she feels

"I'm here to see my children."

The air inside the hallway crackles and it had nothing to do with the cold winter air. One hand on the doorframe, your other fiddles with the keys as you survey the woman in front of you. It would be a lie to say that you hadn't imagined what the children's mother might look like — the woman who held Jungkook's affections for so long. 

This was not what you had expected. Her frazzled appearance, the nervous edge to her every breath as her eyes continued to dart toward the driveway, almost like she was expecting someone to turn up. Her arms tighten across her torso and her attention flickers back to you, "Can I come in?" 

You could tell that she was anxious to get inside and your heart aches when you thought of how cold she must be where she stands. But your concern is not loud enough to quiet the underlying suspicion that settles in your stomach. Something was wrong. How could you trust that she is who she claims to be? Was letting a stranger inside a house that wasn't even yours such a good idea? 

Another minute passes and the woman on the front porch grows increasingly agitated with each second, shifting her weight from one foot to the other. Empathy wins out in the end and you give her a reluctant nod as you step aside, "Sure. Come in." 

She doesn't hesitate when granted permission — hurrying past you without as much as thanking you. Luckily she ventures no further than the dresser, studying the tidy space as though she was seeing it for the first time. 

The front door shuts behind you once more and you turn to her with an awkward but friendly smiles. "You can put your shoes right here," you gesture toward the shoe rack. 

"Oh," the woman blinks, like she had just remembered the ragged sneakers on her feet. She pulls them off with trembling hands, setting them alongside your own newly bought ones. When she straightens up she immediately loops back to what she had come here for. "Where are the children?" she turns to glance over her shoulder, "Upstairs?" 

Your heart beats rapidly against your ribcage, blood rushing to the tips of your fingers as you swallow. Shit. You had completely forgotten about Cassian and Rayne who'd gone to retrieve his beloved Frank. The sound of their footsteps were now echoing down the hall above you, undoubtedly headed back to the bottom floor. 

"How about…" your hand finds her elbow, and the woman jumps slightly, "You wait in the living room and I bring them?" 

She frowns at that, lips parting with an objection she never voices out loud. Then she turns and heads down the hall toward the living room — clearly familiar with the layout of the house, which only further unsettled you. 

The moment she's out of sight you jolt into action, moving for the staircase as fast as your legs would carry you. Climbing two steps at the tine, you haul yourself up only to be stopped halfway as you nearly go crashing into both children, who'd been descending the stairs. 

Cassian was now hugging his beloved dinosaur plushie, their coats buttoned up and ready to go. He makes a confused face when you appear in front of them. His sister stands just in front of him, her gaze dragging across your frame with a raised brow. "Was there someone at the door?" she asks, undoubtedly having heard the voices coming from downstairs just moments ago. 

You hesitate, teeth shredding the inside of your cheek as you think of a plausible explanation. "It was… The postman!" humming softly, "Yeah. He needs a package to be signed, it shouldn't take long." 

Rayne looks far from convinced, her dark eyes flickering to a spot over your shoulder before returning to you. Though before she gets the chance to interrogate you on the matter, you place a firm hand on her arm. "I need you to take your brother upstairs and wait inside your room. Can you do that?"

She doesn't answer to that right away, sending Cassian a quick look before letting her brows furrow deeply. "But it's just the postman—" 

"Do as I say." You cut her off, something you would've never done under different circumstances, and Rayne catches on quickly as the crease on her forehead grows all the more prominent. "Go to your bedroom, close the door and don't come out until I get you, understood?" 

Cassian makes a small disgruntled noise behind his sister but nods in her place, already tugging on her coat sleeve. The latter holds her ground for another ten seconds before letting out a sigh as her shoulders slump. "Okay," she says, turning to lead her brother up the stairs without looking back. 

You watch them take their leave, exhaling the breath that had been trapped within your lungs for the past minute. When heading back downstairs, you do so with a racing heart, approaching the living room as quietly as possible. 

The woman was seated on one of the sofas, her restless hands placed on her lap as she takes in the area silently. You clear your throat, making her twitch in her seat as her head snaps in your direction. "Are they—?" 

