the morbius jokes got stale fast but sony misunderstanding them and rereleasing the movie only to cause it to lose even more money was an all timer moment. we couldnt recreate that situation if we tried
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the morbius jokes got stale fast but sony misunderstanding them and rereleasing the movie only to cause it to lose even more money was an all timer moment. we couldnt recreate that situation if we tried

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“Haha remember when murder-hornets were gonna be a thing? What a nothingburger.”
Yes, because the Washington state government activated like a sleeper-cell and ruthlessly, systematically hunted them down and annihilated them.
“Y2K came to nothing amirite?”
Yes because an army of software engineers working around the clock, losing sleep, and busting ass till the last minute prevented it from happening.
“Remember the hole in the ozone layer?”
You mean the one that was fixed through rigorous world wide government action?
One of the root problems of our society is a refusal or inability by media to articulate that all those “it’s gonna be an apocalypse” disasters were not disasters because we collectively did something about them.
The good news is this is actually quite correctable. I maintain my firm belief that we as humans are capable of solving almost all of our problems, when we decide to do so.
And I still think that’s going to happen. I don’t know when or how, but I do know that abandoning hope won’t help bring it about.
And I refuse to let the cynics own a chunk of my heart.
Happy Smallpox Eradication Day
I'm developing a theory that humans are capable of learning and understanding massive and extremely important information, but also just..."flavor of the week" when it comes to beliefs.
And unfortunately, human accomplishments tend to fall under "beliefs"
Which can change by whim.
I suppose that sort of flexibility is healthy, on an evolutionary basis.
"The watering hole is safe" is a fact until the tigers come and then no matter how much history you have with that watering hole, the fact that the tigers are there now means the water isn't safe anymore.
It might be worthwhile to revisit the watering hole again later to see if the danger is still present
If the tigers leave and don't come back, then it kinda feels like the watering hole was always safe... except that one time.
That flexibility becomes a problem, though, when it comes to stuff like Y2K and the ozone layer.
I still remember both of these as I actually lived through them. The ozone especially.
I remember thinking that I was going to see the end of humanity in my lifetime because we were gonna be too stupid to actually get our collective shit together and figure out how to fix the ozone layer
Some years back, I remembered and looked and figured out that like, yeah, we fixed it.
And now.... now it's climate change.
I actually got to have a hand in that one.
I helped electrify ships in Norway and saved one company $5.2 million just by fixing their communication equipment in a week. Then I went on to do at least 5x more over the next 10 months
Not just money. I stopped so much diesel from being used that the temperature over Norway that year went DOWN.
It's one of my biggest claims to fame. I altered the earth's climate. By myself.
My reward? My boss was a racist piece of shit to me and overworked and badgered and belittled me so hard that I got physically sick and had to leave the INDUSTRY.
So instead of this being the timeline where "that black trans girl showed the world how to save itself and all industrial businesses noticed that they could save the world AND save themselves money at the same time"
This is now "the timeline where there was a weird anomaly in the climate data exactly once and actually things went back to being just as bad as they were soon after"
We COULD fix the climate.
It literally wouldn't be hard.
The people in charge
Don't
Want to.
if you're not allowed to leave your partner then it doesn't count as cheating 🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️ and if your partner decides that talking to anyone else but them is cheating then nothing at all counts as cheating! :D
"you should just leave instead of cheating on your partner"
it takes an average of 7 tries to leave an abusive relationship! 77% of domestic violence homicides occur upon separation
i don't think it's reasonable to tell someone they need to risk being raped and strangled to death just to have a pleasant & caring interaction with someone!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It really amazes me how people can live with so much hate in their hearts
Men and teenage boys treat not having a girlfriend like they’re being literally tortured to death

