Made a little cover art to commemorate the completion of my fic!
Wee superhero
With Mxy getting bored by Kara’s attempts at fixing her relationship with Lena, he decides to mix things up a bit. Much to Kara’s dismay.
Now finally getting the long attempt she wished for, Kara navigates the world of her past self in the body of a small child where she somehow needs to convince her past self to talk with Lena, make people take her seriously and avoid disrupting the past. Well, more than she already did.
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Kara growled in disappointment at another failed attempt. All she wanted was to repair her relationship with Lena, but every tape only showed a disastrous outcome – each one worse than the one before. It was getting more and more frustrating. Kara wanted to scream. If only Lena could just understand!
Perhaps she was wrong about her approach. Each tape gave her a taste of the world and then jumped to the conclusion, but she wondered if she had more time she could make a bigger change.
Then again, maybe it wasn't just the timing. She had an opportunity to rewrite the past for Rao's sake! She could not afford to be greedy and get more out of her wish, but she might as well make sure it was done right.
Her and Lena, they were both better with each other in their life – she saw what would've happened if they weren't. She just needed one more chance, one proper chance to see things through.
"You saw what would happen!" Mxy said defensively after Kara asked for another chance. "You exhausted every possibility!"
"What if I didn't? What if I just chose the wrong timings!" She argued.
"You want to try again?"He asked with genuine surprise.
"I'm sure the next one would be it! Please."
It wasn't. And so was the next one, and the one after that. Telling her on the plane led to them crashing into a mountain, telling Lena after she was poisoned led to Reign killing them all soon after, and telling her while investigating Lex led to him killing Lena and taking over the world.
"Ughh! Why does it always end like that?" Kara leaned back on her couch, her head facing the ceiling and her eyes shut tight.
"If I recall, each ending was quite different," Mxy noted next to her, his voice seemed to be losing patience.
She was frustrated too. It was as if the solution was just out of reach, staring at her right in front of her face. The tape where she told Lena right at the start was the best one yet – well, that was until Agent Liberty killed everyone, but maybe had she had more time to observe that timeline, things would've been different.
"Okay," Kara opened her eyes and jumped up, filled with purpose and pure determination. "I need you to take me back to the early days of our friendship, but this time I'll ask you to keep me there for longer, I need to observe more of it before you jump to the end."
"You know, it was fun at first, now it's just boring." Mxy dragged out his words, lingering on the last syllable.
"I promise you, this time it will work." She understood the frustration, but she knew she had to fix her relationship with Lena.
"I've heard that before," He rolled his eyes and got up.
"You told me you would help me fix it! It's not fixed yet!" She got up after him, not above pleading for his help.
Mxy closed his eyes, took a big breath and exhaled slowly. When he opened them again his lips quickly changed from a frustrated frown to a brilliant smile, maybe a bit too wicked to Kara's liking.
"You're right," He said, "your approach has been too similar with each attempt. Maybe it's time for a small change."
"What do you mean?" Kara agreed, but couldn't help but be a bit concerned about his new attitude.
"Do you want to go back and try again?"
"Yes."
"Then call my name if you need anything, although I will warn you I won't be able to do much but pull you back, so don't set your hopes too high."
"What do you mean by a small change?" She searched his eyes for any answer but found nothing.
Mxy smiled. "I'm sure you'll see soon enough."
Before Kara had a chance to ask anything else, the scenery in front of her changed once again. Only this time she was not projected to a taped version of herself, but found herself floating in the air of the National city skyline. It was strange, she was sure she would find herself in front of Lena like usual, then again Mxy had said it would be different.
Something felt off. She wasn't sure what exactly, but she felt weird. Her clothes didn't feel like the supersuit, no cape at her back, and the wind lifted up the edges of her t-shirt. Looking down at herself she realised it was not only her clothes, but her body looked different. Kara quickly landed on the nearest roof and felt much closer to the ground than usual.
"Mxy!" She called out to him immediately, her voice coming out at a much higher pitch than expected. That must've been a joke.
"Giving up already?" He asked from behind her back. Turning around Kara saw him leaning casually against the roof entrance of the building.
"What? No! Just, what did you do to me?" She demanded, her voice squeaking out and losing any hint of intimidation she hoped to convey.
"I told you I was going to make a small change," He smiled smugly as a small mirror appeared in her right hand.
Looking at the mirror affirmed her suspicion. She had the body of a child, her own child self. She couldn't be older than six years old by the looks of it.
"How is that supposed to help me fix my friendship with Lena?" She lowered the mirror to look him firmly in his eyes.
"I don't know," the imp shrugged. "But it's much more interesting than everything that was going on before."
"Turn me back." She shouted, placing her hands on her hips to make herself seem larger. Not that it could help with her current size.
"Do you want to give up on the attempt?"
"No."
"Then, I'm sure you'll find a way around it." He winked and disappeared.
Kara sighed. She already knew this was going to be a very annoying attempt.
“Yeah, it's me.” Kara confirmed with a small smile. “Mxy's words were… unsettling. I thought you might need some help.” She explained shifting in place, unsure how to hold herself in Lena's simulated lab.
“Well, I don't.” Small Lena squicked decisively. “I just need someone to make me an adult again!” She shouted the second part loudly for Mxy to hear. “Or at least make those tables shorter.” At that, the tables grew a few inches higher. “Oh, come on.” Lena huffed. Mxy was certainly having fun with this one.
“I can give you a boost. You can sit on my shoulders and I'll act as your legs.” Kara suggested with a small shrug. She hoped to be at least somewhat helpful.
Lena studied her for a long moment, then at the unreasonably tall tables. “I don't think even our combined height would suffice,” she said.
Kara only floated lightly off the ground in response.
“Okay.” Lena sighed.
Kara smiled and knelt down for Lena to climb on her shoulders. It was an odd arrangement, but it worked. Kara patiently waited in each spot as Lena worked, lifting her to the table itself on occasion and helping out with some of the wires when needed. She then lifted her up again and carried her to a different table for the next part.
Mxy was apparently not done with his little table torment, occasionally changing up the tables and splitting some in half. Not in any way the disrupted their actual work, but annoying nonetheless.
Kara had no idea what exactly they were working on and she decided not to ask. If Lena wanted to tell her she would. It was interesting though, a combination of special brainwave and radiation to limit parts of the brain. To what end, Kara didn't know, but it was clear Lena took great care to keep the thing safe.
They then proceeded to go through several testing phases until the device was approved as safe according to the large computer monitor in front of them – one that seemed particularly large to their small figures – and Kara had a feeling Mxy stretched it to be far larger than before.
The large wall to the side of the room opened up to reveal a window showing the entirety of National City from above.
Something was off though. It wasn't until Kara took a closer look, she noticed everything was static, as if the city was frozen in time.
“This is a simulation, of course, so none of this testing will hurt anyone in case you were wondering.” Lena said quickly once the window opened up.
“I wasn't.” Kara said. She trusted Lena and went through several of Mxy's simulations already to know they aren't real. No matter how real they felt.
“Good. So you know we can't interfere no matter what.” Lena said coldly, which only made it sound more eerie coming from small Lena's mouth. It was uncanny how adorable she was like that.
“What is going to happen?” Kara asked.
Lena didn't answer immediately, instead moving to press on several buttons on her screen, making the city come to life.
A bar on the screen started going up, showcasing the influence level of the device on the city as news flashed on the screen showing any new crime and report. Kara tried to keep up, but they were too fast for her to follow.
“Do you understand the purpose of the machine?” Lena kept her gaze not on the screen as she spoke.
“To control behaviours.” Kara guessed. “Supress urges.”
“Do you know of what nature?”
“Um, agression?” Kara took a shot in the dark.
“Close enough.” Lena nodded.
They turned to watch the screen together. The influence bar reached maximum capacity as the crime bar got lower. Very simple UI, so at the very least it was easy to follow.
Lena sped it up. It looked as if the city moved in superspeed, making it seem like a blur. It seemed to be going well according to the computer data, crime rates were actively declining as time moved on. There were a few spikes in activities which Kara assumed were related to more severe crimes. There were spikes in the health monitor, but they all quickly stabilised, letting Lena release a breath of relief. Kara attempted to follow the data, but it all moved so fast and she had no indication what was really related to what besides their basic metric names.
Before Kara knew it, the city stopped once again. The result printed in an old school fax machine from the bottom of the screen for, probably, Mxy reasons.
Result: 5% decline in overall crime rate in the city, mostly petty crime, yet a sharp rise in fraud related crimes by 27%. Divorce rate higher than before, 40% more cases settled in court, depression rate spiked and record number of admittance to psychic health clinics and the list went on.
It was obviously not the result Lena was expecting for.
“No! No!” Lena shouted. “That was supposed to work! Why didn't it work!” Lena's voice came out strained and uneven. She was holding herself together up until that point, but that was clearly one step too far even for her. Lena fell to the ground, her large green eyes shone under the dim light of the lab and looked to be on the verge of tears.
Kara moved to check the results closer. The printed paper kept on going, emitting loud sounds of this archaic technically, and pilling up this one long never ending paper. It was very detailed, specifying every single incident that occurred in the city during the experiment. It seemed like the waves, while minimising aggression, did cause several mental health problems among the people, but the most interesting detail was the crimes themselves. Less violence in nature, like clear abuse, but more and more complicated crimes with the intention to help others without hurting anybody, yet people were always hurt by the result. A cruel reminder of the complexity of their reality. Nothing was easily solvable and if anyone tried to say otherwise they were sorely mistaken.
“It wasn't their intention.” Kara tried to soften the blow of another failure. “You can see here,” She raised the still printing paper. “They were trying to help or protect others.”
“So? Lena asked, her high pitch voice making her sound even smaller than she looked. “They still did those things! They still hurt people!” She pointed at the printing of the paper. “Nothing really changed.”
“Maybe we can try to –”
“I did!”
“But I was gonna say–”
“It doesn't matter. I tried everything, Kara. Everything. I've been at it for months. Even before your freakie friend tried to help.”
“Maybe…” Kara wasn't sure where she was going with this. “Maybe mistakes are innevetable. It's just who we are as beings. We make mistakes no matter how much we try to avoid them, but it could also be a good thing.”
“How so?” Lena asked, sniffing loudly as she wiped away her tears with her long sleeve.
“It's sometimes our only way to grow, to have a better understanding of ourselves, others and the world. To build empathy. A necessary part of our existence. I don't think most people do bad stuff out of malice, I think they are just driven by fear and, unfortunately, fear tends to rob us of reason.” Kara spoke gently. The sentiment somehow sounded too naive in her childlike voice, but she stood behind her words regardless.
Lena said nothing, her gaze drifting back to the frozen city. Despite its frozen state, it still felt as if the city was somewhat alive thanks to the sparkling dots of light.
The small brunette stepped closer to the window her young face only slightly reflected in the glass as her coat trailed behind her. The silence was constantly interrupted by the printing sound that didn't seem like it was about to stop any time soon.
“You said mistakes are inevitable and needed for growth,”Lena finally spoke. “But Kara, you betrayed my trust, I still… I'm not sure I can get past that.” Lena turned to her and Kara could see the tears welling in her eyes. They looked so big on her small chubby face.
“I know.” Kara said, taking a deep breath and walking closer for Lena to make sure she could hear her above the printing. “As I said, at the end we are still accountable for our mistakes. I've made mine and I'm accepting the consequences. No matter how much I wish things would be different, I know that I've made my bed. I will spend my life trying to repent, but that does not mean you ever expected to forgive me.” It broke her heart to speak those words, but she knew them to be true. “I'm just saying that circumstances can explain behaviours, they do not erase accountability. If every bad decision can be excused by pain, then responsibility means nothing. But taking responsibility over our actions, over our mistakes is often what we need to grow.”
“So what, pain and suffering is good?” Lena sniffed and wiped away her eyes.
“Not good, but essential.” Kara shifted her balance, not quite ready to look Lena in the eye. “They are part of life. I think they are the way the world balances out the good and the bad. Without downs there are no ups.” Kara tried to add with a small chuckle, but it did nothing to alleviate the tension in the room. “I know loss.” She stated more seriously. “Sometimes it felt like it was all I knew. Sometimes it still does. But I think because I know that, I can appreciate moments I wouldn't otherwise.”
Lena nodded but said nothing.
“Does that mean I can never be forgiven?” Mxy's voice made them both jump in place. They were not expecting an intrusion at that moment.
“What did you do?” Lena asked, trying to collect herself in front of the new presence.
“Tried to force Kara to marry me.” He said with a hint of regret. Despite his grand gesture to make her forgive him, it was the first time she spotted any actual regret on the imp.
“And invade my life, and abduct me, and give me an ultimatum that would put the risk of others if I kept on refusing!” Kara burst out. She held on to it for a while now. The way he invaded her life was cruel and mean.
“Right, that too.” He nodded. “So that's a no?”
“Why are you trying to make it up to me?” Kara asked. “It doesn't feel like you're really sorry.”