"They'll be a minute," you tell her, flashing her the most convincing smile you could muster. She seems to be put at ease by your reassurance, relaxing against the couch ever so slightly with a tilt of her chin. 

She was their mother that much was clear. If not for her eyes that resembled so much of Rayne's, then be it the, now slightly matted, curls her son inherited. Part of you feels guilty for keeping her from her own children — the other doesn't trust her to see them. 

Jungkook had made little notion of her during the three months in which you had been working under his roof. But when he, or the children, did, it was always followed by unspoken tension. You did not know what had happened between them, whatever it was, it had left permanent scars. 

"I never asked your name." 

The woman's sudden question pulls you from your thoughts and you blink. Something about her makes your throat dry up and you barely get the introduction past your lips as you shift by the doorway. 

She doesn't seem to notice the waver to your voice, simply humming to herself. "I'm Yelena." No handshake follows, she doesn't seem to keen on initiating one and neither are you. 

Yelena. 

It feels strange to put a name to the woman you had only been hearing about in short, sporadic bursts. A beautiful name it was. And though she looked… rough, you still imagined her to be a gorgeous woman underneath the eye bags and sickly pale skin. 

Jungkook crosses your mind for the first time since her arrival, his absence had been loud after your last conversation but now it was blaring. You glance down the hall, then back to Yelena who hadn't said another word. "Can I uh, get you anything to drink?"

She turns her attention back to you, it seemed to be straying a lot. "Water," is all she says, not bothering with any pleasantries as she goes back to studying her cuticles. 

You nod, quickly spinning on your heel as you head for the hallway again. Time was sparse and though you hardly believed her to be counting down the seconds, you knew that taking too long would raise suspicion. 

The telephone sitting on the dresser becomes your salvation and you pick it up without hesitation. Next to it sits the sticky note Jungkook had left all those weeks ago, in case you ever needed to get in contact with him whilst watching the kids. You had never called to his office, you'd never needed to. 

And yet here you are, frantically typing in the number with trembling fingers. You bring the phone to your ear as you wait, chewing on the blunt edge of your nail to ease your nerves. 

There's nothing but static to fill the oppressive silence around you and for a long while you think he might not pick up at all. Could you blame him? But then the call connects and you breathe out a sigh of relief as Jungkook's voice comes through on the line. "Hello," his tone is flat, devoid of any emotion at first, but when you don't respond it grows concerned, "Are the children alright?"

Your heart twists in your chest and you throw a glance at the stairs, nodding as though he could see you. "Yeah. For now at least," you murmur, pressing the handset a little closer to your ear as you speak directly into the transmitter, "You need to come back." 

Jungkook sighs, "What?" And you could perfectly picture his brows drawing together across his forehead. 

Sucking in a quiet breath, you dare a peek toward the archway which you had just emerged from, lowering your voice into a whisper, "There's a woman here. She says that she's here to see her children…" You gnaw on your bottom lip, worried that she might come looking for you — or worse, the kids — if you didn't hurry up. "Her name's Yelena." 

The line goes silent. 

You listen for Jungkook, catching only that of his steady breaths, they sound mechanical, like he was forcing each one past his lungs. "Jungkook, did you hear—"

"Did you let her inside?" His voice is cold now, much colder than it had been even during your last conversation — it makes a shill crawl down your spine. "Answer me!" He sounds upset when he repeats himself only a second later, "Did you let her inside the house?" There was a frantic edge to him, and in the background you heard the sound of a briefcase snapping shut. 

You grip the telephone a little tighter as you brace yourself. "Yes," it felt like confessing to a crime, "She's in the living room…" 

"Where are the children?" he asks. 

"Upstairs," you're quick to respond, "They don't know she's here. I told them to wait for me." 

Jungkook exhales on the other end of the line, but he did not sound relieved, "Good. I'm on my way." 

"Okay," you say, adding in a quiet, "Please hurry," before he gets the chance to end the call. He pauses at that — perhaps the waver to your voice or the way it had cracked on the last syllable gave you away. 

"I will." 

The static returns and you're left all alone in the far too big hallway. You stare down at the phone in your hand, clinging onto it even though Jungkook was already gone. Then you remember that Yelena was still waiting for you, and if she hadn't mulled over your absence yet — she was bound to any minute now. 

