Sunny☆

Do maintain a polite tone in your feedback (even when you are issuing a threat like leaving the game).

Do specify your current disappointments, long-term criticisms, and expectations for the future of the game should you continue to play. For example, don't just say you want more Main Story updates; specify that you want them every three months.

Do clearly isolate your long-term issues with the game from the current issue of Valko's release. Make it clear that those issues are not resolved by delaying or permanently canceling Valko's debut.

Do talk positively about whatever you can (ie. enjoying other LIs, enjoying the content of the Main Story itself, appreciating the worldbuilding, etc). This may feel difficult, but it demonstrates that you are a passionate player. Infold can assume that a player so invested in the game would need something drastic to push them to leave.

Don't use profanity.

Don't reference CN players.

Don't bring up Infold's past mistakes. We need to stay focused on the current issues.

Don't criticize anything about Valko's teased content. This one may be unpopular, I know. If Infold is pulling back Valko's release, I don't think it's likely that they will be willing to invest any more time and money into his development. If they continue to get more and more criticisms about him and don't care to change anything about him, they will never release him. I'm not minimizing any fan's concerns; I'm suggesting we choose a priority.

If you are unsure where to start, here are some talking points:

Express your excitement over Valko (bonus points if you give reasons why). Did you come back from a long hiatus for him?

Express your disappointment over not having Valko in the game. How will it impact your enjoyment of the game?

Describe how you prepared for his anticipated arrival. • In-game (farm for dias, bought packs, etc) • On your devices (created storage space, bought a new device, etc) • Financially (budgeted for buying packs upon his release, etc)

Describe how you engaged in fandom around Valko. Did you create fanart, fanfiction, or other fanworks? How much were you consuming fanworks showcasing him? Demonstrating how beloved he was before any real content of his being released indicates a warm reception if/when he is released.

What are the current issues you experience with the game? Be specific. Describe exactly how they impact your gameplay. Suggest a concrete way those issues could be resolved. Assert that Valko's release being postponed or canceled will not resolve these issues.

Express concern for the changes to their planned story arc his absence would create. Question if those changes would be as enjoyable as their original plan.

(If you're feeling up to it) Acknowledge the amount of time, effort, and money that must have gone into creating Valko. Let them know it would disappoint you to see it go to waste.

Infold made a terrible decision. We need to take action and let Infold know that a large portion of the LADS fanbase wants Valko to be released at some point. Let's try to remain positive where we can, engage in positive fandom, and do our best to make our voices heard by Infold.

For one stupid, pathetic second you genuinely looked around expecting to find him.

Expecting to see his messy hair, to hear his laugh, to see him leaning against a doorway smiling at you like he used to after sneaking into your house during storms because you were scared.

But, unfortunately for your very excited heart, it wasn't him. It was just some girl yelling at some guy, "VIV!" 

"Oh my god, WHAT?"

And suddenly you felt ridiculous.

Because your Vivian wasn't here.

No, he was hundreds of miles away. Living his dream and playing soccer like he’d always wanted to.

And yet hearing his nickname felt like someone had reached inside your chest and squeezed your heart - reminding you how much it ached that your best friend wasn’t there with you.

The rest of the party felt wrong after that.

Everyone seemed cool, like they always were at the parties your friends dragged you to. The people were interesting. Your friends were exciting. Which was weird, because if you were to ask the boy you’d grown up with your entire life, exciting would be the last word he’d use to describe you.

You sat on a couch while conversations flowed around you, trying to reset yourself back into the person you’d morphed into when you stepped foot on campus.

Music was blasting- music that you had to pretend you liked when you really liked dancing to show tunes while a certain boy laughed himself to tears at your awful dancing while laying in your bed.

People laughed, but they weren’t the laugh that you wanted to hear after everything you said- even if it wasn’t funny.

Someone sat beside you and asked what your major was.

You answered automatically, trying to smile and be the girl you so desperately wanted to be. The college girl who just lived her life, who didn’t care about home, but your thoughts drifted elsewhere.

Back to Vivian and whether he'd eaten dinner. To whether or not his practice had gone well. To whether he'd remembered his jacket because he’d always had a bad habit of forgetting his jacket if someone didn’t remind him.

To whether he'd thought about calling you today, despite the time difference between you two.

