this is a sort of retrospective on some of silva's character traits and how that ties into how he views quakitus :P sort of already outdated because the elephant is addressed in the very stream I reference at the end but I've been thinking about it alot anyway! sooooo here
silva idolizing and putting people on a pedestal is something he's been doing for a while lowkey. I wouldn't exaaactly say it's an inferiority complex, moreso a result of silva's 'solid A-tier' pvper status compared to pvpers considered better than him (wail, arcn, mugm, to an extent stormz although that one's more character-based than skill-based). I've personally been using the term '2nd place syndrome' to refer to this—silva doesn't think particularly lowly of herself, they know their worth and what their place is in this world and that is Exactly the problem. because of his objective position of good-but-not-the-best, 2nd place, there is Always someone above her, someone more skilled, more important, more purposeful. someone to directly compare herself to.
this also tends to land silva in the position of being used as a weapon/asset in teams—strong enough to be good in a fight, but not strong enough to stand on her own.it's happened enough to him across multiple teams that he's grown so sick of it that he would rather be ostracized by and isolate from the whole server than continue to exist like that
II. PROTECTOR BORN FROM GUILT
I CAN however say that silva absolutely has a protector complex LOL while I do think it is linked to his skill, I personally believe that their protector complex stems more from Guilt and Obligation. the guilt is rooted all the way back in S1 if u deep it. but even in just S3 there's silva leaving friendship for the first time that leaves an ache of guilt in her for a long time only ever emphasized again and again as nearly every other team silva joins after that point ends up falling apart somehow. the unshakeable feeling that it was all her fault, maybe none of this would've happened if only she didn't leave. even if he did originally leave with the goal to protect them from afar, it wasn't enough—they needed him by their side, and he wasn't there
it's kind of a weird feedback loop, in that silva feels obligated to protect people because it's what he truly wants to use their limited strength to do, and because if he doesn't (if he fails), then he truly is useless. a failure to protect someone might as well be the same as killing them herself, adding onto the feeling of guilt—a guilt that is only as effective as it is because silva is like one of the most empathetic people on the server—that keeps her trapped in this mindset
III. THE LIGHT THAT BLINDS YOUR EYES
silva's dynamic with quakitus is (was? as of writing this post we haven't seen what silvas behavior on the server looks like post-relapse test) is a combination of both silva's tendency to put people on pedestals above specifically herself (a pedestal so high that multiple times throughout the relapse test, silva expresses the sentiment of "it feels wrong to speak/think ill of quakitus at all") AND her borderline self-destructive protector complex. quakitus is silva's second chance to actually succeed in protecting someone, to make up for his mistakes in team friendship. and in addition to That, quakitus is also their only chance left this season. because silva is so aware of their position on the server, because silva is so aware that they'd get reduced right back to just being another number in a fight on any other team/alliance (and she simply cannot Stand feeling like that anymore), quakitus is the only person left that is WORTH protecting, and that only amplifies everything even more
quakitus is the culmination of it all, the purest form of someone 'above' silva. in the presence of a star this bright, silva cannot help but be ashamed of her own, only above-average self. and thus, she has no choice but to devote herself entirely.
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