You return to the living room shortly, this time with a glass of water in hand, only to find the couch where you had left her to be empty. Your pulse jumps in your throat, dread washing over you until you spot her by the fireplace. 

Yelena's fingers were tracing the edge of the mantel clock slowly. "This one is new," she hums, more to herself than anyone else. Her gaze darts across the room and over to the coffee table when you set the glass down, then it continues across the walls behind and around you. "Tapestry is the same." 

She would go on like that for another two minutes, counting each change in the room under her breath. "Not the same pillows, old carpet, brown bookshelves…" Her feet barely make a sound as she pads around the sofa you sit on, and you avoid looking her way as you instead watch your own hands. 

You weren't scared — nervous maybe. She appears harmless but her presence still unsettles you deeply. And Jungkook's reaction certainly hadn't helped. You could only hope he was keeping his word and stepping on the gas to get here. 

The couch in front of you creaks and your attention pivots over to her as she sits down on the cushions opposite you. Even whilst seated, she was moving. Her leg bouncing restlessly, fingers picking at the sleeves of her fleece as her eyes dart around the space despite having examined it closely just now. 

It was impossible not to notice the signs in front of you. The way she kept wetting her lips, reaching for the glass to chug half of it before setting it down again. Her consistent shifting, how she keeps adjusting herself like she couldn't find a comfortable position. 

The fact that she was in some sort of withdrawal was clear — and that made you sweat. 

"Where's Jungkook?" she suddenly asks, her gaze fixating on you for once. 

That was the first time she'd mentioned him, and judging by the way she kept biting her tongue, she was anxious to hear your response. 

"He's at work," you tell her, leaving out the fact that he was currently racing home. You're glad that you did, for Yelena instantly relaxes a fraction, her shoulders slumping as she nods. 

"Ah," she hums, "That's good." Her fingers untangle, coming to rest flat across her knees as she straightens up against the sofa. There's a calculating look in her eyes now, a new sharpness that slices through the dull brown. "How do you know my ex-husband?" 

Your blood runs colder than the air outside and you hope she doesn't notice the way you struggle to take down your next swallow. Never had you wished so intently for Jungkook to just step through the door and spare you of the conversation about to unfold. 

"I uhm—" scratching the back of your neck, you send her a sheepish smile, "I'm the kids' nanny." 

Yelena's brows rise on her forehead, the corner of her lips tugging into a frown that she does little to hide. "A nanny?" She gives you a long once-over, "We've never had a nanny before…" 

You didn't linger on her statement, too caught up in trying to figure out why she was here now. What had compelled her to return after so long? According to Jungkook over a year had passed — so why now? 

But Yelena does not give you time to ponder the matter for long. She's already rising from her seat, brushing her pants with jerky movements as she turns her head in the direction of the archway behind you. "The children are taking long," she says, "Perhaps I should go check on them." 

Without waiting to hear your opinion, she steps forward, intent on heading upstairs herself to see what was prolonging their arrival. You shoot up from the couch, putting yourself in front of her as you exhale a shaky breath. "They'll be down in a minute," you assure her, placing a warm hand on her shoulder. She was freezing cold. 

Yelena jerks back at the touch, surprise striking her features before it morphs into something almost offended. "I'd like to see my kids," she huffs, trying to move around you toward the stairs. 

You match her stride, blocking her path once more as you give a strained shake of your head. "Let's just sit back—" 

Down the hall, a lock twists, the front door opening a second later. Jungkook was back. Never had you thought you'd be so relieved to hear that sound, especially not given your last talk in his study. Yelena seems to register the newcomer as well, her already pale face draining its last bit of color. 

She sends you a quick accusing glance but the footsteps were already moving down the hall quickly. Jungkook appears in the doorway just then, his dark hair is a mess, strands falling down to meet his brows, which were pulled together deep enough to form one. He pauses when he sees you, eyes landing on your hand resting over her shoulder. 

