BinChan New Year's Eve
In the grand scheme of things, one person probably isn’t that important. There’s billions of people, after all, and each of them with their own unique thoughts and choices that will all carve out the future in a certain way. Some have more impact, some have less. As a collective, sure, humans are important and they make an incredible difference (whether good or bad, he’ll leave that in the middle). But one person?
Anyway, Changbin isn’t here to philosophically ponder the worth of men. It’s just that– Well.
Bang Chan is really fucking important, if you ask him.
He’s not even doing anything special, standing there with an arm around Jisung’s shoulders, laughing at whatever chaos is being bred by the dragons. He’s just being himself, one hand holding his glass of non-alcoholic pineapple juice or something silly like that and the other held in Jisung’s gentle, adoring grip. They all pretend to hate it when attention is drawn to it, but none of them can ever really reject Chan’s affection, given so freely without a single demand attached to it.
“There was this icy shiver running down my spine,” someone speaks up almost by his ear and Changbin startles out of his single-minded focus, turning just to see Minho’s shit-eating grin centimeters away from his own face. “I just knew it had to be because you were yearning again.”
“I’m not–” He starts to protest, but there’s a huff of a little laugh on his other side and he knows there’s no point.
“I don’t think anyone has ever yearned harder,” Jeongin agrees with his boyfriend, and he’s one to talk. But Changbin presses his lips together instead of starting a fight, because it’s lovely. They’re lovely. It took Jeongin forever to work up the courage to ask Minho out, and even longer for him to then convince the man that it wasn’t weird for them to date. Jeongin is a beacon of fondness and love pouring out every time he’s given a morsel of his hyung’s affection and Minho is a glacier nearly entirely melted down at this point. They’re lovely, and Changbin loves that they found their way together despite everything standing in their way, loves that Minho decided in the end to take a chance and that Jeongin never gave up until he was given said chance. So he’s not about to start unnecessary drama by bringing it up.
He does, however, give Jeongin an unimpressed look that shuts him right up, making him take a sip of his drink before he’s just grinning in devious innocence. Changbin turns his gaze back to Minho then, who sadly is older than him and much less easily cowed. Minho has no embarrassment about his own thoughts, feelings or actions, at least none that Changbin could spark.
“Doesn’t everyone at some point after meeting him yearn for Chan hyung, though?” Is what he says instead, and watches Minho’s expression shift to one of begrudging agreement that is then quickly smoothed out with neutrality. Jeongin lets out another amused little huff, but doesn’t speak. It’s good he doesn’t, because this time Changbin might have been less forgiving. The only reason Jeongin never yearned for Chan is because he always gets Chan’s full attention when he looks even remotely like he needs it and because he was way too busy yearning for Minho instead.
Changbin would be disgusted if he wasn’t so fucking fond instead. That’s two of his best friends right there, trying to make sure he doesn’t feel bad by coming over to prod him into annoyance. They’ve clearly learned their tricks from one Kim Seungmin, and Changbin is at one point going to have to tell them to stop. Maybe. Possibly. Although the truth is that he likes it when they come and annoy him, because it means he matters enough for them to care, and it means he gets to spend time in their vicinity. He doesn’t have trouble feeling loved, nothing of the sort, but he does always love it extra when his friends seek him out - for whatever reason.
His gaze, not captured by any more words or movements from his friends, easily finds Chan again. His arm has come from around Jisung’s shoulders, but only because Jisung went and started a playfight with Seungmin. Felix is trying to break them apart while Hyunjin’s just laughing happily at it all. Changbin can only see Chan’s relaxed shoulders and the upturn of his lips, the laughter that escapes him as he watches their younger friends’ banter.
He tends to keep a distance during these group meetings, usually, standing more where Changbin is standing now to have an overview of what his friends are doing, to make sure no one is feeling left out or falling behind. Sometimes he lets himself get dragged in like this, though, when he’s fully relaxed, when his brain has temporarily stopped worrying and he knows his friends are all enjoying themselves as well. These are the best times. Changbin lives for these occasions where Chan’s guard goes down and he just lives in the moment.
Next to his ear, Minho fakes another shudder, easily accompanied by Jeongin’s amused laughter. He’s about to look over when Chan’s head turns and their gazes meet across the distance, rendering him motionless. Chan’s expression brightens at the sight of him and Changbin can’t help the smile that pulls up his own lips. It’s always warm in the center of Chan’s attention, always lovely to be here and to see him light up because of it, too. Chan’s gaze briefly flicks to Changbin’s left, then his right, taking in their two friends as well, no doubt, but Changbin’s own never falters, clings to Chan’s everything like Changbin has been doing for years now. Just hovering nearby, keeping himself within the golden circle of Chan’s existence as inconspicuously as he can. Shared friends, shared music taste, shared gym days, shared major, eventual shared apartment.
