Insert title cause I'm still thinking

Guards! Put the blond man in spandex in situations!

I’ve got the hardest lady boner for this ask, soupie

The first time you sat on Grace’s lap had been a very odd experience for you.

You were still pretty shy to the alien, but you’d been working on pushing yourself out of your comfort zone for your mate’s sake. They wanted so horribly for you and Grace to become familiar with each other and become friends (maybe even something more). So you’d spent several weeks spending time with him and coming to realize that he really wasn’t that bad.

He was kind, funny and seemed to care about you despite not knowing you for very long.

When you walked into his home one day, he was sitting at his desk on his small chair with wheels (he said it was called a stool), typing on his Earth thinking machine.

His face lit up when he saw you approach.

“Hey! I didn’t know you were coming today, I would’ve finished my work sooner! I’ve been working on my next lesson plan for class. Want to join me?”

You hummed in affirmation and scuttled closer to sit at his feet. You couldn’t see what was on the thinking machine, so you were really there to keep him company until he finished. You didn’t mind though, Grace didn’t make you feel uncomfortable during bouts of silence. Besides, he usually talked to himself during those silent periods anyway.

Grace only typed for a minute before he looked down at your still form. “Do you want to sit on my lap? It’s comfier. But only if you want to. I don’t care either way.”

You didn’t know what the implications of sitting on another human meant in Grace’s social customs, but if he offered, it was harmless, right?

“Ok.”

You’re a very small Eridian as far as Eridians go, but to Grace you were still pretty heavy. He grunted under your weight. “Up you go.”

Grace was right, this was comfier. His clothes were soft and his legs were squishy. It sort of had the same comfiness as your nest at home.

The clicking of Grace’s thinking machine resumed as be started typing again. You folded your legs underneath you and settled into the seam his legs formed.

The silence between you was comfortable, and at one point Grace’s hand found the top of your carapace where your bubbling top vents sat. His fingers absentmindedly explored the divots and creases. The dull nails felt wonderful against your sensitive shell and you couldn’t stop the purrs that began vibrating your body.

Grace’s fingers immediately stopped. Your purrs stopped too.

He didn’t like your purring? Was it weird to him? Had you made him uncomfortable? Now you were worried and embarrassed. Maybe you should get off…

But Grace started scratching again like nothing happened.

You were overthinking, surely.

You began purring again and didn’t stop this time.

The longer he scratched, the more intense your purring got. At one point, Grace made a noise and hunched forward a little, squeezing your body between his abdomen and thighs. It didn’t hurt, not one bit. In fact, it was comforting to be cozied up against him like that.

You nuzzled closer, and it was then that you noticed a body part of Grace’s you’d never paid much attention to. It was between his legs and usually rested placidly in his clothing. Now, it was pushing against his undergarments and nudging against a couple of your arms.

Tilting your carapace while you purred, you pawed at the thing in curiosity. Grace made a high pitched squeaky sound and pulled your body closer. He’d never done anything like this before. Why was he acting so strangely?

“Grace ok, question?”

He responded in words you couldn’t understand. You were pretty good with your human language by now, so you were surprised what he said made no sense. Maybe he’d said something you had yet to learn or maybe he wasn’t actually making real words?

You suddenly worried if he was sick. Could humans get so sick so fast?

“Grace sick? Need doctor?”

You scooted as close to his torso as you could to listen for his heart. It was racing against your carapace. Your purring stopped again in worry. Elevated heart rate couldn’t be good!

“I go get Rocky and Adrian!”

You moved to jump off of Grace’s lap, but his arms stopped you. The human’s hold was steadfast around your body, keeping you pinned where you lay. You trilled in confusion.

“I-I’m ok! It’s just a human thing. Nothing to worry about.”

He started petting you again, this time finding the joints of your arms with his fingers. That felt good. You settled back into your spot on his lap and revved up your thrums again. If Grace said he wasn’t sick, you believed him. Grace never lied to you.

Grace was twitching, arms trembling and voice still not making sense. His head was thunked on the surface of the desk and the thing between his legs was pulsing.

Humans are weird.

After a couple of minutes go by, Grace’s lower body jolts and another odd thing happens.