Yelena is pulled from her trance and she takes a few steps back, leaving your fingers to hover in the air uselessly before they drop to your side. Jungkook pays her little mind, crossing the distance between you in three long strides. His hand brushes your elbow, the touch far too tender for this moment. 

"Are you okay?" he murmurs, loud enough for only you to hear. 

Nodding, you remain silent, not trusting yourself to speak — or take your attention off of his ex-wife who'd gone back to picking at her fleece. Jungkook's gaze stays with you, searching your face and body for any signs of deceit. He exhales, nostrils flaring slightly as he releases you. 

"Go to the children," he instructs and when he reads the hesitation on you, he adds, "Now." 

You did not dare argue with him and without another word you head in the direction he'd just came from, slipping around the corner and savoring a long breath once you're finally out of sight. 

The stairs are right in front of you, Cassian and Rayne waiting just beyond them. You push off the wall you'd been leaning against, taking a step forward when suddenly, Jungkook's voice can be heard from the living room. 

"What are you doing here?" 

His tone is demanding just as it is void of any warmth. But it is the underlying tremor that he cannot hide, that makes you pause. You stand frozen in the middle of the hallway, fingers stretched for the banister but your feet still planted to the carpet. There you find yourself torn between going up to be with the children like you'd been instructed, or to stay where you were, just in case thing escalated. 

"I'm here to see my kids," Yelena follows his question up a moment later, but even she sounds doubtful of her own words. 

There's a sharp scoff — from who? you can't tell, but if you would have to guess, then Jungkook. "You have some audacity to call them yours," he snaps back almost instantly and it is then you make up your mind. 

Abandoning the stairs, you creep back to toward the archway, resting yourself against the wall as you let your head tip against it. Your palms are flat on top of the tapestry and you shift just enough to steal a peek around the doorframe. 

Jungkook stands with his back to you. His shoulders are tense, fingers twitching restlessly by his sides — the way you so rarely saw them do. He hasn't moved since your exit but Yelena has. She was back by the fireplace, caressing the mantel nervously as she avoids his gaze with a held tongue. 

"Don't lie to me," he bitterly adds. The floorboards creak under his weight when he takes a step forward, only to stop himself halfway of reaching for her, regretting the decision again. Though you could not see his facial expression, it wasn't hard to guess that it carried pain. "Over a year," his voice cracks just slightly, "It's been over a year and you haven't even—" 

He cuts himself short, abruptly turning and you quickly duck behind the wall once more, listening to the sound of his pacing. When you finally dare to glance around the corner, he was standing by the window, this time with one shoulder facing you. The tension in his jaw becomes clear now, it doesn't lessen when he rubs a hand over it. 

"You can't just show up here, especially not when I'm at work, you—" he inhales sharply, realization flickering past his eyes, "You weren't even going to tell me you were here, were you?" He sounds disbelieving of himself even as he confirms it, but he's not bothering to hear her out. 

Yelena doesn't deny it either, simply watching the path her hand takes across the mantel. You understood then that she had chosen a time frame in which Jungkook would be out of the house. Her showing up at the front porch was no coincidence but a planned move. It makes your stomach twist. 

"I wanted to see my children," she continues to push her narrative and her gaze moves up to meet his for the first time since her arrival. "But I knew you wouldn't let me." There wasn't an ounce of guilt within her eyes, as though she'd been perfectly content to do something like this without his knowing. 

Jungkook chokes on a strained laugh that's anything but amused. He rubs both palms over his face roughly, nails digging into his forehead as he breathes deeply. "The children?" he echoes between his fingers, "You really think I'll believe that?" His hands return to his sides and he takes a step back, hip bumping against the window sill, though he hardly seems to register it. 

"You," he points in her direction, "Have had all the time in the world to see them but you—" His lips press into a firm line, silencing whatever he might say next. 

Yelena makes a grimace, somewhere between hurt and offended. But she says nothing and Jungkook's irritation only mounts. "Why are you really here?" He asks, studying the worn clothes that hang off her lanky frame, the hollow of her cheeks, surely noticing the eye bags just like you had. 

"It's been a rough couple of months," she admits in a hoarse whisper, her face morphing into something pitiful, "I just need a little. Just to get me back on my feet."

