Chalice* (Chal, Alice, Al, Lice) + in 20s^ + He/She or Hy/hym + white(mixed)
Keyblade holder and patron saint of Luna Game. Real life fairy. Mage of Hope.
Artist + writer who happens to be an ICT survivor and an unschool drop out, I survived isolation and I'm making it everyone else's problem. I have DID and am learning to be more open/expressive about my alters. They all have sideblogs but also post here. I grew up on kinblr and had a family that believed I was an earth angel + changling so I've got that kin slop in me. Even after everything, I'm still Sollux Captor. I selfship, I have a billion ocs that I love to talk about, and I am very open about my own personal fetishes, this blog is 18+!
My main special interest has been homestuck since 2011, and FNAF since 2014. But I'm also very into art history, marketing/advertisement, disability history and internet horror.
I post a lot about CSA, rape, incest, antisemetism, physical abuse, emotional abuse, and neglect, all mostly untagged. i cannot tag it, this is my diary. I keep a very small amount of followers on this account. if that might trigger you, please either move on or block this account, and maybe check out my other less personal ones!
Read my "fan"adventure!!! @inflatablehome
Art acc @sodachalice
Old art archive: @toontowncreepypasta
AVA/AVM acc: @rocketco
Beforus acc: @helpsman
Danganronpa v3 acc: @newdanganronpaversionthree
Trolls selfship acc: @teacuptroll
My nsfw acc: @liquidvessel
"Kin mems" acc: @pieceofpleastic
various optional overshare information undercut....
*I use a lot of different names and am still trying to figure out if I want to change this or not. I also go by: Jake, Cain, Starling, Callix, Roxas, Gamble, and various others... this may be subject to change!
This is my tentative kinlist/alter list. While this isn't all of my alters, it's all of the ones I can clearly and significantly identify from eachother. My kinlists are less about the actual character and moreso about the shared tropes and behaviors and thematic connections in between each character categorized together. My brain functions better with color/theme association than it does personification and that's how I'm able to identify things. I like it when I'm treated like my kins, though of course I am always a real person and that shouldn't be compromised.
My main kins (non DID related) can be considered: Stain HL2VRAI, All four of the Captors from homestuck, Orange from AVA, Michael Afton, Jake English, Ouma Kokichi, Jataro Kemuri, Aranea Serket, Vanessa Afton, Frankie KOG, Jude Harley, Kevin WTNV, Derpy, Kankri Vantas, Roxas, Oswald the lucky rabbit and Roger Rabbit.
I'm very strongly "therian" with: Toys and the concept of mascots as a whole, Fairies, Hyrax, Anteaters (Silky anteaters and Tamanduas specifically), Raccoon, Koalas, Red panda, Zebra/Okepai, Tapir, ladybugs, butterflies and most forms of rodents.
I am physically disabled and chronically ill, I experience a lot of chronic pain and it's something I often post about. Recently I have had most of my teeth removed due to neglect and infection from when I was growing up, and am currently in the process of getting dentures. I currently live in poverty and am unable to work, I complain about that a lot. I have a head injury from my childhood that frequently affects my language abilities.
I have a lot of OCs that I love to talk about, though the oc posting is done both here and on my art account. I love to answer asks about my ocs and my alters and my kins, so if you have a question or are interested please feel free to ask!
While not all of my alters want to directly share there blogs on the pinned directly, I figured i'd make a section for those who do.
Games: Portal, Mothered(2021), Kingdom hearts, Guilty Gear, Animal Crossing, Kirby, Magicians Quest, Webkinz, most .exe games, Endless Forest, The Path, Cooking Mama, Danganronpa (specifically V3), Yume nikki, Ib, Cookie run
Movies/Shows: Animator VS Animation, Knights of Guinevere, Trolls (dreamworks), Paprika, Perfect Blue, Invader Zim, Us 2019, Eckva, Mirror Mask, Who Framed Roger Rabbit, Fosters home for imaginary friends, Chowder,
Various other things: HLVRAI, Chainsaw man, Red valley podcast, Welcome to nightvale, Homestuck, Fire punch, Houseki no kuni, Tamagotchi,
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
an ex in middle school broke into my apartment to leave food in my room while i was sleeping. caught him. was weird
i have had so many dreams of literally doing this to my ex of 8 years. like now. recently. i keep dreaming that i'm in his house at night eating his stuff or taking it and he wakes up and catches me.
