Chalice* (Chal, Alice, Al, Lice) + in 20s^ + He/She or Hy/hym + white(mixed)
Keyblade holder and patron saint of Luna Game. Real life fairy. Mage of Hope.
Artist + writer who happens to be an ICT survivor and an unschool drop out, I survived isolation and I'm making it everyone else's problem. I have DID and am learning to be more open/expressive about my alters. They all have sideblogs but also post here. I grew up on kinblr and had a family that believed I was an earth angel + changling so I've got that kin slop in me. Even after everything, I'm still Sollux Captor. I selfship, I have a billion ocs that I love to talk about, and I am very open about my own personal fetishes, this blog is 18+!
My main special interest has been homestuck since 2011, and FNAF since 2014. But I'm also very into art history, marketing/advertisement, disability history and internet horror.
I post a lot about CSA, rape, incest, antisemetism, physical abuse, emotional abuse, and neglect, all mostly untagged. i cannot tag it, this is my diary. I keep a very small amount of followers on this account. if that might trigger you, please either move on or block this account, and maybe check out my other less personal ones!
Read my "fan"adventure!!! @inflatablehome
Art acc @sodachalice
Old art archive: @toontowncreepypasta
AVA/AVM acc: @rocketco
Beforus acc: @helpsman
Danganronpa v3 acc: @newdanganronpaversionthree
Trolls selfship acc: @teacuptroll
My nsfw acc: @liquidvessel
"Kin mems" acc: @pieceofpleastic
various optional overshare information undercut....
*I use a lot of different names and am still trying to figure out if I want to change this or not. I also go by: Jake, Cain, Starling, Callix, Roxas, Gamble, and various others... this may be subject to change!
This is my tentative kinlist/alter list. While this isn't all of my alters, it's all of the ones I can clearly and significantly identify from eachother. My kinlists are less about the actual character and moreso about the shared tropes and behaviors and thematic connections in between each character categorized together. My brain functions better with color/theme association than it does personification and that's how I'm able to identify things. I like it when I'm treated like my kins, though of course I am always a real person and that shouldn't be compromised.
My main kins (non DID related) can be considered: Stain HL2VRAI, All four of the Captors from homestuck, Orange from AVA, Michael Afton, Jake English, Ouma Kokichi, Jataro Kemuri, Aranea Serket, Vanessa Afton, Frankie KOG, Jude Harley, Kevin WTNV, Derpy, Kankri Vantas, Roxas, Oswald the lucky rabbit and Roger Rabbit.
I'm very strongly "therian" with: Toys and the concept of mascots as a whole, Fairies, Hyrax, Anteaters (Silky anteaters and Tamanduas specifically), Raccoon, Koalas, Red panda, Zebra/Okepai, Tapir, ladybugs, butterflies and most forms of rodents.
I am physically disabled and chronically ill, I experience a lot of chronic pain and it's something I often post about. Recently I have had most of my teeth removed due to neglect and infection from when I was growing up, and am currently in the process of getting dentures. I currently live in poverty and am unable to work, I complain about that a lot. I have a head injury from my childhood that frequently affects my language abilities.
I have a lot of OCs that I love to talk about, though the oc posting is done both here and on my art account. I love to answer asks about my ocs and my alters and my kins, so if you have a question or are interested please feel free to ask!
While not all of my alters want to directly share there blogs on the pinned directly, I figured i'd make a section for those who do.
Games: Portal, Mothered(2021), Kingdom hearts, Guilty Gear, Animal Crossing, Kirby, Magicians Quest, Webkinz, most .exe games, Endless Forest, The Path, Cooking Mama, Danganronpa (specifically V3), Yume nikki, Ib, Cookie run
Movies/Shows: Animator VS Animation, Knights of Guinevere, Trolls (dreamworks), Paprika, Perfect Blue, Invader Zim, Us 2019, Eckva, Mirror Mask, Who Framed Roger Rabbit, Fosters home for imaginary friends, Chowder,
Various other things: HLVRAI, Chainsaw man, Red valley podcast, Welcome to nightvale, Homestuck, Fire punch, Houseki no kuni, Tamagotchi,
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you know what shout out to the parents who fed me growing up i had quite a few friends parents who would let me eat their food or stay at their house for extended periods of time even if usally i was being bullied by their kid thats pretty sweet LMAO.
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i didn't recognize how damaging my father saturating my childhood (0-10) in "horror" (gore/rape) was until i saw you talking about your dad's similar behavior. it connected many dots for us, thank you
it's something i find myself often contentious with because i am someone who believes that kids should be allowed to witness adult things and things that scare them, and i also believe that attempting to preserve your childs innocence through media is both impossible and also not helpful. it's better to talk them through whatever they saw.
but with raising my sisters and cousins and also just with age and my own experiences it really has made me realize that genuinely it is traumatizing for children to be exposed to that so frequently and regularly. and i think putting it into quotations is right, a lot of it isn't so much the "horror" aspect of the stories but the amount of rape and misogyny, incest and gore and abuse in a specifically misogynistic and racist and ableist way that's the problem. for a really long time i had the issue where as a kid i was FASCINATED and obsessed with gore and horror and anything that made me feel scared, and i took that as meaning that i should feel guilty about the trauma i ended up absorbing through all of that. it felt bad to blame my dad because i wanted to watch it with him. but as an adult it's like. there literally is horror that doesn't involve that shit. theres a reason kids love fnaf and bendy and shit, kids LIKE to be scared, they like horror in general. it's a form of play. and that made me realize my dad was actively choosing the TYPE of horror he allowed around me from a really really young age.