Jungkook's brows shoot high on his forehead, an exasperated scoff passing his lips. "That's what this is about? Money?" His jaw clenches, "You didn't get enough last time — so what? now you're back for more?" He shakes his head, "Not a chance." 

His blunt refusal only makes Yelena double down as she stumbles forward, causing the former to jerk back. "Please. I promise I'll use them for good," she smiles, a weak and strained smile, "I'm all better now." The lie feels mocking and it slaps even you across the face, you're sure Jungkook feels the same as he regards his ex-wife. 

There's an intimidating scowl plastered across his face, but his hands were trembling by his sides as she approached. 

Your fingers have curled so tight around the doorframe that the splinters were bound to snap under the force, you barely notice it, far too occupied with watching the scene play out in front of you. You follow their every move and your heart pounds loudly in your chest — though not loud enough to mask the creak of wood behind you. 

Whirling around where you stand, you spot Cassian on the bottom step of the stairs. He's clutching Frank in one arm as he, too, listens to the voices coming from the living room. "Nanny?" he croaks, wide and uncertain eyes darting between the entryway and you. 

Quickly straightening up, you rush over to gently grab him by his shoulders. "What are you doing down here, sweetie?" you whisper, reaching down to take one of his hands in your own, "I thought I told you to stay with your sister." 

The young boy slowly nods. "I'm sorry," he mumbles, "I was thirsty… Rayne told me not to go." He hesitates, blinking once when the sound of Jungkook's voice comes barreling through the thick air: 

"You're insane to think that I'd give you anything!" 

Cassian turns toward the living room, his brows furrowing over his forehead. "Daddy's home?" He looks as though he wants to go to him, to hug his father even though he left less than an hour ago. You stop him, already climbing the stairs he'd just come from as you tug him along. 

"Let's go and wait in your sister's room for a bit." You don't look back, only slowing down enough to make sure that he was keeping up. 

He does so, albeit reluctantly, "But my water…" 

You were thankful that it was his biggest concern at the moment, and you give him a small smile. "I'll go and get you some soon," you promise him. 

The door to Rayne's bedroom had been left ajar and you nudge it open with the help of your shoulder as you pull her little brother inside with you. "Alright, why don't you take a seat right here?" You guide him down onto the edge of her bed, adjusting the dinosaur plushies in his lap. 

Cassian lets you arrange him without complaint, neither him nor his sister question your hurried, slightly unsteady hands when you walk up to close the door firmly. 

Rayne was sat by her desk, her coat hung up on the back of her chair and an open book laid in front of her — though its pages seemed to be forgotten. Their shoes were placed neatly by the foot of the bed, Cassian's outdoor wear draped over the wooden post. 

The air in here was a lot warmer than that of the living room, but even that temporary comfort was quickly shun by the sound of Jungkook and Yelena downstairs. Their conversation had clearly escalated into a full blown argument, loud enough to where you could slowly start to make out what was being shouted. 

Cassian stiffens when the voice of a woman registers — and not just any woman. His gaze meets Rayne's, searching for answers which his big sister refuse to give. "Who is daddy talking to?" he wonders, but receives no response from the older. She only turns back to her book, pretending like nothing was wrong. 

You bite your lip, scrambling for something to distract them both with as the discussion between their parents unfold in the distance. "I know!" Clasping your hands together, you manage to draw the young boy's attention, "Why don't we read something all of us together?" 

Without waiting to hear his answer, you walk over to the crammed bookshelf opposite the bed. No one responds, though Cassian shifts slightly where he sits as he fiddles with his plushie. Another sharp remark from Yelena downstairs makes you bite back a wince and you pull the first title you find from the shelf. 

"Alright, scoot over." You nudge Cassian gently and he obliges when crawling back to rest his back against the headboard. Frank is still pressed against his chest and he clings to the dino when you settle beside him. "Rayne, come here," you pat the spot to your right, giving her an expectant smile which she returns with a displeased frown. 

Any other day you think she might've outright refused, but she was not oblivious to what was going on downstairs and when their voices only grow louder, she finally hops off her chair and walks over. 

