Rohloc

the anniversary of library paste man’s death is in four days.

the anniversary of the library paste man’s death is today

today I found out my mother doesn’t know what dandelions are and now I’m wondering what other strange secrets she’s been quietly harboring

Where do you live that you don’t have dandelions?

we have dandelions EVERYWHERE, they are basically our State Weed, it is absolutely impossible that my mom has never interacted with a dandelion before, this requires further investigation

See, folks in the southern US will tell you up and down those are buttercups, actually.

Wait I thought those bigger cup ones were Easter Lillies???

They’re marigolds and I know a bitch when I see one!

….we need to start taking the phrase “go touch grass” more literally. go outside and examine a flower i beg u

Who the fuck says "facebook it"

The girl CIA Agent reading this <3

70 retweets and 1628 quote tweets... I don't think the federal agent is having a good time

Every mythical creature has a natural counterpart meant to balance them out. Elves and dwarves, werewolves and vampires, etc. Humans have just discovered they too have a counterpart.

The dragon grins wide. “You’ve come to slay me? I see no sword, no bow and I sense no magic.” You begin stretching and clench your fists. “Correct. My body is all I need.”

The king and queen of the realm have seven children, and you are the youngest. You always felt your presence there was insignificant, so one night, you and your girlfriend left without telling anyone. Six months later, your entire family shows up at your doorstep, looking for you.

a squirrel or perhaps a cardinal posted this

This is kinda ominous ngl

Gotta compliment him on his reflexes. No hesitation. Just described exactly what he was seeing, regardless of what it was.

[VD: A weatherman is giving a report and pointing to a map, saying "feel like temperatures really take a tumble too, because after the storm-" before he is interrupted by the screen going black and then displaying a picture of some baby spinach. He says, "um," then immediately points to the screen and confidently announces, "this is baby spinach." /End VD]