“But I am!” He said. “When I returned home it felt like a blow. I was even angry at you. But after a while I just… I had this feeling in my chest – an uncomfortable feeling!” He clarified. “And the more I looked at your dimension, I figured that the only way to make this feeling go away is to make you forgive me! And the best way to do that is by making an exchange. I give you a wish, and you grant me forgiveness.” He spoke as all of it was as simple as that.
“But you still lied to me.” She pointed out. “You couldn't actually change the past when you offered me that wish!”
“Ugh, small details.” He waved her off.
“No, but that is exactly what I talked about! You made a mistake, a very selfish terrible mistake and you can barely acknowledge that! You can't grow unless you take accountability, unless you recognise how and why your actions were wrong.”
“I… yeah okay.” He sighed. “I was just very lonely.” He said, his physical appearance changed, morphing his adult form to a child in similar age to her and Lena. “I just wanted some friends.” He said in a small voice.
“Then you need to learn that friends don't demand stuff from each other,” Kara was set to put him in his place no matter how adorable he looked in his child form. “If you wanted to be my friend you would've actually tried to help.”
“And what's your excuse?” Lena asked, cutting her off.
“What?” Kara turned, surprised to be adressed.
“Seems like Mxy recognised he made mistakes and tried to at least do something about it.” Lena gave her a forced shrug.
“I tried to fix it! I tried to make it so I would've told you sooner!” Kara said defensively.
“It really worked out great, didn't it?” Lena asked sarcastically.
“I didn't know it was impossible at the time.” She argued. “And I told you. No matter how much I wish for things to go back to how it was, or… become anything more. I know that it's not up to me now. At the end of the day, I made my mistakes and I know I'm not owed to be forgiven. I'm not sure I deserve to.” She added in a smaller voice.
“I just…” Lena seemed to struggle with her words, her eyes brimming with fresh tears and she tried to compose her expression. Kara wasn't sure if it was the situation they were in or the fact that they were all kids that made them so emotional.“Why?” Lena managed to ask at the end.
“I guess it's not far off from Mxy's core issue.” Kara said. “Loneliness.”
Lena gave her an amused snort.
“I mean it.” Kara insisted.
“Kara, you're the most friendly person I know. You're sunshine in a person.” Lena almost made it sound like an insult.
Kara looked at her confused, unsure what she was getting at.
“You can't tell me you have problems making friends.” Lena said eventually.
Kara gave her a shrug with a forced bitter smile. “I guess I'm full of surprises.”
“Really?” Lena asked, her question holding less bite than before.
“What can I say, I'm apparently not great with people. Never was.” She sighed. “I was bullied in school when I first arrived and the only friend I had was murdered before we even finished high school. I only really had the Danvers but even Jeremiah died around the same time so I was alone. That's all I knew. I was sort of friends with Winn, but he became more involved after I told him my secret – James already knew when he arrived – and it kinda felt like all of our relationships revolved around Supergirl and that side of my life. Just that. And then I met you…” She shifted her gaze towards Lena, feeling her own tears blurring her vision. “And with you, for the first time I could just be me and I was enough. I was afraid that if you knew, then me – Kara – wouldn't matter anymore. That I'd be alone again.”
Lena didn't answer for a long while. Mxy willed out a box of tissues into existence and passed it around for them to use. That was sweet of him at the very least, perhaps he was learning.
“Was that, um, was it like that back…” Lena didn't finish her sentence but Kara had guessed what she was referring to.
“On Krypton?” She asked and Lena nodded. “I only had one friend back on Krypton and I managed to botch even that relationship before my world was lost so I will never get to have any resolution with her. I was sent off from everything I knew and she died without getting even a proper apology.”
It took her a moment to notice the forgotten familiar red glow of the city, but the change in light was enough to make them both glance back at the large window. Only now instead of National City frozen in time there it was – Kandor, Krypton – more vibrant and alive than it had been in decades. It was all there. Every familiar building, hovercraft flying in the skies and kryptonians walking about the place with a Kellex unit or two.
Kara broke down in tears as the false light of Rao hit her face for the first time in years.
“Oh, was that too much?” She heard Mxy ask. “I really did try to help this time.”
Kara wasn't sure if she wanted to force her eyes open and take every bit of the place she grew up in or shut them tight and never look back. The choice were taken from her in the end. Without much fanfare, her small childlike sobs grew dipper, her body back in her adult form and the scenery around them changed back to her apartment.
“I'll just…” Mxy didn't even finish his sentence before he disappeared.
Kara was still struggling to hold back her tears or control her breathing. It was too much. It was way beyond too much. She really wasn't sure if Lena had left as well until a gentle hand landed on her shoulder followed by a glass of water and Mxy's box of tissues.
“Thanks.” Kara barely managed.
It took her longer than she liked to even out her breaths and stop the tears, and by the end both women found themselves sitting on the couch in complete silence, each unsure what to say.
“It wouldn't have changed things between us.” Lena broke the silence. “Your secret, that it.”
“How can you know that?”
“I know because… I just know.”
Silence fell upon them again. Unlike the silance in Mxy's world, the city around them was very much alive and constantly moving. Traffic, people, and other sounds filled Kara's senses. She let them overwhelm her without attempting to suppress them, wishing she could drown in it for just a moment.
“You said that you will not hide anything from me from now on, right?”
It took Kara a moment to realise Lena had spoken. “Yes.” She said eventually.
“Can you tell me about Krypton?” Lena asked, her voice so soft and raw it brought a smile to Kara's lips.
“Yes.” She nodded. “Of course.”
They talked all throughout the night. Lena was attentive and listened closely, even chiming in and sharing a few stories of her own that Kara never heard.
They woke up hours later on the couch where they both had apparently fallen asleep on. Feeling somewhat groggy, tired, and emotionally drained, they got up and made some breakfast in silence.
It was comfortable. Despite the silence there was no need to fill it up. The only thing that kept bothering Kara was the moment Lena would decide to leave, potentially never to be seen again. At least not in any social settings. She was in no rush to finish their breakfast and get on with their day.
Kara suggested an episode of the x-files which was one of the shows they used to watch together, and to her absolute surprise Lena agreed. They continued to sit in comfortable silence as one episode turned into two. By the third they ordered food and by the fifth they started commenting on moments in the show. They ordered more food by the sixth and by the ninth they finally noticed how dark it was outside.
“I should probably go.” Lena said after letting out a big yawn.
“You can stay here if you want.” Kara couldn't help but offer, hoping to just get a bit more time with Lena before the innevetable end.
“I think after a night in an awkward position on the couch my back aches for a proper mattress.” Lena said with a small smile.
Kara's offer to let Lena sleep in her bed died on her lips. They were just friendly for the first time in a while, she didn't want to make Lena uncomfortable in any way. “Okay.” Kara said instead.
“But if you want…” Lena started.
“Yes?” Kara asked, as Lena's sentence trailed off.
“If you want, maybe we can do that again. And I can't promise anything, but maybe, maybe, we can work through it. I can't promise anything, but I think we can try.” They were finally in their adult bodies, yet Kara couldn't help but see the small brunette with the round cheeks and the big green eyes speaking to her.
“Yeah.” Kara said eagerly. “I'd love to.”
“But on one condition.”
“Of course!” Kara agreed before Lena even had a chance to explain.
“No more secrets. Any secrets. No matter how small or insignificant. No going behind my back on anything. I'm asking for full transparency.” There was an air of authority as she spoke and Kara no longer saw the small child in front of her, but the business woman she grew up to be.
“I promise.” Kara said without hesitation.
“Good. Okay. Then I guess I'll see you later?” Lena's shoulders relaxed and she even sent her a small smile.
“Yes.” Kara smiled back. It was amazing how shy this woman could get despite the projected aura of confidence. It was one of the many things Kara loved about her. “Oh, wait!”
“What?”
“Well, I did promise you no more secrets and, well, I do sort of have one…”
“Do you have a third secret identity?” Lena raised a sharp brow in question and Kara could only laugh at the idea.
“I barely have time for the two and you expect me to have a third?”
“Alright, what is it then?”
“I… well… it's just…” Why was this so hard? No, she promised Lena the truth and the whole truth, she had to rip off the band aid and just go for it. “I'm in love with you.”
“What?” Lena blinked twice in quick succession.
“I'm in love with you.” She repeated in case she missed it the first time. “I realised it during one of Mxy's attempts. I mean I felt that before, I just didn't realise it until recently. And just to be clear I'm not expecting anything to happen! Even if you're not interested I'd be more than happy to just be your friend. Nothing has to change, I just wanted you to know because... No more secrets, right?” She added with a slightly awkward chuckle at the end.
Lena didn't answer. She stared at her for a long moment as if attempting to piece together an invisible puzzle. Kara was desperate for her to say something but decided to wait and give Lena the time to digest the news.
A notification in her phone brought Lena out of it. “Um, my ride is here. I should – I should go.” She said and turned to the door without waiting for a response.
Lena was out of her apartment and her place never felt so empty.
Kara took a deep breath. If that was Lena's decision then she would have to live with it. She would survive. She kept repeating it like a mantra to stop herself from bawling. She got something to eat, brushed her teeth, shower and got into bed hoping and praying she would be able to fall asleep.
When her phone chimed with a notification she debated if she even had the mental strength to check it. By the third notification she reached out. It was when she noticed the messages were from Lena that she eagerly unlocked her phone.
Lena: Sorry for running off like that. I was not expecting that. Do you want to go get frozen yogurt tomorrow?
Lena: Just to be clear, I am asking you on a date.
Lena: If we're making a fresh start why not try something new, right?
Kara couldn't stop the spreading smile on her lips even if she tried, and she had no intention of trying.
Kara: sounds great! Can't wait<3
Giddiness and excitement overtook her. Suddenly she had a whole other reason to keep her up, yet sleep found her soon after, her dreams filled with green eyes and soft smiles.
— — —
Kara spent an unreasonable amount of time trying out different clothes. She ended up face timing with Alex and Kelly to help her choose the perfect outfit. She settled on a blue t-shirt with a small dinosaur print on the side that really showed off her arms and some nice slacks Kelly approved of.
Deciding to make the extra step, Kara went to the shop to get the ingredients she needed. It's been a while since she made her signature pasta, but thankfully helping her other self made it helped jog up her memory. She left the final touches for the last minute since she wasn't sure how long they would be at the frozen yogurt place or if Lena would even want dinner after a dessert.
Lena was waiting for her in front of the shop by the time Kara arrived. She looked so beautiful in jeans and a simple red shirt that Lena somehow made look high class and elegant. How lucky she was to get to that point, to get that chance.
“Lena.” Kara breathed out more than she said. “You're… beautiful.”
Lena bit off her lip as her cheeks grew a lovely crimson. “You don't look so bad yourself.” Her voice got lower and immediately spread heat all over Kara's body.
“Can I kiss you?” Kara blurred out. She planned to do it properly, to have a lovely date, to present her with a home coocked meal and give her a small peck at the end. But Lena looked so lovely, they were on a date and Lena's lips looked so… kissable.
“Yeah.” Lena let out. “Okay.” She said louder for Kara to hear. A small smile spread on her lips.
Kara leaned in. Hesitant at first – not sure what to do with her hands and how to approach.
At the first touch of lips all her worries fizzled away. Her other self was right. Lena was indeed a great kisser, a fantastic one even. The kiss sent small shivers down her spine and made her feel even more giddy and hot.
Kara let out a small chuckle as they parted. Lena bit her lip in an attempt to suppress a smile. Kara leaned in for a second kiss before they finally walked inside.
The date was great. They used it as a chance to catch up on their lost time and learn more about each other. It all felt incredibly fragile, but Kara knew she would do what it takes to make it last. And if at any point Lena would decide it was too much for her, think it was all a mistake, she vowed to step aside and leave her alone. This new start did not erase her past mistake, her accountability, but it was something they both agreed to take a chance on regardless.
Walking back to Kara's place, Kara surprised her with her signature homemade pasta dish, which got high praises from Lena.
Lena didn't stay the night, but they made plans to meet up for a second date in a few days and parted ways with another searing kiss.
They didn't want to rush anything. So they started out slow. Small dates, building up trust, building up something new.
With Lena by her side and a new imp joining their friend group, the future seemed interesting and probably unpredictable, but Kara couldn't be happier. She was proud of the journey she took and was more than willing to put in the work to pave a better future for them all.
Kara flew aimlessly through the cold air at top speed up near the atmosphere with no goal in mind. The image of herself kissing Lena haunted her each time she dared to slow down.
She had probably circled the globe a dozen times by the time she finally slowed down. She stopped noticing too far from National City, above a large city block that just lost its electricity. She relished the all encompassing darkness and took a seat at a nearby skyscraper.
“Not much for the view.” She really should've expected Mxy to appear, yet his voice still caught her off guard, making her jump in place.
“Did you do it?” She demanded the imp to spill. “You changed me – her?!”
