Running Wild

Ya I’ll jump on the bandwagon!!!

things have been so good and not so good the past year. trev and I have settled in our home and it is mostly complete, still need some finishing touches but at least once a day I still catch myself looking back on everything and feeling so so grateful we are here

my anxiety has been really really bad. I finally made the effort to see my doctor about it and was diagnosed with GAD. I started on sertraline and just finished a 40 minute assessment for a CBT program that matches me with a registered therapist that was recommended by my doctor. it’s free for ontario residents which is amazing because trev’s insurance is not mental health friendly haha

as a mental health practitioner sometimes I feel dumb not being able to manage my own mental health. I understand CBT/DBT, I teach it to patients, why can’t I do it myself? but I know that’s common.

I dropped down to casual at the mental health facility because I was having so much anxiety over it. I switched units and it was definitely much much better, but I still was struggling. I would dread having to go to work, overthink everything I did that day, and generally just feel shitty.

I applied for and just found out I was successful in getting a full-time temp contract doing the vaccine clinics until june! it’s exactly what I'm doing now for work but with the guarantee of hours and a steady schedule. this gives me the stability to figure out what’s next.

yesterday I was worrying about money after finding out I got the job, just because I've never had a steady income like that, I've always been able to pick up shifts and make more if I had to. I am 100% completely fine and will be making about 25% more than I need to monthly, but it’s still in the back of my mind always

in response to that trev said “don’t you think I like having a wife who isn’t stressed and anxious all the time and just enjoys her life?” that sounds really harsh typed out lmao but in the context it was said he meant it in a very caring way and made me feel really loved; he’s so excited for me to have two days off every week and a steady schedule so I can improve other aspects of my life and generally feel better than I have been working 20+ days in a row constantly, and I definitely am too but it’s a mental adjustment

I dunno! things are generally good and I am working on making things even better. we talked about trying for kids this summer (!!!) and I just want to work on improving my mental health and feeling better, especially for that big life change

this was long. I've been trying to cut back on social media (insta/fb) but I do love keeping up on here with everyone’s lives, and I want to make more of an effort to document mine too because I love looking back on everything!

that’s all

life lately!

what a whirlwind few months. trev and I moved into our home dec 23 and it was a time of so many changes. we immediately had our puppy cedar (who had been staying with my in-laws for a bit), I was a month into my new job, and then of course the house. 

it’s been hard at times, and my anxiety hasn’t been gr8. I'm working part-time (but making more than I did full-time at my last job haaa), but I would have stretches of days off where it’s just me and the puppy at home. it felt hard to leave because everywhere is a half hour drive, and he was too young to be alone for too long, and it was cold and winter and blah

but the last month or so has been much better. the snow is all gone (but now it’s muddy, lawdy), cedar’s older and can be left at home, we’ve met up with my dad for long walks, I'm more comfortable at work. 

I also got another part-time contract administering vaccines! I've only started online stuff for it but v exciting to be a part of it all in this way. plus I was hired as a “public health nurse” which is great for the resume, and it should fill in the gaps I have with my other job so I'm not relying on call-ins (which I hate and give me anxiety all the time)

trev and I pretty much daily talk about how grateful we are and how much we love our life. yesterday we were walking at sunset and turned around to see our house at the end of the road and just !!!! this is our life now! this is what we’ve been looking forward to for so long! our own home, on a lil farm property, with chickens, and bees soon, and a puppy and a cat and !!!

some days it’s hard and I have bad anxiety and I can’t focus on my courses and I feel lost. but most days I look around our home and I just want to burst. 

grateful, grateful, grateful ✨

Financial - Pay extra $300 to student debt minimum - Pay off MasterCard - Stick to budget! - Call about Tangerine account (make it joint, reset pin) - Email Well about damaged shipment

Health - 15 active things - Complete 50 mile house challenge  - Fix sleep routine (sleep hygiene, time etc)

House - Unpack all food/kitchen bins - Pack away all Christmas stuff properly  - Build shelving unit for basement - Get table for loft - Tidy up closets/clothes etc 

Career - Keep on top of school/get ahead: Have planned work times weekly - One shift a week at FH? - 5 NCLEX questions daily to refresh - Continue applying for jobs - Look into BLS price and maybe recert (or wait for work to recert?) - Start saving for PALS/Keep on the radar

Financial - Set aside rent money for February - Set aside 2.5x what’s needed for student debt (B goal: 1.5x)  - Pay December insurance (oops) - Pay off MasterCard - Call about Tangerine account (joint account + reset pin) - Play catch up this month and set up a strict budget for next month  - Get rental rented for February 

Health - 10 active things  - Meal plan and prep now that we’re in our own kitchen and can :)

House - Unpack fully - Sweep/mop once a week - Get toy basket for Cedar - Clean litter 2x a week - Put away Christmas stuff nicely at some point - Get remaining stuff/clean up at dad’s 

