entwickelt?) 18. Was sind deine größten Talente und stärksten Schwächen? 19. Wofür bist du dankbar? 20. Wonach bist du “süchtig”/was ist dein “Fetisch”? (Nicht zwangsläufig sexuell.) 21. Gibt es Menschen, bei denen du dich für irgendwas entschuldigen müsstest/gerne würdest? Wenn ja, warum? (Es muss kein Name genannt werden.) 22. Gibt es eine Person aus deiner Vergangenheit, die du aus den Augen verloren hast und dich heute oft fragst wie es ihr/ihm wohl ergeht? 23. Welche Charaktereigenschaften magst du, welche überhaupt nicht? (Denk dabei nicht an eine bestimmte Person. Es geht dabei nur um die Eigenschaften an sich.) 24. Was war deine prägendste Reise und warum? (Muss nicht ins Ausland gewesen sein.) 25. Welche Charakterzüge definieren dich als Person am meisten? 26. Welche Art Menschen bewunderst du? 27. Beschreibe deine Seele/dein Unterbewusstsein/dein inneres Ich mit Metaphern oder Vergleichen. 28. Was glaubst du würde dein zehnjähriges Ich denken/fühlen/sagen, wenn es dich heute sehen könnte? 29. Schicke den anderen beiden einen Auszug aus einem Text/Gedicht/Schriftstück, das dir sehr viel bedeutet, und lass es von ihnen interpretieren. 30. Machst du dir mehr Gedanken darüber, Dinge richtig zu tun, oder darüber, die richtigen Dinge zu tun? 31. In Philosophie oder Literatur taucht oft der Gedanke auf, einfach gestrickte/dumme/“geistig arme” Menschen seien glücklicher als solche, die sich viele (komplizierte) Gedanken machen. Was hältst du davon? Was für eine Art Mensch wärst du lieber? 32. Zeichne ein Bild von dir selbst, mach ein Foto davon und poste es. 33. Was sind drei Dinge, auf die du dich freust? 34. Stell dir vor, du stirbst, unrealistischerweise bleiben dein Bewusstsein und Sinneseindrücke trotzdem bestehen, und du kommst an eine verheißungsvoll aussehende Tür, vor der eine unspezifische Gottheit steht. Sie fragt dich: “Warum sollte ich dich hineinlassen?” Was antwortest du? 35. Welche drei fiktiven Charaktere würdest du (momentan) am liebsten treffen?

I know that another fish might eat this bullfrog right after I spend months rehabilitating it.

I know that turning a beetle back onto its legs won’t save it from falling over again when I walk away.

I know that there is no cosmic reward waiting for my soul based on how many worms I pick off a hot sidewalk to put into the mud, or how many times I’ve helped a a raccoon climb out of a too-deep trashcan. 

I know things suffer, and things struggle, and things die uselessly all day long. I’m young and idealistic, but I’m not literally a child. I would never judge another person for walking by an injured bird, for ignoring a worm, or for not really caring about the fate of a frog in a pond full of, y’know, plenty of other frogs.

There is nothing wrong with that.

But I cannot cannot cannot look at something struggling and ignore it if I may have the power to help.

There is so much bad stuff in this world so far beyond my control, that I take comfort in the smallest, most thankless tasks. It’s a relief to say “I can help you in this moment,” even though they don’t understand.

I don’t need a devil’s advocate to tell me another fish probably ate that frog when I let it go, or that the raccoon probably ended up trapped in another dumpster the next night.

I know!!!! I know!!!!!!! But today I had the power to help! So I did! And it made me happy!

People who are blind from birth will gesture when they speak. I always like pointing out this fact when I teach classes on gesture, because it gives us an an interesting perspective on how we learn and use gestures. Until now I’ve mostly cited a 1998 paper from Jana Iverson and Susan Goldin-Meadow that analysed the gestures and speech of young blind people. Not only do blind people gesture, but the frequency and types of gestures they use does not appear to differ greatly from how sighted people gesture. If people learn gesture without ever seeing a gesture (and, most likely, never being shown), then there must be something about learning a language that means you get gestures as a bonus.

Blind people will even gesture when talking to other blind people, and sighted people will gesture when speaking on the phone - so we know that people don’t only gesture when they speak to someone who can see their gestures.