The realization hit so suddenly it made you sick.

You wanted to go home and not because the party sucked.

Because none of these people could ever be like Vivian, no matter how you shaped yourself to try and find another him.

The second sign something was wrong with you happened when you were on campus, a month after the party.

You sat beneath a tree with your textbook open and notes spread around you, trying desperately to focus.

Your phone rang.

You didn't even have to look before sliding the button to the ‘Accept’ 

You always knew who it was, "Hey."

"Hi."

God. Just hearing his voice made everything easier.

You smiled without thinking, the stress of your midterms easing off your shoulders as you heard the stupid grin in his voice, "Is your practice done?"

"Finally." You heard him groan. "Coach hates us."

"You say that every week."

"Because he does.”

You laughed, and the sound seemed to brighten his mood immediately.

The conversation between you two drifted like it always did. To your classes. Then to his teammates that you hadn’t exactly learned the names of even though he’d been around them since early summer.

Then he asked about the food you’d eaten this week because “This team diet is killing me,” he’d said. And of course you had to rub in his face about the all you could eat dining hall- exaggerating because the food truly wasn’t that good, but hearing his hungry whines made it worth it.

You asked about the weather, because even if he was still in France, you liked to know if it was just as sunny there as it was where you were. If you two were feeling the warmth of the same sun.

It was a lot of random nonsense, really. These were things most people would talk about in passing, the kind of conversations that shouldn't last two hours. Yet somehow, with him, they always did.

At one point there was a comfortable silence, where you two were just sitting on the phone listening to each other breathe.

Then he had to break it, "I miss you."

Your heart stopped.

Not because he'd never said it. Actually, he said it all the time and so did you- as much as humanly possible because you did miss each other. No sane person could go 18 years being attached at the hip and then suddenly being away from each other without missing them.

It was normal between you two, almost ritualistic, but today it landed differently. Today it hurt you. Because you missed him too, so much so that it felt physical.

"I miss you too."

The line went quiet.

And of course, because Vivian Hugo was never one for sentimental silences, "You'd hate my roommate."

You immediately shook off the familiar sadness, "Oh? Really?"

"He leaves socks everywhere."

"That's gross."

"You should come tell him that."

You and Vivian laughed at the same time, the sounds combining. You were sure that if your mothers were in on this conversation, they would assume the two of you got into some kind of trouble again, like they had since you and him could walk.

For a moment, everything felt right. It felt like you were sixteen again walking home together while sharing earbuds and arguing over nothing. You weren’t the nineteen year old girl who was molding herself to fit different friend groups. You were just you…

But eventually the call ended like it always did. Vivian sighed, always the one to end the phone call, “Bye." You felt your heart screaming not to stop yet, to keep him on the phone, but all you could say was, "Bye."

"I'll call tomorrow."

"Okay."

The line clicked and you were met with the unbearable silence again. Suddenly campus felt too big. Too loud but also too empty.

Students passed by, laughing and talking with their friends. Cars moved through nearby streets. Someone - who you were sure was in an organization raising funds - shouted in the distance.

And life continued all around you, but you sat frozen beneath that tree. Because the world felt wrong again.

Like you'd briefly stepped back into your real life. The one you lived for eighteen years back home.

Only to be thrown out.

Then came the dreams. And those were the worst sign that something must be wrong with you.

Because there was no pretending after waking up.

There were no excuses you could make to explain them away. Even if you’d searched ‘What does it mean if I had a dream about having sex with my best friend?’

Every search you made only led you to realize you couldn’t deny it anymore.

The first dream felt harmless.

It was just you and Vivian sitting together, talking and laughing like you always did when you two were together. It was normal.

Then he leaned forward, touched your face, and kissed you.

You woke up immediately, heart pounding.

You were horrified, a little confused, and a crap ton embarrassed- as if he could have known what you were dreaming of.

You blamed the stress of all your classes at first. 

Then it happened again. And again. And again.

Soon every dream ended the same way. His hand in yours. His forehead against yours. His mouth on yours.

Sometimes you dreamed you woke up beside him in your small twin XL dorm bed.

Sometimes you dreamed he wrapped his arms around your waist like you’d seen in every romcom ever growing up.

Sometimes you dreamed he looked at you like you were the only thing he'd ever wanted. Because you were sure that was how you looked at him.