Shared New Year’s celebration with their shared friend group. Shared looks across the distance of the bar they’re in. Shared incapacity to look away.
There’s a zing going down his spine, putting him into forward motion. When he thinks back on it later, he will claim it was Minho pushing him forward, possibly Jeongin nudging the back of his knee to get him moving. One of them either way. When he thinks back on it later he will claim he’d never have moved on his own, but that there’d never been a better decision anyway.
Chan turns towards him more fully as he approaches, smile widening at the knowledge that he’s joining them, that he’s coming to share in the joy of their four same-aged friends’ chaos. Changbin doesn’t spare them so much as a glance, single-minded focus, endless yearning, all leading him straight to the one place he wants to be.
He moves the glass in his own hand to the other one, reaching up to touch Chan’s hair, brush it back, move his hand to the back of his neck. The smile on Chan’s face never falters. There’s no surprise either, only warmth and more proof of the full trust his hyung has in him. Changbin’s chest tightens with the knowledge of it, with the sudden nerves as he realises what he’s doing, but then it’s already too late and he’s already pushed up onto his toes, invading Chan’s space in one smooth motion and kissing him.
Changbin’s eyes have slipped closed in the motion, but right at the end he caught the first flicker of surprise. Probably when Chan realised he wasn’t coming over to mutter something into his ear, but to do something else entirely. Something never before spoken of, or even as much as hinted at, breathed out. And yet, despite that proof of surprise, there’s not a single moment’s hesitation before Chan’s hand settles on his side and his kiss is returned.
It’s not a greedy thing, nothing wild or deep or even remotely reminiscent of how long Changbin’s been yearning for this. Rather it’s more like they have both been long aware that this was one day going to happen. It’s a kiss that feels like going home and knowing his mother will have food prepared for him, like calling any of their friends and being sure they’d pick up, like offering Chan a smile and knowing he’ll smile back no matter what. It’s a kiss that feels safe.
When he draws away, sinking back down to the balls of his feet, Chan’s eyes open slowly. His smile returns as easily as ever, though softer now, a hint of wonder clinging to his lashes and the upturn of his lips.
“Aren’t you supposed to kiss people at midnight?” Chan asks him, soft. His hand on Changbin’s side is warm, keeping Changbin steady where he feels like his knees might give out on him any second now that he realises what he’s done.
“Couldn’t wait any longer,” he admits, fragile in its honesty.
Chan’s smile widens, his eyes dropping down to Changbin’s lips. The fingers on his side flex like wanting to pull him closer yet being stopped at the last second. Changbin can’t look away, sole focus on Chan’s face as it nears his again, briefly catching Chan’s eye before they’re both closing them to lean into a second kiss. It’s perhaps even slower this time, giving him the chance to breathe it in with his entire being, to really feel every instant of it happening. His hand searches blindly for somewhere to put his glass and the second it finds a solid surface, he lets it go in favour of wrapping his second arm around Chan’s middle. His hyung must have done something quite similar, because his second arm finds its way around Changbin’s shoulders, pulling him close.
“Fucking finally!!!” Someone yells right next to their ears, it seems like, making them spring apart with equal wide-eyed shock. The words are followed by loud cheering, all six of their friends now around them apparently, raising their own glasses and each shouting their own kind of encouragement. Jisung and Hyunjin are holding two glasses each, clearly the tables Chan and Changbin had found to discard their glasses on, but that’s a recipe for disaster if he’s ever seen one, so he almost immediately steps forward to take those from them.
When he steps back to his former spot, not quite sure just yet how he’s going to respond to any of this or how he’s going to explain anything to Chan either, there’s an arm easily coming around his middle and he’s eased back against a solid body. When he glances up and behind himself, he meets Chan’s gaze again, smile having returned again, though just a tad bit more shy than it had been before. His free hand comes up to take his drink back from Changbin. He looks down at it briefly before glancing back up. As always, Changbin has yet to look away.
“That was nice,” Chan offers, voice soft enough Changbin barely hears it over the continued cheering of their friends. It’s that his eyes have never left Chan’s face and he can read whatever sound he doesn’t catch right off his lips instead. “I liked that.”