Earlier this year a new paper came out that adds to this story. Şeyda Özçalışkan, Ché Lucero and Susan Goldin-Meadow looked at the gestures of blind speakers of Turkish and English, to see if the *way* they gestured was different to sighted speakers of those languages. Some of the sighted speakers were blindfolded and others left able to see their conversation partner.

Turkish and English were chosen, because it has already been established that speakers of those languages consistently gesture differently when talking about videos of items moving. English speakers will be more likely to show the manner (e.g. ‘rolling’ or bouncing’) and trajectory (e.g. ‘left to right’, ‘downwards’) together in one gesture, and Turkish speakers will show these features as two separate gestures. This reflects the fact that English ‘roll down’ is one verbal clause, while in Turkish the equivalent would be yuvarlanarak iniyor, which translates as two verbs ‘rolling descending’.

Since we know that blind people do gesture, Özçalışkan’s team wanted to figure out if they gestured like other speakers of their language. Did the blind Turkish speakers separate the manner and trajectory of their gestures like their verbs? Did English speakers combine them? Of course, the standard methodology of showing videos wouldn’t work with blind participants, so the researchers built three dimensional models of events for people to feel before they discussed them.

The results showed that blind Turkish speakers gesture like their sighted counterparts, and the same for English speakers. All Turkish speakers gestured significantly differently from all English speakers, regardless of sightedness. This means that these particular gestural patterns are something that’s deeply linked to the grammatical properties of a language, and not something that we learn from looking at other speakers.

References

Jana M. Iverson & Susan Goldin-Meadow. 1998. Why people gesture when they speak. Nature, 396(6708), 228-228.

Şeyda Özçalışkan, Ché Lucero and Susan Goldin-Meadow. 2016. Is Seeing Gesture Necessary to Gesture Like a Native Speaker? Psychological Science 27(5) 737–747.

it’s not that i know how to cook. it’s that the biggest christmas present i got was a little plastic kitchenette i never used except to climb on. it’s that my brother used it more, his hands ghosting over pink buttons and yellow dials. it’s that when my work needs cake for a birthday, they turn to me. i get it from costco. i don’t even like cooking. a boy burns popcorn in the dorm microwave and laughs. a week later, i do the same thing, and he snorts at me, “just crossed you off my wife list.” it’s that i had heard something like this so many times before that i laughed, too.

it’s not that i don’t love being feminine. it’s that i came home with bruises from trying to be a trick rider on my bike and heard the word “tomboy,” felt my little mouth say, “but i’m not a boy, i’m a girl”. it’s that they laughed. it’s that until i was sitting in my pretty dress and smiling with a big pretty smile and blinking my big pretty eyes, i wasn’t given back the title “girl”. it’s that until i wore makeup and styled my hair i was bullied; it’s that when i don’t wear makeup i’m a slob, that my mental health diagnosis hangs on the hook of being dressed up. it’s that my therapist sees me returning to bright red lipstick and tells me i am looking happier and i have to explain that i am more sad than i have ever been. it’s that i dress myself in as many layers as i can every time i ride a train because it’s better to be laughed at than harassed. 

it’s not that i know how to clean, it’s that my brother’s chores were outside where i wanted to be, and mine were inside. it’s that i would have weeded the garden better than he did if they had just let me. it’s that i am put in charge of fixing other’s messes, expected to comply without complaint.

it’s not that i can’t open the jar. it’s that you ask my brother first every time. it’s that i am pushed into docile positions, trained to believe that my body when it’s strong and healthy is ugly, trained into being less, weaker. it’s that the jar is also science, is also engineering, is also every job, every opportunity. it’s that you laugh faster when he tells a joke, that you take him seriously but wave off me, that when he raises his voice he’s assertive but when i do i’m hysterical. the jar is getting into a car with a stranger as a driver and wondering if this is our last ride. the jar is knowing that if something happens to us, it’s our fault. 

it’s that i’m weak and i don’t know if it’s because i just am or i was trained to be. it’s that we need to sit pretty with our pretty smiles and our pretty words trapped pretty and silent in our throats, our hands restless but pretty when idle, our bodies vessels for nothing but a future white dress. it’s that we are taught someone else needs to open the jar for us.