however. the fact that that HAPPENED????? THATS INSANE.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
oh and he was weird about me being a sexual abuse survivor which did have its benefits (which i will not explain because its embarrassing but lets say his family was very forgiving of me) but also came at the cost of him repeatedly asking me if i was transgender because i was sexually assaulted (because we talked about detransitioners once and i explained how often sexual assault is politicized against trans people) as well as him writing a stridercest fanfic based off of a story i told him in confidence with my parents and then refused to let me eat at his house because i told him to delete the fic and he was mad about it.
was friends with this guy in highschool who was the only other transmasc in my school at the time we ended up getting really close and at one point making out at his house on valentines day. i eventually had to go home so my dad picks me up and while we're driving home i get the text "so.... what are we?" and then immediately after reading that my dad gets into a car wreck that totals the car, which hits exactly where i was sitting and i wasn't wearing a seatbelt which caused me to be thrown to the front of the car. anyways i'm very badly hurt for the next month or so and my dad doesn't believe i'm hurt because when he got me in an ambulance when i was asked if i thought i had whiplash i said no (worried about how much the ambulance would cost) and that meant any pain i was feeling was fake. so i had to keep going to school. that entire month i basically spend no time at home and only at my now boyfriends house because his family and him are way way kinder to me than my dad was being and he was doing things like helping me carry my backpack or holding my arm while we walked or helping me stand up.
the relationship uhhh kind of fucking sucked though i didn't really like him when we were just friends. anyways, for the entire relationship he started doing shit like having me sit on the floor and lay my head in hsi lap while he did shit online. i introduced him to roleplaying which he really liked, and he tried to introduce me to his interests and . it . was literally all shit like pewdiepie, joji, southpark, cop arrest dash cam shit, jerry springer, and a bunch of other bullshit along those lines and it was such a scary peek into the world of other transmen i was like oh my god. oh my god. oh my god. (starts hyperventilating) whgere the fuck am i i don't know ehere i am. i remember pewdiepie was the final straw he turned on his minecraft lets play and i was like UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. HEY HES SUPER FUCKING RACIST AND ANTISEMETIC IM JEWISH I DONT WANNA WATCH THIS BRO. and he was liek he literally apologized i think and was like no way man that apology was so bullshit and he was like i dont know enough about this to say for sure.... and i wasnt able to get him to change it. i broke up with himvery shortly after when i dropped out. also when we broke up he did this thing where he tried to lie about his mom finding his binder and getting really pissed at him even though he literally told me his mom bought him the binder. and when i said that he was like well she just learned what it means and stuff.... and i was like DUDE YOUR MOM KNOWS YOUR TRANSGENDER. SHE KNOWS IM TRANSGENDER?
recently ive been seeing a lot of posts that are like "i've recently realized gen-z is not uniquely leftist" or hearing celebrities or youtubers talk about how they thought that their generation was going to change things and didn't. and i just keep thinking about how many kids i knew who grew up watching filthy frank, idubbbz, pewdiepie, onision, jontron, etc etc and i think about how many of those people i knew who kept watching them up into the ages of like. 18. 19. one of my exs when i was 18 was still at that age watching pewdiepie. and it's less like "because they watched this they are inherently conservative" but its like, these are still people who are ultimately seen in positive lights in the mainstream. they have been this entire time, and it was our peers who got them there. you know? like that doesn't just happen accidently. i do think my ex knew how bad pewdiepie is, and i do think despite identifying as a leftist and being an asexual transman that he was ok with excusing the racism. and thats like. so many people my age. that's their entire ideology. "this is bad but you excuse it." like i think about it so much because i keep seeing it on all social medias and thinking, why did you think that. i just remember growing up and being too left to really get along with anyone, and that hasn't changed. i just think people have grown up to be politically aware enough to realize that these people don't actually stand for anything in the first place.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
"what are you doing why are you smiling" "oh my god i am" "youve been smiling this entire time. you know you're kind of scary its like a possession. its like kevin wtnv. has anyone ever told you that youre kind of scary?" "OH MY GOD IM DOING IT AGAIN(HAND OVER MOUTH)" "somethings wrong with you whats wrong with you."