“And what are you referring to?” He said in such a casual way she wanted to rip off his hair.
“What did you change in this time?” She asked again, hoping to sound more composed and in control.
He only eyed her figure in an obvious glare.
“Beside that.” Kara shouted in annoyance and averted her gaze into the dark surrounding.
“Nothing else.” He admitted with such an honest tone that Kara found it hard to dispute his words. “I can bring you back if you are displeased with the results. Try again.” He suggested.
Kara said nothing. Unsure how to really react. If this thing really was untampered by Mxy, would a different attempt create a different result? Would she manage to get a good one? Was this attempt even a good one? She figured she would have to wait it out to see.
Electricity returned to the city and with it light started popping up all around them like fireflies overtaking the city, growing and shaping the metropolis around them.
It reminded her of the light festival back in Krypton when they would turn off all the lights just before the main event to reveal each year's magnificent light performance. She had always loved it and hoped to participate in one day. To plan her own special light show to commemorate Rao.
The memory came flooding in uninvited. It was clearer than ever. Her last light festival on Krypton, Tali's hand grasping hers, leading her away to a quiet spot where they could watch the show atop a nearby structure, away from the large crowd. They were just shy of being assigned a partner by the matrix. She remembered their talk about the future, Tali's hand in hers, the kiss.
Oh, Rao, they kissed! Realisation washed over her like a cold bucket of ice water. Show of affection was already taboo in Kryptonian society and even more so with a person not assigned as your partner by the matrix. But she had kissed Tali! Worst of all, she remembered distinctly wanting to just before their lips met.
Kara felt as if the world was spinning all of a sudden and needed to grab hold of the building's edge to keep herself from collapsing onto the roof. She kissed Tali. She wanted to. Probably just as much as her other self wanted to kiss Lena.
Kara shook her head but the guilt in her stomach became harder to ignore. She had run after her kiss with Tali and refused to look her in the eye afterwards. Not long after that she was sent in a pod to a strange new planet, away from everything she knew. Her people died, and Tali with them. They never got to make amends, Kara never got to apologise for running away or even see if they were compatible through the matrix after all.
Kara let out a small bitter chuckle at her new realisation. So she had always been like that. Afraid to stray from the norm like her life was dependent on it. Her life really was dependent on it once she landed on earth. That was her survival mode for so many years, but was that restricting her from living her life? Wasn't she doomed to live in regret?
Wasn't it why she ended up in this whole mess to begin with? She refused to let Lena in and paid the price. She would continue to pay this price on every single relationship in her life until she would do something about it.
Kara promised to not give up on Lena, but first she would have to not give up on herself. It was like a light switch, as if the answers were always right in front of her but were simply shrouded in darkness until she turned on the light. It was so obvious. It was laughable how obvious it was, yet she refused to see it for so long. There was a huge relief followed by sadness at the thought, but she knew better than to dwell on it. She still had many uncertainties, but she decided it was better to confront them then to run away and hide.
“Okay there space buckaroo?” Mxy's voice brought her back to the present.
“Yeah,” Kara heard herself saying. “Yeah, I'm fine.” She jumped off the ledge, keeping her afloat at the same height she was sitting in and dusted her clothes off from whatever clinged to her clothes through her flight.
“So what are you planning to do now?” He asked.
“Face my future.” She declared both to him and herself. She puffed her chest up and flew back to her apartment.
It was a shorter flight this time around, now that she had an actual destination. It was quite late by the time she arrived, yet her old self was still awake, sitting on her couch sipping tea. She was waiting for her, Kara realised.
“I'm sorry.” Kara blurred out as she passed through the open window.
“Oh, I'm glad you're okay.” Her old self rushed to hug her with relief.
“I'm sorry I ran away.” She repeated, feeling as small as she looked.
“It's okay, I just… it got me spiralling.” Her old self let her go and offered her a cup of tea which Kara gratefully accepted.
“It just… caught me off guard. I wasn't prepared for… this.” Kara still found it hard to verbalise.
“So you and Lena had never…?”
“No.”
“Oh.” Her old self said, stirring the cup in her hand.
They drank out their tea in silence that felt both awkward and comforting at the same time.
“We kissed Tali.” Kara said, braiking the silence.
“Yes.” Her older self chuckled. “Did you only just remember it?”
“Yes. When did you realise it?” She asked.
“Last time we talked about her. It came to me in a dream and it was difficult to think of nothing else afterwards.” Her old self sent her a small smile.
Kara hummed in understanding. It was all she could think about as well. Tali and, well, Lena.
“I was afraid.” Her old self admitted. “But after remembering that kiss, I couldn't stop the train of thoughts. And Lena… I couldn't stop thinking about Lena. And at that point I decided that I no longer want to lie to myself.”
And with that Kara’s thoughts – as if betraying her by the mention of the woman she had crossed time for – flooded her mind with possibilities of realities not presented to her before. Kissing Lena, holding her hand, holding her close, sleeping by her side, waking up to her every morning.
It dawned on her how much she wanted that, how much she wanted to have that with Lena.
“What made you stop… being afraid?” Kara asked in a small voice.
“You.” Her old self said, much to Kara's surprise.
“Me?”
“Yes. The way you spoke about Lena, about how important she was to you, I figure– well – I figured you knew more than me about our relationship and you just couldn't say it.”
“That makes sense.” She had agreed. Looking at it from the side, she could see how she may have thought that. She briefly wondered if she would've done the same only to realise she clearly already did.
“You told her?” Kara asked, only now realising she never asked.
“Yes. I told her everything. Our secret and how I felt.”
“And she felt the same?” Kara couldn't help but ask.
“Was it not obvious?” Her old self chuckled lightly.
“Is she a good kisser?” Kara found herself wondering.
“Yes.” Her old self’s cheeks grew a rosy red and her smile grew despite her struggles to contain it. “So what now?” Her old self asked.
“Now,” Kara got up from the couch and placed down her tea mug on the table. “Now, you go and live your best life, and make sure it's a good one because I'm counting on it.”
“And you?”
“I'll make sure we are safe.” She gave her a small smile. “Thank you.”
“Thank you.” Her old self smiled at her in return. “And safe travel.”
Kara gave her a small nod and flew away, back to the cold air of the night.
“Mxy.” Kara called out, summoning the imp to her side.
“Giving up?” He popped out to her left as if moving from behind her.
“No. I want to move in time to see if there are any threats down the line now that Lena knows the truth.”
“And you're… okay with this time?” He searched her eyes intently.
“Yes.” She said decisively.
Mxy chewed on his lip in contemplation. “And you're sure?”
“Yes.” She repeated.
“Okay, okay.” He sighed. “If you're ready.”
He clicked his fingers before she had time to replay again.
They appeared in the sky again above the city, only this time it was day time.
“Alien invasion.” He said and waved his hands around them to the streaming alien ships around them.
“The Daxamites?” She recalled.
“Yes! They will kill Lena this time.” He said casually.
Kara wasted no time and flew in to protect her. This time she got to fight the Daxamites head on, punching and kicking anyone who dared to get close to Lena. Kara stayed around until the threat was neutralised completely and flew back up to summon Mxy again.
She was then thrusted into a gang showdown with alien weapons, to defending Lena and Alex from her red kryptonite affected self, to a new operation orchestrated by Lex, to less intimidating foes like wayward assassination plots, rogue aliens and small-time villains.
Despite the overflowing consecutive fights she endured, it was sweet to see glimpses of the new life she had created. Her new photos with Lena, Lena moving in and later on both of them moving out to a more secure location. A proposal. A marriage.
“A T-rex was revived and will eat everyone you love.” Mxy said idly once they made another jump forward in time, gesturing to an area of town where smoke followed a towering giant lizard looking monster.
“A T-rex?” She asked with a raised eyebrow.
“Yes.”
“Shouldn't a dinosaur have feathers?” Kara asked as the lizard monster raised its head to roar loudly.
“Are you gonna save your friends or not?”
“Right, right.” She nodded and flew in.
Kara saved the crowd with ease while her other self defeated the monster, returning to Mxy not even ten minutes later.
“What next?” Kara asked. She was tired. Very tired if she was honest with herself, but seeing this new future unfold was worth it. This was the future she would fight tooth and nail for.
He studied her longer than usual before closing his eyes. It looked like he was deeper in thoughts than just studying the future. “You're done.” He sighed.
“Done?”
“Yup. You saved the day. Congratulations.”
“Really?”
“Yes.” He clapped his hand in a more sarcastic manner than a celebratory one. “You've done it. Good on you.”
“Great! Then take me back.” This news invigorated her and filled her with so much excitement it was hard to contain herself. She couldn't wait to see her new house, to share her life with Lena and see what else the future had in store for her.
Mxy hesitated, but reluctantly snapped his fingers again.
Her height was the first thing she noticed, Kara didn't appreciate the average height of an adult being until that very moment. Kids were way too small.
She looked at her hands, checking she had the right proportions just to make sure, and raised her head to the window to study her reflection, confirming she was back to normal.
Kara happily flopped on her couch, finally getting a moment to relax after the fighting marathon she survived. It took her longer to realise something was wrong. She got up quickly and looked around.
“No.” She said, “No, no, no, no!” Her words became louder with each one she spoke. “Mxy, this is wrong!” She shouted.
“Can you be more specific?”
“This is my apartment!”
“Yes?”
“This is my apartment the way it was before the change!” Kara explained.
“Mmm.” He hummed in agreement, remaining calm despite Kara's growing fury.
“I saw that! I was in a new place with Lena! We are together! We are–” She looked around her home, studied her phone, perhaps it carried some proof of her relationship with Lena.
No.
They were the same unanswered texts she sent before the change. Before she fixed reality for her.
Kara fell to the floor. Tears blurred her visions as small sobs managed to escape her lips despite her protests. That couldn't be it. That couldn't be it. She changed reality! She saved them all! She made sure of it!
“You know.” Mxy spoke, reminding her of his presence in the room. “When I gave you a wish I didn't realise you planned on really changing the past.”
“What –"She swallowed a sob and wiped out some of her tears. “What do you mean?”
“I thought maybe you wanted money, fame, maybe a pony! But changing the past…”
She clenched her fist tightly and in one fell swoop, grabbed the front of Mxy's shirt, anger and fury quickly replacing the sorrow she felt only seconds ago.
“What. Do. You. Mean?” She emphasised every word. She wouldn't be surprised if her eyes were glowing bright red.
“You can still ask for a pony if you want! I can get one for you real quick.” He squeaked out. Unsatisfied with his answer she pressed him to the wall only for him to disappear with a flick of his fingers and reappear behind her, sitting calmly on her table. “You really ought to work on your manners.”
“Mxy why is the world not fixed?!” She demanded.
“The world is never fixed! There will always be shortcomings and problems plaguing it at every turn.” He continued defensively, but behind his words, Kara realised what he refused to say out loud.
“You can't change the past.” It was not a question. The realisation felt like ice spreading through her veins, cold and unsettling.
“I'm afraid that may have been slightly beyond my capabilities.” He finally admitted. “But as I said the pony offer is still very much on the table!”
“If you can't change the past, what was all of that about?! The attempts, the realities –”
“Illusions.” He corrected but Kara didn't care.
“What was it all about? Why didn't you just admit it?”
“Well, it was certainly entertaining.” He said with a shrug, but seeing her flaring gaze move towards him urged him to continue. “I hoped that if you see that there is no other good path for you to choose from, you will just… accept reality as it was.” He waved his hands at the room around them.
“So it was fake? All of it?” Kara had to grasp at a nearby chair. It was suddenly getting harder to breathe.
“It was based on what could've happened – all based on past events and your psychy, but essentially yes. It was like a very vivid dream if you would like.”
“No! That's not what I've… no!”
“I mean, it seems like you have learned a lot through the experience! You learned more about yourself!”
“But that wasn't real, was it?” She asked, still gripping at her realisation.
“You're the one who said that you no longer want to lie to yourself, so you tell me.” He shrugged and Kara felt as if her world was crumbling around her. “Or was it the other you? I can't keep track.” He mumbled.
“Leave.” She commanded him, her tone low and heavy.
“Are you sure? I can still –”
“Leave!” She repeated louder this time and the imp disappeared without a trace.
Kara paced around her apartment. This place had always filled her with warmth and comfort, now it felt cold and strange. She yearned for the other reality so badly she wanted to scream uncontrollably and burn her place to the ground. But that wouldn't change anything. Apparently nothing could.
She felt helpless and so emotionally and physically drained. She needed answers but had no clue where to even start to get them. It was an instinctive choice to fly over to Alex, she wasn’t even sure why.
Kara stopped before her building and decided to walk up and knock on her door. Alex invited her in and Kara was glad to learn Kelly was not there at the moment.
“Hey, what's up?” Alex asked after giving her a brief hug.
“I just…” Kara was looking for the words but nothing came out. “It’s my fault.” she finally said, her voice barely stronger than a whisper.
