Roshan Campbell

MY STUPID IDIOT MOTHERFUCKING KNEECAPS GOD DAMN FOOL DISLOCATING SHIT EATING UNSTABLE BASTARDS SHITHEAD IDIOT AVATAR OF THE BRAT BIGGEST CLOWN IN THE CIRCUS LAUGHED OUT OF TOWN COWBOY MOTHERFUCKING KNEECAPS

STOP TELLING ME TO STRETCH MY LEGS WHEN I TALK ABOUT THEM I HATE THEM SO MUCH WHY ARE THEY SO SHITTY WHY DID THEY DECIDE TO FUCK AROUND AND FIND OUT JUST PUT ME IN A WHEELCHAIR THEY ARE DEAD MY RPI IS A BASTARD CONDITION IT HAS SUCH A VISCERAL AFFECT ON ME I HAVEN’T EVEN HAD THE SURGERY YET BUT I KNOW IT HAS THE WORLDS SHITTIEST HEALING PROCESS GET THESE AWAY FROM ME

if i wanted to get into heaven and god said i have to deal with my RPI up there too i would piss on gods feet for the sole purpose of getting sent back down

if i have to deal with my kneecap popping out while babysitting the pig not only will i make someone else do it i will crawl back on the sidewalk to my house like the time i had to crawl on the fucking train tracks with my knee dislocated for the experience of being able to move on the ice without fear of further damage

i dont even know why this keeps happening so much. i do all of the exercises that im supposed to but they just hate me because they are angry

i better have some fucked up condition to explain this if my kneecaps just dislocate for the sake of it and aren’t qualified for the surgery ill go ham

BETTER have had some reason beyond shitty genetics and poor posture to make them so awful or i will make them

crusty old ligaments

ill punch my knee doctor and his sad frail man twig bones will simply flake apart like my own knees do and he will disintegrate until all thats left is a medical note he kept on him at all times simply saying No You’re Too Young To Need Surgery and he’ll know he fucked up

im not breathing im hyperventilating at this point

i hope theres a date somewhere for when my bad kneecap first dislocated so i can make it a reminder on my phone 

THE BUTCHER

The Butcher is not butch, that is a woman who likes woman things and deserves to be treated like the lady she is!!! But if the Butcher is a man or something else your eyes, I will not hate you lol

My beautiful princess with disorders… her brain is not in the right place. She doesn’t always have a perfect sense of what is going on, or what others are saying, but she has mostly good intentions nonetheless (except for intruders). The Butcher just.. isn’t really there.

Has multiple rooms throughout the Slaughterhouse; Only one is personal quarters, and the rest are blood rooms where the disposal chutes lead. She gets a lot of steps in, since the disposal chutes are all around the Slaughterhouse for everyone’s convenience (except for the Butcher herself)

Her work is simple, to dispose and butcher bodies of intruders and some of the Surgeon’s failed experiments (the ones that stay dead, and the Butcher has learned the lesson that they should not be eaten).

^ The Conaghers don’t really care what happens to the bodies or where they go, just so long as no one finds out.

Practically mute aside from incoherent grunts and mumbling. Mainly communicates through ASL or general gestures, although not everyone understands what she means

Despite the frequent exercise and her quite frankly impressive strength, the Butcher is incredibly uncoordinated. She’s always a little off balance, using too much strength for a simple thing and breaking it, or walking too fast and not reacting in time before hitting the wall. The body acts before the brain can think (like when you’re talking too fast and start to jumble your words together).

Wears too many fucking layers of clothing

The Butcher’s intimidation factor is 50% intentional, and 50% just how others perceive her. The statements “she’s a sadistic ass” and “she isn’t all there” can coexist! Let’s go over the scene with Murnau, for example.

- The lighter, the staring right at him, the silence. That wasn’t an intentionally tense scene, she was just sort of zoning out.

- When the Butcher was taking her time in finding the right weapon, picking one up and then stumbling over to the next one with an unnervingly ungraceful gait, it wasn’t to show Murnau all the ways he might get hurt. She was just picking out the right one, and she’s horribly uncoordinated.

- However, the axe on his shoulder when he said “I’m a protected man” was definitely on purpose. They both knew that he wasn’t safe at that moment, no matter what he said.

Pigs. The Butcher loves pigs!!! Pigs are her favorite animals, pork is her favorite food (long and short), everything is about pigs to her. Did you know that her employers are pigs? And so are all of her coworkers, and all of the people on the street. Again, she loves pigs with all of her heart, but they also taste great.

Prefers the axe over her other weapons, yet understands when to use the long range such as the machine gun or flamethrower

She was a fucking tank and you cannot deny that; the Butcher survived multiple gunshots to the chest and face, then got right back up for revenge. What the hell?

Her boots are so so so so worn down, they’re hardly wearable! But she doesn’t think to replace them, or ask for a new pair, just goes “huh I don’t like these” and continues with her day

This girl can cook, but she is not eating well herself! The Butcher’s diet is 40% pork, 30% grains, and the rest is the 3 vegetables that she will eat (sweet peas, spinach, and green beans). She doesn’t like flavorful things, which is every fruit to her, and she’s also lactose intolerant. The Butcher is not eating healthy at all, and the Slaughterhouse environment isn’t exactly going to help with that.