The small children's bed was hardly made for three, but you made do as you cozied up together, Cassian nuzzling into your side as his sister sat stiffly. Their bodies are warm against your own and you take a moment to savor the comforting feeling as you open the first page. 

"Which book is this?" Cassian asks against your shoulder. 

"Moby Dick," you tell him. 

"Does it have pictures?" 

"Not this version, no…" 

He scrunches his nose at that, "I don't like it then." 

"That's because you're dumb," Rayne retorts as she adjusts herself slightly. Her brother shoots upright at that, his features twisted into offense. 

"Am not!" 

"Are too," she hums when tilting her chin up. 

"Hey," you slam the book shut with more force than necessary, raising a brow as you glance between them. "Do we want to hear this story or not?" 

Cassian nods, looking chastised as he presses his cheek against your arm. Rayne only sighs, but makes no further remark on the matter. Downstairs, the argument continues and you try to drown out the noise as you begin to read: 

"…I thought I would sail about a little and see the watery part of the world." 

You had barely gotten through the first paragraph when Cassian suddenly speaks up, "Why does he want to sail?" 

Reaching a hand up to stroke his curly hair back, you smile. "You'll find out when we keep going." To which he nods and sinks back against you with a quiet 'okay'. 

Not even a full minute later, he interrupts again. "I don't understand," he whine after you had read: "This is my substitute for pistol and ball. With a philosophical flourish Cato throws himself upon his sword; I quietly take to the ship." Cassian had little patience for the much slower pace compared to his picture-books and was squirming on the spot, "And who is Cato?" 

"You wouldn't know him," Rayne says as she tucks her ponytail over her shoulder, causing her brother to pout. 

Shaking your head, you wrap an arm around the small boy in an attempt to still him. "It means," you hum when pointing to the page, "That he goes to the ocean whenever he feels sad, that way he doesn't do bad stuff." 

Cassian mulls over this new revelation for a bit. "More people should go to the ocean then," he finally says. 

You nod, "Yeah. They should." 

The children did settle down after a few pages, the younger's insistent questions eventually stop and soon enough he was dead weight against your arm — deeply asleep. Rayne sits quietly beside you, and when the chapter comes to an end she doesn't question why you stop reading. 

Downstairs, the sound of Jungkook and Yelena's arguing have ebbed out into silence — a silence that is soon followed by the slamming of a front door. It shakes the entire house and for a second you thought it might even wake Cassian, but the young boy only sighs in his sleep. 

Rayne, too, swallows a deep breath, one so heavy that it settles over the entire bedroom. She doesn't look at you when she speaks, her gaze fixed on something far ahead outside the window, something you could not see. 

"That wasn't the postman, was it?" 

Her tone is leveled, certain. It's not a question, not really, and judging by the way she avoids your gaze, you know that she knows. 

"No," you say, closing the book as you place it on your lap, "It wasn't." 

She parts her lips but no words come out, so she seals them together again. You thought she would ask about her mother, demand an explanation as to why her and her brother hadn't been allowed to see her. Was she angry with you? With Jungkook? But Rayne only nods, a slow tilt of her chin as she settles back against the pillows. 

You lift a hand, letting it hover for a moment before gently placing it atop her head. When she doesn't immediately reject the initiated contact you let your fingers brush through her dark, silky hair. Her lashes kiss her cheeks as her eyes fall shut and she lets out air through her nose. 

Ten minutes or so pass, it's not a comfortable silence but it isn't hostile either. After a while her breathing grows heavy as well, and she, too, falls asleep against your side. You stay frozen, simply basking in the feeling of having them close. Had it not been for the thought of Jungkook downstairs, you could've probably stayed where you were for hours. 

The mattress groans when you carefully shift your weight off of it, making sure not to wake either of the children as you drape a blanket over them. The younger curls into his sister's side to fill the absence you had left behind. Rayne lets him, her nose twitching when a lock of curls brush across her cupids bow, then she relaxes again. 

They look vulnerable like this, so small and fragile that it makes your heart ache. You stand there, watching them sleep a little longer before turning to head out of the room, closing the door after you soundlessly. 