“What?” Alex looked genuinely confused.
“It's my fault.” Kara broke down, no longer managing to keep herself composed in any way. She fell into her sister's open arms, tears streaming down her face.
“Hey, hey, Kara, what's wrong? What happened?” Alex asked as she guided her inside.
Kara tried to answer but she couldn’t form words beyond her sobs.
“Was it Mxy? Did he do something? He promised he came to help but I swear if he did –”
“No.” Kara managed to say. “I messed up Alex. I messed up so badly.”
“Come on, let's get you a drink and you can tell me all about it.”
It reminded her of the conversation she had only recently with her other self back at the other reality – or illusion or whatever it was. The scolding tea mug warmed her hands and she felt more composed after going through several tissue boxes and a few sips of tea.
“I'm not normal, Alex.” Kara finally said.
“You mean the fact that you're an alien?” Her sister chuckled lightly.
“No. Well, not only that. I'm weird.” She took a sip of her tea and let it calm her senses and give her the courage to come out. About everything. “I don't like small talk about the weather, and pretending to order healthy food, and following fashion trends to not stand out, or trying to keep everything bottled up inside me, or use the correct body language all the time, and keep up appearances.” Kara was out of breath by the end of it and somehow felt even more drained than before.
Alex nodded and took a long sip of her tea before she spoke. “You do realise you do none of those things, right?”
“What?” That was not the response she was anticipating.
“You never order anything remotely healthy to eat, you overshare before a conversation even gets started, you never – and I mean it in the best possible way – never dress in any trend that ever was, you always express yourself with your whole body and you are always yourself to a fault.”
Kara wasn't sure how the words made her feel so exposed, but she felt naked and small all of a sudden. “What? No, I–” her defensive approach was an instinct more than a conscious decision, but the rest of it died on her lips.
“Kara, let me finish.” Alex interjected. “That is not a bad thing! You are you. You know who you are and what you like and that's a great thing.”
“I don't think that it's true at all.” Kara shook her head.
“What do you mean? When did you need to pretend otherwise?” Alex’s concern was so genuine it brought tears to her eyes yet again.
“All the time! I need to pass as human! To be normal! I can't afford being different! I can't be anything other than average or stand out!”
“Kara what is it about?” Alex asked, her voice softer as she studied her.
For a brief moment she contemplated lying again and running off, but she did want to come clean, be truthful to herself like her other self dared to be. “I’m in love with Lena.”
“Oh,” Alex said. “I see.”
“You do?”
“Yes,” Alex chuckled lightly and moved to sit beside her, giving her a side hug on the couch. “Coming out is hard. It was so much harder than I thought it would be. I remember this part.”
“What part?”
“The one where you feel like your entire life has been built on lies? Like every part of your personality is fake and you are not sure what being yourself even means?”
“Yeah, that.” It was amazing just how precise Alex's words landed on her. “So it's a universal thing?” There was both relief and horror in that statement.
“I'm afraid so. Maybe it's a Danvers sisters exclusive, but I highly doubt that.”
“But what do I do Alex? I messed up so badly! I lied to her for so long and I lashed out on her! I was so terrible, Alex!”
“You…” whatever Alex was about to say died on her lips. Her expression changed to something softer and somber. “We all made mistakes and it was not all on you. I’m sorry for the way I told you to handle the situation with Lena, but we can’t change the past.”
Kara snorted at the phrase. Oh, she knew that part all too well.
“I know this is probably not what you want to hear, but you made amazing progress today and I'm proud of you. Whether Lena and you can go back to the way things used to be, or become anything more, I really don't know, but I know you will be amazing and find your happiness. Wherever it may be. With or without Lena.”
“I can’t live without her.” That was the one truth she knew for certain.
Alex pulled her in closer and held her tight. “You can go and talk to her, but just know that no matter what happens, even if things don’t turn out great with Lena, they will turn up great eventually.”
Kara decided to repress the second part of Alex’s speech. “Okay.” She said, getting up abruptly with renewed determination. “I’ll go talk to Lena.”
“Wait, now? Kara, you look exhausted, don’t you want to sleep on it first and come to it more prepared?”
“No, I won’t be able to sleep unless I talk to her.” Not to mention making plans didn't really work out great for her recently.
“Kara, I really don’t think that's smart right now.”
“I have to do it, Alex!”
“I agree, but don’t you think you would be able to come a lot clearer to the conversation after a good night of sleep?”
“No!” Kara insisted.
“Okay, okay. I said my piece I guess.” Alex sighed at Kara’s relentlessness.
“Thank you Alex, really.”
“Of course. No matter what happens you are always my kid sister.”
“I’m not a kid.” she retorted all too quickly before she even realised it.
“Alright, superbaby, whatever you say.”
“That’s – !” Kara decided it was better not to say anything more and bid her sister goodnight before leaving for Lena’s.
— — —
Kara stopped just above Lena’s penthouse and landed back on the pavement below. She decided to approach her on even grounds. She waved at Samuel, the guard at the entrance of the building and punched the code for Lena’s floor. She stood in front of her door longer than necessary, contemplating about bolting several more times before she dared to knock.
Lena didn’t immediately answer the door, but when she did, it wasn’t open wide to invite her in like usual, but a thin crack showing mostly her severe expression.
“What are you doing here?” Lena asked coldly. Her eyes looked dark and sunken, which told her Lena was probably not sleeping much.
“Can we talk?” Kara asked.
“Should I be honored that you knocked like a normal person instead of invading through my window?” Lena didn’t move to let her in, her gaze studying her closely and Kara could faintly smell the lingering scent of scotch from her mouth.
“Please, Lena, can we talk?”
Lena studied her a moment longer before finally opening up her door and stepping inside. She didn’t gesture for her to come in, but simply walked inside leaving the door wide open. Kara took it as the closest thing to an invite she would get and closed the door behind her.
Kara shifted in place, unsure if to move further inside, or stay by the door. Lena walked to her standing bar with no indication they were about to sit down.
“You wanted to talk, so talk.” Lena said sharply as she poured herself another glass.
“I made a mistake,” Kara started and Lena let out a dark chuckle in response. “I told you I realised too late that by keeping my secret I was hurting you and how sorry I was, well, am – I’m still very sorry – but today I had a chance to change that, or at least I thought I did.” She swallowed hard. Not even ten seconds into the conversation and here she was already lost in her own words. “I was visited by a fifth dimensional imp I had a history with – long story,” She added at Lena’s confused look. “But he offered me a wish as a way to repent for his past actions against me, and I asked to change the past so I could tell you my secret earlier.”
Lena raised a brow at her and looked around at their unchanged reality.
“I tried again and again. I spent the past few hours reliving weeks of attempts of me trying to tell you the truth at different times, but at the end something always went wrong and you, me or everyone we love ended up dead because of it.”
“How about not meeting at all? Sounds like it would solve everything.” Lena said grimly and took a sip of her drink.
“I tried that too. It was probably the worst one there.”
“What’s your point?” Lena slammed her glass on the table.
“I’m getting there. I then tried a different approach and spent weeks living alongside our past selves to make sure nothing bad would happen. It was the best attempt yet. It took me what felt like months really, but I made sure this time was safe.”
Lena once again gestured to the space around them before sipping from her drink again. Kara debated if to reveal the information about their relationship but thought better of it.
“When I returned, Mxy – the imp – finally told me that none of that was real. It was all some sort of highly calculated probability simulation and that the past cannot be changed. And… Well, I think I get it now. The past cannot be changed, our mistakes are our own and we have to live with the consequences. Even if I could change the past it would be unfair to you and the pain I have caused you, pain I will forever be sorry and ashamed about. So if the past was carved into stones, but the future is yet to be written…” She trailed off, unsure how to say what she wanted to say. “All of that is to say that,” Kara took a deep breath. “All of it is to say how sorry I am. I see the pain I caused you and it was my doing and if you let me I will spend a lifetime to repent, but I can’t give up on you Lena.”
Kara paused to see how Lena reacted, but her face gave up nothing, she only tightened her hold on her glass but didn’t move or take another sip. Kara was surprised to learn she still had tears left in her to shed, but she wiped them off as quickly as they arrived and wished them to stop.
“Lena, you are the most amazing, kind, beautiful soul I have ever met and I don’t want to live my life without you in it. I promise to tell you everything you want to know, to never withhold anything or do anything behind your back. I realise how horrible I've been, how unfair I have acted. I know I can’t take it back. I can never take it back no matter how much I wish I could. So know that this is a fact that will follow me forever, and I vow to never hurt you, or anyone else like that again. But I also can’t live with myself if I won’t try to fight to keep you in my life, because you're worth everything.”
Lena was still, frozen in place as she stared at Kara. The moment stretched longer making every second feel like eternal torture.
“Say something.” Kara said weakly. She felt as if her entire form was about to break into pieces and she was hanging on by a thread.
Lena didn't immediately respond. Her eyes found Kara’s and there was something dark in the way she was eyeing her. She mumbled something under her breath but it was so low even her superhearing couldn't pick up on it.
“What?” Kara asked.
“Leave.” Lena said clearly this time, her tone low and raw.
“But, um…” Kara wasn’t sure what to do. She only just poured her heart out. She was expecting to be shouted at, a conversation, anything really. She wasn't expecting to be forgiven by any means, but that was… abrupt.
“Leave.” Lena repeated, louder this time.
“I will, I promise, but just know that I–”
“Leave!” The command was accompanied by a violent thud of Lena’s no doubt very expensive scotch glass that collided with Kara’s body and shattered into pieces, leaving Kara with a large scotch stain and shattered glass all around her.
“Okay.” Kara said mostly to herself. “Okay.” She repeated and flew out of the open window failing to hold up tears.
Kara couldn't sleep. The smell of scotch followed her even after a long shower like a constant reminder of her failure and mistakes.
She laid in bed letting the stench of disappointment surround her while her head started to throb. She wasn't used to the sensation of pain outside of battle, especially these days. She didn’t like it.
Tearing herself from her bed when she started hearing the city below her coming to life, Kara got up and studied her closet. She realised she somehow shed the instinctual public approved dress she frequented as of late, and instead found herself staring blankly at her closet while having absolutely no idea what she wanted to wear.
It was ridiculous, she thought to herself, all she needed was to just pick up something for the day and be done with it. Yet this simple choice somehow kept her rooted in place, her stare glued to the open closet with no idea how to proceed.
A wayward notification on her phone brought her back to reality and to realise she would be late had she not picked something. Anything.
Kara half-hazardly picked up some trousers and an old button down shirt. She pulled up her hair in an easy bun and skipped out on most of her make up. She flew to the office just in time to make it to her morning meeting and only realised afterwards how messy her hair turned by the wind.
She tried to get her hair in order and attempted to drown her misery in work, but felt too deflated to concentrate on anything.
“What’s up?” It was Nia who cornered her at her desk after a daily staff meeting.
“What do you mean?” Kara asked defensively.
“Kara, you look like a kicked puppy, what happened?”
“No I'm not.” Her lie wasn't convincing even to herself anymore.
Nia only raised an eyebrow in return.
“Am I really that obvious?” She sighed. Her hands fell on her desk like a deflated balloon.
“I mean, kinda?” Nia chuckled and leaned against Kara’s desk. “You’re the kind of person who wears their heart on their sleeve, your emotions are pretty out there.”
The declaration felt like a blow to her stomach. She spent her entire life hiding, and now she learns she was never actually capable of it. Was all of her efforts pointless?
“That's a good thing!” Nia tried to reassure her, but Kara wasn’t sure she bought that. “I really mean it.” She reached out a hand and squeezed Kara’s arm. “It means you know who you are. And trust me when I say it, hiding yourself or how you feel is never a good thing, so being like that it's like… a superpower.”
Kara couldn’t help but chuckle at that, feeling slightly lighter.
“It’s true!” Nia joined her. “Not that you are lacking on those,” She added in a whisper, “But this is something else. This is special.”
A few tears had betrayed her and she had to actively stop herself from weeping openly in the middle of the office. Nia flashed her a small smile and pulled her up for a hug.
“I'm always here for you. You know that, right?” Nia whispered in her ear as she held her closely.
“Thank you,” She whispered to Nia, her voice coming out shakier than anticipated.
“Of course.” Nia didn’t let go until Kara loosened her grip.
— — —
“I think I might be gay.”
“Hello to you too.” Alex opened up her door wider for Kara to enter.
“Is that Kara?” Kelly asked from inside the house.
“Yeah!” Alex called out.
“Is she staying for dinner?”
“Seems like it!” Alex called back without needing to ask.
Kara made a sound of protest at her sister's based assumption but she just waved her off.
“I'll put an extra pizza in the oven.” Kelly announced.
“So, you're gay?” Her sister turned to her in question.
“Um… I don't know.” Kara mumbled, her thoughts felt too scrambled in her head. Too raw to dissect.
Alex pulled her in for a side hug and squeezed her arm. “It's okay.” She reassured her.