Perhaps it’s a silly thing to say. He sees Chan’s expression shifting, awkwardness filtering in, but Changbin thinks it’s perfect. Just a moment to communicate acceptance, even appreciation, without having to have the obviously highly necessary conversation right now. He moves his free hand up behind himself, touching Chan’s face once more, smiling as the reality sinks in that yes, he did that and yes, Chan liked it. Chan’s head moves into his touch automatically, closer to his face, distance between their mouths closing yet again.
“Seo Changbin,” a very particular someone says, shoving their head nearly in between Chan and him, effectively breaking them apart again. “Don’t be rude. Kissing’s for after the countdown. You’ve had your taste, there’s no need to be so greedy.” Minho straightens up again, leaving their personal space but not looking any less smug because of it as he puts an arm around Jeongin’s shoulders and tugs him into his side. “If Yen and I need to wait for the appropriate moments to be allowed to kiss, then so do you guys. You don’t get special privileges just because you’ve been yearning for a decade.”
Changbin briefly blanches, a sudden terror swooping through him at the depth of his feelings being revealed so casually to his hyung. Yet before he can do anything whatsoever, the arm around his middle tightens its hold and Chan leans a little more towards him.
“Careful, Minho-yah,” his hyung offers their friend, nothing but warm amusement in his voice. “I still have a record of every time you called me last year to whine about–”
Minho’s hand covers Chan’s mouth before he can finish his sentence, eyes dark but ears blazing red as he stares straight into Chan’s face for a second. His smile is blinding again and his voice bright, though, as right after he intones a happy: “Congratulations on getting together, hyungs! We look forward to seeing you kiss again at midnight!”
Of course those words are immediately picked up by the others, Jeongin’s delighted laughter accompanying Felix’s excited “hyungs are going to kiss again at midnight!?” The cacophony restarts at that, everyone trying to say or ask their own thing, making it impossible for anything to be understood or said at all. There’s hands touching Changbin’s arms, fists bumping his shoulder and chest, excited noises mixed in with surprised or happy expressions, all of them moving too fast for him to do anything more than smile and nod and try to process the reality of everything that just happened.
It’s a good twenty minutes later, when he’s pulled away to get them all another round of drinks and himself a moment to breathe, that Chan finds him again at the bar. There’s a hand on his shoulder first, then Chan sliding onto the stool next to him.
“You okay?”
“Am I okay? Are you okay?” He counters immediately, incredulous at the ease with which his hyung seems to have accepted any and all of this, when Changbin’s still reeling slightly. Because of the reception of their kiss by their friends, but also the fact that he just did that.
“I’m fine,” Chan replies, a hint of laughter bubbling beneath the surface. The line of his shoulders is still relaxed, though it tenses slightly now, a hint of worry seeping into his previously so open gaze. “Do you regret it?”
“Hyung, no!” He immediately reaches over, puts a hand on Chan’s chest, grabs his shirt just to make extra sure he won’t think that. “God. No.” As the worry and tension seep back out of his hyung’s body, Changbin relaxes a little more again as well. “I just can’t quite believe that I actually did that. I’m still processing it myself. I don’t know what came over me.”
Chan’s smile is back when Changbin looks up at him, his eyes warm, his entire expression bleeding nothing but warmth and fondness. “I liked it,” he repeats. “Wouldn’t mind doing it again.” A pause and then a tentative: “More often.”
Changbin’s heart skips a beat, he can’t deny it. He doesn’t know what type of expression he looks at his hyung with, but it makes Chan’s smile widen a little, makes the hand on his shoulder briefly run down and back up his arm.
“You’re definitely going to have to initiate the next one,” he admits before he can think about it too much, his honesty once again shining through. Chan’s laugh is molten lava that drips into his ears and sinks down to his gut, settling there heavy and warm. Reassuring.
“Alright,” Chan eventually says, squeezing his shoulder briefly. “Alright, Bin, I’ll kiss you at midnight.” There’s a thumb briefly smoothing over his jaw, their eyes once again lingering dangerously. Before they can be tempted to lean in again, though, the bartender puts a tray with all their drinks down in front of them, and they startle apart once more.
Chan takes the tray, leading them both back to their friend group and easily passing around the drinks. Changbin sticks to his side like they’ve been tied together by invisible string, but it’s not even strange. He didn’t use to ever stray further away anyway. Still, the talks to their friends as normal, undergoes their teasing and drinks in their joy, ignores Minho’s wiggling eyebrows every time their eyes meet and chooses to glance Chan’s way instead. Their eyes meet every single time he does.
And still it surprises him that, when the countdown comes and everyone’s distracted by looking at the screen and counting along, Chan kisses him before they’ve even made it down to four.
