Renegade

Have you ever thought to yourself, “I really want dessert, but I only have 4 things in my fridge.”? If you said yes, then hopefully those 4 things are what this recipe calls for because this recipe is for you!

WARNING: CONTAINS PEANUT BUTTER. 

Ingredients:

1 Jar of Peanut Butter

1 Flour Tortilla

Some Chocolate Sauce*

Some Caramel Sauce*

* I recommend the squeezy kind because it’s easier to use

How to Make:

1. Take the tortilla and put it on something. Maybe a plate or some paper towels.

2. Spead a lot of peanut butter on the tortilla.

3. Put on some caramel sauce. 

4. Put on some chocolate sauce.

5. Carefully roll the tortilla and make sure the sauces don’t spill out.

6. Very gently put the wrap in a plastic bag or wrap some paper towels around it. The seal of the wrap should be facing up.

7. Put the wrap in a freezer.

8. Wait at least 2 hours for it to freeze.

9. Take it out of the freezer and out of its container.

10. Eat it while thinking about your life choices.

So I just started a new campaign that takes place in space. My character is a Dhampir (half vampire) rogue who was a bounty hunter before meeting the group (technically still is). I don’t know the DM very well, but two of my friends are there so that’s why I joined. I worked with the DM to finish my character, but never really spoke to him until the first session of the campaign.

Anyway, we were in some kind of prison were organic people were kept in life-sustaining goo. Once we got out of our original room, we found our weapons and tried to find our way out. In one room we found more tanks of goo with people in them. I went to investigate the tanks and rolled a nat 20. It was then that I found out that the DM had planned something for me.

As it turns out, one of the people in the goo happened to be my old friend/arch nemesis (dubbed frenemesis), Andretta. Andretta is an Aasimar paladin who is apparently trying to stop me from doing bad stuff (and maybe kill me). Anyways, thankfully she didn’t have her weapon, and I persuaded her to help us get out, along with the 11 other people we found. She still didn’t like me, but she healed some people in the party when they got injured.

Context: I currently have a cold, so I’ve been struggling to sleep. Last night, I was worried about a cell biology exam. In my sleepy, almost dreamlike state, I tried to remember what different parts of cells do.

Me: Ok, Brain. What does the Golgi Apparatus do?

Brain: Oh! I absolutely know what that does! It makes you think exclusively about deep sea trout!

Me: ... I don’t think that’s th-

Brain: *Proceeds to flash the words “DEEP SEA TROUT” over and over in my mind*

A little context: 5e homebrew campaign, the story takes place when we were level one. I play a rogue named Jade.

After a long day of fighting skeletons and giant spiders, our party decided to rest as it was getting dark. I volunteered to take first shift because I hadn’t lost any hp. YET.

While everyone was sleeping, I was watching the darkness. (DM asked me to roll perception. *Natural 1*). I looked into the distance, kept leaning forward, and fell face first on a rock and took 2 hp of damage. (At this point, I only had 10 total hp and Jade doesn’t like dying). I woke everyone up by crying out in pain. They heard something. Apparently, it was shadow monsters. It was very hard to see them, and only a couple people were actually hitting them.  I only saw them when a thunderclap lit up the area. We agreed that it was the shadow monsters that tripped me and made me fall.

After fighting these guys for probably an hour, we kept walking. I heard some screeching in the distance and suddenly we were fighting 3 swarms of skeletal bats. I hid under my cloak and the bats didn’t see me that round (Nat 20!). Our druid held 2 swarms down with Entangle. Pros: The bats were failing at hitting us. Cons: We were failing at hitting the bats. At one point, our tiefling warlock decided to use Hellish Rubuke (For those who don’t know, it’s fire magic that causes 2d10 fire damage on a failed save, or half as much damage on a successful one). Unfortunately, she somehow hit everyone. Our cleric got knocked out and I was left at 1 hp. After another hour and a half, we finally destroyed the bats and our cleric was fine. 

After all of that, we got to a town as the sun was rising and were able to rest. We celebrated our victory at a tavern and then went to an abandoned alchemy shop where we found a hidden staircase that led to darkness. 

For Context: I’m currently in a homebrew campaign and my character is a dhampir rogue named Jade (dhampir being a half-vampire). Also, nobody in the party is human in a world where humans are racist towards monster-like species (Me, 2 lycanthropes, a tiefling, and a mousefolk). We were in a tavern pretty much just chilling.

Spirit Mage: (ooc) I want to start a bar brawl.

DM: Really?

Spirit Mage:(ooc) Yeah. I walk up to the shadiest person in the bar.

DM: Ok, so you walk up to Jade.

Party: *laughter*

Me: Hey buddy, did you want something? *smiles*

Spirit Mage: (ooc) I turn right around and walk away.

Party: *More laughter*

“Why are there so many colors?”

“It’s 2:37 in the morning!”

“Look, I’m not mad. I’m just disappointed.”