You move slowly down the stairs, hoping not to make too much noise as you descend. When passing the large hallway, you find that Yelena's shoes are gone from the foyer, indicating that she really had left. When entering the living room you find no trace of her left in there, save for the glass of water you had provided earlier. 

Jungkook sits on the very same couch she had been not long ago. He cradles his head in both hands, dark fringe falling across his fingers. His elbows rest on his knees, leaving him bent forward as he breathes slowly and deeply. 

You linger by the doorway, unsure if he would want company right now. But leaving him alone like this didn't feel like an option either. 

He doesn't speak when you sink down on the cushion beside him, nor does he look up at you. Hell, you could've been a ghost for all you knew. There comes a moment of hesitation, then you reach up to place a hand on his shoulder, which immediately tenses under your touch. 

"The kids are asleep," you tell him. Normally he wouldn't want them napping during the day — another bullet point on his long list of rules — you think this afternoon might be an exception. 

Jungkook doesn't respond, but he exhales against his palms where his face remains buried. You sit in silence for a couple of minutes. He must know that whatever went down between him and Yelena wasn't exactly a private conversation, their voices had been loud enough to rattle the paintings on the walls and alert the neighbors. Even so, he makes no move to address it. 

"What happened?"

Your question isn't malicious, it's concerned in nature, but perhaps he saw it differently. It sits between you, heavy and loaded, until he finally leans back against the couch. His hands fall away from his face, revealing the tension etched between his brows and into his jaw. "It doesn't matter," he says. 

You frown, twisting in your seat to see him better. "Of course it matters," you press, "The children will asks questions, and I don't know how to answer them—" 

"You don't have to," he sighs, "It's not your job." 

Job. 

That single word stings more than you want for it to. The way he still views everything as a transaction — after all that had happened between you two he still made it very clear that you were nothing but the kids' nanny, and he was nothing but your employer. 

"Alright," you murmur, trying not to let the hurt show, "Will you at least tell me what's going on?" 

Jungkook groans, rubbing his palm over his forehead before letting his hand drop to his lap. "I really don't want to talk right now," he grinds out, fingers digging into his own thigh as he sits rigidly. 

You know that you should give it a rest but you can't help the pang of concern you'd felt at seeing Yelena — no matter how uncomfortable she made you. "She looked sick," you whisper and Jungkook's expression fractures slightly, "Is she going to be okay? Does she have a place to go?" 

Though you knew very little about the woman who had appeared on the doorstep, you could tell that she had come here as a last resort — and Jungkook turned her away. For good reason you want to believe, but it still didn't ease your mind. 

"I have it figured out just please—" He's still not looking at you, but the muscles in his face twitch as he heaves another breath. "Drop it, alright? She's an addict who has no business trying to get in contact with my children." 

He speaks of her with such contempt, his features twisting with disgust as he utters each syllable. And yet, the tremble to his jaw and his glassy eyes betray him in the end. The conversation you'd had in his study earlier feels pathetic and small in comparison to whatever was going on right now — and you shove the feelings it had left you with aside as you shift a little closer, hoping to provide comfort. 

"Do you want me to stay longer today?" you ask him, the hand you keep on his shoulder reaching for his face. "I could see to the children, take them out for a bit when they wake up?" 

Jungkook's hand clasps around your wrist — firm though not painful — as he halts your fingers that were just shy of brushing his cheek. "No," he says flatly, tugging your hand back to your own lap, "I want you to go." 

That cuts deeper than you'd expected for it to. He was rejecting you entirely, he didn't even want you around. And you know that you should be giving him space, it was obvious that the conversation between him and Yelena had upset him greatly but could he not see that you were only trying to help? And what of the children when they woke up? 

You wondered how that would play out before realizing — it wasn't your job. 

So with a defeated sigh you push yourself up from the sofa, nodding as you flatten out your shirt over your jeans. "Okay." Your footsteps echo throughout the room as you make your way across it. Only once you reach the doorway do you pause, turning to peer over your shoulder. 

Jungkook was still sat on the couch, his gaze fixed to the floor. His face holds no emotion but you knew it was there, buried beneath the hardened layers. Your fingers curl into a loose fist before releasing again. "Call me if you need anything," a small olive branch that you hoped he would take, "You know where to find me." 

