I’m a stranger to my own culture…
I was raised abroad. I did all my schooling abroad. But then I came to my mother land for college. It was big difference. To everyone I was different not one of them. I was an exotic animal. One they have never seen. They make jokes about how I’m a “foreign breed “. They laugh at me when I don’t understand some slang word and ask what it means.
It’s been 3 years now…. the jokes are less but not completely stopped. Once in a while I’m still made fun off. And I laugh along because I know I will be singled out if I speak up… Even the teacher sometimes joke about it. And all I can do is just smile and pretend like nothings wrong.
Most of my friends are studying abroad, in another state of in a more popular college in the same state as me… but I’m studying in a local college where most of the students are local or from nearby areas.. while my friends are having fun at different programs their college conducts, I feel like I’m rotting away here but there is nothing I can do other than to suffer in silence. When asked why I join this college, I just smile and say that it’s was the closest one to my home and the easy to travel to…
The reason I joined a college in my own state was because my parents miss being here. Apparently my dad was already settled abroad even before he got married. And after marriage my mom joined him… the only home I have ever known is abroad… So they have been abroad for almost 21 years. My dad still works abroad but my mom now lives her with me.
I’m in my final year of college now… most of my friends are planning to go abroad for masters job. I also want to go abroad but I know I can’t… my parents can’t afford it. I don’t blame them. They do everything to make me happy all the time. And I’m so very thankful to them. But I can’t help get jealous of my friends and the life they lead now.. for them college means freedom and a place to express them self and be with their best friends .
For me college means anything but that. Every single person in my class has treated me badly with or without them knowing… I feeling like I’m gonna be trapped for the rest of my life.. I KNOW I’m trapped for the rest of my life.. and there’s nothing I can do…
Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and just convince m parents to at least let me study in another state or a different college or something… out of the ppl I know of from my age group I’m the only one in this situation… I know what ppl say about judging a book by its cover but about this I’m certain because I hear about how fun college is directly from them and from my parents who is connected with most of my friends parents… so I’m only on who was treated differently because I studied abroad. I’m the odd one out apparently. I don’t know how to feel about that..
Now when I think about my future I get scared…. Most my female friends are talking about marriage… one already had a kid recently another got engaged.. most ppl here especially the female get married after bachelors… I know my parents won’t do that but I can’t help be scared for my self…
I used to dream about doing my dream job and living in a flat I bought myself and enjoying life. But now I don’t even know if I will be able to do my masters...
I feel like my life is falling apart into pieces right in front of my eyes and I can’t do anything to put it back together..
Just like that it’s 12 am and another day is gone… and I’m still crying in bed quietly so that my parents won’t wake up and writing this post that I hope no one else has to relate to……
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