Where Narwhals Roam Free

Source: [x]

Human, suddenly sucked by portal into a Magical Land: damn I wish I came from a magical world lol

Elf wizard dude: hahaha bro what are you talking about

Human: well, my world is just—

Elf wizard dude: what about the magic rocks????

Human: What magic rocks?

Elf wizard dude: You know, the magic rocks. The ones that generate near infinite energy by tearing apart the fabric of their reality? You know, like, uranium? You haven’t found those yet?

Human: Wait wait wait. That’s not—

Elf wizard dude: And like, come on, you even have some low level necromantic spells over there, like—

Human: We do not have necromantic spells, what are you talking about

Elf wizard dude: didn’t you say your friend was an EMT though? they do that shit all the time. Hell, you don’t even have to be like a high level caster or some shit, it takes like a few weeks to learn CPR

Human: Wh—

Elf wizard dude: You guys do have CPR, right?

Human: I mean yes but—what the—CPR is not necromancy!! That’s not how it works, it doesn’t bring people back from the—well I guess technically it does but that doesn’t—

Elf wizard dude: Next you’re going to be telling me Mothman doesn’t “count” either.

Human:

Human: …

Elf wizard dude: Ohhh. You got just the cursed magic rocks.

Human: …

Human: Well I mean—there is that one type of parrot but like that doesn’t—

Elf wizard dude: And no sapient animals? At all?

Human: Well ... I mean, depends what you call ‘sapient’. Crows remember who’s nice to them and bring them presents, and will get the whole flock to attack people who are mean to them, and cats basically conned us into lavishing them with food and attention--

Elf wizard dude: And that?

Human: Oh, that’s a pigeon. They’re really dumb, though.

Elf wizard dude: It’s getting on your public transport network!

Human: Yeah, it’ll get off at its stop-- wait.

Human: The what?

Elf wizard dude: OK, this one is real crazy. Powerful arcanists take sand, use heat spells to extract certain materials from it, and melt them into these runes, right? I mean, there's some metal components too, even gold. And they're all put onto these handheld boards in these runic channels. Then these cover these magic sand boards with glass, that they can conjure images of artificial realities onto...

Human: Oh shit dude, I think that's just cell phones.

Source: [x]

Here’s part of Disney’s statement…

Yes. They’re excusing a breach of contract over the pandemic. Oh. So righteous.

And because context is everything…

Some say Johansson made a dick move because Disney is “the hands that feeds her”. I wonder if they’d say the same thing if this was Tom Cruise or Robert Downey Jr or some MAN of the likes.

Last, but not least:

I say: good for her. Go after the mouse. Let it all burn if you have to.

And we have a new Disney princess 

but we’re not

because the sun is traveling through space too

so what the earth is actually doing is this

The Mom: Taurus, Aquarius, Sagittarius

The Dad: Virgo, Capricorn

The Girlfriend: Pisces, Cancer