“Grace leaking?”

author's note: this is all just my imagination :) some of it maybe ooc ryland… but let’s all just have some fun! (pls.) very suggestive and just a little hint of spice at the very end. also sry this is long, but why make two posts when i can just give it to you all at once!

running into ryland’s ex ⋆˙⟡☾𖤓☽ ⟡˙⋆

you two are out picking up a few things for dinner, one saturday afternoon. ryland is trailing behind you, holding the basket, trying to glimpse at the grocery list over your shoulder as you scan the aisle.

“ah ha! chocolate chip cookie dough wasn’t on the list!” he says, matter of factly. you roll your eyes, turning to look at him. 

“i don’t necessarily hear you complaining when i ask if you want a sweet treat after dinner,” you sass him back. you two bickered like a married couple. you both loved pushing each other’s buttons. to everyone around you, it was so obvious it was your sick and twisted way of flirting. even if you swore you were just friends.

ryland gives you a cheeky little smile, and you turn back to the shelf to realize there is one box of pasta left of the ones you were looking for, and it’s pushed further back than you can reach. 

“hey science boy,”  you jab at him, a smirk on your lips. ryland looks at you over his glasses, his signature disapproving look, and it makes you giggle. “make yourself useful and grab that box of shells for me, please.”  you point to it and step to the side so he can do it. 

“You lie to me, call me names and now you want my help?”

“you are such a baby, dr. grace. i’ll do it.” you walk over to the shelf, holding onto it, stepping on the bottom shelf to grab the box. if there is one thing ryland loves about you, it’s your innate stubbornness and attitude. but you’re so small compared to him that when you sass him, he thinks is comical. And when you’re mouthing him off, finger jabbing his chest, ryland knows there is nowhere he’d rather be. but watching you climb the grocery store shelf, to prove a point, might be a close second.

he has a huge smile on his face, as he watches you struggle. he sees your hand waving about, trying desperately to reach the box, and when you inevitably push it back more, he lets out a laugh at your dramatic whine.

“okay, i’m sorry. let me help.” he walks over, wrapping an arm around your waist, only to ensure you don’t fall and hurt yourself, of course, and reaches back further than you ever could to grab the box. you can feel the warmth of his body radiating off of him as he’s pressed into you, and the way his hand is sprawled against your stomach makes your heart pound faster. 

the smell of your shampoo, combined with his proximity, is making him dizzy. he places you down, hand now resting gently on your hip, as he hands you the box, you’re both so close to each other, staring into each other's eyes like you’re the only two people in the universe. it’s short-lived until you both hear a voice behind him.

“ryland?” 

you both whip your head in unison to see the person the voice belongs to. you’ve never seen her before, but she’s really pretty. she’s tall, just a couple of inches shorter than ryland, slender, and with long brunette hair cascading down her back. you turn to look at ryland whose tense, looking at her like he’s seen a ghost. 

“linda. h-hi,” he stumbles back a little, and you take a step back so he doesn’t step on you. all the color has completely drained from his face. you don’t know if you should step in or stay out of it. 

“it’s been so long. how are you?” her eyes are twinkling looking at him. your racking your brain trying to remember where you know that name from - and then it hits you. she’s his ex. ryland is nervously wiping his hands against his pants. 

“good. i’m good. i’m her- we’re here just picking some stuff up for dinner.” he reaches for you, to put his arm around you, and you slot right into his side, like two puzzle pieces that fit perfectly together. he holds you tightly close to him, and your arm comes around his back. you two have hugged here and there, but there’s something about the way he’s holding you right now that’s making your stomach flip. 

you give her a small smile and wave to be polite. but from everything ryland has told you about her, you really just want to drop kick her in the middle of the store. you can see her enthusiasm to see him flicker away when she sees you next to him. he turns to what looks like  to place a kiss on your head, but whispers “follow my lead, please,” really closely to your ear. his lips are dangerously close to your ear, and you nod your head once at the simple direction. 

“sorry, i don’t mean to be rude. linda, this is my girlfriend,” he introduces you to her, and all the air in your lungs is sucked out. you take in a deep breath at his words. partner. you can feel your knees want to give out at the thought of it being true. but the feeling of his hand rubbing up and down your back grounds you back in the moment. where you have to pretend to be his girlfriend. 

