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@sadierosesound

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having been on tumblr for so many years, and like many having come back after a solid break of time, i’ve recently noticed it serving as this rich ground for revelation. I’ve changed, I’ve grown. my relationship with myself is so different than it used to be. it is so much more conscious. it can be caring, even loving. It is not constant, but I practice. it has taken years, years, years. at times I didn’t know what was happening - I just internalized so much pain and chaos and struck myself with it. I ran with my head down in the pouring rain, deep midnight agony, crying for open doors, whaling for what I couldn’t name but knew I needed.
now i see the world in new ways, the trauma, the interconnected lines on this graph paper. the graphic novel and the credits and the seashore every time. and i see patterns, i see what overstimulation looks like on the sunny cold days where you only know half way through that the jacket is disastrous and too warm. I see what’s happening. the world is always on for a reason.
I still cry for open doors. I’m still knocking. I’m still often dismayed by what I’m met with. I look back and I see suffering and I look right now and I see suffering. there is what has not changed. there is what should not be but is. and i am also celebrating what i have noticed. this change, this growth - this different than what it was. it’s hopeful. we need that.
poetic oatmeal // for the fact I looked for a nightlight
wow! look at this brain you built!
i mean, i know
all of the branches… all of the layers
I know about the structure, about the caving in, about the world and the way it was never supposed to be
I know you, I see what you see
what it is, what’s at stake
to be hid, but…
I back you up, I take you out
I call your name, I hold you now
you and i
you and i babe
we talk like never before.
ya did good today, kiddo
I tell myself
again
each day
new words, packed with gentle sentiment
a new tradition
something to come home to
“thanks world a cheerful day supporting sad events I support the love and time with families, I despise the root of the inspiration I feel bad for the turkeys, I’m that person. I will always be that person. I’m looking for the other “those people.” stores wink with a devilish smile this is a selfish survival and a cooperation sells you back your soul for half price, at a first glance that’s nice, but busy people with thinking phones don’t see posters on telephone polls and I know you’re looking for your identity but I’m afraid it can’t be found and the sound is of thanks people, sorry animals thanks world, sorry people sorry, I’m sorry, but thank you.”
— apologies, forgiveness, and anger. (via sadierosesound)
keep coming back to this like a yearly tradition
(Not sure what happened to the formatting after reblogging?!)

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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you, the sweet displeased
I am not grinning at your displeasure
just at my new, budding ability
to withstand it.
They say,
Sometimes even I say,
With where you point your focus,
You can grow the landscapes,
Where you will find your frame,
So I will point my focus,
Just towards that idea,
When there are too many other realities,
To follow,
Too much data,
In the stream.
instant seafoam
what are you for?
logic loads words
that were never meant for this
far past the beginning
think we started to stretch backwards again
writing words from a helicopter
a high mind drive
and for what Can be done without it.
perspective, but maybe less connected
always grateful for form
//maybe magic switched the last lines//
“Watching a video of a presidential candidate shouldn’t give you the same feeling as walking down the street.”
— http://youtu.be/Elkwo0t3LNM
…and now it’s 2022
(*link doesn’t work anymore, but the fact that post is still relevant…)
I keep trying to prove to you that I can see my breath in this icy climate while you cannot. But how long did you spend looking for it? What time of day do you look for reflection? Are you trying to see it with the eyes that they to gave you?
// I think this is what they call flawless design //

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I may support where you’re pointing
but your narrative is fragile
echos bounce off the table and I’m afraid
we don’t hear the same things during the night
which means
our rest does not oscillate with any sort of communion
your outside
is not my outside
at the right time, you’re sweet and sleepy
I’m up all night researching
there’s many a paradox here
I’m more concerned with the effects of this reality.
- because you’re so comfortable with value scales and inherent implications for fragility
algorithms
keep me strong
build my skin
point my focus
algorithms
blend my dreams, shore my seas, plant my feet
algorithms
indent my concentration, teach me patience, ruin the sport
it makes so much sense //
to offhandedly forget, direct, & intercept
// who we are really doing this for
- (I resent your implications)
there is a distinction, when crisis comes, when the apocalyptic headlines come out, when we make the news. between those who wait to return to normal, and those who wait to return to the first apocalypse. that of which was thriving in full force before any falling ash nor nightlight mornings had ever arrived. https://www.instagram.com/p/CE7-GBaJgD-/?igshid=tv5gcywmya79
a day full of journeyed notion, all just to become
down! with the chaos
or complete! in the wind
but wanting for a jacket isn’t the same as letting in
a coat that has potential
or a pool with just too few
~ sadie rose
it’s as though the words carry another face now
through that time
and now
it’s easier to appreciate
the breath at the end of the poem
to say thank you
for the universe and for my beadspread
but still, still how
do I get to the place where I like it more
because it sounds like me?
sadie rose // poetic oatmeal for what I wish to serve my future self

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
to let go of judgement
but then where does it go?
you, you silly thing
that pushes strain and discontentment
an awful hurting
for that pure heart
where can I take you?
I can not give you to the wind
it would not be fair to the air
and I can not put you in the rain
water has done nothing but nourish me
I am tired and you ask me to move
all day, I move
I go places to keep records
steal them up and give the boxes their feasts
I could cry for a change of pace
I throw up my arms, pretend I am just stretching
I say
against all odds, every start-again-mini-trend
will add up, even
I will think these words
these ones I can ethically give to the world
I will throw them out there
and they will come back
with nothing but love.
- on wanting words that breathe // sadie rose
i slouch
in a green chair wind chime
motionless, but i still feel a bit sick
there are four levels here
once you say something, you strike it from the record
i don’t know why this kind of thing
brings a faster kind of energy
than does survival.
- smiles of strangers past