gerard way- rocksound interview (date unknown)||eminem- just lose it (2004)
cyndago- blonde boyz (2015)

tannertan36
Aqua Utopia|海の底で記憶を紡ぐ

Janaina Medeiros
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda
DEAR READER

titsay
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
Sweet Seals For You, Always
Mike Driver
Monterey Bay Aquarium
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Peter Solarz


if i look back, i am lost

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d e v o n

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@rocknhardplace
gerard way- rocksound interview (date unknown)||eminem- just lose it (2004)
cyndago- blonde boyz (2015)

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dave is so mad at me
One thing I urge adults to unlearn is the stigma surrounding forgetfulness.
Perfect memory retention is rare. A faulty memory can be the result a host of mental illnesses, from ADHD to PTSD. It's not a sign that someone wasn't listening. I have a friend that has a four year gap in her memory due to trauma. I have another with poor short term memory retention because that's one of their autism symptoms.
Your brain can also trick you into misremembering things. I can't tell you how many times I've remembered putting my keys somewhere and unearthed them in a completely different place. I have to remind myself what my birth date is because I said it wrong once and now the wrong date is in my memory forever. I have to come up with mnemonics for birthdays, anniversaries, and events because my brain doesn't do numbers for some reason.
I see people bicker about forgetting a person's favorite food or what their mothers favorite color. I think it's important to forgive people who forget easily.

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Dismantling the Lies of Abusive Parents Masterlist
Resources
Giving you food and clothing is the bare minimum
You don’t owe gratitude for food and clothes you needed as a child
You had the right for basic resources
Parents shaming you for costing money is ironic and stupid
What it means when they say ‘This is MY house’
My house = my rules is blackmail
Children don’t owe absolute obedience for being fed and sheltered
Physical abuse
You are allowed to refuse any touch, not only violence
If they ‘don’t know they’re hurting you’, why do they ignore or punish you when you protest?
Hitting children is irrational and doesn’t work
You cannot ‘provoke’ your parents to abuse you if they’re not abusive
Why do parents hit, manipulate and traumatize children
Blatant Lies
Care, nurture and affection do not make you weak
They’re lying when they say it ‘wasn’t that bad’‘
You wouldn’t have grown up spoiled if not for abuse
You got too affected by it’ is a lie
Your parents are not ‘just too emotionally immature’ to understand abuse
‘You’re not living in the real world!’ is nonsense
You’re not worthless, a burden, ungrateful, or stupid, and your parents know that.
Constant undermining of your accomplishments is abuse
Not being allowed to talk about the past is symptom of abuse
Parents who want you to be happy vs look happy
You are not abusive for resisting abuse
When they claim ‘they didn’t mean it’, it’s still abuse
Your parents are responsible for their own actions regardless of how badly they try to shift blame on you
Psychological abuse
Blind Obedience is not required in a healthy upbringing
Disgust is a weapon abusive parents use on their kids
If they say they love you, but walk all over your feelings, they don’t
Parents don’t have the right to enter your room to scream at you
Parents insisting for you to be ‘tough’ are doing it to hide the trauma
Even if a kid acts like ‘they can take it’, it’s still abuse
Pretending abuse is discipline will leave children permanently scarred
It’s inhumane to control and shame children’s reactions to abuse
Why don’t you already know this? vs Teaching you necessary skills
Acting like they’ll change is escape sabotage
Parents are responsible for protecting children from harm
References to how healthy parenting looks like
Not being allowed to be angry with your parents is psychological abuse
If parents want you to act the way you did when you were little, they’re dangerous
Threats about how hard your life will be later on, are bad for you
Lack of continuity and ever-changing rules will cause anxiety
Forced obedience will lead you to abusive relationships
Parents acting like you’re a ‘bad child’ is a shame tactic to control you
There’s healthy and abusive ways to give children chores
Revisioning the past and insisting you remember it wrong is gaslighting
If your parents make you suicidal, they’re abusive
Parents threatening ‘they could be worse’ is abuse
Always assuming the worst intentions for your actions is wrong
Keeping children hostage in abuse is torture
If this hits home, also read Recognizing Abuse Masterlist
if you're autistic highly sensitive over emotional if you "get upset over stuff that doesn't matter" if you get angry easily sad easily if you laugh easily or for longer or loudly if your anger is explosive and feels bottomless if you're easily frustrated if you get angry because you're confused or don't understand if people are always telling you to grow up or making fun of you for "disproportionate reactions", if you have screaming crying violent meltdowns over just anything, i love and support and care about you
your emotions are proportionate because there is no one way to react to anything
you deserve to be respected. you are just a person who is alive
Not a Christian not an Atheist but a third, secret thing (superstitious and a bit fucked up)
Something about growing up surrounded by a religious culture you aren't part of and then experiencing horror and pain and begging skyward to something you don't believe in to live, to survive, and for everything to be okay in the end, and then seeing that prayer come true and not being sure if something was listening or if you just got lucky but still throwing out a "thank you" every so often, just in case
i have a memory disorder and i hold grudges
i cannot forgive but i will forget