“girlfriend. wow. how long have you two been dating?” she asks, sounding almost like she’s holding onto hope that she still has a chance. but you lean your head onto him, and ryland’s fingers slyly sneak to your waist, one of them circling your skin just underneath your shirt. 

your breath hitches slightly before responding, “what is it, two years now?” well, it’s not a complete lie. you’ve been living with him for two years, just not dating him. he turns to look at you, and your heart stops beating for a second. the look in his eyes almost makes you forget all of this is fake. he pulls you so your chest is pressed into his side; his voice is soft and sickly sweet as he responds to you. “best two years of my life, sweetheart.” 

his other hand reaches to your face, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. his finger, tracing your jawline, stopping to hold your chin. you swear you can see his eyes flicker to your lips. but he reaches up to boop your nose instead, your face scrunching as you smile at him.  you would’ve forgotten linda was there, had ryland not said something. 

“how’s mark? last i heard, you two were getting married?” you can hear the sourness in his words, and her face falls immediately to the ground. “we’re not together anymore. we broke up at the end of last year.” if she were anyone else in the world, you might feel bad for her. but unfortunately, you’re way too petty to be sad for the woman who decided ryland grace was a waste of her time. “i’m sorry to hear that,” ryland says softly, and she nods. “it’s fine. im actually glad i ran into you. i’ve been thinking about us a lot, and i’d love to grab a coffee. maybe talk about how things ended.” she says, rocking back and forth on her heels. ugh, the nerve this girl has. asking her ex-boyfriend, you’re boyfriend roommate out in front of you! 

ryland’s mouth falls open slightly, speechless from her words. he looks down at you, then to her. and the words flow easily out of him. “actually, no. i’m happy with how everything turned out.” but he’s looking down at you, smiling, and your knees go weak. 

“but it was good to see you. i wish you the best,” he offers her a smile, and waves at her. ryland’s grip on you remains the same as you turn around to walk the opposite direction. you can’t help but turn around and offer her one last wave. “it was nice to meet you lisa!” you call out, purposely getting her name wrong. truly, it’s the very least you wanted to do to bruise her ego. 

ryland snickers, squeezing your hip. his ear comes close to your ear again: “you’re a menace,” but it comes out breathy from his laughter. the feeling, makes you shiver. you walk down a couple of aisles, just to make sure you’re a safe distance from her. “sorry i didn’t mean to just spring that on you. i just seeing her caught me off guard. i'm sorry if i made you uncomfortable.” ryland is still way too close to you, and you’re having a hard time remembering how to breathe. 

“hey, i’ll be your fake girlfriend anytime. you’d do it for me,” you smile, and yet again, there you two are, staring into each other's eyes. ryland isn’t even being discreet about looking down at your lips, and you aren’t either. you can feel yourself leaning in a little until it hits you. 

“i forgot to get tomato paste.” your head falls onto his chest, the realization hitting you that linda probably still in the aisle you guys left her in. ryland laughs, cradling your head against him. “c’mon let’s pay for this, and we’ll just go to grocery outlet and get it there.”

“deal,” you say, speed-walking past the aisle you two left linda in, to the cash register.

running into your ex ⋆˙⟡☾𖤓☽ ⟡˙⋆

it was very rare for you and ryland to go out and drink. usually opting to stay in your cozy apartment, with a bottle of wine and whatever movie you two decided to watch. but with another school year coming to an end, and ryland yet again getting voted teacher of the year, you had to celebrate. 

ever since you two ran into ryland’s ex, something has shifted between the two of you. a lot more lingering touches and stares. it’s like you got a taste of what life could be like if you both just confessed already, but no one wants to break first. so you’re just dancing between the line of friends and something more. You two sat at the bar, mirroring each other. both resting your head on your hand, a huge matching smile on both of your faces.

“i love all my students, but man, does it feel good to know i will never have to see jake ever again,” he takes a swig of his beer, and you laugh. jake, his student was a menace, to put it nicely, and made ryland’s year a living hell. but he sure kept you entertained with all the stories. 

“you mean you won’t miss the kid who set his lab worksheet on fire so he didn’t have to complete it?” ryland loved the sound of your laugh. he would become a clown if that meant he’d hear it for the rest of his life. constantly telling you really bad puns or dad jokes, that you somehow still really enjoyed, and made sure to tell you anything slightly amusing that happened in his day. “oh gosh. don’t remind me.” 

“mr. grace, i thought it was unfair for teachers to have favorites,” you tease, switching to play with the straw in your drink. ryland wishes he could hear you say his name like that over and over again. “hmm. it may be unfair, but we definitely have them,”  ryland brings his arm down to rest on the bar, dangerously close to your hand. 