My final plea for my mother… Please help before it's too late.
I never imagined I would have to write these words, but I am terrified that I may lose my mother at any moment after everything she has endured.
Her doctors have told us that her treatment can no longer be delayed, and we urgently need $700. To many, it may seem like just a number. To us, it could mean the difference between having more time with my mother or losing her forever.
Every day I watch her grow weaker, and there is nothing more painful than feeling helpless while time slips away.
If you are able to donate, no matter how small the amount, you could help give my mother another chance to live. If you cannot donate, please share this post. It may reach someone who can.
There is still hope, but that hope grows smaller with every passing hour.
Please... donate now before time takes my mother away forever.
Every minute without treatment may bring us closer to a moment I cannot bear to imagine.
Please don't let my plea disappear into silence.
Be the reason my mother gets a chance to stay alive.
Donate now, and if you can't, please share this message with others who may be able to help.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
one of my alters is into horror concepts that trigger our psychosis 😭 not the same thing but similar struggle
YUP.... YUP....... thats actually literally what happened, killian was reading something body horror related and it ended up being really triggering near the end and sent luna (and the rest of us) into a bit of psychosis. its still lingering now but thinking about It has been helping.
its literallly like. it drives me insane. experiencing trauma often causes people to develop extremely extremely opposite reactions to the trauma. say two siblings going through the same trauma but one develops ASPD and one develops BPD. opposite reactions to the same trauma, and this is often because "opposite" emotional reactions are actually just one in the same. ASPD is the repression of emotions, BPD is the amplification of emotions, but both disorders have epsiodes where they "swing" to their inverse. people with ASPD are known to have extremely explosive moments of anger or excitement, and people with BPD have episodes of complete numbness and apathy.
i assume this is what causes a lot of DID/OSDD's symptoms (not plurality as a whole imo) is those two inverse reactions existing inside someone at the same time at a young age, and to cope with those split emotions you HAVE to create two selves. in fact, this is actually why DID is considered a "sister syndrome" to BPD, because those episodes of apathy and numbness and identity spirals that people with BPD experience are often extremely similar to DID splits, the only difference often being the intensity of dissociation between the states. this is why BPD and DID can be hard to tell apart, since on paper these are essentially the same symptoms with a THIRD almost invisible symptom being the differentiation. someone with bpd is more likely to remember their emotional swings, where as someone like me can't keep track of that.
anyways. i have to assume this is kind of normal. having alters that specifically cause psychosis in other alters, alters who develop a love or obsession for a trigger in a non stressful way, but that doesn't change the fact that other alters still have intense stress reactions to it. its. ANNOYING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
im kind of struggling with the same thing with one of my alters, where their interests are inherently baked in trauma and theyre resistant to find anything else to get into or associate with. the only thing that has helped me is to try and find a new "reason" to like it. for example one of their interests is a media they were forced to like by somebody else that really hurt us, so for the longest time that media was kind of triggering bc of the association with that person. so now we try to "override" it with the info that a friend likes that media too, so we try to associate the media with our friend instead of the person that hurt us. this probably isnt very helpful to things tied to feelings/emotions though such as the ghost thing, sorry ^^;
while this isn't specifically helpful for lunas situation, i wanted to post this anyways because i HAVE had this issue before and i can attest to the information you're sharing- finding new reasons to like source medias oor medias your alters strongly identify with that are also attached to trauma is a really good way to both either find a way to enjoy it or "be okay" with that part liking it, OR showing them WHY that media isn't the greatest and they might stop liking it on their own.
a while ago, when stanley/db started fronting again, i was really put off by the fact that he really wanted to watch southpark again. he felt like it was really important for him to try and give it an honest go again. so i let him, and like within 3~ episodes he immediately was like you know actually i don't need to watch this. actually i think i'd rather just take what i remember and like and leave everything else behind. but i also wouldn't have come to that acknowledgement or realization unless i allowed him to try it again earnestly.
