The parts my editor cut

Zoey: The first few episodes of Percy Jackson! I read these books so much as a kid and-

Mira: Mmm-mmm. No.

Zoey: ?

Mira: You are pulling up Disney Plus.

Zoey: Well, yeah, that's where-

Mira: This is supposed to be a chill night, and Disney stuff makes Rumi cry every damn time!

Rumi: (not this again) It does not!

Mira: Overruled. Anyway, tonight was supposed to be fun and relaxing and there's nothing fun or relaxing about Rumi tears.

Zoey: Mir...you have nothing to worry about! These books are pure fun! The kid finds out he's a demigod and has adventures and goes to camp-

Rumi: Demigods go to camp?

Zoey: -and they are very much not Rumi-tears material

Rumi: Besides, I am not so emotionally fragile I'd cry at a tween novel about kids in camp.

Mira: Whatever you say...

LATER:

Percy Jackson's mom: You are not broken. You are singular

Zoey:...

Mira: (wait for it...)

Rumi: ...

Rumi: 😭😭😭

This Ring quest will have two hobbits. Maximum.

Then they all get to Rivendell and have somehow multiplied into four hobbits. And it's like. Okay. Maybe the others are right.

Maybe this is too many hobbits.

We have as many hobbits as we have not-hobbits.

But damn it, you just don't want to get rid of any of these hobbits. Screw it! Everyone can deal. Four hobbits. This is a four hobbits problem.

So away you go.

And things go bad in the worst possible way.

Over and over.

You've lost your hobbits. You've lost yourself. The fellowship has been separated.

It takes everything in your power to help the humans defend themselves, bringing them together to save Rohan. Finally, as things begin to look upright, you're ready to face the war with everything the Rohirrim have left.

You're ready to face him. This may be the hardest battle you've ever fought. But you ride.

Then you get there and two of your fucking hobbits are sitting there like "Yeah, while you were gone, we raised a tree army and beat Saruman's ass. Wanna help us loot his tower?"

....

There were not, in fact, too many hobbits.

> disables a new AI feature that was turned on by default

> opens my email

> disables a new AI feature that was turned on by default

> launches a software

*unmutes*