“who would’ve known the school’s teacher of the year could be such a bad boy?” ryland hmms at your comment, trying to hold back any groan from the effect your words have on him. he’s be anything you wanted as long as he was yours. maybe it’s the alcohol in your system, giving you the extra confidence to drive him crazy. or maybe you're just tired of dancing around the truth and want nothing more than to feel the weight of his body on top of yours. ryland shifts in his seat, his pinky sliding against the back of your hand by accident. but the charged stare between you two only makes your mind wander off more. 

but of course, your daydreams are cut short by a voice you didn’t expect to hear.

“this seat taken?”

you force your gaze over to the unwelcome guest, and your heart sinks. you’re ex, the reason you had to move in with ryland in the first place, motions to the empty seat next to you.

“yes. now get the hell away from me, andrew.” you try to shoo him away, but he just laughs, inviting himself to sit behind you. you instinctively get up, slotting yourself in between ryland’s legs and getting as close as possible to him. you mouth, sorry, to him, and she shakes his head. his hands naturally find your waist, and it feels possessive. as much as ryland wants to enjoy the permission to have his hands on you, he’s tense knowing your ex is here, essentially terrorizing you. his jaw tight, eyes darting between you and the idiot behind you.He looks into your eyes, gaze softening, and whispers, “you wanna go?” but before you can answer, your ex opens his big stupid mouth again.

“c’mon princess, don't be like that. i know you miss me.” he quips, and you can practically hear the smile on his face. ryland watches as you close your eyes and take a deep breath, trying to not let his words get to you. he knows you well enough to know that if you’re angered enough, this will either end with you angrily crying and spewing hateful words or slapping him. and right now, he’s trying to avoid both. his thumb draws circles on the front of your hips as he tries to flag the bartender to close out your tab. you're trying to ignore him, really trying, but he knows the more he keeps egging you on, you’ll eventually cave and have to say something. He just has to find the right angle.

“this who you left me for, princess? i know he can’t treat you like i can.” you scoff at his words. ryland knows for a fact that without even dating you, he’s treated you better by a landslide. and if you gave him the chance, he’d worship the ground you walked on, because you deserved that. “please let me fucking kill him,” you whisper, and ryland laughs. “just ignore him, we’ll go home soon,” you can tell ryland is also on edge. his calm and steady voice is laced with something bitter and sharp. As the bartender approaches you two, ryland fishes for his wallet and gently guides you to sit on his thigh. His hand draped over your hip as he handed his card over to the bartender. you rest your head on his shoulder, fixing your eyes to stare away from your ex. 

“c’mon baby, i know he can’t fuck you like i can,” your ex reaches out to try to touch your knee. and if this wasn’t your last straw, it sure as hell was ryland’s. he stands up, pushing you behind him, grabbing hold of andrew’s wrist. his grip is firm, and ryland is seeing red. regardless if he is your boyfriend or not, that is now how you talk about any woman. and he’s definitely not going to stand for anyone disrespecting you. 

“you can make yourself look as pathetic as you want by trying to get her attention this way, but you’re not about to lay your hands on my girl, you hear me?” you mouth falls open at ryland’s words. you’ve never seen him act this way before. sure, he’s a middle school teacher who occasionally needs to get stern with his students. but the mix of aggression in his voice towards your ex, with a possessive hand on you, and the words “my girl,” lingering in your mind, made your knees weak. you shouldn't be turned on right now, but you can feel the heat pooling in your lower stomach as the thought of being his girl flashes in your mind. 

andrew lifts his hands up in defeat and takes a step back when ryland lets his wrist go. the bartender hands ryland his card back. he puts it away, nodding at the bartender to thank him, and gently guides you with a hand on the small of your back out of the bar. ryland is still seething from that man thinking he has any right to look in your direction, let alone touch you. 

you’re walking down the block, still in a daze from ryland defending your honor, when he pulls you into an empty alley. your back is up against a random building as ryland tries to control his breathing. you can see the worry in his eyes, probably scared he took things too far. his hands go to touch you, but he flinches back, as if he’s scared to touch you without your permission. 

