Rowan

Why cant i just forget him. Why does he keep crawling his way into my mind nearly every second of the day. I shouldnt love you. I never should've. This is my consequence for ever speaking. I never should ever tried to make friends. Because this is what happens. I hate him. I hate myself for everything involving myself with him. Its not like it's something that could make me sympathetic. He never mistreated me. He was a great friend to me and thats the worst part. But he's terrible. AND the people i actually respect hate him. Why did i ever associate myself with him. Im complete shit. Im horrible. Why was it him that my brain latched onto so heavily? Why couldn't it be anybody else i love? Why was it him? Why cant i let him go?

To the 6th grader who i knew when i was in 8th grade that was obsessed with omori what were you going through are you okay bro

I hate people i hate everyone i hate my family i hate my friends can I just be left alone i dont want to have to deal with anyone ever again i hate fucking everyone

I wish I was dead

Everything keeps me up at night. Its 5:30 am. I hate these feelings. I hate these memories. I just need some rest. Can I please just sleep. I'll do anything. Please.

Man im drawing omori fanart rn and like i finished it a few days ago but like I think the game just like really hit me for the first time. "Won't you forgive yourself?" Man. I had to just stop for a second and just start crying. I cant cry over myself very often. I try but I cant. I can cry over media, but thats because the media itself makes me emotional. I cried during final duet because it was sad because of the story. But this time omori is making me cry because of myself. Im hoping my friends can forgive me for who I am. For what ive done. They act like ive done nothing wrong but they all know what ive done. Im horrible. I dont know how to feel like a good person and be happy at the same time. I feel like if I make myself completely lonely then I will finally be good. But, I need them so bad. I need everyone so bad. I just want them to tell me they need me too. That i can still be good, with them. I want to continue with them. Isolating myself is literally just the track to my suicide, and I know and have accepted that. But, god I need people so much. I cant keep lying to myself. I miss them all so bad. I just need them to tell me they forgive me.

I think im just gonna see how long i can go without saying a single word to my friends until they ask me if im okay. Test if they actually truely care about me. Maybe they won't ever ask if im alright. They'll just grow to hate me like they should.