Career - Get organized with school courses (begin Jan 18) - Trial no second job  - Spend 1 hour/week on NCLEX q’s to refresh - Send immunization stuff to doctor’s - Submit immunization stuff to work

life lately ✨

I start a new job monday :) it’s at our main mental health hospital in the area. it wasn’t my first choice but I've talked to a friend who worked there for awhile and it’s experience and a good chance to make a lot of money... literally making twice as much as I was at the day program and driving half the distance sooo it’s a no brainer haha

married life is the bomb. literally nothing has changed in our lives but every so often I get to call him my husband to a stranger or I catch a glimpse of his ring and it’s just !!!!

we are SO CLOSE to moving in. just finishing up some tiling where the wood stove will go and in the shower, doors and trim, stairs, and plumbing. I can’t believe it!!! we got all our appliances this week and a couch and our mattress comes sunday!!! countertops go in today and tiling in the living room should be done too! 

I still can’t believe how different life is since I quit my other job. I didn’t realize how much it was affecting me until it was behind me. I’ve been full-time at the health store and my last paycheque was literally $80 less than it was at the day program, and i’m driving a half hour a day total instead of minimum two and a half hours, plus all that general stress... it just feels so good to have time for myself again.

we’re also putting a ~370sq ft gym in one of the shops on the property!!! we’re about 25 mins from any decent sized town and with covid we want to create a lil oasis that has every major thing we could want. we’re getting a squat rack and a bench press and i’m sooo excited to lift again

can’t wait to move in and decorate for christmas and build a lil home together  

Financial - Make sure I get last paycheque from work - Set aside $x for savings - Take on as many shifts as I can at FH in the limbo time - Pay off MasterCard

Health - 10 active things - Drink 2L of water daily - Fish oil daily!

House - Decide paint colours - Decide light fixtures - Decide flooring - Homesense trip :) - Put away all stuff for new house into bins

Career - Look into BLS recert - Rework resume for public health - Rework resume in general - Start applying for new jobs Thanksgiving weekend 

Current Home - Go through clothes and put away summer stuff - Clean spare room - Put away all wedding stuff

truth is I'm not doing so hot the past little while

I have been extremely stressed with work and burnt out. it’s not enjoyable anymore, and with all the covid policies I spend half my day cleaning instead of being on the floor hanging out with everyone

last monday I told my boss I would be putting in my notice. I bought a new car the week before (that hasn’t even come in yet) because mine died and my expenses doubled. in january when we move they’ll double again. I literally cannot afford the job anymore, which was “nice” because it pushed me to take the step I have wanted to and quit

I applied for the school board covid nurses positions and figured I'd be a shoe in since I just ran the only in person day program in our region during covid, but haven’t had a call

was just told today our $4/hour pandemic increase was cut - effective the beginning of our most recent pay period. as in, tomorrow’s paycheque is significantly less money. 

every dollar of that paycheque was already budgeted for. and then I got an email that my school fees are overdue. so I drained what little I had stashed away to pay those today. 

I started back at my retail weekend job days after we were okay’d to do so and worked 20 days straight.

I get married in a month today and I hate that I'm feeling this leading up to what should be the happiest day. it just feels like another thing on the to do list right now. 

I'm just so fucking tired all the time driving 2.5 hours a day for a job that pays me $3 dollars above minimum wage. but I also am trying to stick it out until after the wedding so I can at least take the week off we had planned for after, and not have to start a brand new job asking for a bunch of time off. 

life lately cos it sure has been awhile! hi!

I went back to work mid-may, working 1:1 with one client 3 days a week and another the other two. it’s been good! It’s just me and another girl at the centre (who works with two brothers 5 days a week), and I do the programming for everyone - not my favourite, but it’s okay. we’re only at work about 7 hours so getting home before 5 instead of 6 and leaving at 7:20 in the morning (instead of 6:50) has created a much better work/life balance for me in this summery season. we’ll see what the next few weeks hold

my dude and I celebrated five years together! and bought our wedding bands! what a life! we’re going ahead with our oct 3 wedding but downsizing and hoping to livestream for those who can’t be with us. wedding planning is ROUGH but it’s also just super close family/friends so a lot less pressure for things to be perfect

we bought a house! we got a tenant! we’re landlords! (666 babyyyy)

we had to go through a whole bunch of dumb council stuff for our dream house build BUT we’re allowed to break ground July 6!!!! finally!!!!

we’ve been gardening and trying to meal plan better - it’s been so nice eating right from the garden. we’ve harvested radishes and so much lettuce so far! 

I also had an I O U from my birthday in february. we had talked about doing a lil weekend away once t’s schedule was back to normal days (mid-march) but obviously the whole world shifted and that never happened, sooo I got a tent instead!! so pumped for weekend adventures.

still struggling to find motivation to be active - I really miss having in-person classes, and there’s never live ones for early birds (I'm a huge morning workout person). oh well. something to keep working on.