“Oh, do you need a sister's moment?” Kelly walked in, wiping her hand on a towel.
“No, that's fine.” Kara said. “I just… I'm very confused.”
“What about?” Kelly asked softly as Alex grabbed the towel from her hand and took it back to the kitchen.
“Everything.” Kara let out and slumped down on the couch.
“I've heard the word gay being thrown in, so is that related to that?” Kelly asked and took a seat at the small couch in front of her.
“Yeah…” Kara nodded and averted her gaze.
“You want to talk about it?”
Alex walked in carrying mugs of tea for both Kara and Kelly. She placed a quick kiss on Kelly's crowm before returning to the kitchen.
“Yeah…” Kara repeated, unsure where to start.
Alex walked in again with a mug of her own and took a seat next to Kara.
“You talked with Lena?” Alex asked.
“Yeah…” Was apparently all Kara was capable of saying.
“How was it?”
“It was… terrible. I apologised and told her about the Mxy thing, but she just told me to leave, so I did.” She decided to leave the violent glass throw and the scotch stain.
“I'm sorry, I feel like I'm missing something here. You two dated?” Kelly asked. Alex let out a small laugh while Kara could only study the floor. “And what is a Mixy?”
“I'm Supergirl.” Kara blurred out before Alex could protest. She was tired of secrets, all of them. From herself and others.
“Oh, um,”It was Kelly who was rendered speechless this time, looking confused at Kara with a hint of worry.
“Kara…” Alex directed her with a pointed look but there was little she could do at this point.
Just to make the matter clearer, Kara placed the mug on the table and flew up. She did a small twirl in the air and returned to her seat, emptying the hot tea in one swoop.
“Oh.” Kelly repeated, her gaze fixated on Kara as if trying to process what she just saw. “Okay, I will have to unpack it later, so am I to assume Lena didn't know it until recently?”
“Lex told her.” Kara explained.
“That must've been tough.” Kelly muttered.
“Yeah.” Kara agreed. “Which is the main reason she is very reasonably angry at me.”
“And just making sure here, you said you were not dating?” Kelly asked.
“She apparently only now figured out her feelings for Lena.” Alex chipped in.
“What made you realise it?” Kelly continued, her voice calm and collected.
“A fifth dimensional imp suggested to help me out after he tried to force me to marry him, but apparently he didn't send me to the past, but to this sort of simulation of it where I tried to fix my mistakes and tell her sooner. None of it worked until the last attempt where I was a child helping my other self, but then my other self kissed Lena, and we talked, and I made sure everyone was safe, but then I found out it was all fake.” Kara was out of breath by the time she finished, but she was proud of herself for managing to cover it all.
“That's… Okay, unpacking it later...” Kelly mumbled mostly to herself. “So, just to make sure I understood it correctly and to simplify, you went through an emotional journey and found out more about yourself?”
“I suppose.” Kara nodded timidly. It was funny. She was finally back in her adult body, yet she never felt so much like a child, small and confused.
“Magical simulation. An interesting and unconventional psychological tool, but if it helped you, then more power to it. I can't really tell you what will happen with Lena, but I can assure you that you should be very proud of yourself and the progress you've made. I know it seems hard now, but things will get better.”
“Right…” Kara began to really hate this saying, although hearing those words again she understood the influence Kelly had on her sister. Kara was really glad Alex found someone like that in her life.
“I mean it. And I'm not saying things will magically get better because of some divine right or karma or anything like that. I may not have known you for long but I can safely say that you're not one to settle into despair, you will work to make your life better and by that make it better. You are the one in control and I know you will make the steps, small or large, to create yourself a better tomorrow.” Kelly's words sank into her, filling her up with some of the hope she felt she was missing as of late.
“So what do I do now?” Kara asked in a small voice.
“Whatever you want to do. This is up to you.”
— — —
Kara went shopping. It's not like she particularly needed more clothes, nor she had too many problems with what she already owned, but she felt like she was starting a new chapter in her life and needed some physical representation of this fresh start. She also wanted to walk around and shop for clothes without the constant inner voice of hers needing to approve each piece of clothing as appropriate to her standards. They were apparently not that ordinary anyway.
Kara bought a handful of new clothes for her wardrobe, nothing outrageous, but still things she liked. She also got a few shirts with special prints including one with a small dinosaur print that looked respectful yet whimsy.
With each day that passed the burden seemed to have lifted a little. The ache for Lena was still there, yet became more manageable with time. Maybe she just became better at pushing those feelings away. She wanted to respect Lena's wishes of being alone – which was what she assumed she was asking for by shouting at her to leave, throwing a glass at her, and cutting all contact with her – but she also desperately wanted to see her again.
It felt like a wound, but one that was at least not as hurtful as the day before. Kara managed her routine, going day by day putting one foot in front of the other. It was harder on some days, especially if she had to fly by L-Corp or Lena's place, or when she passed by the frozen yogurt place on a walk one day. She ended up staring at it for too long that someone asked her if she was going to walk in. She got too embarrassed and ran away.
Kara settled on her couch with a large cup of hot chocolate and channel surfed to find a show to start her weekend to when a knock on her door caught her attention. Kara assumed it was Alex on the other side, who else would come visit her this late?
It wasn't Alex.
“Hi.” Kara stated dumbly, unsure if the woman in front of her was real or not.
“I'm sorry to bother you at this hour, but I can use your help on something.” Lena kept her face professional and bare of emotions, only cracking slightly on her last word.
“Of course. Anything.” Kara opened up her door widely and gestured for her to come in.
Lena hesitated but walked inside, her hands close to her body as if she was afraid to touch anything in Kara’s apartment. Like it was poison or contaminated. She walked a few steps inside and came to a stop. “You said you had an… imp? Someone that can create realistic high probability simulations?”
“Yes, Mxy.” Kara nodded. She tried folding her arms but it felt too confrontational. She then tried to put them in her trousers pockets only to discover she had none in this pair and decided to just lean back on her kitchen island.
“Can you contact this Mxy? I need a simulation to test something.” Lena continued and any hope Kara had this was a friendly visit decimated. Lena used her business tone, direct and sharp.
“Yes of course.” She nodded. No matter her feelings, she owed it to help Lena at the very least. In fact, no matter Lena's feelings towards her, she wanted to help her regardless. Even if Lena were to hate her forever, Kara vowed to always help. “Mxy!” She called out, hoping that speaking his name would actually summon the imp.
Nothing happened. The women looked around the room with anticipation, but the silence only grew louder.
“Mxy!” Kara tried again, but nothing. “Mxyzptlk!”
Lena sighed loudly. “It was a waste of time.”
Just as she moved towards the door, a loud crack in the air around them exploded into a small confetti spray in which Mxy appeared from to the sound of tv applause that came from nowhere in particular.
“That was needlessly dramatic.” Kara commented.
He winked, dusting off some of the confetti off his shoulders. “You finally decided on a proper wish? Is it a pony?”
“No. Why would I want a pony?” Kara was already tired of his antics.
“They're cute.” He gestured to the air on his right when a small white pony appeared in a puff of smoke. “This is Comet, he likes warm days and sweet treats. Isn't he the cutest thing?”
“Mxy, I don't want a pony!” Rao, she forgot how frustrating he could be.
He quickly put his hands to cover Comet's ears. “Sheesh, you don't have to be so mean,” He lowered his face to reach the pony's level as he spoke. “I'm sure she didn't mean it, buddy.” He said before rising up. “Alright, no pony.” He snapped his fingers and Comet disappeared as quickly as he arrived. “What can I do for you then?”
“I am relinquishing my wish to Lena. Help her, and we are even.” Kara said, forcing herself to meet the imp's gaze.
“Alrighty, so what can I do for you?” He turned to Lena. “You have seen the pony, right?”
“I’ve made a machine.” Lena said, ignoring his comment about the horse. “I understand you can create a realistic simulation. I had a few tests, but they are… let's just say inconclusive. I want to be able to test it without any potential harm. And an access to my lab to be able to make alterations and fixes between tests.”
“Easy peasy.” He snapped his fingers and Lena was teleported to Kara's couch, her body slumped and unresponsive like she was knocked out.
“What did you do to her?” Kara demanded, moving quickly to stand beside Lena.
“What she asked!” He said defensively. “What did you think you looked like while inside each attempt?”
She honestly thought her body was simply teleported in time, but thinking back it made sense her body was slumped while her conscience was elsewhere. Still, seeing Lena like that didn't sit right with Kara. She made herself another hot chocolate and filled up a second glass with water and placed it in front of Lena for when she woke up.
Lena woke up moments later, looking more frustrated than before.
“That wasn't it.” She said, moving like she wasn't unconscious on the couch just seconds before. “Let's try again.”
Kara sat on the second couch and watched as Lena surfaced time after time, angrier and frustrated than the time before, and dived back into her simulation to try again. Kara wasn't sure what kind of device could drive Lena to such desperation, but she assumed it must've been important. Really important.
“Again.” Lena demanded once more. Kara lost count at the attempt number at this point.
“It doesn't work!” Mxy said. “I can make it appear as if it does, would that make you happy?”
“No.” Lena snapped at the imp.
“You're no fun.”
“Let me try again.” Lena demanded, rising up from the sofa and walking too close to the imp's personal space.
“But what's the point?” He asked, not looking too bothered by the CEO.
“Let. Me. Try. Again.” Despite being the only one in the room without powers, Lena felt the most dangerous one out of all of them.
“Alright, alright.” He raised his hands in defeat. “But I will be making a small alteration.”
“What alterations?” Lena asked, eyeing the imp suspiciously.
“Nothing to interfere with your experiment, don't worry. I'm sure it will be quite clear.”
“What–?” Lena started asking but was cut off by a snap in Mxy's fingers, making her once again go unconscious on the sofa.
“Mxy, what did you do to her?!” Kara demanded to know.
“Just a small change. Nothing you should worry about.” He gave her a small wink.
Like hell she would not worry about it! “Put me in there!” She said.
“Where?” He asked, genuinely confused.
“In this simulation. Let me help her!” She trusted Mxy enough not to hurt Lena, but she couldn't shake the feeling something was wrong. Something went wrong and Lena was helpless to stop it.
“Are you sure?” He asked.
“Yes. I think that –” But with a snap of his fingers Kara was gone, her sentence cut short as she found herself in a pretty accurate replica of Lena's lab only with a few changes.
The biggest of which was Lena herself. Her small frame was even smaller as her lab coat got dragged on the floor behind her wherever she went. Like Kara had suspected, Lena was turned into her child self. She was adorable, looking around five or six in her professional clothes with only the lab coat being adult size for no apparent reason.
“Fucking shit!” Lena cursed, her words sounding funny in this small child tone, as a device she was attempting to reach on the high table in front of her was only pushed further back instead of falling down to her open hand.
“Who are you?” Lena asked and instinctively stepped back the moment she noticed Kara. “Wait, Kara…?”
“Yes.” Kara answered in her high pitched child voice. She was also annoyingly back in this small body.
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“Who– what? How did you get here?” Her old self stumbled with her words looking at Kara as if she was a puzzle she could solve by looking at her long enough.
“Hi. I'm sorry, I was just tired and the window was open–” Kara was not doing much better, half frozen from looking at herself directly despite spending a whole day following her around. She was caught by herself. How was it already so much of a mess. Kara had the sinking feeling it was only gonna get worse.
“How did you get up here? Are you lost? Do you want me to call–”
“No!” Kara shouted as her old self got closer to the phone. Rao the last thing she needed was to be collected by the police again.
“Wait,” her old self stopped in her tracks as realisation started sipping in.
“Stop right there!” As if on cue the front door slammed open. Maggie and Alex burst in, guns out, their eyes searching for danger.
“Oh shit, that's a kid.” Maggie was the first to holster her firearm.
“Really? You called us over for a kid?” Alex asked accusingly.
“I didn't know it was a kid! I just said I heard someone breaking in! And I didn't ask you to come.” Her old self clarified.
“Wait, I know this kid.” Maggie got closer to her, making Kara instinctively recoil back.
“You do?” Both sisters turn to her in question.
“Yeah, she got the entire force on high alert since she disappeared from the precinct last night. How did you end up here?” Maggie asked the room than Kara directly. “Tali, right?”
“Tali?” Adult Kara asked with a mixture of shock and alarm.
“So you do know her?” Alex asked.
“I… no, I mean yes. Maybe. I'm not sure.” Her old self mumbled, her hand looking for her kitchen table to stable herself.
“Do you know Kara?” Maggie asked Kara, speaking slightly slower than before.
“Yes.” She sighed, she might as well get this over with. “I'm her. I just didn't find anywhere else to go and I was tired. I just want to sleep.” Rao, she was tired. She was so tired.
“You're her? What do you mean?” Alex asked.
“Yes. I sort of time traveled… but I'm Kara.”
“You're Kara from the past?” Alex asked with more suspicion in her voice. “God I see it now. You were adorable, Kara.”
