#silvasaur

granted this reading might be a side effect of me being mtfl-brained LOL but I think that silva’s general unreliability in server activity (and their current hibernation) is causing quakitus to be like. more unhinged than she would be. obviously she’d be fucked up anyway but silva’s absence is exacerbating things ykwim. it’s not like this is the first time something like this has happened to quakitus either [glances sideways at friendship]. even if iris is still together and silva hasnt fully Betrayed, theyve still failed to Be There for quakitus Consistently—which is lowk kinda the worst thing to do to someone with Extreme Trust Issues lmao. and I think that The Absence Of Silvasaur bleeds into quakitus’s other dynamics on the server too. tldr silvasaur is lowkey haunting quakitus rn

(shaking my head while writing this part of the post so people know I also don’t like that this is my first post talking about some of these dynamics and I’m making it about meteorflower again. I really like quakitus’s other dynamics on their own too I just think this is an interesting topic that I actually have things of substance to say about)

specifically I think quakitus is subconsciously trying to mold other people into the spot that silva takes in her life. which is basically Her Controlled. just without the part of meteorflower that makes her upset. the part she cannot control: her own attachment to silva.

and imo this is most obvious in her dynamic with sans and lezy (you can argue similar for people like coin and rylan but my thoughts on them aren’t complete yet)

sans is like. the closest thing quakitus is going to get to Silvasaur 2 this season honestly (that sounds mean and reductive but sans’s parallels with silva are insane enough thats the only way I can think to describe him succinctly. Sorry Sans!). sans to quakitus is just a version of silvasaur with the thing she hates the most about silva removed from the equation—which is their history together and her Uncontrolled attachment to silva because of said history. and it’s fun! she has fun with him! but that’s all their dynamic really is and sans doesn’t really fulfill quakitus’s inner desire for stability. quakitus wants stability while also never wanting to make herself vulnerable by relying on someone. she can only be this honest with sans because he can’t meaningfully hurt her. this kind of fun is meant to be fleeting. meant to be temporary. meant to be discarded

I can only Really see two options on how this is going to end on silva's end? I mean silva says it themself in the convo with quakitus. hes the type to not forget, but atleast forgive. I also just deadass think silva is physically incapable of fully, Actually hating quakitus (tbh Most People for that matter. silva is genuinely The Most Empathetic character on bliss. to his, usually, direct detriment. but this applies Especially to q) so. I think one of these two options are most likely to happen:

despite it all, even when silva does truly learn to stand on her own as an individual, even with other connections, they would still Choose to team with, to be friends with quakitus (preferably with actual firm boundaries and clear communication this time). because. well. silva just... Likes quakitus. nothing's stronger than an iou except for pure, genuine adoration, after all ^_^

it'll be a kinda similar situation to rylan (very ironically lol), where silva separates from quakitus for both of their sakes because he's recognized the unhealthiness of their dynamic and thinks that it's unhealthy to the extent that he thinks there isn't a way to salvage it in their current states. but maybe one day in the future, if they've both grown enough while they were apart, they can be together again

I have the same fear as you I have the same goals as you

We're practically the same person

I kinda just wanted to look cool

back then, he held onto this vague idea of heroism in order to feel like she had a place in the narrative, to feel like she belonged. a naive, but sincere belief that she was ultimately doing The Right Thing by fighting against "The Villains" (brotherhood), which allowed that purpose to persevere even when the people they originally meant to protect (team friendship) weren't really There anymore. in joining brotherhood later on, silva functionally gave up on that purpose (aside: it’s funny, that the moment he Gave Up on the idea that playing hero would get her anywhere, silva losing the DG mugm duel, took place on the island that team friendship was meant to move to. something about childish dreams that never came to fruition). but the transition to brotherhood went fine despite the loss of that purpose and direction because bhood had a rigid structure in of itself—that being how the team applies roles to its members alongside their pre-established ultimate finale end goal—to give that same sense of security.

it’s kind of funny that what usually would mark a now-forever-jaded type of character development for most other people, silva joins bhood and. gets More empathetic towards others than she was before. the real thing silva loses when she joins bhood is the ability to mark certain people off as Evil Supervillains That Must Be Killed because with their experience with bhood, that means they've been on and seen every side of the argument. so, when even the brotherhood's structure collapsed, silva was thrown into a situation where he deeply understood everyone else’s—nezo feeling used and taken for granted, mugm feeling unappreciated for the work he’s put in, puqi desperately wanting to hold a team together that’s actively slipping through her hands—it's no wonder silva just kind of. Shut Down. nothing was holding him together anymore, and growing past the childish hero/villain mindset he had before now only meant that all he could see now was clouds of grey.

but right before the formation of iris, silva chose to pick the role of protector back up in order to give herself a purpose, no longer wanting to wander aimlessly. but the thing is that this inherently necessitates a mindset separating the "to be protected" from the "to be protected against", something that's directly contradictory to the immense empathy that silva displays, because of what silva understands to be true—that everybody is just another person with their own struggles. and you can't exactly unlearn any of that (which is why we get the moments of impulsive kindness that silva consciously rationalizes herself Out of because they arent Supposed to be doing that, especially not on the bliss smp of all places), so instead, silva becomes willfully ignorant. the idea of morality is no longer relevant to this version of their protector complex. the only thing that matters, above all else, is that quakitus is safe. and so silva represses, brushes off, shuts down her own critical thoughts of whatever quakitus is Actually Doing on the server. because getting caught up in all of that distracts from The Direction. fulfilling Their Purpose.