“are you okay?” he asks, voice still a little tough, chest rising and falling rapidly. You nod your head, and reach out to touch him. “i’m okay, ry.” you hand snaking up to rest on his chest. you can feel his heart pounding, and you feel bad for the stress you caused. he can see your eyes fill with worry, and he grabs hold of your hand on his chest. “this isn’t your fault, okay. that guy is an imbecile, and he shouldn’t have said those things to you.” he squeezes your hand, and you nod. you don’t trust your voice right now. sure, you guys have been more physically affectionate and gotten extremely cozy, playing the part of boyfriend and girlfriend way too often, but there is something different in this moment. It’s a little too real and too intimate. 

“I’m sorry if i took it too far. he was just saying all those disgusting things to you, and something in me just took over. i just couldn’t stand there and do nothing, but if i made you uncomfortable, i understand.” he's rambling, not even looking you in the eyes anymore, almost a little shy. you smile at how soft he turns when it comes to you. he’s hovering over you, face so close to yours, and your mind flashes back to the bar and how close you were to giving in to your feelings for him. you'd give anything right now to truly experience being ryland grace’s girl. 

your hand cups his cheek, forcing his gaze up to look at you. “don’t apologize. you did nothing wrong,” he nods, but you can tell he doesn’t believe you. so you try a different approach to reassure him, “plus, it was really hot.” ryland’s eyes go wide at your words, and the devilish grin on your face makes his whole face flush. “yeah?” his voice is quiet and so shy, the complete opposite of how it was in the bar. “mmhmm,” you squeeze your thighs together, feeling yourself get worked up at the thought of it, and ryland groans when he catches you. his hand find their place on your hips again, and he presses himself into you, against the wall.  

“never seen you so angry before, mr. grace,” you lips ghost over his, and he lets out a little whine from the sound of his name leaving your lips. you can’t take it anymore; the feeling of him feels so good against you, and you need his lips on yours. you lean in, kissing him, and he freezes for a second, not registering that this is real. your hands snake into his hair at the nape of his neck, and he melts into you. it’s slow, and sensual, and you feel his tongue swipe at your bottom lip, begging you to enter. 

you arch off the wall, his grip on your waist getting firmer, as you deepen the kiss. you pull the hair at the nape of his neck, and he whines when the kiss ends. he’s looking at you, eyes hooded and filled with need. “gonna make me your girl, ryland?”  you look up at him through fluttering lashes, your voice laced with desperation. ryland moans, pressing his hardening cock against you, and you smirk. but before you can bring his lips onto him again, alarm bells go off in his head, and he pulls away.

the anxiety has returned to his eyes, and he begins to ramble, “wait, are you sure this is what you want. you’ve had an emotionally taxing night, and we were drinking, and i don’t want to do something you’re gonna regret later. we can take a pause and just go home and reassess in the morning if you want-” you cut him off with a hand slightly squeezing the bulge in his pants, and his hips buck into your grasp. “i want this. i've wanted this for so long,” you start peppering his jaw in kisses, continuing to rub him over his jeans. you feel his cock twitch, and you pull away, smirking. “now take me home, ryland. we have a lot of time to make up for." ryland is speechless, knowing you've wanted him as long as he has. he feels like an idiot for not acting sooner. he takes too long to respond, so you decide to tease him a little more. "but you know, only if you want." you shrug, trying to push past him.

Synopsis: Ryland misses you so much it hurts, much to his own hopeless chagrin. Of course, when he can't have his boyfriend fuck him brainless and soothe his (sexual)frustration, comes the next best thing; jerking off to you… and missing you the whole time.

WC: 4k.

AN: The smut monsters got me you guys... gulpgulp. "It's ok, Author, we love your filthy Ryland smut!!!" Awhh,.... thank you anonymous, body-less voice!! (PS: Not proofread).

Anyway. Male Reader.

-fanfichubcircuit

I owe you all an apology for overlooking Officer K, my sad boy I’m so sorry I missed you off so many posts!! I’ll link this to the longer post to make up for it!

∘₊✧ Officer K

K doesn’t think about his dick at all. He knows it serves a function and that’s about it, so he’s really surprised when you show so much interest in it. He’s only ever been hard once, when he had sex for the first time, and he feels kind of awkward about it.

He’s average in size — there seemed no need for a replicant to have anything other than that so it’s how he was created. He’s smooth and has some short, soft hair around the base that he’s never really thought much about. He doesn’t know it until you, but his cum is luminescent (luminescum), glowing blue and so pretty.

More species swap shenanigans

His ass is not listening 🙏