“Actually I'm about two years from your future.” Kara corrected her.
“That explains the English." Her old self mumbled.
“Wait wait wait! You are adult future version of Kara stuck in this adorable body?” Maggie bit her lip, doing a terrible job at hiding her grin.
“I… yeah.” Kara nodded.
“Oh, that explains the little disappearance act you pulled on Davenport.” Maggie chuckled.
“Davenport?” Kara asked, confused.
“You spent a whole day with her and you can't remember her name?”
“You mean officer Lydia?”
“Yeah, oh, I suppose they do their whole kid gentle approach.” Maggie shook her head and stepped back to stand near Alex.
“You used your powers at a police station?” Alex caught on, directing an accusing stare at her.
“I had no other way to leave!” Kara protested.
“I mean, I can't blame you. Davenport can be a lot.” Maggie shrugged.
“Are you okay Kara?” Alex asked softly.
“Yes.” Both Karas answered simultaneously.
“That's… weird.” Alex noted.
“Look, I haven't slept in two days to the point I think I might pass out, can we pick it up in the morning?” Kara begged.
“Wow, have you grown up to be really bitchy in two years?” Maggie commented.
“Maybe it's the whole turning into a toddler thing.” Alex suggested.
“Guy, I'm just tired! I mean she is tired. We are both tired. Just leave the interrogation for tomorrow morning, okay?” Her old self said with a sigh.
“Alright, but tomorrow.” Alex said
“Sure. Bright and early.” Kara let out a loud yawn.
She took a much needed shower and put a shirt that felt more like a dress and hung awkwardly down her shoulder. It was humiliating but at this point she didn't care.
“I don't really have a pull out sofa, but I guess you know that. We can just share a bed. I think you're small enough for both of us to fit comfortably.”
“Sure.” Kara wouldn't even try to argue. She was offered a bed that was enough. Plus, she had shared a bed with Lena before so sharing her bed with herself shouldn't be weird.
“I have to ask.” Her older self said once they settled into bed. “Why Tali?”
“Mmm wha–?” Kara mumbled, half asleep.
“Why Tali of all people?”
Why? Kara didn't really think. She just needed a name and she couldn’t use any of the familiar ones. She wasn't sure what made her think of Tali, maybe it was Lena. Tali was her best friend back in Krypton and while they had their bumps in the road that was a relationship she would never get to mend.
“I don't know.” Was all she said before succumbing into sleep.
— — —
They were woken up by a loud knock on the door.
“Open up! We have coffee!” Alex announced too loudly in the morning.
Wow, they took bright and early way too seriously. They both tore themselves out of bed and dragged their feet into the kitchen.
“Where is my cup?” Kara looked around for any extra cup for no avail.
“They didn't have hot chocolate there.” Alex said as if it explained anything.
“And?” Kara demanded.
“I'm not gonna bring coffee to a child! What are you? Three?” Alex raised an eyebrow at her.
“Around six by my estimation, but I'm older than her!” She pointed at her old self in protest.
“Still a child! Coffee could have bad effects on your body at that age.” Alex protested.
“I'm a superpowered alien! Coffee would not affect my physiology!”
“Exactly! So why do you need it in the first place?”
“Can't I just have a hint of normality?” Kara sighed loudly which didn't sound as dramatic as she hoped with the voice of a small child.
“You can have mine.” Her old self offered.
“No, that's fine I'll just make some instant.” She forfeited. Good thing she could fly, because, Rao, are six years old short.
“Oh, no.” Alex grabbed her small flying form in an attempt to bring her down to earth, but Kara had no plans to make it easy for her sister.
“Ughh! Goddammit Kara!” Alex gave a valiant effort to bring her back to the ground but she was no match to super strength.
“Kara, would you get this superbaby down to ground level?” Alex shouted.
“I just want to make some coffee!” Kara protested.
“No superpowers at home.” Alex declared, but Kara refused to budge.
“Come on, just take my coffee and let me make some.” Old her overpowered her despite her protests and put her down by force.
Kara took the offered cup begrudgingly without breaking eye contact with Alex who kept her gaze through narrow eyelids.
The coffee was cold.
Kara used a quick heat vision to heat it up and flashed Alex a satisfied smirk.
“Kara!” Alex shouted.
“Can we maybe call her something else?” Her old self asked. “The whole double Kara thing is confusing.”
“But that's my name.” Kara argued.
“Well it's also my name, and since this is my time and I'm in proper adult form I get priority.”
“Thats not fair.” Kara knew she was right, but wanted to protest regardless.
“She has a point though, Tali.” Maggie smirked at her.
“And not Tali.” Her old self added. “Please, not that.”
“Alright, any suggestions babe of steel?” Kara was not amused by Alex's name calling.
“Or any names we should avoid, Kara prime?” Maggie asked.
“No, just that.” Old Kara said, averting her gaze to the floor.
“Any preferences, Super-tot?”
“No.” Kara sneered at Alex.
“So how about… I don't know, Linda?” Maggie suggested.
“Sure.” Kara kept her sneer at Alex. She really did not like those nicknames.
“Good. Now that we got that out of the way, Linda, would you kindly tell us how you got here?” Maggie sat down on the nearest chair, legs spread wide as she leaned on the back of the chair.
“Is this a time warp thing?” Alex suggested.
“Alternate world issue?” Adult Kara asked.
“Alien attack?” Alex threw in.
“Wow, wait, what do you mean by alternative worlds? Is that a thing?” Maggie leaned forward on her chair. Her eyes darted between the three of them with speed.
“No, no. I'm here…” What would she say? What could she say? “I'm here on a mission.” She settled on. That would do.
“So alternative worlds are not a thing?” Maggie asked quietly.
“They are, I'll tell you later.”Alex whispered. “What mission?” She addressed Kara.
“It's…” Kara wagered how much she ought to tell them. It somehow felt too personal to share with everyone but herself. “It has to do with the future, so I can't tell you anything about it. You know, to preserve the timeline and all that.” She hoped that would do.
“I mean you've clearly already broken a few rules,” Maggie pointed out.
“Well, that was not my intention and telling you more than that could be dangerous.” She said.
“Alright, alright.” Alex raised her hand before Maggie could argue for more information. “Future timelines and all, that's fair, but how can we help?”
Alex could be so antagonistic at times and Kara was still frustrated from the various nicknames she had thrown her way, but it were moments like these, where Alex could just accept her, trust her, and just offer help that made Kara love and appreciate her sister so much. A moment of true sisterly bond.
“Because I doubt you could achieve much with those tiny infant hands.” And the moment was ruined.
“I'm figuring it out. But I'll let you know if I need anything.” She reassured them.
“Alright. I will go ahead and smooth things out with the police for you.” Maggie offered as she got up from her chair.
“Smooth things out?” Big Kara asked.
“Micro Danvers here has a manhunt going for her since yesterday. Some people are sure there is a new serial killer working at the station since they managed to abduct her from the toilets. It's a whole thing. I might need to bring you in to make a statement, but I'll try to figure something out.”
Big Kara directed her with a judgmental gaze and a raised brow.
“You would've done the same.” Was all she could argue, but she refused to meet her gaze regardless.
“Alright I'll try to get you a phone or something and for now let's stick with the story that she is some long lost cousin here for a visit.” Alex took her coat and threw her cup in the bin. “Got it, Linda?”
“Yeah. Thanks.” A phone would be very useful. And money.
— — —
“I need to go to the office soon, would you be okay here on your own?” Old self asked as she picked clothes out of her closet.
“Yeah, I suppose.” It would be nice to have a space to properly rest after the previous day. “But since I can't go out by myself I'll need your credit card to be able to shop online and order food.”
“What online shopping are you planning to do? Oh, is it any future mission related stuff?”
“No, I just figured that if I'm gonna be here for a while I should probably get some clothes that actually fit me.” Kara lifted the edges of the shirt that she had been dragging on the floor behind her all morning.
“Oh, yeah that's fair. Give me a moment to find it then.” Big Kara disappeared behind the bedroom curtains when a hurried knock came from the door.
“It's still open!” Her older self called out. Kara assumed she thought it was Alex and Maggie coming back, but she was too occupied to notice the new presence.
“Kara I need to – oh, hello.” Lena waved at her, looking shocked and relieved.
“Hi.” Kara forced out a small wave as she tried and failed to settle the panic in her stomach.
“How did you end up here?” Lena asked, standing still by the open door.
“Lena! Hi! What are you doing here?” Old self asked, stumbling on her way to the door.
“I… to be quite honest with you I was here to ask you for a favour, well, for you to ask Supergirl really to help find a missing child, but it appears you have found her.”
“Oh yeah, yeah. Yes. Lena, this is my little cousin Linda. Wait, how do you know her?”
“Linda? No, that's not right. Did you not say your name was Tali? Or am I going crazy and there are two of you?”
“No, no. That was me.” Kara forced out what she hoped was a normal smile. “Thanks for the frozen yogurt by the way. It's… It's a long and silly story really... Some people call me Tali, some call me Linda, but you know the world is crazy! And sometimes crazy things happen and stuff… Not necessarily to you, but I suppose sometimes to you too, because, you know, it's all crazy!” She let out a panicked chuckle. “But you can just call me Linda. I prefer Linda.” Kara held the base of a nearby chair in an attempt to physically stop her word vomit.
“Alright, Linda it is. I'm glad you have made it safely to your cousin. I definitely see the resemblance.” Lena smiled at her softly. “Kara, can I speak with you a moment?”
“Yeah.” Kara said and moved to follow Lena only to realise the question was not addressed to her. “I mean, yeah you can definitely talk with my cousin. Kara. Who is my very… big adult cousin named Kara.”
“Alright that's enough. Linda, go brush your teeth, you know where to find the spare brushes. And yes Lena please come in.” Her old self gestured for Lena to follow her.
Kara sighed and dragged herself towards the washroom, her ears perked up to listen into their conversation.
“Is everything okay?” Lena asked in a soft voice.
“Um, yes?” Old self asked.
“It's just…” Lena took in a large breath. “I found this little girl by herself yesterday and she couldn’t tell me anything about a parent or a guardian.”
“Well, you saw how confused she was about her name. She is just very confused. We're working on it.” her old self reassured Lena.
“Well, I've called the police to help her locate her guardian but when I called this morning only for them to tell me she disappeared from the precinct.” Lena's voice wasn't accusing exactly, but the worry was clear.
“Hahaha, yeah, see, that is just a misunderstanding.” Old self chuckled awkwardly.
“Kara, she disappeared from a police station. And she's what? Four? This is not simple confusion, this is dangerous.” Lena stressed out.
“I get why it can seem like that.” Her old self sounded like she was gonna say more but no words followed.
“I came here to ask you to ask supergirl to help find her. I'm very glad she is safe, but what was she doing out there on her own in the first place?”
“Yeah! Supergirl is actually how she left the police station. It was all a series of misunderstandings and I asked Supergirl for help, she just forgot to let the police know she took her. Silly supergirl,” She let out another nervous chuckle. “I'll have to tell her off for that one.”
“Right…”
“See it all actually makes sense.” Old self said somewhat unconvincingly.
“So how did she end up in the park alone? Why is she here by herself?” Lena asked some very valid questions.
“Um… It's a long story.”
Lena said nothing but most likely looked at her old self expectedly as she kept on talking
“Her parents are gone.” Her old self said, speaking with more seriousness and gravity in her voice. “She was connected to me as her only living relative and I… I agreed to take care of her until she finds a more permanent solution.”
“And the park?”
“I wasn't notified when she arrived, this is why I contacted Supergirl. There was a whole miscommunication but I promise you I'm dealing with it.”
“Oh. I see. That's very kind of you. I'm sorry to hear about her parents.”
“Thank you. I… yeah, thank you.”
“I'm sorry for barging in like that, I was just worried after I spoke with the police. I actually had to press them for an answer…” Lena sighed, sounding so sweet and kind.
“No, that's fine. You were worried. That was very sweet of you to come.”
“To lose her parents at that age… she must be devastated. I can understand the confusion.”
“Yeah… she is very confused.”
“I think I've told you how I was adopted by the Luthors. I'm glad she has someone like you to help her now, I just hope she can find a loving family to support her.”
“I'm sure she will.”
“Make sure she does. Okay?”
“I will.”
“Good. Do you think she'll be okay at Catco?”
“Catco?” Old self asked, just as confused as Kara felt by the question.
“Yeah, I assume you're taking her to work. I mean you can't leave her here by herself. Unless you have someone coming to take care of her.”
“Oh, ye–yeah. Of course. I'm taking her to Catco. She'll be fine. She's very mature for her age.”
“Good, okay. I can offer some financial help if you need anything. I know it's not much, I'm not really great with kids…”
“What? No, you found a lonely kid and helped her find help. And frozen yogurt from what I heard which is just so sweet of you. You've been amazing.”
