proud heterophobe

the girl who is comfy in bed yearns to be On The Computer. The girl who is On The Computer yearns to be comfy in bed. Thus does desire become the root of all suffering

if magic was real I'd get really into wizardry long enough to learn like 3 spells then move on and 4 years later id be like oh yeah I remember how to summon flame. probably. and then id do all the hand motions out of order and explode

Your cousins trampoline remastered

this is standard issue uncle

ok this is gonna sound insane but when i was in high school we made a drink that we called a “fuck you” which was black coffee, crushed up adderall, and fireball whiskey. 

the power of a bowl of rice mixed with some fucking bullshit cannot be overstated

imagine if i did my work. if i sat down and Did it. and it was Done. can you even imagine such a thing

If Taylor Swift used her power for good she would be such a great stochastic terrorist. She would post on Instagram "Hey guys, Tay here. Just wanted to say that whoever delivers me the head of Ron DeSantis on a platter will get free Eras Tour tickets. #ShadeNeverMadeAnybodyLessGay." It would be at her doorstep in two hours.