Stay Cute

boss makes a dollar i make a dime that's why i work at the us mint

hi I work at the treasury and my boss really liked this post

float like a butterfly (nervously forgets end of quote) green like a pea

basically low hanging fruit is great because that means it is easy to grab and i like when things are easy

You don't like New Yawk? 🗽? Bada Bing?

no 🛩️

anotha one🛩️

fuck its Already like 100 am

At the local hamburger shop and they said yelled out “order 167!” And three middle school age kids yelled in perfect unison “ 6 7!” Life is sometimes so beautiful

If you reference 67 you deserve to be executed on the spot tbh

If I was king for a day the first thing I would do would be to sentence you to a life full of love and understanding.

im swimming at the lake and accidentally kicked a fish. this has never happened in my many years of swimming. sorry man

It is thursday morning. Visualize yourself as the marble, the chisel, and the untrained sculpter who just tried methamphetamine

I think if a gas pump plays an ad for you while you're fueling up it should be legal to shoot the pump with a gun, igniting the gas and blowing up the station, killing everyone instantly

unfortunately it appears that i'm some kind of insane person

now imagine a bonkers swordfight in a sandstorm where one person spins their sword so fast it creates that terrifying Sand Halo......

LETS LET FRIDAY GET US PREGNANT

"time heals all wounds" WRONG. time is chasing me with a knife