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shoutout to slow learners. shoutout to people who take a very long time to parse and grasp new concepts. shoutout to people who struggle to follow directions. shoutout to people who can't perform a task just after watching someone else do it. shoutout to everyone who needs learning aids, needs to take notes, needs to try multiple times, and needs to be told the explanation repeatedly.
you're not dumb. you're not lesser. you're not doing it on purpose. everyone learns at their own pace, and people forcing you to learn faster than you can are the ones causing a disruption in your ability to learn. it's not your fault.
it's okay if you get confused easily. it's okay if you forget things easily. it's okay if you lose track during conversation easily. it's okay if you have to ask for clarification often. it's okay if you struggle to parse information or sensory unit. you're not "playing dumb" or "doing it on purpose". it's okay to be disabled, some people just refuse to be accommodating.
i am not immune to cheerleader gerard
the thing that gets you sometimes is the frustration. for every time someone else sees you being late, losing something, forgetting something important: there are hours in your day dedicated to it.
you have strange, fae-like rituals. the keys have to go in their special bowl, because if you forget even once, they will be gone forever. you stack items on a stool in front of your door so that you can't leave without touching them. you can't take your wallet out of your bag, ever, it will simply fade away.
everything has to be written down. everything, everything. whatever you need to do, you need to do it now. you check and re-check the busmap only to still get lost on the same route you've always taken home. you start getting ready to go 3 hours early and still end up 15 minutes late, unsure even of where the time has gone. don't sit down, there's something strange about your bed or the couch or the floor - once you sit down, you'll get stuck.
you are very used to operating without instructions. people say you're good at winging it but really you've never really known where the rules are coming from. you have to live in constant strange anticipation - when your brain does fail you, how can you predict every horrible outcome. maybe today you will have a minor curse, and forget to brush your teeth. or maybe today you will wake up - and no matter what you do, your whole body begs to return you back to sleep. maybe today you will break a glass and then just stand there, surrounded by the shards, frozen in place - because you need to go to the bathroom, but you also need to sweep.
and everyone else seems to have gotten the memo, and it's easy for them, and it never, ever gets easy for you. make plans and keep them. they roll their eyes when you say sorry it's too messy we can't go over to my apartment. they ask why did you leave something so big until the last minute. on instagram, your friend makes a reel where she says if they cared, they would change. they literally do not care. someone says it's a symptom, and in the comments, all they get is then go to therapy! it can't control everything you do!
so you go to therapy. and you work out to calm down and you try every fucking day and you try to be grateful for the small things. and you structure literally your entire life around it, around the ways you can't live right. you have failsafe over failsafe over red flag. you have shelves of organizational manuals. you have alarms for things like did you remember to eat that you still manage to figure out how to snooze. you have time-blocked sites and deleted apps you get lost in and you are constantly trying. because you also want a life where you are not stepping over laundry. juggling knives, you spend your whole life feeling like you're ice skating.
and still. she sighs at you. i mean, it's just. i don't understand how you constantly miss all the small stuff. i mean, this is the easy part. you're just not trying hard enough.
The best type of character is a girl who says "I am a completely normal girl" and the instant you actually learn anything about her it becomes incredibly clear that she is not even remotely normal.

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when u both have memory prablems
adhd and autism go together like peanut butter and jelly