The question that has been haunting me, that I found the answer to while reading a smut fic: Why do her burn injuries look so fresh? Like everything else in this movie, it has to do with the Respawn Machine. It would make sense if Respawn only healed recent wounds, instead of curing all long-time ailments. Sometimes, it might even make those ailments worse (blah blah BURN WARD blah I’ll fill this out later, resetting the healing progress). One of the common theories I’ve seen for the mechanics of the machine is that it made periodical copies of the mercenaries when they were introduced to it, and each time they respawn, they start again with that most recent copy of themselves. Not exactly a clone, just a previous version of themself before death. This would explain why they don’t really change overtime, and it could also lead to a permanent sickness or wound. If someone with a cold was copied, they would respawn with that same cold every time before it could go away. Maybe the Butcher had been freshly burned at the most recent copy (or the original copy), and the Respawn Machine either kept her at the burned copy, or she recently respawned.

 ^ TLDR: The Respawn Machine has selective healing, in which it only fixes recent injuries and sometimes resets old ones, so the Butcher’s old burns never actually healed.

Disposal, but it’s a ship

Maynard Conagher and the Butcher. You thought I was joking, I called it a shitpost, a crackship, and all that nonsense. BUT IT’S REAL I SWEAR

Okay, canon evidence. I’ve been collecting this, rewatching to find all of those little hints.

1) He talks to the Butcher even though she can’t reply. Maynard is not a kind person, so either he thinks he’ll get something out of it, or she might be worth the time anyways. HE DIDNT HAVE TO TALK TO HER!!! He could’ve just dumped Fritz’ body down the chute, no big deal. But Maynard went out of his way to tell the Butcher that he caught something interesting for her, which is really sweet when you think about it. (Maynard is not a sweet man) Also, Maynard is having a shitty day, he’s not in a good mood at all, but he’s still acting decent towards her, which says a lot

2) Going along with the previous point, look at HOW he says it. “Hey Butcher, you’re never gonna believe this!” “Hold on, I’ll go get ‘em for ya.” FOR YOU!! Not just ‘oh I’ll go get him’ or ‘I’ll toss him down the chute’ but he added (consciously or not) ‘for you’

3) This is a bit more speculative, but Maynard’s tone when greeting Dell, and his tone while talking to the Butcher, are really similar! Or maybe he talks to everyone (except Zed and the unknown caller) with that familiar and easygoing voice, smiling and saying something thoughtful.

Why is it called Disposal? BECAUSE THATS WHEN THESE TWO INTERACT!!! THROUGH THE DISPOSAL CHUTE DO YOU UNDERSTAND ITS SO AHHHH

Maynard wants absolutely nothing to do with the Butcher. He thinks she is a freak, a seaside case, nothing close to human. 

Obsessed x Avoidant, the Butcher is practically stalking Maynard on his own property, while Maynard is incredibly against the attention and affection that is constantly thrown at him.

Just like how the Butcher’s love for Maynard is one-sided, so are most of his conversations with her. Maynard and the Butcher cannot communicate well, and that’s one of their many obstacles (*cough cough* ZED *cough*). Maynard doesn’t know ASL, both of them are bad at charades, and while the Butcher is okay at writing (as much as the average Pyro), Maynard is shit at reading. So Maynard does most of the talking, which the Butcher doesn’t mind at all, it’s probably better this way for both of them.

While these two are perfect for each other and match so well, it’s not a healthy relationship. Once it gets further along and Maynard has accepted that the Butcher won’t leave him alone, he starts to take their inclination to his advantage (never in a sexual way, Maynard just doesn’t really like sex at all, and she disgusts him). It starts out with small tasks here and there, “Hey Butcher, you wanna grab a beer for me?” “Butcher, go take this note to the Hunter for me, would ya?” and so on. She’s happy to help in any way, since that means someone (and even better that it’s him!!) is paying attention to her. Her subconscious thought process is sort of ‘any attention = good attention, since it means they might care eventually’ and Maynard is not helping with those thoughts. He isn’t purposefully abusive, but he’s going to make anyone’s bad traits worse just by being himself. Again, the point is that this is NOT a healthy relationship

I have a 5 hour playlist for this ship.

She loves to bring him gifts, and those were the first actions she took. A choice cut of meat? Wrapped up and put in the Conagher’s fridge, ignored until it went bad and Zed threw it away. Some flowers the Butcher collected on her walk? Put into an awfully messy bouquet and left on Maynard’s usual chair, Maynard threw it in the trash, more out of annoyance than malice. A tool that Maynard had left somewhere else in the Slaughterhouse? Returned by the Butcher herself, Maynard never noticed.

By the time of Emesis Blue, the Butcher has definitely grown on him, but it took years to get to that point

Maynard first began to tolerate the Butcher when she was the only person who would sit and listen to his piano, even if the staring was a little creepy, at least someone here appreciates his hard work