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i know we’re both just messing around pretending to be whole but look at me. if the train was coming would you move. if the ground was falling from under your feet would you even notice or would it just be another tuesday for you. if somebody stabbed you could it hurt worse than you already do. what i’m saying is that i love you but i think we both drive over the speed limit when it’s raining. what i’m saying is that i want to hold your hand and i understand about how you sometimes have to sit down in the shower. what i’m saying is that i’m here for you and if the train comes please move.
i wrote this 7 years ago, somehow. every day someone else finds it and whispers to me - oh, i understand this. something always turns in the wash of my stomach: i am so, so glad you feel seen. i wish you had no idea what this post was about.
i wrote this while working in a program for new writers. on wednesdays, two of the teachers would be contractually obligated to read our writing aloud to the group of 300+ teens. i had never read my work in public before. i had something like 6k poems and was panicking about it. none of them are good enough. sometimes the train is howling. it is hard, actually, sometimes, even as an adult.
and then i thought - what is one thing i wish i could tell all of them. each of these 300 kids. what did i need to hear, at 16?
i wanted to tell them about the day you wake up, and the sun feels warm finally. i wanted to tell them about carving a life out of soapstone, your hands turning bloody. i wanted to tell them that sometimes yes - it actually does feel easy. i wanted to tell them about weddings and cookie dough and long road trips. about albums of new music and old friends laughing and the sound of snow falling.
you will learn the pattern of the train. you will learn to close your eyes when you hear the engine rumbling. you will learn to let yourself have the grey days in their lily-soft numbness. sometimes it will feel like life is wet paint, and god has smeared your canvas across a sewer grate. sometimes it will be so boring it isn’t even pronounceable - the tenacious, soundless blankness. survival isn’t just ugly nights and wild mornings. it is also the steady, unimportant moments. it is just driving with your seatbelt on. it is calling a friend on the way home. it is burying your face into the fur of your dog.
when i had finished reading this poem aloud, the auditorium was silent for a solid minute. someone stood up to take a picture of where it had been projected onto a screen, and then three more people followed the action, and then - like a bad internet story, people remembered they were supposed to be clapping. kids came up to me after it - thank you for writing that. i think i hear a train coming.
i would write this differently now, i think, but it has been 7 years. i still live by the tracks. i also haven’t picked up a blade in over 10 years. the scars are still there, but these days i only pick up scissors to cut my hair. i know why you can’t tell your mom about it. i know how the numbness slips over everything, a restless horrible cotton. i know how when you dropped the dish, you weren’t crying about the broken glass. i know about feeling like all the roads have closed their exits, that you aren’t supposed to still-be-here - and yet.
i am still here, and still yours, and i haven’t forgotten. what i’m saying is if any hope is calling to you - i know it’s hard, but you have to listen. i’m saying keep driving, but slow down the car. sit down in the shower, i’m not judging you. we can stay in the dark with the good hot water and do nothing but stare. notice the stab wound. make it through another tuesday.
i know what it is like to miss yourself. do what you need to. come home to me. i am writing to you, my past self, from the future. i’ll be waiting for you.
and when the train is coming - please move.
I'm imagining a world where RPGMaker somehow made it as the de facto codebase for software and you have to navigate your banking app by walking around in a huge room full of NPCs named "make deposit" and "make withdrawal" etc and there's loud as fuck stock music playing
i guess i did say that once yeah …
Gay Winston from Overwatch: Excuse me for... being gay
He doesn't need a fucking excuse honey that's the point of PRIDE Winston !!!!
PROUD Gay Winston: Did somebody say... penis?
What is happening on my Tomodachi Life island is less Crack Shipping and moreso Deliriant Shipping. Because substances are definetly involved but not any of the ones known for feeling good.
Kasane Teto has a crush on Harry Du Bois, I wasn't joking, nobody wants these things to be happening, but who am I to say no to love?
Update: It is now mutual.
They will not confess to one another, they just fucking won't, Teto was giving up but I took her to Harry and they had a moment and now she's gone up to losing hope. YOU BOTH LOVE EACHOTHER! I SWEAR TO FUCK! CONFESS! YOU'RE A DOGSHIT SHIP BUT YOU'VE BECOME MY DOGSHIT SHIP! WHY DO YOU TORMENT ME SO!!!
THEY STOOD NEXT TO EACHOTHER SCREAMING THEIR LOVE FOR EACH OTHER INTO THE SEA I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD!!!
IT MIGHT BE HAPPENING! IT MIGHT FINALLY BE HAPPENING!!!
YES!!!!!!!
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You are a bug in bug hell but your spider torturer so fucking bad at their job that the devil himself has to grab you with his gay pitchfork and help them
I was feeling agitated and artblocked yesterday so I decided to give my brain a rest by watching TV and then the next thing I knew these were in front of me
denying trans kids hrt when they're sure of which puberty they want to go through is also an act of oppression. even if puberty blockers are available, we're not protecting kids by denying them the opportunity to go through puberty at the same time as their peers
"what if they go through physical changes that they later regret?" we allow cis kids to take that risk. in fact, most of them are never even given a choice and told they might regret it. just educate trans kids about what hrt will and won't do for them, then let them decide
everyone knows about Human Pet Guy but i feel like only the real tumblr OGs remember Train Fucker Guy. the dude who would show up on literally every post even tangentially related to social justice issues being all internet tough guy like “unlike you sjws I’m not so easily triggered, there’s only two genders and white privilege isn’t real, lol u mad” and then you went on his blog and all his other posts were about him being very openly, proudly sexually attracted to trains. I dont remember his url because he would change it every two days but you always knew it was him, his icon was usually some ms paint anthropomorphic train girl with huge tits. everyone would immediately just be like “heyyy it’s Train Fucker” every time he popped up just like they do with Human Pet Guy
they actually had a crossover
@funnier-when-objectum

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(submitted by @platniumfriend)