i don't know if you had the same experience but also growing up my dad would treat me like a pussy and a pansy if i wasn't into all the hardcore fucked up shit. i had a lot of issues with misogyny and toxic masculinity growing up a lot because of this weird mentality he had, like. age 13 is when FNAF came out for me, and i was SO INLOVE with it, and i remember he would not get off my fucking case about how it's for literal toddlers and its all jumpscares. he would praise me for being interested in "adult" masculine stuff like stephen kings writing or we need to talk about kevin or happy tree friends. and i think about it a lot in regards to types of trauma that can end up like. manifesting through the general lense of hyper masculine american men, especially because as a veteran my dad didn't even exactly have a baseline for what was a "normal" amount of rape and gore for a normal person to like let alone a child.
anyways. i used to feel a lot of guilt about feeling traumatized by fiction and media in that regard before realizing it was less about the fiction inherently and more about the types of abuse that was deemed "acceptable" and normal to have as background noise.
ok i posted this too soon, i also need to add: i'm glad i was able to help you connect those dots in some way and i hope you have a good night
an ex in middle school broke into my apartment to leave food in my room while i was sleeping. caught him. was weird
i have had so many dreams of literally doing this to my ex of 8 years. like now. recently. i keep dreaming that i'm in his house at night eating his stuff or taking it and he wakes up and catches me.
however. the fact that that HAPPENED????? THATS INSANE.
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oh and he was weird about me being a sexual abuse survivor which did have its benefits (which i will not explain because its embarrassing but lets say his family was very forgiving of me) but also came at the cost of him repeatedly asking me if i was transgender because i was sexually assaulted (because we talked about detransitioners once and i explained how often sexual assault is politicized against trans people) as well as him writing a stridercest fanfic based off of a story i told him in confidence with my parents and then refused to let me eat at his house because i told him to delete the fic and he was mad about it.
was friends with this guy in highschool who was the only other transmasc in my school at the time we ended up getting really close and at one point making out at his house on valentines day. i eventually had to go home so my dad picks me up and while we're driving home i get the text "so.... what are we?" and then immediately after reading that my dad gets into a car wreck that totals the car, which hits exactly where i was sitting and i wasn't wearing a seatbelt which caused me to be thrown to the front of the car. anyways i'm very badly hurt for the next month or so and my dad doesn't believe i'm hurt because when he got me in an ambulance when i was asked if i thought i had whiplash i said no (worried about how much the ambulance would cost) and that meant any pain i was feeling was fake. so i had to keep going to school. that entire month i basically spend no time at home and only at my now boyfriends house because his family and him are way way kinder to me than my dad was being and he was doing things like helping me carry my backpack or holding my arm while we walked or helping me stand up.
the relationship uhhh kind of fucking sucked though i didn't really like him when we were just friends. anyways, for the entire relationship he started doing shit like having me sit on the floor and lay my head in hsi lap while he did shit online. i introduced him to roleplaying which he really liked, and he tried to introduce me to his interests and . it . was literally all shit like pewdiepie, joji, southpark, cop arrest dash cam shit, jerry springer, and a bunch of other bullshit along those lines and it was such a scary peek into the world of other transmen i was like oh my god. oh my god. oh my god. (starts hyperventilating) whgere the fuck am i i don't know ehere i am. i remember pewdiepie was the final straw he turned on his minecraft lets play and i was like UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. HEY HES SUPER FUCKING RACIST AND ANTISEMETIC IM JEWISH I DONT WANNA WATCH THIS BRO. and he was liek he literally apologized i think and was like no way man that apology was so bullshit and he was like i dont know enough about this to say for sure.... and i wasnt able to get him to change it. i broke up with himvery shortly after when i dropped out. also when we broke up he did this thing where he tried to lie about his mom finding his binder and getting really pissed at him even though he literally told me his mom bought him the binder. and when i said that he was like well she just learned what it means and stuff.... and i was like DUDE YOUR MOM KNOWS YOUR TRANSGENDER. SHE KNOWS IM TRANSGENDER?
recently ive been seeing a lot of posts that are like "i've recently realized gen-z is not uniquely leftist" or hearing celebrities or youtubers talk about how they thought that their generation was going to change things and didn't. and i just keep thinking about how many kids i knew who grew up watching filthy frank, idubbbz, pewdiepie, onision, jontron, etc etc and i think about how many of those people i knew who kept watching them up into the ages of like. 18. 19. one of my exs when i was 18 was still at that age watching pewdiepie. and it's less like "because they watched this they are inherently conservative" but its like, these are still people who are ultimately seen in positive lights in the mainstream. they have been this entire time, and it was our peers who got them there. you know? like that doesn't just happen accidently. i do think my ex knew how bad pewdiepie is, and i do think despite identifying as a leftist and being an asexual transman that he was ok with excusing the racism. and thats like. so many people my age. that's their entire ideology. "this is bad but you excuse it." like i think about it so much because i keep seeing it on all social medias and thinking, why did you think that. i just remember growing up and being too left to really get along with anyone, and that hasn't changed. i just think people have grown up to be politically aware enough to realize that these people don't actually stand for anything in the first place.
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"what are you doing why are you smiling" "oh my god i am" "youve been smiling this entire time. you know you're kind of scary its like a possession. its like kevin wtnv. has anyone ever told you that youre kind of scary?" "OH MY GOD IM DOING IT AGAIN(HAND OVER MOUTH)" "somethings wrong with you whats wrong with you."