But Jungkook simply grunts, not lifting his eyes even as you head to leave. The front door shuts a minute later and the house is left in silence. You clutch the car keys in one hand, all thought of taking the children for a ride vanishing as you slump down behind the wheel. 

Letting out a big sigh that had been building in your chest for hours now, you twist on the engine and pull out of the driveway.

The streets are covered in snow, forcing you to go easy on the gas to stay steady. You wonder how Jungkook had managed to get home so quickly without landing himself in an accident… Immediately scolding yourself for letting your thoughts wander back to him, you try to steer your mind elsewhere. 

Christmas spirit was still in the air. Almost each house you drove past had decorated gardens and you spotted trees in almost every home — a stark contrast to the Jeon estate. Families were out with their children, mothers and fathers holding hands, snowball fights taking place in the front yards. A domestic sight, really. 

A big sign advertising fireworks reminds you that New Years was coming up in a short four days, and you still hadn't made any plans. Daehyun was going out with a couple of friends, you could surely tag along if you wanted to. Or perhaps you would spend it cooped up in your apartment, toasting to yourself at midnight before hitting the sack. 

Part of you had hoped that after spending the holidays with them, Jungkook would invite you to celebrate the new year as well. Though that had been before he dropped you off at the train station, before your conversation in his study and before his ex-wife turned up on the front porch. You sigh, giving up on the idea again as you come to a stop by a red light. 

Your fingers drum against the wheel mindlessly, your gaze drifting lazily across the street ahead of you when you suddenly spot her — Yelena. 

She was walking down the street across from you to the right. Had it not been for her disheveled appearance, the thin fleece and mattered hair that made her stick out among the many, you probably wouldn't have noticed her. She trudges forward with her arms wrapped around her torso, shivering with each step and you pull your bottom lip between your teeth. 

When the light turns green you don't hesitate to make a sharp turn, cutting off another car who expressed his dislike with a long, blaring honk. Ignoring him, you easily catch up with Yelena, slowing to match her pace as you lean over to roll down the window on the passenger side. 

"Hey!" 

Your voice startles her and she skips to the side as her head whips in your direction, her hair flying everywhere. For a moment she looks confused, then recognition settles over her features. 

"Can I give you a ride anywhere?" You don't know what compels you to make the offer, all you know is that you're eager to get her off the freezing streets. Looking at her now — in the freezing December air — it was hard to think her to be the same woman that had been yelling inside Jungkook's living room. 

You don't find yourself unsettled by her in this moment, even though she was clearly unwell. Rather, you pitied her as she walked down the pavement in nothing but a fleece to protect her from the darkest and coldest month of the year. 

But Yelena doesn't seem to share your feelings. Her brows knit together as she eyes your car warily. "Did he send you?" There's venom lacing her every word and the mention of Jungkook catches you by surprise. 

Keeping one hand steady on the wheel, you glance back at the road before shaking your head. "No. I just happened to drive by and—" 

"Well you can tell him that he's a selfish asshole!" Yelena points a finger toward you, spitting the words in your face. "And I don't need you throwing me a pity party," she scowls, "I know that you called him, you snake." She turns away from you then, spinning on her heel and heading in the opposite direction just to get away. 

You sit in stunned silence for a while, your vehicle barely inching forward as you blink slowly. The chilly breeze sweeps in through the open window on the passenger side but it's not until the drivers behind you start slamming their horns that you finally snap out of your trance. 

Leaning over to hastily roll your window up, you press down on the gas to get them off your back. It seems like no matter what you do — your help was unwanted. With a final glance in the rear view mirror, you catch sight of Yelena's retreating figure in the distance. A sigh escapes you as you turn your attention back to the street before you, bumping the radio up to another lame Christmas Carol. 

Then you drive home. 

── [ ✉️ ] I like this I think. It's so different seeing Jungkook from a different POV after being in his head for so long. Some might think his reaction was a bit underwhelming (?) But trust me, he's going through it on the inside. We already know him to be very quiet about his feelings, but they'll be unfolding as the chapters go on. Please leave me your thoughts I'd love to hear them <3