“I just wish I could do more. Losing your parents at such a young age…”
“I know.” Big Kara’s voice came softer and quieter than before. They must've drifted closer to each other. “I know what it's like to lose everything, and what you did yesterday, that meant a lot. To me and to her.”
“I'm glad. Well, I should probably go.”
“Yeah, work and stuff.”
“Yeah.” Lena let out a small chuckle.
“We're still on to that Italian place on Friday, right?” Her old self asked.
“What about Tali– um, Linda?”
“Alex would watch over her.” Her old self said quickly.
“Are you sure? I don't want to have her main support vanish just for dinner.”
“Don't worry about it, Alex is also very much here for her, plus I'm really looking forward to it.”
“Okay. I'm looking forward to it too. Can I offer you a ride?”
That was some interesting piece of information. Perhaps that Italian place was the key. They could walk in the park to get ice cream or that frozen yogurt after dinner which would mean the area would be empty enough for a little heart to heart talk.
“Come on.” Her old self interrupted her thoughts as the bathroom's door was slammed open.
“What? Where?” Her mind instinctively readying herself for an alien attack or a bank robbery.
Kara sat down on the roof and attempted to gather her thoughts. Since she was a separate being from her own body, it meant that there was another Kara existing in this time. And since she was basically a child, it wouldn't be an easy case of switching positions with herself to talk to Lena, she would have to find another way to do it.
She could try to somehow let Lena know by leaving hints and clues – Lena was a genius after all so she would definitely catch on – then again the whole point was for Kara to be the one who told her the truth from the start. To be honest.
That settled it, she had to find a way to convince her old self to tell Lena the truth and simply hang around long enough to make sure nothing bad would happen. Easy.
Lifting herself up to stand again, Kara couldn't help but think back of the last time she was this short, when her hands looked so small. It was hard to remember, it was always hard to remember, but something about it managed to break through. She saw her parents more clearly than she had in years. Their old house. School. Kandor. Krypton.
Kara remembered her life there so clearly it almost felt like it was yesterday that she had helped her father prepare an experiment on the use of a special mineral they found trapped inside an asteroid. She smiled, feeling his phantom hand steady on her shoulder. So big, and so reassuring.
It was an experiment of sorts. She was an outside factor after all. First she would have to observe. See where they were on the timeline and assess the situation, then she would need to come up with a viable plan of approach and simply talk to her old self into confessing her identity to Lena. The hard part would be assessing for any outside dangers, but she would cross that bridge when she got there.
Kara knew she had to avoid places close to her apartment or Catco for the time being, she couldn't let her old self catch her before she was ready. The DEO and Alex's place were also out of the question.
A large boom had her spin her head towards the bay area. She could just see a large alien flying around and causing trouble. She instinctively moved her hands towards her shirt only to find her small loose shirt had nothing below it. A quick blur of red and blue flew above her as she watched herself fighting the alien head on. It was so weird. Kara couldn't help but be hyperaware of herself, criticising each move or attack, knowing she could've dealt with it so much better now. But hindsight is twenty-twenty and old Kara had to gain experience somehow.
Kara remembered that fight. She remembered the small ice cream stand whose roof she had broken. The dented stone and the man she had saved. She hopped a few rooftops closer for a better view and one by one she saw the events she remembered unfold in perfect order. That was good. Affirming her predicament and placing herself on the timeline. Sort of.
Once Alex arrived at the scene with the DEO, Kara started to move away, carefully as to not to alert the others of her presence.
It wasn't until she landed near the park that she realised how hungry she was. It was a nice warm summer day at National city and Kara’s mind drifted immediately to the day Lena introduced her to this frozen yogurt place between L-corp and the park. Lena had said it was her favourite and Kara was surprised at how much she liked it. They tried to stop by every time the weather was warm enough, which was pretty often in National City.
Rao, she missed Lena. She missed seeing her smile, listening to her talk about whatever passion project she got herself sucked into. She missed just hearing her voice.
She had no money of course. She didn't want to steal anything, but perhaps she could sneak into her own place and take some money. It was her own money after all so that would be fine, right?
“Hi there.”
Kara turned so fast she startled the woman behind her. She startled Lena. Who was right behind her. Lena.
“Hi.” Kara let out, forgetting for a moment how high pitched her voice was.
“Are you lost?” Lena asked. Lena. Who was smiling at her softly and standing right beside her.
“Ah… um, no.” Kara said, searching for more words to will out of her mouth. “I just…um, I just wanted frozen yogurt.” Really? Just wanted frozen yogurt? Maybe she should've said less. Her eyes darted around to look for the quickest way to disappear, she really shouldn't have let herself get caught by Lena of all people less than a day into her new attempt.
“Are your parents near?” Lena asked.
Kara stared at her a moment longer, unsure how to answer that one.
“You have good taste.” Lena pointed at the store sign. “I was just about to get some myself, would you like to join me?” Lena presented her with a gentle hand, hanging there in the air between them.
That was a bad idea. A very very bad idea. She was supposed to observe from afar and assess the situation. More than that, she wasn't supposed to come into direct contact with Lena this time around. How did she manage to butch this attempt so badly already?
Lena raised a brow in question. Kara realised she was staring at her for too long without saying a thing. Perhaps it was the awkwardness of the situation, or Lena's soft expression but Kara grabbed her hand without much thinking.
Maybe it was a good idea actually, like she got to assess Lena's emotional availability and maybe help soften the news. They were acquaintances at this point in the timeline. Friendly ones at that.
She got her usual yogurt loaded with sweets, caramelised pecans and chocolate fudge as Lena ordered her own fruity favourite and found a table for them to sit on at the back of the shop.
“You know I have a friend who likes just the same toppings.”
Lena's statement made her freeze up. Was she too obvious? Did she need to order something else? She was already halfway through her yogurt so no chance for a refund at this point. She only forced out a small smile before diving in again.
“I'm Lena,” Lena reached out a hand for Kara to shake which Kara found adorable considering her current predicament. “What's your name?”
Kara just reached out to shake her hand but the question caught her off guard.
What was her name? Kara panicked. She couldn't say Kara, obviously, but what could she say? Alex was her next instinct but that was just as bad, wasn't it? She needed to find something else. Something old, she knew people beside her current closest circle. Just anyone!
“Tali.” Kara said without much thinking. Rao it's been years since she thought about her. She had suppressed most memories she had of her childhood best friend but merely speaking her name again filled her with longing and grief.
“Nice to meet you Tali.” Lena looked at her with curiosity but no hint of hatred or hurt. Oh how she missed this.
“Nice to meet you too.” Kara smiled back at her.
“So Tali, what, um… What do you like to do for fun?”
She needed to go. Pretend to find a parent just outside the window and run, but maybe she could stay just a little bit longer. It was so nice just having a small normal moment with Lena, just a brief moment of peace where she could bask in the warmth of the other woman.
Kara agreed for a refill without much protest and continued talking with Lena. It was a bit odd, she had to avoid many topics she feared would make her sound too mature, and to be fair she wasn't really sure what kids were into those days, so she kept it natural. Asking Lena about her work was her best idea,
Lena happily obliged and very kindly dumbed down her information to what she deemed was a child friendly version of it.
Kara should've left. She should have done it long ago and she had plenty of chances in their conversation, especially around the third or fourth cup of yogurt. And she tried! Well, she thought about it, but then found herself completely captivated by Lena's smile and decided she could stay just a little bit longer.
So she really should've seen it coming. She had super hearing for Rao's sake, yet she was completely caught by surprise when a police officer walked into the shop and looked around. Kara was startled when she noticed her presence. Lena only followed her gaze and raised a hand to draw her attention. The officer smiled and walked towards them with ease as Kara’s stomach sank. How did she screw it up so badly already?
She noticed Mxy at the corner of her eye, sipping a comically small cup of coffee and raising a challenging eyebrow at her. She tore his eyes away from him. She wouldn't give up just yet. It was just a small setback.
“Don't worry.” Lena reassured her. “This is officer…”
“Lydia.” The young officer smiled and waved at her.
Kara felt a small pang of betrayal as she searched Lena's eyes.
“This nice officer is here to help you find your guardians.” Lena said, collecting her things and thanking the young policewoman.
“You called her?” Kara asked, hoping she didn't sound too pathetic.
“Yes, I wanted to make sure you find your way back safely.” Lena explained with a smile.
“I'm an expert at finding people.” Officer Lydia reassured her with a wide grin.
Kara forced what she hoped to be a smile at the officer before turning to Lena.
“You're leaving?”
“I'm sorry.” Lena said, looking cut off by Kara’s question. “I have a lot of things to do today, but I promise you I am leaving you in some very capable hands.”
Lena nodded at the officer and left the shop without looking back.
“Come on, tell me where you last saw your parents.” Officer Lydia said, reaching out her hand for Kara to hold. Kara sighed and took it. Doing her best to avoid meeting Mxy's gaze as she left the shop.
— — —
Officer Lydia was very attentive and nice, which made it all the more difficult to slip away from her without her notice. Kara let herself get dragged all around the park and sat on a random bench for a couple of hours wolfing down three hot dogs before Officer Lydia decided it was time to take her back to the precinct.
Kara had no interest in spending her night there, nor at whatever foster home they would throw her into for the night, she really had no idea what the lost child protocol was. She was sitting on a small chair not far from officer Lydia contemplating an exit strategy when Maggie walked in. She forgot about Maggie.
Maggie walked by then stopped and studied her.
“Who are you?” Maggie asked, her eyes trying to place her.
“No one.” Kara answered quickly. Hoping and praying for Maggie to just walk away.
“Sorry for the wait!” Officer Lydia returned. “I found a map we could look at together, I just need –”
“I need to pee!” Kara declared, standing up abruptly.
“Yeah, okay just follow me.” Officer Lydia put down the large map on her desk and took her hand. Kara could practically feel Maggie's gaze follow her until she turned the corner towards the bathrooms.
What was she going to do? She couldn't spend all her time as an orphan girl lost in the big city. She couldn't stay at the station. She couldn't get into the system. Any system. She had a job to do for Rao's sake!
“You okay there Tali?” Officer Lydia asked.
“Yeah.” Kara called out. She found a small window above the toilet seat. It was high and too small to fit a normal person. Luckily she was half the size of one at current state, and height was never an issue. It had some rustic metal bars bolted to it, but she could easily loosen them with some precise use of her strength.
Vowing to find and apologise to officer Lydia down the line, Kara made her escape, grateful for the late hour and the darkness it granted her and sped away from the station.
The night's air was so refreshing on her skin it felt liberating. She assumed the lack of supervision from officer Lydia helped.
Ah, sweet freeing solitude. She really didn't realise how much she missed it. She dangled her small feet at the top of a building she sat on, trying to come up with a plan. Or at least figure out a place to sleep in.
“Hello there.”
The voice startled her, making her fall backwards onto the roof.
“What are you doing here?” She sneered at the imp. Rao, she hated him so much.
“Checking in. Seems like you had so much fun with that cop friend of yours.”
Kara rolled her eyes and stood up. “I’m handling it.” She said with more confidence than she was feeling.
“I can see.” He smirked at her in a way that made her want to throw up.
“Good.” She retorted, dusting herself off and taking off without saying anything more. She knew it was meaningless. He was the one who put her there, he could very easily follow her wherever she went. She was tired but had no place to really go to and couldn't risk being found again, and so Kara flew around aimlessly to kill time.
She spent the next day mostly on rooftops. She let the rays of the sun fill her up with energy knowing full well she was most likely not to find much in the way of food for that day.
She spied on her old self as she made her way into work, laying on top of the roof and listening in to her own conversations. She was annoyed with James for becoming Guardian, Mon-el was annoying her with his recent behaviours, and she was behind on an article she promised Snapper she would finish by the end of the day.
Kara registered the sirens sound but managed to stop herself once again from ripping her shirt off and flying into danger. Instead she sneaked into the building just in time before she saw her old self run up to the roof and take off in her suit. She organised the scattered clothing in a corner and looked for another place to hang out in.
Once evening rolled around and fewer people hung around Catco office, Kara sneaked in, keeping to the shadows and relying on her familiarity with the space to steal some snacks from the kitchen cupboard. She contemplated sleeping in an empty office, but a sudden noise startled her. She left soon after, leaving a trail of crumbs behind her.
It was when she nearly crashed into a tree that Kara realised how truly tired she was. It was late and she didn't sleep the night before. She could go a few days without sleep at times and it wasn't like she did much that day, then again she didn't really eat much and she was in the body of a small child. She needed sleep.
Kara would blame the sleep deprivation for her next decision. True, it was probably a safe space, the safest she could find in the city in this time at least. And she was a superhearing alien that could detect a foreign presence or an intruder at a timely manner. Most times at least. But the thing about that power of hers was that it went both ways.
And so, not even one step into her apartment Kara was confronted by none other than herself. Well, her old self. Wearing a button down pajama, toothbrush in mouth and holding a frying pan in her right hand.