But instead, every morning you woke up feeling like your chest had been split open. Because he wasn’t there.

Because for half a second, you believed it. You believed he was there. Then your reality returned, and your room was empty except for your roommate snoring on her side.

Months passed and of course, your calls and texts continued, like nothing had ever changed. Except everything had, for you at least.

You couldn't stop noticing things. Like the way his voice softened when he talked to you versus talking to his teammate…Loki? You think it was.

The way he remembered every tiny detail you ever mentioned like how you hated your exercise and sports science professor with a fire in your heart.

The way he called whenever something good happened like him assisting Loki on a goal. You think actually making a goal would be more worth celebrating, because you knew he’d done it, but assisting Loki was suddenly his life mission.

The way he called whenever something bad happened like how he had fallen and had to be examined for a fracture. When really, all it was was a very slight sprain and he could get back to practice tomorrow if he iced all night.

The way you were always the first person he wanted to talk to. Always. Every time.

One night you were on FaceTime, both exhausted in different ways. Him, physically. You, mentally.

You were lying in your bed, enjoying the quite comfort of an empty dorm room since your roommate had gone out to party while Vivian sat in his apartment with messy hair, half asleep and talking nonsense.

The conversation drifted lazily, and when he stopped for a second you looked at your phone only to find him looking at you like he'd forgotten every detail of your face he’d grown up with.

For a minute he didn't speak, just stared at you. After a second, he smiled softly. And to you, it almost looked sadly.

"What?” You laughed.

He shook his head, "Nothing."

"You're being weird, Viv."

"I'm not."

"You are."

He leaned back, still smiling. Still looking at you.

Then he said quietly, "If there is a God, he made you for me."

Your stomach dropped.

The room spun and for a second you genuinely forgot how to breathe.

But then - because you were an idiot and because admitting the alternative would destroy you - You laughed, "Aww."

Vivian immediately looked offended, "Aww?"

You smiled at the screen, pressing a kiss to your fingers then to the camera, "You love me."

"I do." He said far too seriously.

"See?"

"That's not what I-" He stopped himself.

You didn't notice or maybe you did and you were just too scared to admit it to yourself.  So you grinned and pretended that you didn’t understand, "You were made for me too, Viv."

Something flickered across his face, but it was gone before you could identify it.

Then he smiled, a smaller smile this time, "Yeah."

Your stomach hurt again. This time for reasons you couldn't explain.

The truth finally arrived months later.

Not dramatically. No, he didn’t come to your college and surprise you with some  grand confession and a kiss after having a realization that it was always you.

No, because deep down you'd already known.

The truth came during another party. In another crowded room where there were far too many people and you were shaped into a person you weren’t sure you liked anymore.

You stood alone again, watching strangers dance with each other. Hearing them just laugh. Taking in the energy of people who were just…living.

And despite all the fun around you, all you could think was

I wish Vivian was here.

Not because he was your best friend even if he was. Not because he made things fun, you were sure he’d somehow even make watching paint dry entertaining. It wasn’t because he made you comfortable no matter where you were.

It was because you wanted him.

Him specifically.

You wanted to hear his laugh. To see his goofy smile. To hear his voice you once used to make fun of for all the voice cracks. For him to make one of his stupid jokes.

You wanted to hold his hands. Stare into his eyes. You wanted his everything.

You wanted to tell him every thought. Every feeling you had - good, bad, and the terrible in between. Every fear - even if it was embarrassing.

You just wanted him beside you.

Always. For the rest of your life.

And the realization hit so hard tears immediately filled your eyes.

Because suddenly it all made sense.

The dreams you were so convinced meant that you were going crazy. The aches you felt when he hung up the phone. The loneliness you felt that was different from every other college freshman. The jealousy that you knew wasn’t right.

The homesickness that followed you everywhere.

You weren't missing home or struggling with change and you definitely weren't adjusting.

You were in love.

Hopelessly, entirely, terrifyingly in love with your best friend.

And the worst part?

The moment you finally admitted it to yourself, your phone buzzed with a text from Vivian.

Viv: Miss you.

You stared at it, feeling your heart breaking and soaring at the same time. Heart belonging to him completely.

And for the first time, you wondered if maybe he'd been trying to tell you the same thing all along.

⁀☀︎ ©airybcby