hate that I was understanding when I should’ve just been a cunt

#bymyselfmaxxing

*trying to pitch public transportation to Americans* it’s like a legal form of texting while driving

riding her dick cowgirl style while shaking my head to show i disagree with the settler-colonial and falsely idealized nature of frontier era north america

a socially isolated pervert is speaking. Listen carefully

the losing dogs and i are engaging in insider trading

"why suck a strap?" have we all forgotten the beauty of theatre? have we truly fallen so far as to think the mind mustn't be pleasured too?

‘song of the summer’ this ‘song of the summer’ that …. carly rae jepsen wrote a MILLION songs of the summer …. #listentowomen

if you're having trouble sleeping the best you can do is put a bright object close to your face and look at it for at least 30 minutes. if that doesn't work you can close your eyes but make sure to think really hard about a bunch of bullshit

ideal date: go to an older woman's house, cry in her lap for a bit, then have her fuck me so hard i forget why i was upset

the water in hotel showers will do things to the texture of your hair you didn’t even know were possible

Ive kissed my own shoulder during a hot jack off sesh so what? Not like im gonna run for president

well if its for fucked up and horny reasons, then i guess its okay...

throw your hair in a messy bun, drink some blood, put on some nine inch nails and jerk off face down