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@rotating-hyperfixations
the song of the summer is gay people wailing

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Elite goalie manifestation circle
🕯️ 🕯️ 🕯️
🕯️ Saskia Maurer 🕯️
🕯️ YOU 🫵 🕯️
🕯️ are a 🕯️
🕯️ New York 🕯️
🕯️ Siren 🕯️
🕯️ 🕯️ 🕯️
To all the expansion team GM’s; Brianne Jenner is a no good, talentless ugly deadbeat dad. She cannot score goals and she does not light up a locker room. You do not want her on your team, you want to leave her in Ottawa with her *checks notes* ragtag clown crew. thank you, this has been a public service announcement.
hello pwhl expansion teams. you may be considering making an offer to one Lady Ozzy, as her affections appear to be unclaimed as of yet. however, i regret to inform you that while she will of course be flattered by your proposal, she simply must graciously decline. while the offer has not been made official as of this moment, her glove has already been promised to The Greatest City In The World (newark, new jersey), who would of course be heartbroken if she were to break off the engagement and become betrothed to another suitor. deepest apologies, but these are simply the rules. ❤️ if anyone tells you otherwise or implies Ozzy is seeking offers they are speaking naught but lies. ❤️
~definitely the actual new york sirens

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desbiens, frankel, and philips nominated for goalie of the year in a move that i think will surprise no one. my vote is for desbiens (narrowly, frankel is a close second) but i wanna take a moment to highlight the torment nexus that was gwyn philips's sophomore season
started 28 games in a 30 game season (and then another 8 playoff starts...) and won 16/28 including 7/8 overtime or shootout games
faced 844 shots in those 28 games for an average of 30 shots/game. the goalie who saw the second most shots in the regular season was ozzy with 693 over 27 games, or 25.6 shots/game.
faced 241 shots in her 8 playoff games for 30 shots/game average once more
and yes for those doing the math rn that means in her 36 games over the 2025-26 regular season and playoffs, gwyn philips faced 1,085 shots
so while her save percentage, goals allowed, and # of shutouts don't stand up to ARD or frankel, by sheer volume alone gwyn earns a prize. that prize? fucking off into the woods with her dog and her legos Immediately
nhl goalie problems: like 3 teams have a legit great goalie. league sv% below .900 for the first time in a william years. every goalie streaky and prone to suddenly throwing a series.
pwhl goalie problems: every team has three goalies who should be starters. worst GAA in the league would be middle of the pack in the nhl. nobody can score a fucking goal bc they're all brick walls.
un-fucking-believable.
I think Gwyneth Philips mom just followed me on Twitter…..
I think the lesbians of twitter really like Catherine Dubois lol

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No seriously guys imagine it. You’re at the Walter cup final. Two of the gayest teams are playing each other. You’re having a great time (The winner doesn’t matter.) At the last game, the announcers say they have a surprise. Jaime Bourbonnais and kayle osbourne walk onto the ice to meet up with Emily Clark. Jaime proposes and Ozzy documents the whole thing. For real this time. And to make things better. Laura Stacey and Marie Philip Poulin kiss on center ice. Everyone cheers. They’re gay, Marcus.
bos vs. ott / may 8, 2026
Julia: Great hair too, the flow is amazing!
Cava: I only know how to say scissors so far [in russian].
Cava: [Repeats what Julia said, to Fanuza]
Julia: Why is that the word? Just wondering?
Tessa: Well...
Fanuza: Thanks!
Ofc she only knows how to say scissors
We as a society have moved past the need for the Winn brothers.
Because I feel like dunking on a man before work, let’s break down why none of this makes sense & my two cents:
1.) Rigging for Ottawa: While I do think the league wants a Canadian v American team matchup to push narratives from the Olympics; of the four teams Ottawa is the least interesting. Boston has two of the most notable Olympians in the PWHL (not named Knight), Minnesota just has a lot of US Olympians, Montreal has MPP & Stacey. The Charge have the least notable names to the average fan, they are the worst team to market of the four.
2.) Philips glove situation: Of all the plays to pick to point to the series being rigged, this was by far the worst to choose. Her glove gets knocked off during play by a Boston player and maybe one of her own, poking at the puck and someone ultimately falling on her. Boston takes a shot while she’s on the ground, and she spins trying to deflect and when she gets up the glove is off. Play probably continues for another 20 seconds before a whistle, the Fleet got off two shots maybe on that play and missed them both, that sequence played out as long as it could’ve. Not to mention that Boston commits a penalty when one of their players pokes Gwyn’s glove away from her, something they discuss on the Jocks and Jill’s podcast. On top of that it’s a dangerous situation for Philips, and no goalie is throwing their glove to get the whistle; especially when they’ve been beating you the way Philips had all series
3. Rescheduling Montreal: I agree, odd to postpone a playoff game due to illness; outside of COVID, it’s something I’ve never seen happen in my 27 years of watching sports. The league is just incompetent, and I think probably tried to make a decision out of player safety and just look stupid doing so.
4. Officiating: He’s right, the Fleet probably should’ve beaten the Charge, they were better then them in almost every metric: SOG, power play opportunities, the PK, etc, on paper that should’ve been enough to get them the win; it just wasn’t. Moaning about missed penalties, especially when the Charge were called for more, makes your argument weak. While I agree the officiating across the league leaves a lot to be desired, there were no egregious missed penalties that the Charge committed that would’ve made significant difference and vice versa, the Fleet didn’t get called for any overly soft penalties that lead to Charge goals.
5. Goaltending Battle: Everyone knew this game was going to come down to which goalie could take the most fire and come out on top. Everyone knows the story behind Philips and Frankel, and everyone knows that for the most part, they are pretty equal in terms of caliber of goal tending. Despite the Charge having Swiss cheese for defense, Philips ultimately was the better goalie this series. Whether Frankel was worn down from the Olympics, or just had a bad series, she just couldn’t match Gwyn. Meanwhile, Philips performs in high stakes situations we know this from the Olympics, last Worlds and the 2025 PWHL playoffs. There is a reason she won playoff MVP is a losing effort, the Fleet just simply got goalied; and to pretend like Philips couldn’t beat them on her own without the help of refs is a little insulting.
6. The American Connection: Back to the Philips play, but for different reasons, choosing a play that involves one of Winn’s national teammates, is about the stupidest thing to do. Winn is likely friends with Philips and other members of the national team on the Charge (Guilday and Hughes) why would you want to make things awkward for her potentially, they next time she has to train with them. While Philips is probably the best player to chose in terms of not making a big deal out of it, other American team members know might think that you’ll call them out if you don’t like the outcome of a game and may not take so lightly.
I get being upset your sister got bounced, but nothing in that series happened that would be worth throwing away the goodwill you earned during the Olympics over. Take on the chin and move on, the Charge played better and Philips was the better goalie this time around and the Fleet got gassed and probably overworked Keller and Winn to the point where they were just exhausted; it was a long season for everyone and it happens. Tip your cap and get on with life

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