Kara was grateful they had time to stop at a clothing shop before arriving. She really didn't want to go there either in her dirty clothes nor in shirts she could practically swim in. She got a respectable pair of jeans and a shirt with a dinosaur print on it.
One of the most annoying things about Earth is that the best clothing prints were usually reserved to kids, and if adults were to put something as cool for anything outside their house they were deemed childish and unprofessional.
Kara spent her life since thirteen trying her best to be the absolute average normal human she could be, which unfortunately meant keeping to professional attire and adult approved clothing. She didn't hate them, but they were definitely boring compared to what they came up with for kids. So Kara was more than happy to indulge seeing as she had to keep the appearance of a small child as it were.
“Oh my gosh! She is so cute! What is your name sweetheart?”
It took less than five seconds from the moment they reached the office for Kara to be surrounded by doting adults. It was odd yet charming seeing her colleagues show a different side of themselves. Maybe they too were secretly hoping to express themselves more openly and were simply restricted by society standards. Was it all fake? Were everyone just pretending to be someone to fit in?
“You're late, ponytail.” Snapper scolded her old self.
“I’m sorry, I just had to deal with some stuff for my cousin.”
Snapper looked around until he caught sight of Kara’s small form, noticing her for the first time.
“This is not a kindergarten,” he noted and returned to his paper.
“I know, I know, I just didn't find an arrangement for her today. Don't worry she won't interrupt my work.”
“See that she doesn't.”
Her old self nodded seriously and ushered Kara away.
“I do actually have a lot of work to do. Is there anything you need?” She asked once they were outside of earshot.
“A notebook, a pen and a computer.” That would be a start. Kara needed to map out any potential danger they might face in the future and find a way to prevent it or at least secure proper measures against it.
“That can be arranged.”
— — —
There were several scenarios Kara had to prepare for. She had managed to deal with Agent Liberty and the world Killers in her own timeline, but they had repeatedly killed her, Lena, or everyone she loved in her various attempts to tell Lena sooner. Maybe she could hint at Alex or her old self at their presence sooner, then again it wouldn't guarantee their safety.
Ben had been through a very rough patch, continuously encountering the worst kind of aliens to reach his state. Then again it wasn't until his connection to Lex that he started gaining actual power. If possible she would very much prefer to help keep his family safe rather than cut off Lex, but that would leave a very viable probability that Lex would sponsor another fanatic instead to hunt aliens down.
Kara was probably incapable of preventing every alien from behaving badly, or protecting every human from a bad experience with an alien that could radicalise them, but she could maybe help Ben so that could be a start. Then, come up with a better network to surveil Lex and his proxy to catch the next Ben Lockwood on time.
Kara wrote down every scenario she could remember in her notebook and tried to come up with the root cause of each and every one of them. It was a bit frustrating knowing she conquered those scenarios in her own timeline. Did telling Lena really lowered their capabilities as a team that much? No, that couldn't be it.
“Oh, you are adorable!” Remarked Tina, an older coworker she had little interactions with before in her life.
She wasn't expecting to be interrupted while her old self was at a meeting. Kara forced out a small smile, unsure how to really respond to that.
“What are you drawing there? Can I see?”
Kara instinctively hugged her notebook to prevent Tina from glimpsing at her writings.
“Oh, you're a shy one, aren't you? You know, when my kids were your age–”
“Linda, there you are.” Kara was so grateful for her old self interruption.
“Oh, Kara, is she yours? I didn't know you were married! How wonderful.”
“No, no she is… a relative.” Old self shook her head.
“Oh.” Tina said somewhat disappointedly.
“Anyways, we are heading out for lunch. Linda, collect your things.”
— — —
“I think that is the most I have spoken to Tina in years.” Kara remarked once they sat down at Big Belly Burger.
“Same.” Old self huffed out a small laugh. “Looked like she was bothering you though, you okay?”
“Yeah, yeah, she was just trying to see my ‘drawings’, so yeah obviously I can't do that.”
“I guess that's part of your secret future mission?”
“Yeah.” Kara nodded.
“Alright, so what's the plan?” Her old self looked at her with wide eyes, leaning forward on the table..
“Plan?”
“Yeah. I mean I assume you couldn't say much in front of Alex and Maggie, but I'm you.” She explained, pointing at herself and then at Kara.
“I really can't tell you about the future.” Kara dipped her fry in her mix of sauces, contemplating how to proceed.
“Come on! There must be a reason you came to me yesterday. I want to help.” Her old self urged her.
“I don't know…”
“Is this somehow connected to Lena?”
“Lena?” Kara dropped her new fry right into the big sauce mix.
“Yeah, I mean you approached her first, so I assume it was intensional.” Her old self explained, making her sound way more competent than she apparently was.
“Yeah… yeah!” She repeated more seriously. “Well, no, I mean yes she is important. She is the most important part.”
Her old self directed her with a puzzled look.
“You need to tell Lena about… you know.” She lowered her gaze to where she knew her family coat of arms laid beneath her old self's shirt.
Big Kara followed her gaze but came up more confused, raising her hand to cover her chest.
“The… super secret.” Kara emphasised.
“Oh! Yeah. Yeah, of course. Wait, no.”
“No?” Kara lost her own old self's train of thoughts.
“No, I…” She lowered her voice into a whisper. “I can't tell Lena. That would put her in so much danger. I can't do it for her. We're friends now.”
“She would have to find out sooner or later.” Kara argued.
“Not necessarily. I can be sneaky.” Her old self said defensively.
“And just keep her in the dark about it?” Kara challenged.
“It's about protecting her. Things are good as they are.” Rao, she had said all those excuses before hadn't she?
“So what's the plan? Wait until she one day finds out on her own? Lose your trust?” Kara realised she just called herself out but decided to ignore it.
“I… it wouldn't come to that.”
“Are you sure?” Kara raised a small accusing eyebrow at her. Her old self could lie to herself, but not to her future version of herself.
“Okay, okay so I need to tell Lena. I get it. I think. Well, not really. Why is it so important that I tell her now?”
“It's important. It's the most important part.”
“Alright.” Her old self relented. “So why did you need the notebook and computer for?”
“To make sure your future is safe.” Kara said, keeping eye contact with her old self before taking another fry.
“So telling Lena does put her in danger?”
“Um, technically yes, but it's still more important that you tell her. I'll take care of the rest.”
“If it's so dangerous, then why?”
Kara didn't actually stop to ask herself that question. If the time where she kept the truth from Lena was the only timeline where everyone was safe and sound and her relationship with Lena was the only casualty, then wasn't it the best outcome to the world? No, that couldn't be true.
“Listen, I can't tell you everything about the future, you're just gonna have to trust me on that.” Kara said with all the conviction she could master.
“Okay.” Her old self conceded quietly.
“She is important to us.” Kara continued. “I just want to make sure that– just trust me.” She wasn't really sure how she planned to finish the sentence, but the gravity of the situation was clear in her voice.
“Okay.” Her old self repeated.
— — —
“How was the dinner?” Kara asked expectedly later that week. She waited patiently at home as per Alex and her old self’s instructions, but kept an ear out for danger. She made decent progress in her own plans to secure the future. Or at least she had some plans, which was a start.
“Good! Very good.” Adult Kara was practically beaming as she handed Kara a few boxes of takeaway pasta she happily accepted.
“How did she react to the reveal?” Kara asked as she dug into her shrimp pasta. It was cold but she didn't care.
“I… I didn't get around to tell her.” Her old self averted her gaze.
“What?!” Kara let the fork fall on the table. ”But that was the plan! How was it good if you didn't talk about it?” She asked, leaning forward on the kitchen island.
“I…” her old self started. “It just never came up.”
“What do you mean? What else could you have talked about?” Kara asked and regretted immediately. She could spend hours talking to Lena. She had spent hours upon hours talking to her about nothing and everything. What was her excuse?
“We didn't have the time.” Her old self said instead.
“Didn't you go to the park?”
“Yes.”
“And the frozen yogurt shop?”
“It was actually close, we ended up in an ice cream stand at the park instead.” Her old self said.
“And in all this time you couldn't find an opening?” Kara raised an accusing eyebrow.
“It's not easy!”
“It's important!”
“I know, I know. I just… I don't know, maybe I need a better build up.” She sighed. “Next time.” Her old self promised. “Next time for sure.”
— — —
She didn't tell her. Not the next time, not the time after that or the time after that.
“It would've been weird with you there!” Her old self protested. Kara had offered to tag along for the last encounter – ice cream in the park on a Saturday afternoon.
“How? Last time you said it would be easier!”
“Well, I was wrong. It wasn't!”
“You just keep coming up with excuses!” Kara shouted in frustration at her old self. It was getting on her nerves.
“No, I'm not. Those are legitimate concerns.”
“No, they are not. What are you hoping for? She will find out eventually, why wait?”
“I… I don't know. Why did you?” Her old self asked the one question Kara had hoped to avoid.
Kara slummed against the sofa that barely registered her small figure. She took a deep breath and realised her reasons were as valid as her old self. “I was delusional.” She eventually said. “I believed I could keep two separate lives. I believed…” No, that wasn't quite it.
“Everything changed after I became Supergirl.” Kara tried again. “Even Winn changed the way he was around me, and Lena… Lena never needed me to be anyone. She didn't care who I was and I could just be myself. I feared it would change if she knew.”
“And did she change afterwards?” Her old self stepped closer, looking somehow younger than Kara at her current state.
“Yes.” Kara said. “Not because she changed her mind, but because I lied to her. And lying to Lena Luthor is the worst sin you can commit.” She sighed heavily. That was more than she planned on saying. She casted her gaze on the window, her eyes wondering between the few neon signs on the street across.
Her old self said nothing as she took a seat on the sofa next to her, her fingers fidgeting as she studied the floor.
“It's still not easy.” Her old self finally said.
Kara spotted Mxy waving at her from one of the signs atop a large building. “I know.” She looked away, catching the way her old self slumped forward looking defeated and small.
“I get what you are saying, but… maybe we need a plan.” Her old self suggested.
“A plan. Yes, we can come up with a plan.” Kara agreed. Perhaps they should've done it from the start.
“We're having lunch on Monday, so we have the weekend to plan.”
“The weekend should be plenty of time.” Kara smiled, hoping to reassure her old self a bit.
They went about their nightly routine in relative quiet. Kara kept sleeping in their now shared bed which at least gave her some sense of familiarity even if the bed was significantly bigger than she remembered it to be.
She wasn't sure how long she could carry out like that if she was quite honest. She missed her people – her own time’s people. Her own daily routine. She missed work and her Supergirl duty, but above all she missed Lena. That alone gave her enough resolve to keep going regardless.
They finished brushing their teeth and got into bed, but It wasn't until they were under the covers that her old self spoke.
“Why did you choose Tali?” She asked.
“What?” Kara turned to her, unsure she heard the question correctly.
“That first day, you told Lena your name was Tali. Why?”
“I told you already, I don't know.” Kara said dismissively.
Her old self hummed in response. Kara wasn't sure if she believed it or even acknowledged it much. “What do you remember about her?”
“About who?” Kara asked.
“Tali.” Her old self clarified as if talking about their long dead best friend was a common thing they thought about.
“Her hair.” Kara noted, remembering the vibrant colour that was so unnatural on Earth.
Truthfully, it was harder than she thought conjuring any memory she had with Tali in the past. Was it too long in the past? Like a language, it needed to be practiced on a daily basis in order to fully be preserved, or was it buried deep inside and she only had to search deep enough to find it?
“Her dad's hovercraft.” She added a moment later as she was hit with a sudden memory of their first – very secret – test drive they attempted that ended absolutely horribly.
It was odd. She was flushed with a wave of longing and affection towards her old friend, but it all mixed up with shame, Kara had to stop and wonder how many more rules they have broken in their short friendship on Krypton for her to feel this way. Out of instinct she stopped and casted her mind back to the present moment.
“Oh, that was terrible.” Her old self chuckled. “Our parents were so angry.”
“I mean the front was completely ruined, can you blame them?”
“I guess not. Rao, I was so scared, but Tali just laughed and it just made things better.”
Kara found it harder to remember that part.
“And that day she stepped on the foot of that boy who made fun of us for being the youngest in the class?”
“I… maybe?” It sounded vaguely familiar, but Kara couldn't remember the exact moment.
Silence fell upon them once again as more and more small moments of Tali popped into her mind. Their first meeting, study sessions, sharing secrets into the night, laughing together, crying together, so many moments she wasn't sure why she tried to bury for so long. Was it grief? Still tugging at her heart after all those years?
“Do you remember the Light festival?” Her old self broke the silence and Kara felt as if this simple question slapped her in the face.
She couldn't tell exactly why even, but that hit a nerve. Perhaps those moments were locked for a reason.
“Go to sleep.” Kara said, turning her back to her old self, laying on her side and staring at the wall. She forced her eyes shut and hoped to forget about this conversation by the morning.
