Shit my ancestors have done:
1. Clan split in half on the decision to surrender to the English monarchy; *our* half said “fuck the king” and went to war. Upon losing, they fled for their lives to Canada.
2. A many-times-great-grandfather carried his ill wife on his back across the plains because she was unable to walk. He took his kids by day, leaving her with a fire, then returned for her at night, making the trip again.
3. Smuggled an unknown quantity of black market guns across the US-Canada border while dodging the Vietnam draft. These guns were then stolen by a cousin as part of a gang initiation, and were subsequently confiscated by the FBI. Two were connected to robberies.
4. A many-times-great grandmother lost her ability to walk after falling ill. Without her husband and at risk of losing her kids, she regained full mobility by using a wooden chair as a walker.
5. Caught the living room sofa on fire by lighting a fart
6. Punched a horse in the face
7. Got dragged underwater and eaten by a crocodile while saving their child from drowning
8. Been kept as a prisoner of war in an a drunken joyride-turned-invasion that almost altered the course of the Cold War
9. Stole a portion of another relative’s remains in order to fulfill their dying wish of being scattered in Italy, despite their spouse’s wishes
10. Illegally licked a national monument
11. Drove an ambulance for the military during WW2 despite being functionally blind. Was later demoted to cook, fed several high-ranking officers a meal made of soldier’s scrap rations
12. Became an accomplished country singer
13. Escaped genocide during a Nazi invasion of their country by forging false papers and sneaking *into* Nazi germany with their wife and daughter
14. Founded a still-standing religious movement
15. Left home at 15 to join a travelling rodeo, later became a bull rider, then advanced to Hollywood stunt double in a series of westerns. Jumped out of planes for a while, and now has prosthetic kneecaps, a false hip, and no feeling in either hand
16. Twice became trapped in a folding chair
17. Was supposedly attacked by a beaver
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