if you're really chill about a lot of stuff, you will eventually become The Person Who Can Be Told Things and unlock a secret extra layer of knowledge about your friends

...the alt text?

insanely funny that they put anti-piracy ads on actual legit dvds back in the day. "hey you, person who presumably bought this dvd the legal way and doesn't pirate. here's an annoying ad we're going to make you watch. by the way did you know there's a way to download and watch this shit for free? well you do now. please don't use it. bye bye". i can't believe it didn't work out for them

I feel bad for people who’ve never experienced a corn maze bc it’s not even fun but you just have to do it

I think the only person I've met in real life with 100% career satisfaction was this gal I knew who was a presenter at a children's science museum and delivered every line like she was running a WWE match. Every time you passed the room where she was giving a presentation, you'd hear something like "WHO'S READY FOR CEPHALOPODS?!?" and the kids would go absolutely nuts cheering.

Some actors get all snippy when they become a Meme but hes like "yes. Thank you, that's exactly what I was going for".

i shared an elevator with a lady and asked her what floor she was going to. it was the same floor as me so she said "I'll just let you drive :)" and when we got to the floor "thanks for getting us there safely :)"

a thing about me is i basically never notice a wig or other kind of hairpiece in tv/movies. it has to be party city territory for me to even twig it. people will complain about characters' wigs looking bad and i will nod along but there is like a 90% chance i did not notice for a second while watching. i consider this mostly a blessing.

weighted blanket's not enough i need to be compressed by a hydraulic press

precisely so

two meads in and i'm asking my knight if i can feel how sharp his blade is 🤦‍♂️ i'm giggling and kicking my feet too. should i ask him to press it against my neck or is that too forward

‘capitalism works’ factoid actually untrue. the 62 people who own half the world’s wealth are outliers and should be eaten.

62 8

Absolutely nuts how they made up a number for this satire post and the correction is that reality is *more absurd* than the number they chose

no i’m afraid it’s even worse than that. 62 was correct in 2016 when the original post was made.