CalderaFest: A short GVH fanfic
Author’s note: this is 100% me just trying to process my own emotions after playing a music festival. GVH gave me a framework on how to feel after being chosen for CalderaFest, but not for how it’d feel after playing CalderaFest. This is my attempt to express those feelings through the eyes of Fang.
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"This is it", said Fang to themself, as they walked alone onto the stage at CalderaFest.
It felt like forever since Trish quit the band, but the events of that night were still fresh on Fang’s mind. Reed quit the band shortly after, as it just didn’t feel the same without all three, so Worm Drama became a solo act. Fang was honored that LJ chose them for CalderaFest, but that sweet victory was tainted by the bitter taste of the split.
"Trish did say I could do CalderaFest solo, and I need this as my ticket to a successful career. I've put too many eggs into this basket to turn back now."
The show was everything Fang could've dreamed of. A big stage, a cheering crowd, and a sick guitar. Once Fang started playing, it's like everything else around them just melted away. The crowd becomes one amorphous blob, and time becomes abstract. There's nothing but the music, and Fang. It’s the closest thing to heaven a musician could wish for. Songs came and went. The midi controller worked overtime as it took on the job of two band members. Playing these songs felt like second nature to Fang, having practiced them so often, not to mention they wrote most of the songs.
The spotlight was blindingly hot. Fang has never felt more seen in their life. Isn’t this what every musician desires? To be heard? Fang spent so much of their life trying to be heard, literally and figuratively, that it almost feels wrong to have such a large audience. Did they really deserve it?
"Thank you! Now for my last song, 12 o'clock!"
This was originally a song with the whole band, but after that night at Lava Java when they played during a power outage, the song became better known as an acoustic track. Most fans don't even know what it sounded like with the entirety of Worm Drama behind it. Fang strummed the opening G chord.
"Took my time to get it all worked out"
Fang thought about all the times that Worm Drama has auditioned at Lava Java. All the new songs they wrote, trying to make the dream work. They practiced every day after school, tried to get gigs at various places (and getting kicked out), and in general, just trying to get noticed.
"At 12 o'clock i'll write a manifesto, it's a way to go"
Fang thought about how their parents disapproved of their career path, but they still soldiered on, determined to follow their passion. After all, what else do they have? Maybe if they were successful, their parents would finally approve of them, and their gender too.
"It's just the blinking of an eye the culmination of today"
Fang thought about how Trish became more and more distant from the band. Having to raise her sister after her mother died, and having to balance schoolwork and band practice with what little free time she had left. Maybe if they had been more sympathetic to Trish, she wouldn't have had to leave the band. But now, it is too late.
"All the things I didn't do I guess it's over"
As the final G chord rang out, Fang could barely make out the audience through the tears. This is their moment. They made it to CalderaFest. Fang opened their wings and waved their guitar in the air at the cheering crowd. But if this is it, why did they feel so….conflicted? Isn't this supposed to be a moment of triumph? But that doesn’t matter right now. It’s time for celebration.
Naomi was waiting in the green room as Fang made their way off the stage. Emotions were high. Fang had just fulfilled their most important dream. All of their friends were front row in the audience to cheer them on. Fang and Naomi embraced, and Fang excitedly talked about the show while Naomi helped them reapply makeup.
+1
Fang woke up in the afternoon the next day, alone in their bed. The events of the previous day have exhausted them. As the events from that day settled, Fang felt…numb. Fang didn't feel any more like a Real Musician after the performance than before. Was this it? Was this the life they signed up for? How was this single performance supposed to turn into a career? Sure, performing at CalderaFest comes with bragging rights, but that doesn’t exactly pay the bills. The revenue from the show couldn’t even afford a tour van. The meager amount of merch sales did not help either. A new text came up on Fang’s phone.
Naomi You did amazing last night! I am so proud of you! Fang Thank you!
Fang didn’t really know how to express their feelings in a way that would be coherent to anyone else. It would sound incredibly ungrateful to say they felt nothing after the show, or that they felt even more hopeless about their future. Fang felt like the only emotions they were allowed to have were excitement and accomplishment, but there they were, feeling down, wishing they were back on that stage, but at the same time wishing it never happened. Is this why celebrities get broken by fame, because they can’t just go back to normal life? Were they wrong to dream about performing at CalderaFest?
Fang thought about the band. How much they wished they could have shared that moment on stage together. Fang thought about the spark, and what kept them going through all those years of failure and disapproval. Why was it that they kept making music despite it all?
Then it hit them. Those songs weren’t written for anyone. They weren’t even written for LJ. These songs came from the deepest corners of their heart. They are a cry into the world, a way for Fang’s feelings and thoughts to be heard. They weren’t written for anyone, they’re written for Fang themself.
"Fuck this. Music isn’t about success. I will keep writing no matter what!"
It doesn’t matter if Fang could turn music into a career. Maybe it’ll work out, maybe it won’t. But even if it doesn’t, it by no means diminishes their passion as a musician. Fang will always be a musician.
